Long long lloooonnng thread - relationship advice needed

[LindsayDunn228]

What's wrong with it? If I don't know who's calling I won't answer the phone anyway.

Then you leave a message. "Hi, Mr. Brad Pitt+. This is OP from the store. I got your note and wanted to give you a call. My number is XXXXXXX. Give me a call when you get a chance, I will be home tonight. Have a good one!"

Not hard.

I just think texting is cold and impersonal, and not everyone has an unlimited amount of texts on their phone. I am married now, but if someone had "flirted" with me by writing me a note that said, "text me," I would have laughed at it and thrown the number away.

Just my opinion. No one has to agree.

 

[SleepyMom]

So I'm unpacking my groceries this morning and find 'text me...' and his cell phone number on the back of my receipt.

I'm glad to see you've had a talk with your BF, I know I'm late to this but my first thought when I saw the above was "how many people has he put this message on their receipt?"

 

[aaaah - confused]

I'm glad to see you've had a talk with your BF, I know I'm late to this but my first thought when I saw the above was "how many people has he put this message on their receipt?"

You know, the same crossed my mind actually! I like to think it's just me....

 

[aaaah - confused]

…so, I decided to text him to say ‘thanks but no thanks’. Maybe not entirely necessary but I felt it was wise to avoid an awkward moment when we saw each other next. Plus I was a teensy bit curious, I’m only human.
So I sent it and turns out it was a dud number. So of course I felt like a class a idiot thinking I’d be ‘punked’.
Came home after a long day at work and double checked the number – I’d copied it down wrong.
I have to admit, I was so pleased it wasn’t a practical joke, I amended my message to just say ‘hi’ and didn’t immediately say ‘no thanks’ (yes, I know that’s wrong, I was kind of riding high from finding out it was a REAL number and I wasn’t the victim of a practical joke…..)

So sent the text……
Got a reply and BOY am I glad I did. I’ll never have to wonder ‘what might’ve been now’.
It was inarticulate and just immediately off-putting. Poor guy didn’t actually say anything out of line, but just by NOT being my BF and not properly punctuating his texts, he put me off!
For some reason he no longer looks like Brad Pitt in my head (although he really does in real life)….

Hhhhmmmmm…..funny how much more appealing people are when you don’t really know them

 

[goofygirl]

Am I the only one rolling their eyes over "text me?" Whatever happened to "my number is 555-5555. Give me a call!"

I know what you mean!

How do you know that "Brad Pitt" isn't doing this with every girl on the block?
He may be a player. Don't fall for a player, he will only break your heart. And then you'll have no BF and no "Brad Pitt".

 

[burberryplaid]

A little late to the game here, but sounds like you made a good decision. The inability to punctuate properly is certainly a turn-off for me!

As for your BF..is there a reason why he isn't ready for the next step, other than your age? The reason I ask is because I met my DH when I was 21. I knew immediately he was the one for me, but he still had several years of school left and I was just graduating. I waited 5 years befor he proposed and although it was tough living apart and watching my friends get engaged, etc. I don't regret waiting because I knew he wanted to move on with me eventually.

If you know you want to spend your life with him, and he wants to spend his life with you, the time before the next step and now won't matter to you in the end.

Good luck!

 

[aaaah - confused]

A little late to the game here, but sounds like you made a good decision. The inability to punctuate properly is certainly a turn-off for me!

As for your BF..is there a reason why he isn't ready for the next step, other than your age? The reason I ask is because I met my DH when I was 21. I knew immediately he was the one for me, but he still had several years of school left and I was just graduating. I waited 5 years befor he proposed and although it was tough living apart and watching my friends get engaged, etc. I don't regret waiting because I knew he wanted to move on with me eventually.

If you know you want to spend your life with him, and he wants to spend his life with you, the time before the next step and now won't matter to you in the end.

Good luck!

To be honest we only graduated last summer and although we've both been working since then, BF has only had full time employment since November. I am very fortunate to be doing extremely well financially but BF isn't quite there yet, so can't really afford to leave home. It isn't that that was bothering me, more that he refused to talk about moving out at all. That's why I got frustrated. But after talking to him yesterday I realised what I already knew - that he just wanted to get on with saving his money without talking about it all the time.

 

[MareQ]

Can't have your cake and eat it too. If you are unhappy with your boyfriend - give him the courtesy of breaking it off with him. Until then you have no bueiness flirting or putting out feelers with the attractive dude.

How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Can't have your cake and eat it too. If you are unhappy with your boyfriend - give him the courtesy of breaking it off with him. Until then you have no bueiness flirting or putting out feelers with the attractive dude.

How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

You are absolutely right!

 

[poohandwendy]

OK....let's examine...

#1)
Reality-check.
It is not about the "good-looking dude". He is what you call a "catalyst".
Since he sent you that message you are now forced once again to "look" at your situation.

#2)
Do exactly that. Look at your situation. I would say to you that while you are with your BF for 4 yrs., it is clear to you that he is not committed.

#3)
Tell BF that you are looking for more than he can give you and that is not fair to him, so you are going to break it off with him for now.

Now you are free to text, date, etc...That is the grown up way to handle the situation.

I didn't have to look far to see exactly what I would advise.

And I would also add, do not fool yourself into believing there is ever justification for 'cheating'. Do not fool yourself into thinking what you are contemplating is 'harmless', you know in your heart it is not. Do not fool yourself into believing it is right to hold onto one person while secretly testing the waters with others...that is cheating. It's not the way you want to be treated, it's not the way you should treat other people.

Break off your relationship. Your not as committed as you think you are. There is nothing wrong with that but it's time for you to move on.

 

[poohandwendy]

Just read your updates and I still advise the same thing. I don't think you are as committed to your BF as you would like to believe, but are afraid of making a move, being wrong and then left alone. If you really had an epiphany about your relationship with your BF, you would have thrown away the number without a second thought.

I think if good looking guy had said all of the right things, you would still have him on your mind thinking about the possibilities.

JMHO, I am sure there will be others who disagree.

 

[aaaah - confused]

I don't think breaking up with BF would be the right thing to do. To be honest I think I liked the attention for a minute and the novelty wore off as soon as I saw my BF again and realised that I was ridiculous to even consider someone else and it was a moment of madness. I felt sick with myself for having even considered otherwise and sick with myself for not immediately making my unavailablity clear. Straight after I realised that I did what I had to do and told him to take a hike.

Nothing he couldve said would have been the right thing because he is not my BF. I had a very stupid moment of madness and realised almost immediately what an idiot I was being.

I am sick with myself for having felt any other way at first.

 

[poohandwendy]

I don't think breaking up with BF would be the right thing to do. To be honest I think I liked the attention for a minute and the novelty wore off as soon as I saw my BF again and realised that I was ridiculous to even consider someone else and it was a moment of madness. I felt sick with myself for having even considered otherwise and sick with myself for not immediately making my unavailablity clear. Straight after I realised that I did what I had to do and told him to take a hike.

Nothing he couldve said would have been the right thing because he is not my BF. I had a very stupid moment of madness and realised almost immediately what an idiot I was being.

I understand what you are saying. If you know in your heart you are staying with your BF for the right reasons, then you are doing the right thing.

Remember, in your life there will always be temptations. Sometimes they come at times when your relationship is not on the right page. It's never a good idea to put the feelers out when you have made a commitment to someone. When you are truly committed, you don't have to think twice about making sure others know you are not available, there is no temptation that you will pursue. Just keep that in mind for the future.

 

[Frantasmic]

Just read your updates and I still advise the same thing. I don't think you are
as committed to your BF as you would like to believe, but are afraid of
making a move, being wrong and then left alone. If you really had an epiphany
about your relationship with your BF, you would have thrown away the number
without a second thought.

Bingo! What I was trying to say. P&W is very wise in this assessment. You can chalk it off to "weakness" etc., but the truth of the matter is that you are afraid of starting over and being alone, IMO.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am very fortunate to be doing extremely well financially

If you are doing well financially then move out on your own!
What is stopping you?

You may find out that perhaps you just wanted to move out and not really be with your BF.

Anyway moving in with a guy that already will not committ is a recipe for heartache for you.

 

[aaaah - confused]

I know I seem like a terrible, girlfriend, believe me I feel like one.
But I love my BF so much.
I had a lapse of judgment which makes me feel sick.
I honestly don't feel it's fear of being alone, I am young and stupid and for the first time in almost five years thought about another guy.
Usually my friends accuse me of being 'over the top faithful' so for me I feel like I've committed the ultimate crime by keeping that number.

I am so pleased it didn't take me too long to realise what an idiot I was being.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

HUH?

That kind of talk doesn't work on us 40 somethings....

Trying to dramatize it, doesn't change the fact your BF is not committed to you.

Why is that so hard for you to accept?
So what you love him?
You want more than he can give you. Love is not enough OP.

In fact committment is the cornerstone of ANY relationship. I have been married for 16yrs. This guy you want to be with doesn't share what you want.
That means it is time to move on.

Doesn't mean you can't get back with him. You need to "find yourself" right now.

 

[aaaah - confused]

HUH?

That kind of talk doesn't work on us 40 somethings....

Trying to dramatize it, doesn't change the fact your BF is not committed to you.

Why is that so hard for you to accept?
So what you love him?
You want more than he can give you. Love is not enough OP.

In fact committment is the cornerstone of ANY relationship. I have been married for 16yrs. This guy you want to be with doesn't share what you want.
That means it is time to move on.

Doesn't mean you can't get back with him. You need to "find yourself" right now.

Sorry didn't mean to come across immature! I just genuinely don't feel at the moment that I want to finish with my BF.

That doesn't mean i'm right to feel like that or that it wouldn't be better to move on, that's just honestly how I feel right now.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sorry didn't mean to come across immature! I just genuinely don't feel at the moment that I want to finish with my BF.

That doesn't mean i'm right to feel like that or that it wouldn't be better to move on, that's just honestly how I feel right now.

Ok...stop "feeling" and start using your head. The point of this is to understand that your BF does not want the same thing as you right now.

That is where we are trying to take to. You don't "match" right now.

 

[aaaah - confused]

Ok...stop "feeling" and start using your head. The point of this is to understand that your BF does not want the same thing as you right now.

That is where we are trying to take to. You don't "match" right now.

That is probably easier said than done though right?