letting my 9 year old dye her hair?

[heartsy77]

I would let her do it. My girls did it a few years ago for summer ( they were 8 & 11). We went to the great wolf lodge for the weekend and all the chemical in the water washed it out in two days. My older dd has blond highlights in hair since she was 9 ( no flames please) and dyed hair picks up color much quicker and it still washed out in days.

I pick my battles with my kids. My DD had to have a thong when she was 12; by no means did I think it was appropriate but I bought it. And guess what she hates it and never wears it. Some times kids need life lessons. If I was you I would only tip her hair in color ( the ends). It washes out the fastest and grows the fastest.

My dd now 13 also wanted black on the bottom of her hair when she was getting a highlight; I didn't like it but I let her do it. She hated it after two weeks and is now growing it and having cut it out to be back to blonde. I know if I would have told her no she would have eventually dyed it all black so I compromised. That is just the way my dd is. I am strict with my kids but I want them to feel like they can express themselves.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I would let her do it. My girls did it a few years ago for summer ( they were 8 & 11). We went to the great wolf lodge for the weekend and all the chemical in the water washed it out in two days. My older dd has blond highlights in hair since she was 9 ( no flames please) and dyed hair picks up color much quicker and it still washed out in days.

I pick my battles with my kids. My DD had to have a thong when she was 12; by no means did I think it was appropriate but I bought it. And guess what she hates it and never wears it. Some times kids need life lessons. If I was you I would only tip her hair in color ( the ends). It washes out the fastest and grows the fastest.

My dd now 13 also wanted black on the bottom of her hair when she was getting a highlight; I didn't like it but I let her do it. She hated it after two weeks and is now growing it and having cut it out to be back to blonde. I know if I would have told her no she would have eventually dyed it all black so I compromised. That is just the way my dd is. I am strict with my kids but I want them to feel like they can express themselves.

Why would you buy your daughter a thong if you thought it was innappropriate?

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I have two daughters and we haven't crossed that road yet.... (they're only 5 and 3) ... Its your house, your rules... I wouldn't care what other people think.... but then again I don't let my DD's do certain things b/c I don't care for it. For example, I don't care for the way a lot of the little girls look after leaving the BBB at Disney World... We let our girls dress up and wear a tiny bit of make-up for dress up/playtime and when we went to WDW last year, I gave them a much more toned down version of the BBB. I don't think I would let my DD dye her hair, because I think her natural dirty blonde hair is so gorgeous and I would be afraid to do "permanent" damage to her hair even with a "wash-out" variety.

 

[Disney Doll]

And yet people on the DIS make no qualms about "judging" kids who come to a birthday party with a "cough" or kids who are home schooled (and thus deprived of social interaction) or are allowed to play outside of their own fenced in yards and a million other things..

Well, judging in OK, C.Ann, when it's you (the Universal you, not specifically you) doing the judging about something YOU don't agree with. Didn't you know that?

 

[onelilspark]

When I was that age my Mom used to dye my hair with Kool-Aid. Though we did Black Cherry. It was BRIGHT red for a few days, then settled out to a strawberry blonde. Strangely enough it was really pretty!! I always wanted to dye my hair blue, but my Mom put her foot down on that one. She also didn't want me dying it brown/brunette when I was in HS...I was a senior in HS before that ever happened...(I'm a natural brunette)

 

[Disney Doll]

Why not defend your original post instead of pointing fingers at the rest of the DIS?

I believe what she's doing is pointing out the fabulous double standard that exists.

All the folks who say "I wouldn't want my child to hang around with people who are so superficial as to judge them by their hair color" are the SAME people who will be aghast at some of the many other things that occur in the social relationships that involve kids, parents, friends' and friends' parents.

So who's to decide what's "superficial" or what's OK to be judgemental about and what's not? And whether we like it or not, part of the judgement people will make about you (the Universal you, not specifically you) is based on the way you look. It is reality. It would be nice if we lived in a perfect world where we all held hands and sang Kumbaya all day, with total and full acceptance of everyone from every nation for every reason. But we don't. Need I bring up the "fat" threads???? Those pre-teen and teenage years can be so difficult...do you really want to put a 9 year old into the position of having to defend herself at every turn? Because I wouldn't.

FTR, if I had a 9 year old and if she wanted to dye her hair blue, she'd do a few streaks with a temporary color for "fun". Then when that washed out, she'd do a few pink ones or maybe green ones or maybe purple ones. Whole head??? No. No is an answer and it is a complete sentence. And just like kids have to learn not to judge people based on their looks, they also have to learn that they are not going to get everything they want. Two good lessons.

 

[heartsy77]

Why would you buy your daughter a thong if you thought it was inappropriate?

Because I knew she would hate it never wear it and that is exactly what happened. I wouldn't be surprised if she never wears them again even when she is older. Because I bought them and didn't make a huge issue about it she didn't feel the need to wear them to irritate me. As I said before she is that type of kid. Now a thong isn't an issue = my plan worked.

 

[Disney Doll]

Oh no I'm a bad mom too! When my son turned 18 I told him I would get him a tat for his birthday. He's now 19 1/2 and still hasn't decided on the tat although I think we're nearing a decision and may have one by the end of the summer. Wonder if all the other boys will still come out and play with him!!!

I am assuming you are being "tongue in cheek" here and actually do understand the difference between a 9 year old and a 19 1/2 year old when it comes to decisions, how they are made, and who makes them, right?

 

[EthansMom]

I'm considering letting DD5 get a stripe of purple dyed (yes, permanent... at the salon) into her hair in time for the first day of Kindergarten.

IMO, it's kinda fun and an interesting way to express her individuality (stand out from a crowd, etc..). I think most of her peers would think it was cute. But I fully expect to get one or two calls from the other Moms saying, "What were you thinking? Now my kid wants to color his/her hair!"

 

[Gabes_mommy]

Yesterday there was a thread on whether a mother should let her 11 yo DD wear flip flops at WDW and so many of the posters had the "it's my kid and if I say no, that's it" mentality and then so many posters here are more of the "choose your battles - let her do it" mentality. It's just interesting to me because a 9yo dying her hair is a much bigger decision that wearing flip-flops IMO. I just find that curious.

Anyway, OP, if I were you I would let her do streaks instead of the whole head. I say that because I dyed my honey blonde hair bright red (crayon red, not hair color red) with "temporary" dye when I was 13 and it never really went away. I was left with weird hair for a long time.

I think the streaks are fun and cute and if she likes them she can try different colors all the time.

 

[DutchsMommy]

Speaking as someone who was not allowed to do these types of things and rebelled and did them anyway (have had multiple pearcings, now have 8 tattoos, every haircolour and style you can imagine, ran away, generally a horrible teenager all around) I am all for letting kids get creative when they are younger. I would rather be involved in my kids decisions than have them do it behind my back (and don't fool yourself - they will). Besides, you are a child/teen for so short a time before you have to adapt to society's norms so why not have fun while it lasts?? Perhaps if people were not so judgemental about things that are so superficial (just take a look at the John and Kate thread for an eyeful of that!!!!!) we would all be a bit more tolerant of each other. Remember - it takes all kinds.....

 

[disney1990]

seriously? dying hair leads to drugs?

that seems to be quite a leap. I grew up in the 70's plenty of druggies that never dyed their hair! I could go on... but that would be starting a debate I'm sure.

and I'm going to admit to being quite "prudish" - I dont allow short shorts - I adhere to the school's dress code... but its hair! its just something "fun" as long as she has that opinion... I'm good with that!

I cant imagine what you people would think of my parents and my mil - they have tattoos! (and yes I teased them about it! they tease me right back! all in good fun!)

The Orchid I'm so sorry the Mouse affected your friend's dd in that way - she must've forgotten to read the warnings...

(sorry I probably shouldnt try and joke about something so sad! I've also come close to losing my brother to drugs - and he also didnt dye his hair, nor did he have tats or piercings... )

Disney1990 again, thank you for sharing! My heart goes out to you and your family, and your precious grandchild!

I have to add that 2 piece suits also help kids to go to the bathroom! It is a trial trying to find one, tankinis are good... but just try to find one that is not blue or pink!!

My granddaughter that had the cancer now proudly wears her 2 piece bathing suit -- with the scar the goes all the way down her abdomen from her surgery. I hope that she is always able to show that scar and be happy that, because of it, she is a survivor.

 

[Sandy321]

My granddaughter that had the cancer now proudly wears her 2 piece bathing suit -- with the scar the goes all the way down her abdomen from her surgery. I hope that she is always able to show that scar and be happy that, because of it, she is a survivor.

Amen! and what self confidence she has been shown, and given to be proud to be a survivor, to proudly show her scar!! BRAVO!! Bravo!

 

[MrsPotts]

I am assuming you are being "tongue in cheek" here and actually do understand the difference between a 9 year old and a 19 1/2 year old when it comes to decisions, how they are made, and who makes them, right?

This same son who has dark brown hair had bleached blonde spikes when he was 10 years old. And no no one shunned him because he had very noticeable blonde spikes which don't wash out they had to grow out. It lasted the summer, part of the fall and he's never done it again. It was an experiment for him and something new a form of expression, no harm done.

So I most definitely understand! And if you read my comments they were directly related to others comments which were quoted in my post. I have two amazing wonderful handsome sons who have been raised well and know the difference between right and wrong and are not living their lives in a crazy and wild way because they had blonde spikes in their extremely dark brown hair when they were young. They are very socially acceptable have always had more rules than most of their friends but that happens when you're a teachers kid, there are expectations. They are not rebellious, don't have piercings and it's taken the one son 1 1/2 yrs to decide on a tat because he is aware of the angst tats cause some people. And even though the boys have lots of rules they were also allowed to make decisions to become self thinkers and independent.

The point is the color is not permanent and not a big deal. It won't cause her daughter to become some rebellious hoodlum later in life. The fun colors on the young kids are just that fun. And it's very important to start letting children make some of their own decisions regarding some things in their lives within reason of course. Temporary hair color could be one of those decisions. It helps kids think things through, be aware of all the positives and negatives of the decision. I've seen too many kids who were not allowed to make decisions because their parents held them too tightly, rebel and make really stupid decisions or couldn't make decisions at all when they got away from mommy and daddy. It's our job to raise our kids to become a contributing part of society and teaching them early on how to make an informed decision regardless of peer pressure or parent pressure is one of those ways to guarantee it will happen.

whew - that's probably way more than you wanted to hear isn't it? Sorry. Yes my initial comments were tongue in cheek.

 

[declansdad]

I think go for it - BUT DD has to understand and accept the consequences of her choice - if it does not wash out in time for school then she will not be wearing pink hair to school - it will be a pixie cut.

If everything works out - she has fun for summer, but she cannot complain if she chooses a permanent colour that leads to a pixie cut - her choice, her actions, her outcome

I'm confused. If she is allowed to have pink hair in the summer, why can't she have it during school? I apologize if I missed an earlier explanation.

 

[The LK 4]

I can't speak for other school districts, but ours does not allow non-natural hair colors. Blonde highlights, etc, are ok, but no pinks, greens, blues, purples, etc.

 

[MushyMushy]

I have a few comments on this subject, actually.

For one, I would have to say no -- 9 is just too young, IMO. But then I wouldn't allow a 9 year old to highlight, perm, or otherwise alter the hair in any way chemically. 12 or up? Sure. I just wouldn't want a younger child exposed to those chemicals, and would want them to have virgin hair for as long as possible. Also, I just don't see a problem with setting boundaries as far as things like this go. No, you can't have a tattoo until you're 18, no you can't get your belly button pierced until you're 16, no you can't dye your hair pink until you're a teen, etc. Does it kill them to wait for these milestones? I say this as a mom who is going to let her 13 (soon to be 14) year old get her hair dyed pink next week. And yes, she has been asking for quite a long time.

For a 9 year old, I'd probably go out and buy some fun extensions and let her have at it.Then she could have all the colors she wants without the chemical exposure and worry about damaging her hair.

Secondly, WOW, what a difference a few years makes in the overall attitudes of the DIS! I posted something similar when my son was 13/14. He'd wanted to dye his hair green and I posted the best way to go about it and the overall consensus was for posters to say no way, they'd never let their kid do it. Nobody got nasty or anything, but most people disagreed with my decision. (he ended up going black instead of green for his 3 month goth phase)

I don't have children at the moment, but when I do, I certainly hope they'll have enough confidence to embrace being unique and not 'blending in'. To heck with what everyone else thinks. If another little girl doesn't want to play with her because she has blue hair, it's the other little girl's loss.

Like you said, you don't have children, so it's easy for you to say. It's easy enough for a grown adult to say "who cares what everybody else thinks," but the reality is that kids DO care about what other kids think. You try raising a child who is constantly being teased because her hair is too curly (or any other reason kids can come up with to pick on one another), and comes home crying every day because of the torment. It's so much easier said than done to "teach" your child the self confidence to just march to a different drummer when they are dealing with the every day reality of peer pressure and bullying.

I'm surprised at the number of parents in this thread who don't know that or aren't sensitive to it. I'm pretty sure that's what Dawn has been getting at.

 

[C.Ann]

I believe what she's doing is pointing out the fabulous double standard that exists.

All the folks who say "I wouldn't want my child to hang around with people who are so superficial as to judge them by their hair color" are the SAME people who will be aghast at some of the many other things that occur in the social relationships that involve kids, parents, friends' and friends' parents.

So who's to decide what's "superficial" or what's OK to be judgemental about and what's not? And whether we like it or not, part of the judgement people will make about you (the Universal you, not specifically you) is based on the way you look. It is reality. It would be nice if we lived in a perfect world where we all held hands and sang Kumbaya all day, with total and full acceptance of everyone from every nation for every reason. But we don't. Need I bring up the "fat" threads???? Those pre-teen and teenage years can be so difficult...do you really want to put a 9 year old into the position of having to defend herself at every turn? Because I wouldn't.

FTR, if I had a 9 year old and if she wanted to dye her hair blue, she'd do a few streaks with a temporary color for "fun". Then when that washed out, she'd do a few pink ones or maybe green ones or maybe purple ones. Whole head??? No. No is an answer and it is a complete sentence. And just like kids have to learn not to judge people based on their looks, they also have to learn that they are not going to get everything they want. Two good lessons.

You hit the nail on the head with this post - and worded it so much better than I did - even in my follow-up post..

I still think a few hair extensions would be okay, but again - if it's the "whole head" route (considering the natural color of this child's hair) it's not going to be easy to "undo" this when it's time to return to school (based on the OP's statement that she was going to use "permanent" hair coloring).. I've seen the disasters - and they're not pretty..

 

[TomLovesBecky]

Yesterday there was a thread on whether a mother should let her 11 yo DD wear flip flops at WDW and so many of the posters had the "it's my kid and if I say no, that's it" mentality and then so many posters here are more of the "choose your battles - let her do it" mentality. It's just interesting to me because a 9yo dying her hair is a much bigger decision that wearing flip-flops IMO. I just find that curious.

Anyway, OP, if I were you I would let her do streaks instead of the whole head. I say that because I dyed my honey blonde hair bright red (crayon red, not hair color red) with "temporary" dye when I was 13 and it never really went away. I was left with weird hair for a long time.

I think the streaks are fun and cute and if she likes them she can try different colors all the time.

Speaking as a nurse, flip flops can be a safety issue. Blue hair? Not so much. I'd let my kids have blue (non-permanent!) hair in the summer if they wanted. Flip flops can be worn certain times/places but not all the time. It's bad for your feet and back (no support) and can be a real hazard if they get caught in/on something (escalator, stairs, uneven pavement, etc.).

 

[pyrxtc]

I don't see hair color as a big deal. My DD12 has had a few different colored pieces. It will wash out or grow out eventually. I say go for it!!