letting my 9 year old dye her hair?

[NHdisneylover]

Those pre-teen and teenage years can be so difficult...do you really want to put a 9 year old into the position of having to defend herself at every turn? Because I wouldn't.

And just like kids have to learn not to judge people based on their looks, they also have to learn that they are not going to get everything they want. Two good lessons.

I hope the cuts I made in your words (so as not to make the post really long don't look like I am trying to change the meaning in any way. If so, I do apologize. I am just pulling out the two things I would like to reply to.

My 10 year old son is already pretty much in the position of "having to defend himself at every turn." He is a dancer. Can you imagine how many 10 years olds (boys and girls) treat young male dancers not pretty. Even adults do it. When he watched his sister's dance calss as a preschooler and fell in love with this art/sport should I have refused to enrol him in classes because people are mean? Should I make him quit his passion now? Sorry, not happening. Luckily he is my happy go lucky kid. He truly rarely cares about the mean comments. As a result most people stop bugging him sooner rather than later (if only DD and I had that happy go lucky trait) He does what he loves and figures anyone who is mean to him about it is not worth his time anyway. Oh, his hair will be going blue (temporary spray in) on Monday

The second point is that I don't see how it follows that a parent who allows a child to color their hair always says yes to the child. Goodness sakes I think my kids hear "no" quite often. Anything from no ice cream after dinner tonight to we don't buy souvineers on vacations to WDW and on other vacations it is one flag and one map for DS and one cahrm for her bracelet for DD (charns are much pricier than flags and maps--it's fair).

I'm confused. If she is allowed to have pink hair in the summer, why can't she have it during school? I apologize if I missed an earlier explanation.

I have known several schools which do not allow unnatural hair color per the dress code. I also know parents who teach that education should be taken seriously partially by requiring that the chidlren dress more "professionally" for school than play. Nicer school clothes, traditional hair styles, etc. are required by those parents for school but more "out of the norm" stuff is fine when not in class.

I have a few comments on this subject, actually.

For one, I would have to say no -- 9 is just too young, IMO. But then I wouldn't allow a 9 year old to highlight, perm, or otherwise alter the hair in any way chemically. 12 or up? Sure. I just wouldn't want a younger child exposed to those chemicals, and would want them to have virgin hair for as long as possible. Also, I just don't see a problem with setting boundaries as far as things like this go. No, you can't have a tattoo until you're 18, no you can't get your belly button pierced until you're 16, no you can't dye your hair pink until you're a teen, etc. Does it kill them to wait for these milestones? I say this as a mom who is going to let her 13 (soon to be 14) year old get her hair dyed pink next week. And yes, she has been asking for quite a long time.

Like you said, you don't have children, so it's easy for you to say. It's easy enough for a grown adult to say "who cares what everybody else thinks," but the reality is that kids DO care about what other kids think. You try raising a child who is constantly being teased because her hair is too curly (or any other reason kids can come up with to pick on one another), and comes home crying every day because of the torment. It's so much easier said than done to "teach" your child the self confidence to just march to a different drummer when they are dealing with the every day reality of peer pressure and bullying.

I'm surprised at the number of parents in this thread who don't know that or aren't sensitive to it. I'm pretty sure that's what Dawn has been getting at.

Again, I cut just a bit for brevity's sake
First, I totally respect your right to set the boundry of no hair color until a certain age. I see nothing wrong with setting boundries and having milestones AT ALL. I have boundries and set milestones for my children too. They are different than yours. I don' think they are necesarily better or worse, just what works for me as oppoesed to what works for you.

About the "virgin hair" I can see worrying about chemicals and whatnot affecting hair. Absolutely. I think all the advice about how to make sure it does not turn out looking grey, etc. is excellent. For my own kids, they have extremly thick and healthy hair. We don't even own a hair drier or curling iron (heat is the most damaging to hair) so their hair is in great shape. I doubt some dye once in a while will cause half the damage of regular blow drying or hairspray or what not.

About the peer pressure comments. Yes, it is horrible in reality. Terrible. See my above comments about DS the dancer. DD12 is just not like most girls in pretty much every conceivable way and has had an awful semester dealing with teasing and bullying. I have been known to mention that doing X,Y or Z might cause some kids to tease, etc but if you (my kids) are okay with that possiblity then go for it (like when DS recently wanted turquios sandals some kids would consider girlie, etc.). If they chose not to rock the boat I sympathize and let them know sometimes things are just not worth the hassle and judgements to me either. If they choose to march to their own drummer I let then know I am proud of them for being themselves and will stick up for them anytime. So, as a parent I DO get it. I was a bullied kid and I parent two kids who have plenty of peer torment themselves. I can see that sometimes the best way for my kids to deal with it all is to make it VERY clear that they don't care what everyone else thinks rather than looking like they are always trying (and failing) to fit in. Sometimes it is empowering to get to have blue hair, or turquios sandals, etc

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I went for a walk today at lunch time and thought of this thread. I just needed to share my little adventure.

While walking in Times Square I passed someone dressed all in green - green shirt, green overalls, green shoes, green handbag, green dragonfly hairclips and yes - even green hair. All I thought of was "I wonder what other mothers will say when they see her dressed like that?!" Of course, the "mothers" are probably all in nursing homes because the green woman was easily over 70!!

And yes, I thought of the Dis and this thread. I wonder if this all started when she was 9, wanted blue hair and her mother denied her.

 

[DawnCt1]

I have a few comments on this subject, actually.

For one, I would have to say no -- 9 is just too young, IMO. But then I wouldn't allow a 9 year old to highlight, perm, or otherwise alter the hair in any way chemically. 12 or up? Sure. I just wouldn't want a younger child exposed to those chemicals, and would want them to have virgin hair for as long as possible. Also, I just don't see a problem with setting boundaries as far as things like this go. No, you can't have a tattoo until you're 18, no you can't get your belly button pierced until you're 16, no you can't dye your hair pink until you're a teen, etc. Does it kill them to wait for these milestones? I say this as a mom who is going to let her 13 (soon to be 14) year old get her hair dyed pink next week. And yes, she has been asking for quite a long time.

For a 9 year old, I'd probably go out and buy some fun extensions and let her have at it.Then she could have all the colors she wants without the chemical exposure and worry about damaging her hair.

Secondly, WOW, what a difference a few years makes in the overall attitudes of the DIS! I posted something similar when my son was 13/14. He'd wanted to dye his hair green and I posted the best way to go about it and the overall consensus was for posters to say no way, they'd never let their kid do it. Nobody got nasty or anything, but most people disagreed with my decision. (he ended up going black instead of green for his 3 month goth phase)



Like you said, you don't have children, so it's easy for you to say. It's easy enough for a grown adult to say "who cares what everybody else thinks," but the reality is that kids DO care about what other kids think. You try raising a child who is constantly being teased because her hair is too curly (or any other reason kids can come up with to pick on one another), and comes home crying every day because of the torment. It's so much easier said than done to "teach" your child the self confidence to just march to a different drummer when they are dealing with the every day reality of peer pressure and bullying.

I'm surprised at the number of parents in this thread who don't know that or aren't sensitive to it. I'm pretty sure that's what Dawn has been getting at.

Well MushyMushy, You nailed it all and hit every point!

 

[ILoveAriel]

wow..i didn't realize i'd start a 10 page debate with this thread

we decided to go ahead and dye it with a semi permanent dye, my hair stylist has agreed to use it if i buy it.

DD is excited.

she said next summer she wants PINK