Marble Rye Episode of Seinfeld

[EMom]

Or, she wanted her dish back as she may not see this person again (I know I'd be skeptical about going back). If people had the chance to eat the salad, the dish may have been empty for her to take home.

There's always Tupperware.

 

[frndshpcptn]

It can be, if the food needs reheating, or extra utensils to serve it, or if it clashes severely with the other foods, etc. Bringing a marble rye or wine is fine, but I think it's a little rude to bring an unsolicted dish, expect the host to serve it, and get bent out of shape if they don't.

Good manners goes both ways. Just as the hostess shouldn't make a guest uncomfortable, a guest shouldn't make unnecessary extra work for the hostess.

As for sneakingly taking back the unserved noodle dish or marble rye, that's appalling manners. You brought the hosts a gift. It's their discretion to serve it, save it for later, or heave it out the window after you leave.

I'm not sure I've ever been to a dinner party where the hostess would have any sort of issue including a dish that someone brought. Maybe my circle of friends & family is just very laid back that way? The only time I can recall it ever being an issue was a can of cranberry jelly showing up at a relative's home for the holidays and her not having a can opener. We just shrugged our shoulders and found a solution.

I used to bring a dish to my ex's mother's house every time she hosted a dinner. It was because I frankly found her cooking habits to be less than hygienic and I refused to eat what she made out of fear for my stomach. Well, sometimes I'd eat beforehand and just politely pick and pretend - but if it were a holiday or other long meal I'd definitely bring something for me to eat.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Wine is different. It can easily be put away for later if it does not go well with the planned meal. It is a gift for the hostess.

Let me be clear. I am not talking about pot lucks or when someone honestly doesn't realize bringing a dish is a no no. I am talking about when it's a DINNER PARTY, meaning the hostess has the entire meal under control and needs no assistance.

When a woman plans a dinner party, (not a pot luck) she puts thought into the menu and how each item goes with the others. She is hosting...Meaning, she wants to provide for the needs of her guests in a nurturing way. A great deal of thought, planning and work likely went into her effort.

The someone shows up with their "signature" noodle dish, which has zilch to do with the planned menu. Really, about 50% of the time, the cynic in me says people who must bring a dish to share want to get compliments on that dish and make it about them. (Again, not talking an innocent mistake or a pot luck dinner.) And that is indeed rude to the hostess. It takes away from her efforts. She has made the effort to host a dinner party so clearly, she is capable of providing all the food her guests require. To bring in unwanted, unrequested food is a subtle statement that her dinner is not quite sufficient. And that is why you don't being food.

There really are reasons for these rules. If you bring food and the hostess puts it away, then don't get in a snit. YOU crossed the line and messed up, perhaps accidentally. But you did, in fact, mess up. If you just brought a dish to be nice, why should you care if they serve it now or eat it later? If it has to be served THAT NIGHT, then it is about you and not about being helpful to the hostess.

Men plan dinner parties too.

 

[Hollymom1229]

I think it's rude to bring a dish to a dinner, especially if you ask in advance and are told not to bring anything. My DH and I host an annual Christmas party, it's a large affair, and we take great pride in putting the menu together and we serve a large amount of food. The food is served buffet style, but over the years we have mastered the exact necessary layout of the table to serve all of the food and there is really no extra room on the table.

This year we had a new guest ask us in advance if they could bring anything, we declined and told them their presence was all we wanted. They showed up with a small crock pot of food, and placed it on the buffet table while I was tending to something else. I had to scramble to rearrange everything to accomodate their unwanted addition to our table. I was irritated, but we accepted their addition gracefully and didn't say anything negative to them. If we invite them again next year I will need to gently hammer into their head that we really don't need them to bring anything.

 

[BenbowInn]

Fine...good riddance. Who needs guests like that?

Guests like what? You mean the type who's considerate enough to bring a dish? The way I was raised, I can't imagine going to someone's house for a meal and not bringing something. If someone snubbed their nose at a dish I prepared then yes, I would tell them that they are pompous jerks and leave, because they are. To snub at a gift is rude..that's no different than a child complaining about a birthday present that they didn't want...which is rude.

It's called basic manners. You smile and set the food out. Not a big deal and certaintly not worth hurting someones feelings over. Even at 9 years old I knew to smile and act thrilled over the Barney purse my grandmother got me for Christmas. That thing was terrible but you can bet I didn't let her know that.

So yes, I stand by my statement. If someone is more concerned about ruining their menu then considering a guests feelings, then they deserved to be called out as a jerk because they are. Sit the bowl out, grab a spoon, and don't think twice about it. I'm trying my hardest but I cannot think of anyone I know who would do otherwise or get upset over a guest bringing a dish. I can't think of anyone who would even bat an eye at someone bringing a dish. Of course I only hang out with nice people, so there's that...

 

[powellrj]

I guess I have never been to a dinner party. All the times we have been invited to someones home, almost everyone will bring something. We also don't hang around people who drink, so wine is never brought to serve. I know, we are boring like that!!

I had never heard of alcohol being served at holidays until the DIS, so my DH and I were both brought up in families that didn't drink.

I did take a cheese spread and crackers to one of DHs family gatherings and his aunt and one of her DDILs were laughing about why would someone bring a cheese spread to a pitch-in, so we never returned to anything at her house I was so embarrassed. DH and I took it home and enjoyed it, but I never made it again. Its been over 35 years ago so maybe I will get the recipe out.

Her taking the noodle salad home is how we do things in our families and with our group of friends. We always ask if anyone wants what we have and we will share with the group and take our dish home to save the hostess from having to wash and return all of them.

 

[okeydokey]

We are not very formal in our home so someone bringing a dish or bread or wine would not be a problem. Someone not bringing something also would not be a problem.

The only time I have ever had a problem with someone's "generosity" was when my oldest was born and my FIL wanted to make an elaborate dish for the Christening dinner we were hosting. The dish was lovely, but he had no intention of cleaning up his mess in the kitchen when he was done cooking, so it was one more thing I had to take care of. I mentioned to my DH that I would not want FIL to "help" me out in the future, and he hasn't.

 

[EMom]

Guests like what? You mean the type who's considerate enough to bring a dish? The way I was raised, I can't imagine going to someone's house for a meal and not bringing something. If someone snubbed their nose at a dish I prepared then yes, I would tell them that they are pompous jerks and leave, because they are. To snub at a gift is rude..that's no different than a child complaining about a birthday present that they didn't want...which is rude.

It's called basic manners. You smile and set the food out. Not a big deal and certaintly not worth hurting someones feelings over. Even at 9 years old I knew to smile and act thrilled over the Barney purse my grandmother got me for Christmas. That thing was terrible but you can bet I didn't let her know that.

So yes, I stand by my statement. If someone is more concerned about ruining their menu then considering a guests feelings, then they deserved to be called out as a jerk because they are. Sit the bowl out, grab a spoon, and don't think twice about it. I'm trying my hardest but I cannot think of anyone I know who would do otherwise or get upset over a guest bringing a dish. I can't think of anyone who would even bat an eye at someone bringing a dish. Of course I only hang out with nice people, so there's that...

Frank?

 

[gwynne]

Frank?

I wondered how this thread left Seinfeld, kinda crazy! Glad you brought us right back where we belong!

 

[Carriemel]

When I saw the title, I thought this might have been about horse toots...wow, was I wrong...

 

[BenbowInn]

I totally agree. Love her lots (and she knows it), but she was tacky both coming and going.



Didn't want to say anything. There's clearly more pent up aggression in that post than I'm willing to engage.

No, no pent up aggression..just trying to wrap my mind around something as simple as a bowl of Asian noodles being worthy of hurting a guests feelings over. Really, I'm intrigued at how something so simple can be such a big issue at a dinner party. It makes me wonder what kind of person it takes to be so blantly rude to a guest and turn their nose up at a gift.

I personally don't know anyone who wouldn't smile and sit the food out for everyone to enjoy, so I was a bit amused that a guest bringing a dish can be such a problem. On my radar of concerns, an unexpected item on my dinner menu isn't one of them and I definately can't wrap my mind around a host making their guest feel bad. Like I said, I (thankfully) don't know anyone who would be offended by a kind gesture like that. I've worked with uptight people before and there's a reason they stay exclusively work acquaintances and not dinner party friends. Some people just scream "miserable" and I steer clear of those types which is why I'm puzzled over this even being an issue. Turns out I'm just lucky to know decent people.

 

[Wendy31]

If someone brings a dish to share to a gathering, I guess it probably is rude if the host/hostess doesn't put the dish out w/ the other items. As a host/hostess, you're supposed to make each guest feel welcome & comfortable.

However, it's equally rude to bring a dish when you've specifically been told that there's no need.

Casual family & friend get-togethers where it's the norm & even assumed that everyone will come w/ a dish is different, & potlucks are different, of course, as well.

When I plan an event, I plan a specific menu to go w/ the event. I don't want extra random dishes.

For example, for the past few years, we've done "themed" Christmas dinners. In 2012, we had an Italian-themed dinner, &, in 2013, our Christmas dinner was based on Disney's 'Ohana restaurant.

This past Christmas, our Christmas dinner was "Christmas in the Bayou." We served Emeril Lagasse's Crispy Redfish & Chicken, Turkey & Andouille Sausage Gumbo, Cheese Grits, Cajun Stir-fried Green Beans, Baked Yams, Creole Cranberry Relish, & Grilled French Bread.

I can think of A LOT of dishes that wouldn't have worked w/ our menu. Additionally, I plan out the serving dishes & spoons/forks we'll be using & where each dish will go on the buffet.

When both my mother & my mother-in-law asked me if they could bring anything, I politely declined & said we had everything covered. Because we're southern, they both couldn't just come w/o bringing something, so my mom came in the door w/ a cute little gingerbread figurine, & my mother-in-law came w/ a tin of homemade Christmas candies & treats.

Those are the kinds of things you bring when you're invited to a dinner party - wine, chocolates, a basket of tea, candles, etc. You don't bring a prepared food item to "add" to the host or hostess's already planned meal.

A casual get together where everyone brings a dish is completely different from a dinner party or other similar event - especially if the person has already said, "No, we've got everything covered. Just please come & enjoy yourselves."

 

[FlightlessDuck]

This is reason #4,723 I don't have dinner parties.

 

[gwynne]

This is reason #4,723 I don't have dinner parties.

I thought Seinfeld was over...but maybe there is a new version that is being staged at dinner parties.

 

[chipsgirl1030]

I'm thinking when Dec 23rd rolls around again I'm adding marble rye to our festivus feast. It just seems right.

Just make sure you have enough food to provide energy to compete in the feats of strength. I'd tell you to have soup, but soup's not a meal.

 

[EMom]

I wondered how this thread left Seinfeld, kinda crazy! Glad you brought us right back where we belong!

I remember when the show first started and George's parents were only referred to, not seen. I wondered how George had turned out the way he did. Then we met his parents and I thought, "George actually turned out pretty good, considering...."

 

[chipsgirl1030]

Really? Rude? We had a guest (cousin's wife) bring over a noodle salad to our large family Xmas dinner party after all guests were expressly told on the invites that all food and drink would be provided and to please come an enjoy. I told her thank you for the dish, but we were all set and that we'd put it in the fridge and enjoy it later in the week. Maybe her feeling were hurt a bit, as she ended up sneaking the dish out of our fridge and taking it home with her at the end of the evening, but she put us in a really awkward position of having to kindly say thanks but no thanks. Bottle of wine or booze? Sure, bring it on. Food? Unless it's a potluck, no thank you.

I'm thinking that this was her "specialty" and wanted to bring it so everyone would praise her great dish.

I don't think it was rude not to serve it. It was rude of her to bring it and expect it to be served after being told not to bring anything.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Just make sure you have enough food to provide energy to compete in the feats of strength. I'd tell you to have soup, but soup's not a meal.

What if the soup has crackers in it?

 

[Sabeking]

I definitely would serve the marbled rye however, I may have an issue with said person eating the pastry at the top of the trash can.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

No, no pent up aggression..just trying to wrap my mind around something as simple as a bowl of Asian noodles being worthy of hurting a guests feelings over. Really, I'm intrigued at how something so simple can be such a big issue at a dinner party. It makes me wonder what kind of person it takes to be so blantly rude to a guest and turn their nose up at a gift.

I personally don't know anyone who wouldn't smile and sit the food out for everyone to enjoy, so I was a bit amused that a guest bringing a dish can be such a problem. On my radar of concerns, an unexpected item on my dinner menu isn't one of them and I definately can't wrap my mind around a host making their guest feel bad. Like I said, I (thankfully) don't know anyone who would be offended by a kind gesture like that. I've worked with uptight people before and there's a reason they stay exclusively work acquaintances and not dinner party friends. Some people just scream "miserable" and I steer clear of those types which is why I'm puzzled over this even being an issue. Turns out I'm just lucky to know decent people.

I'm frankly amazed that in two posts on a thread where you're giving your opinion of what you consider "rude" that you're just allowed to sling passive aggressive insults my way with absolutely clueless abandon. You really need to step away from the internet, friend, you're coming unraveled.