kdonnel
DVC-BCV
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2001
Have any funeral directors written books? I bet they have seen family after family at their worst.The funeral director thought that might have been the catalyst for their dislike of me.
Have any funeral directors written books? I bet they have seen family after family at their worst.The funeral director thought that might have been the catalyst for their dislike of me.
Get an attorney.Exactly!! How do I stop her from doing this?
I am just finishing up my Mom’s estate. It was a lot of work and emotionally difficult. Mom wanted things divided equitably. I’ve offered ‘things’ to my sibs and the only thing one wanted was some pictures. (Actually asked me to make albums (!), which I have not had time for, but I’ll try once I come across old pics, thanks for the reminder.) We had an attorney, but just fyi when we started the probate process, they had to send out a notice, published in the newspapers, giving notice about anything that is owed to anyone by the estate, who could then make a claim. This could be something you can look into, as you definitely have claim to part of the estate unless you were specifically left out of the will. (Not a legal expert nor do I play one on TV, just sharing my recent experience with this process. Not sure how state laws come into play.) Twice the attorney also has had to write to my siblings - once, asking if they had any objections to my being the executor, and again now that things are just about complete, everyone has to sign off on the final accounting of the estate; that will be the last step, I guess. Even if they aren’t using an attorney, there are laws that they must follow. Hope this helps you understand you have rights.
I wanted to like your post because yeah ugh but then I sad faced it because how awful of them not to tell you about your mom's burial that's just cruel.I sound like your aunt! Well, not the siphoning money, but the estranged and favorite part, lol!!
I'm sorry you had to go through this. It just is so complicated. Why can't people get along? My sisters have had my blocked on their phones and social media for 3 years now. They didn't even tell me about my mom's burial!
My parents had a large house with a lot of artwork and antiques, their pride and joy. There was enough that we were able to secure an estate sale company do a weekend sale (even though it was significantly smaller than the homes in Franklin lakes NJ (real housewives) that they primarily work out of. We got $5000 (we did give stuff away before we entered into the contact, but still had a lot of crystal, silver, paintings, furniture- stuff nobody seems to want today).Unfortunately In this kind of situation the only really smart thing to do I hire a lawyer, who can demand to see the will if there is one. If not he or she can stop assets from being disposed of until probate is underway. One of your sisters could have been named executor but that still doesn’t give her a right to do anything she wants., unless of course the entire estate was left to her.
We have three daughters, one disabled. To avoid any problems , because the two oldest like to fight over everything, we have stated that all assets be sold (I will probably give away a few pieces of jewelry etc in advance). Then the proceeds go into trust, anything ovER a certain amount that we believe our disabled daughter needs for the rest of her life, will he divided according to our wishes, mostly to the other daughters but also small percentages to our niece and nephews and to a couple charities.
You may not like the idea of fighting over assets but you could be losing out on thousands of dollars resulting from the sale of the house etc. Think about how you could use that money for college or retirement. And your parents probably didn’t want this to happen.
Oh boy. My sister said I need to get what I want out TONIGHT. Thank you for the warning.
This opens up the OP to claims of theft by her sister/other family members.Go to the house now and take pictures of everything. Rent a truck if you have to and take anything that you think you or your family might want. Take any and all paperwork and family photos that you can find. You can look through it all later. Get a lawyer this morning and let your sister know that what she is doing is not right and she will be hearing from the lawyer. It is not right what your sister is doing and I hope you can stop her before it's too late.
Her sister told her she has until tonight to take whatever she wants. The pictures will document everything taken and everything left behind. OP can store the items taken until this is all sorted out.Unless you have something in writing that whatever you are taking out is yours/willed to you, I would really, really, really advise against this.
This opens up the OP to claims of theft by her sister/other family members.
The picture taking makes sense (so OP can prove that something was there, if her sister/others claim it was already gone).
Her sister told her she has until tonight to take whatever she wants. The pictures will document everything taken and everything left behind. OP can store the items taken until this is all sorted out.
My parents were moved into a group home for the last 2 years of their life. I have 2 older sisters that don't talk to me (all is related to the care of my parents). My sister's son moved into my parent's house as well as a couple buddies of his when my parents were moved out. Their college is across the street from the house. I did not know they moved in.
Need opinions - my son is in college too and paying $900 a month for housing. Should these kids be living there rent free? And here is my big question -- shouldn't all of us have been asked if this was okay?
I only found out they were living there because my brother had to schedule a time for me to go pick up some personal items of my parents. My sister said he needed permission from these kids to go to the house.
I would have loved to save a few bucks by taking one of their 2 beds and other furniture-type items because my son is moving into a house on campus (a different university) this year. But I can't because these strangers are using the furniture. I have heard through my brother that the 2 sisters are renting a dumpster beginning on the 28th of this month and disposing of everything in the house. Trying to keep my emotions in check!!
OP here. My plan was to go and document tonight.
An executor, even one for a parent, needs to follow the law. They can not just do whatever they want. Everything needs to go by what is in the will and property that is not specified, needs to be sold and put in "the pot" of the estate. You can sue her if she does not do what she is supposed to do. I would communicate with her letting her know that she is legally bound to do what she is supposed to do or you can contest it. You can go to court to have her taken off as executor if you believe that she is not doing the right thing. I know it is a pain and you might not think that it is worth it, but if she is willing to not even let you have a bed, I wouldn't trust her to give you your share of what is left of the estate.Exactly!! How do I stop her from doing this?
I don't agree with the other poster. If they are going to toss it, then TAKE IT. You can always give it back if there is an issue. Especially since they said that they are throwing it away.Oh boy. My sister said I need to get what I want out TONIGHT. Thank you for the warning.
This issue is that if the things are going to get tossed, then she should take them and hold on to them. You can't get them back once they are in the garbage. The worst that will happen is that she will have to give them back to be distributed or sold. I understand what you are saying, but in this case, it is better to get the items and save them from the garbage, then to worry about legality since that can be handled later.Sister (I don't think it is the sister with kids in the house, but doesn't matter) has no more right to give permission to the OP to take stuff than she has to take stuff herself. We are all telling the OP that the sister taking stuff/taking over the house is wrong without following a written will; it is no different for the OP.
The key is if there is a will and what it says. I can't imagine a situation where the law wouldn't require all the children to be shown a will. Here in California the law says that must happen within 60 days of death.Unfortunately In this kind of situation the only really smart thing to do I hire a lawyer, who can demand to see the will if there is one. If not he or she can stop assets from being disposed of until probate is underway. One of your sisters could have been named executor but that still doesn’t give her a right to do anything she wants., unless of course the entire estate was left to her.
Having been through the process with my MIL and my mom, it still is shocking to me how little value a lot of personal items have. A general rule of thumb for most household items is they depreciate to zero value after 7 to 10 years. The walnut dining room table in new condition that my parents paid $3,000 for in 1950 fetched $100 at an estate sale in 2013.My parents had a large house with a lot of artwork and antiques, their pride and joy. There was enough that we were able to secure an estate sale company do a weekend sale (even though it was significantly smaller than the homes in Franklin lakes NJ (real housewives) that they primarily work out of. We got $5000 (we did give stuff away before we entered into the contact, but still had a lot of crystal, silver, paintings, furniture- stuff nobody seems to want today).
In order for them to have the sale (a lot of work on their part), there had to be a certain amount of valuables (like silver, jewelry) and we just made it. We also had to remove items they had no interest in selling (hired a clean out crew with a large truck), and fortunately they got someone to take what didn’t sell. I think they got half of the proceeds. I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done if they were’t interested in the sale, yikes.Having been through the process with my MIL and my mom, it still is shocking to me how little value a lot of personal items have. A general rule of thumb for most household items is they depreciate to zero value after 7 to 10 years. The walnut dining room table in new condition that my parents paid $3,000 for in 1950 fetched $100 at an estate sale in 2013.
I contacted an estate sale company, and their business is selling big ticket items, not household items. Think individual items that are worth $25,000 each.