Looking For Control Freaks & Worry Warts - We're still here!

[karajeboo]

OK, the really funny part about all this is that I'll have to call BSIL and tell her to bring ALL our baby stuff with her when they come to Disney, which will force them to stop at our house, AND probably rent a trailer or something. She'll flip out! Heaven forbid we should inconvenience her. Actually, if it happens I think it will happen quick, so Jeff will probably arrange to drive 1/2 way and meet them to get the stuff. They have our pack n play, bouncy seat play thing, plus some other stuff, but I think that's the big stuff.

Seriously, when we moved I got rid of our CAR SEATS!!!! I have two for Ally right now, but no infant car seat. I do have a regular sized Graco stroller that just needs cleaned up - and it's burgundy and blue so it's good for a boy.

And if we do this, I don't want to "cheat" him and give him second best. At first I thought he could have the furniture that is in the guest room then I thought, no, that's not fair. Ally got all new furniture when she was born, so he will too. It would be different if I still had her set, but I'm not gonna hodge podge a room together.

Oh, and you know me - I've already been window shopping online for bedding and room ideas!!! Again, not getting my hopes up, just preparing myself for the cost, etc.

That's another thing, we are not prepared to spend thousands of dollars on this. So if there's a way to bypass that, and we can be semi-assured that he is not gonna be severely damaged (I know that sounds cold, but we're just being honest with ourselves), then I think we'll proceed.

We will not tell Ally anything until it's a done deal. She wants a baby so bad that it would break her heart if it didn't work out.

Jeff is contacting the social worker so we can meet with her and we'll see what happens and go from there!

Cammie - you said it perfectly - there are no guarantees in life! And my heart is breaking for this little guy!

OK, so who's got baby boy clothes????

 

[karajeboo]

WOW!!!! That is an amazing story. I just threw out the "extra" crib mattress we have had for 7 years. I can't bring myself to part with the stuff yet. Ya never know when things like this can happen. We are excited for you. I hope all goes the way that you want it to. How attached are the aunt and uncle to the new baby boy? I am perpetually amazed at people that can continue to have kids when they know darn well that they can't take care of them. I know that you and Jeff would do great at this. Now the background check--how are going to hide us crazy internet friends.

I agree the board is a great place to put that out there because you don't want to tell family unless it really is going to happen.

Just think you can share baby clothes with BSIL.

The aunt and uncle say he's great but I wouldn't say they are attached. They are in their mid-50's and their kids are grown and gone. They did adopt the little girl (baby boy's half sister) but aren't really prepared for another infant. At least this little guy would know his half sister growing up, too!

As for BSIL sharing baby clothes? She doesn't share anything. She takes. We loaned her a bunch of big stuff when she first got pg and we haven't seen any of it. AND it was my sister's! So I had planned to sell it and give the money to my sister, since she bought it all, but BSIL apparently has no intention of giving it back.

And I'm sure she won't lift a finger to help us out if it means inconveniencing her. And since she has a 2 yr old, and plans to have more, she'll be mad that we're taking "her" stuff. In fact, I doubt she would even drive to meet Jeff halfway. He'll probably have to go get it, or have his parents get it and then go to their house. Either way, I foresee some drama unfolding....

 

[UsNew2Disney2008]

Kara - I have saved about 3 boxes of my faves from Nicolas - but I will certainly go through them for you. I gave the majority of my stuff (girly) to DSIL, and took the majority of the boy stuff to Goodwill. Along with a complete Lambs and Ivy bedding set, all the accessories, etc, etc.

There are a few things I still have - trains, I HAVE TRAINS! And TOYS, barely stinking used, mommy has a problem buying too much toys.

I'll see what I have - but there isn't much I don't think. Sorry. I'm at the point of Carlos has the V. Should I tie my tubes too - just in case! I actually asked my dr - you should have seen the look I got!

 

[UsNew2Disney2008]

Either way, I foresee some drama unfolding....

 

[karajeboo]

Kara - I have saved about 3 boxes of my faves from Nicolas - but I will certainly go through them for you. I gave the majority of my stuff (girly) to DSIL, and took the majority of the boy stuff to Goodwill. Along with a complete Lambs and Ivy bedding set, all the accessories, etc, etc.

There are a few things I still have - trains, I HAVE TRAINS! And TOYS, barely stinking used, mommy has a problem buying too much toys.

I'll see what I have - but there isn't much I don't think. Sorry. I'm at the point of Carlos has the V. Should I tie my tubes too - just in case! I actually asked my dr - you should have seen the look I got!

Thank you! I'll definitely keep you guys posted on this. Of course, just to lighten the mood last night I asked Jeff, "does this mean I don't get a new car???"

So today he emailed and asked what I was selling on craigslist today - I replied that I hoped he wasn't too attached to Ally....

 

[Debbie6221]

OMG Kara!!!!!!! What amazing and frightening news. I can't believe it! Well, I hope everything works out exactly how it is supposed to for your family. God knows that would be one lucky baby!

 

[Debbie6221]

Hey..you all know I would have stuff to share with you! God knows I haven't given anything of Matthew's away!!!!!!!!

 

[karajeboo]

Now I'm a little freaked. I posted on the CB to see if anyone else had adopted a crack baby. Most of the posts are very supportive, but a couple people have mentioned a lot of developmental issues. That scares me. I know that sounds bad, but I don't know that I have it in me to handle that. And is that fair to Ally to knowingly bring a baby into the house that will need a lot more of our time and attention?

It's all very overwhelming.

 

[CRdisMom]

sorry all girls clothes here. Don't kick yourself on the carseats. Apparently they are only supposed to be used for 5-6 years. I found this out by accident. I had to adjust the straps on Katies seat and found out that it isn't supposed be used after Nov-07. Haha! Yup mom of the year. I'm thinking that is for them to cover their behinds. I think the plastic can break down over time.

That's another thing, we are not prepared to spend thousands of dollars on this. So if there's a way to bypass that, and we can be semi-assured that he is not gonna be severely damaged (I know that sounds cold, but we're just being honest with ourselves), then I think we'll proceed.

I think you are more than right in this point. You should see the health tests they put parent through when adopting from Russia. Yikes! It can be expensive but if the other family has "custody" it should be easier. Is the family fostering or having custody?

Ally would loose her mind if you told her. I think you are right not to tell her yet.

Hmm how would we have a CFWW baby shower? A trip to WDW ?? or just trip to that "free" bar of yours.....

 

[soontobewed07]

OK, I have to share something with my girls. Jeff and I have just been presented with an opportunity to adopt a 2 month old baby boy. Long story short, Jeff works with a guy who has been going thru the adoption process of his wife's sister's daughter. The mother is unfit, on drugs, etc. So for 2 years they haven't even named this little girl until just two days ago when the adoption process was final. They have gone through hell trying to keep the drug addict mother from getting this child back, and finally it's done. Well, back in January, Jeff got a call from his salesman again, telling him that the wife's sister just had another child and it was taken from her in the hospital b/c he tested positive for cocaine. So he and his wife went and brought the baby boy home, too. Technically the half brother of the child they already have.

Jeff told him at that time that we had considered adoption but there is no way we could go through 2 years of trials, etc, and the chance that we could lose the child. So just last night Jeff found out that the judge and the social services worker have basically said there is NO WAY the mother will ever get this child back b/c she continues to test positive and she blows off court appts, etc.

The baby is healthy, doesn't show any signs of the drugs at this time, although I know it can take years to show up. So we are going to meet with the social worker and I think begin the process. We can still back out if we decide against it, but I can't help but think this little guys needs us! Here he is a 2 month old child with no parents at this point! Totally innocent, didn't do anything to deserve this. And it almost seems like this is a sign for us. We have talked about it, but never really looked into it, and here this falls into our lap.

And the funny thing is I just sold Ally's crib and baby stuff yesterday!!!! The only thing we have is a stroller! I've gotten rid of EVERYTHING else!!!

We haven't even told our families yet, I think we'll wait until it's a done deal, IF we go forward with this. But I just had to tell my buds!!!!

OK, the really funny part about all this is that I'll have to call BSIL and tell her to bring ALL our baby stuff with her when they come to Disney, which will force them to stop at our house, AND probably rent a trailer or something. She'll flip out! Heaven forbid we should inconvenience her. Actually, if it happens I think it will happen quick, so Jeff will probably arrange to drive 1/2 way and meet them to get the stuff. They have our pack n play, bouncy seat play thing, plus some other stuff, but I think that's the big stuff.

Seriously, when we moved I got rid of our CAR SEATS!!!! I have two for Ally right now, but no infant car seat. I do have a regular sized Graco stroller that just needs cleaned up - and it's burgundy and blue so it's good for a boy.

And if we do this, I don't want to "cheat" him and give him second best. At first I thought he could have the furniture that is in the guest room then I thought, no, that's not fair. Ally got all new furniture when she was born, so he will too. It would be different if I still had her set, but I'm not gonna hodge podge a room together.

Oh, and you know me - I've already been window shopping online for bedding and room ideas!!! Again, not getting my hopes up, just preparing myself for the cost, etc.

That's another thing, we are not prepared to spend thousands of dollars on this. So if there's a way to bypass that, and we can be semi-assured that he is not gonna be severely damaged (I know that sounds cold, but we're just being honest with ourselves), then I think we'll proceed.

We will not tell Ally anything until it's a done deal. She wants a baby so bad that it would break her heart if it didn't work out.

Jeff is contacting the social worker so we can meet with her and we'll see what happens and go from there!

Cammie - you said it perfectly - there are no guarantees in life! And my heart is breaking for this little guy!

OK, so who's got baby boy clothes????

Now I'm a little freaked. I posted on the CB to see if anyone else had adopted a crack baby. Most of the posts are very supportive, but a couple people have mentioned a lot of developmental issues. That scares me. I know that sounds bad, but I don't know that I have it in me to handle that. And is that fair to Ally to knowingly bring a baby into the house that will need a lot more of our time and attention?

It's all very overwhelming.

Kara- I still have everything and I would be happy to box it up and mail it to you Jeff and Ally. I also have Luca's Pooh Bear bedding set that they still sell at Babies R Us

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2415159

It's yours if you want it. Also Luca was born in May so I have a ton of Summer clothes etc...

Now my aunt adopted a baby who was addicted and he is 6 years old and perfect now and a cousin who had a meth problem gave birth to 2 very beautiful and healthy babies. She has since passed away Long story... Anyway....
I think no matter what if you and Jeff decided to have your own or you adopt there can always be issues. You and Jeff have wanted another child so take it in stride and if you need anything we are all here for you.

Now as for that Baby shower I'm in!

 

[CRdisMom]

Jillian --how did I miss the trip back??? I know you said you would be there in October but is this the start of the move?

 

[soontobewed07]

Jillian --how did I miss the trip back??? I know you said you would be there in October but is this the start of the move?

We will be looking at houses. We have decided to rent with and option to buy and if we like it we buy it if not we walk away and buy something back here. Rent is so much cheaper and cost of living at least for us will be lower and it will allow us to save money and build our dream house.

 

[karajeboo]

Jillian - thank you! You are so sweet! As for moving to FL, c'mon neighbor!!! I can't believe that the cost of living is less here! It's so much MORE than SC - which is crazy! Our property taxes are 2 1/2 times what they were in SC, but there's no state income tax, so that about evens out. Home prices are about double what they were in SC - gee, maybe you should move to SC!!! You'd pass out when you saw the prices there!

 

[Debbie6221]

Kara It would be kind of a gamble. You don't really know until later in life but if he was born NOT addicted..isn't that a good sign?

 

[soontobewed07]

We talk about there too, but I figured if I am giving up family I should at least get Disney! Plus we thought if we hate it there we would keep the condo as a vacation destination and rent it out to friends etc... Who knows. Anything is cheaper than here.

Mike would make about the same money too. I have hotel experience so I think I will do that Part time just to put in the bank and save for a rainy day. We just now need to find a place and I don't want to move there in the summer. So it's looking like Sept. 15th to October 1st our trip may change around a bit depending on him getting a job.

Kara- At least we can have mini meets once in a while.

 

[karajeboo]

He tested positive for cocaine. That's all I know at this point. That's why he was taken from the mother. This was her THIRD child born this way. I don't know where the first one is. The second one was just adopted by Jeff's salesman. And the third is the little boy we're thinking of adopting. According to Jeff's salesman, he doesn't seem to have any problems, he's a "good baby" but I think a lot of drug addicted babies don't show problems until later in life. I think learning disabilities is a big issue. This is one of the big questions we have for the social worker.

AND the fact that the father (or at least the one the mother thinks is the father....) won't take a paternity test cause he say's the baby is not his. Well, if he won't take a paternity test, he could come back 7 years from now, take the test, and want the child. So he would HAVE to take the test and give up rights before we could even do this. Otherwise, too many variables down the road....

 

[soontobewed07]

Well girls off to Babies R us to get Sippy cups and I need to figure out this whole potty training thing.

Lorrie I expect advice!

Also I am going to pop into the party store to get an idea for Badookies 2nd Birthday.

 

[Camster0307]

Now I'm a little freaked. I posted on the CB to see if anyone else had adopted a crack baby. Most of the posts are very supportive, but a couple people have mentioned a lot of developmental issues. That scares me. I know that sounds bad, but I don't know that I have it in me to handle that. And is that fair to Ally to knowingly bring a baby into the house that will need a lot more of our time and attention?

It's all very overwhelming.

Don't ever underestimate yourself. I know it's not the same situation but.......I can honestly say that if the doctors told me before I had Amanda what I would be dealing with - I wouldn't have thought I could handle it. No way, no how! And even today, I can't believe some of the things I have to do with her but I just do it and don't think twice about it. I think it's good, in your situation, that right now there seem to be no signs of any issues. Down the road - who knows? But I would think that if and when the time comes, your love and bond with the child will be firmly in place and you would be able to do whatever he needs.

As for Ally, it will be an adjustment to go from being an only child to having a sibling - regardless of whether that child has special needs or not. It will take a little extra work on yours and Jeff's part to make sure Ally handles it well but I think she'll grow up a more sensitive and compassionate person if you do have to deal with some issues with the adopted child.

 

[CRdisMom]

hey I hit 1000 post but no tag fairy

 

[CRdisMom]

im going to second the Cammie's comment on going from an only to a oldest. The transition was a bit tough for beth, gratned she was 4.5 yrs old but still she didn't know what to do at first. still there is some natural sibling stuff but she got over it.

no mattter what goes on though, you know that we will be here for you.