Lawyer Like Advice Needed!!

[irishbosoxfan]

OK I've posted about trying to get my EX to let my boys come this summer to WDW w/me and the struggle I've had--WELL now I'd like some advice---I want to draft a letter saying that he agrees to let the boys come on such and such a date traveling by this airline at this time and he WILL have them At the airport with plenty of time to make such flights and knows by agreeing to this that I will purchase 2 RT tickets from Mass to KS, 2 RT tickets from KS to FL,park admission tickets to WDW for 5 days,dining plan for both and add them to existing reservation.

I don't want him to sign it or anything just worded to say he agrees to abide by this.. The reason I am doing this is because anyone who has been to WDW knows the expense involved and I would at least like a piece of paper in hand that says he agreed to this trip so incase at the last minute he pulls out I have a legal leg to stand on regarding recouping some of my expense and as proof to the court that he again denyed visitation----Can anyone help me??

 

[jfulcer]

IANAL, but I don't know that I'd chance my whole Disney vacation on the word of your EX that he would 'abide' by your agreement, nor would it be binding. Especially if he's been a pain to you in the past. I am not sure they court would let you recoup expenses because I'm sure he'll try to come up with some 'reasonable' explanation.

Here's what *I* would do in your situation. Fly to Massachusets the night before. Stay in a hotel and pick your boys up yourself with a shuttle or taxi. Then fly to WDW. They can fly back to Mass, and you can fly back to KS. It might cost you a bit more, but it would certainly give you more of a chance to make sure they boys make it....

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I'm afraid if I do that then I'll just add another plane ticket to my list of expenses!

 

[Pugdog007]

IANAL, but I don't know that I'd chance my whole Disney vacation on the word of your EX that he would 'abide' by your agreement, nor would it be binding. Especially if he's been a pain to you in the past. I am not sure they court would let you recoup expenses because I'm sure he'll try to come up with some 'reasonable' explanation.

Here's what *I* would do in your situation. Fly to Massachusets the night before. Stay in a hotel and pick your boys up yourself with a shuttle or taxi. Then fly to WDW. They can fly back to Mass, and you can fly back to KS. It might cost you a bit more, but it would certainly give you more of a chance to make sure they boys make it....

This is what I would do, if you're really concerned. No signed document is going to be worth the paper it's written on... and furthermore... signing it may put thoughts into your ex's head that he would not have otherwise considered.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I don't know--I think they're already there---I was kinda hoping by having something in writing it would deter him.

 

[disneymom3]

BUt having a piece of paper that is not signed is going to be worthless. I also think you should fly to where the kids are and go from there.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

When I was saying not sign I was thinking along the lines of a signed delivery package with something in the contents of the letter that states if I don't hear differently by xx date plans will go ahead

 

[SleepyMom]

I have played the ex game and was in a situation close to yours a few years back.

We had custody of DD, but she was on her summer visit to him. We had an end of summer vacation planned to Washington DC. Earlier in the summer I had given up one of my 3 day visits to her so that she could come home 3 days early and go with us on the trip.

Six days before we left he writes me a letter saying that she can be picked up on such and such date at 7pm. Our plane left at 4:30 pm that same day and he lives 5 1/2 hours from us. Obviously that wasn't going to work and he knew it. In his letter he demanded two extra days over Christmas in exchange for letting her leave at 7 am on the day our plane left.

I was livid

By waiting until the last minute he really thought he had me over a barrell and could get anything he wanted. It was hard for me, but I had to take a tough stand. I never mentioned a word to DD about any of this during our phone conversations, nor did I talk to ex on the phone.

I wrote him a letter back and told him fine, if he wanted to ruin this trip for her over 12 hours then so be it, there was nothing I could do about it. I informed him I had made other arrangements for DD to go stay with my family while we went on the trip and they would be picking her up at 7 pm of the night he demanded. I also told him that I would not be letting her know she wasn't going with us, that was going to fall to him. He could explain to her why she wasn't going on a vacation she had really been looking forward to.

I knew if he didn't agree to letting her go that we would have to eat the price of the plane ticket and for us the vacation would be ruined because she wasn't there with us, but I needed to take a stand against him always being the bully.

In the end we did make a back-up plan that he knew nothing about, DH & younger DD were going to fly as planned and my Mom was going to pick older DD up at 7 pm and drive her to me that night and then we were going to pay to change the tickets and meet them the next day in DC.

Thankfully ex backed down and went along with the original agreement to pick her up at 7 am, Mom met me halfway with her and the 4 of us had a great time in DC.

So, in a long drawn out way my advice would be to put it in his lap. He is going to do what he is going to do, you can't change that. Give him the info and let him pass it along to your boys, if he doesn't and when they ask about the trip, just tell them that their dad has all that and will let them know the plans. You might have to be prepared to eat the price of the plane tickets, but hopefully that won't happen.

Keep copies of everything you send him too, send it so he has to sign for it so you have the proof.

I hope this all works out for you and you get to go to WDW with your boys.

 

[Microcell]

How about you buy trip insurance?

 

[rigs32]

How about you buy trip insurance?

I was thinking the same thing. If you buy a plan with no medical coverage, simply a "cancel for any reason" policy, that will refund you any monies you spent. Check out insuremytrip.com

 

[dmslush]

I've not read all of your posts, but why don't you hire an attorney and get a better custody arrangement. There is something very odd about one parent being able to pull all of the strings as in this case.

 

[kimmikayb]

I have so been in your position. I don't know all the details but I don't think a letter like this will do much good if in the end he still decides to be a poopy head but you're right...it could be just a little edge to push him into doing what is right. It's your call because you know him best. I would word it somehow like this:

Dear Poopyhead X:

This letter confirms we have discussed and agreed upon the following details:
<details of trip>
If I have not heard from you by xxxx (date) it is agreed you accept these arrangements and will have (kid) ready for travel on xxxx (date). Please call me (email me, write me, etc) if you have any questions.

Best Regards,
The one you let get away

You might also add something about him being responsible for your daughter's expenses of the trip if he fails to get her to where she needs to be.

I had this problem, like I said and I solved it by going to court and getting specific vacation dates. Both of us have certain weeks we can take for vacation now. Yes, it is a pain in the butt especially when you want to plan around good deals but it has solved all the heartache you are going through right now.

Good luck...I hope it works out for you!

 

[irishbosoxfan]

In talking to the boys they know that I am fully prepared to have them with me this summer and they understand that if they don't come then it is all on their dad==I spoke w/EX last night and he agreed to everything-My next step is checking out that trip insure website,I hope they cover the plane tickets I bought for the boys--As for getting a lawyer I never really had the cash to go back after him and when my DH got his bonus for doing 10 years in the military and reenlisting for indefinitly we wanted to doing something nice for all the kids that we normally wouldn't have been able to do===I love the letter it actually made me smile thank you for the wording==But that's exactly like what I was looking for something thats says "yes I agreed to everything she did so if he won't let them come I have something to use as a bite you in the butt proof!

 

[MouseWorshipin]

i have a relative who is a lawyer. He once commented that his favorite thing in the world was when bad lawyers or non-lawyers attempted to write policy or contracts, because they are the easiest things in the world to fight.

He also said that very often having someone sign a waiver or whatever works AGAINST you. The courts decide that it shows you knew you were doing something wrong going into whatever it was.

But I have no idea...I think if you need something legal, get a lawyer...a good one.

 

[Belle0101]

I can totally understand wanting to use the monies for a nice trip, something that everybody can enjoy. But, the vacation is a temporary situation. Whether or not he agrees this year to the vacation, what about next year or the year after or the year after that? Unless you take the bull by the horns and get this custody order remedied then you will always have this problem looming over your head. You will be stressed every summer, is that really worth it, because you can't be enjoying this.

Let's say you write the letter, you presume that he is in agreement because he doesn't say otherwise but you still don't have the boys. Then what? Vacation without them? Call the ex and have words? Be upset during the vacation?

Okay, say you have a copy of a letter you send. The only way to have that letter bite him in the butt is to go to in front of the Magistrate, in the Court where the original order was entered. Are you willing to do that?

Should the boys for some reason not make it for this vacation, or a future vacation, and they now know "that if they don't come then it is all on their dad" ... to be brutally honest, I don't believe that they will sit around moping and / or being mad at their dad. However unintentional, the boys shouldn't be caught in the middle of this, ever.

I went back through some of the posts that previous posters have linked to - in my opinion, there's far more here than their dad being a poopyhead. Look at it from the eyes of a child, not saying this is how you meant it, but how children view things with a child's mind ... we all lived together, life was great ... uh-oh, mom left, she didn't take us with her, she moved away, married somebody else, now my parents will never get back together, she replaced us with other kids ... they are hurt, as evidenced by them not, or rarely, calling you, no Mother's Day, birthday, or Christmas cards and then if they don't for some reason don't come with you to WDW then, sorry kids, it's all dad's fault. Dad the guy who's been feeding, clothing, taking care of and enjoy being with.

I'm sorry if I come across as mean or harsh but I'm calling as I see it and I don't see a reason to sugar coat it. Other posters probably see it this way but I was maybe a bit more direct. Sometimes to really help another person you have to lay it all out.

My suggestion, take it or leave, skip the vacation, shorten it, anything because even though "I never really had the cash to go back after him", you have it now. Take that money, get yourself the best Family Law Attorney money can buy in the county of the original Order, petition for a new judge, yes it can be done, and get this order remedied now. Unless of course you want to go through this ordeal every summer.

I'm sure you do want to see your boys, what mother wouldn't, but you have got to take a stand and act on it. It takes two, he's happy with the Order, it works great for him. You don't like, work to get it changed, but you can't always lay the blame on him if you're not willing to work on changing the Order.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck. I'd love to hear that things work out for you.

 

[poohandwendy]

==But that's exactly like what I was looking for something thats says "yes I agreed to everything she did so if he won't let them come I have something to use as a bite you in thebutt proof

Hate to burst your bubble, but sending him a letter is not proof of anything...except maybe that he received correspondence from you. Even if he signed an agreement like that, he could still find a last-minute way to decide the kids were not going and all the 'proof' that he previously agreeed would not mean jack diddly squat.

You do not seem to understand the situation...He has FULL custody and you have NO formal visitation schedule. Until you change that, you have nothing to stand on.

You essentially gave up your parental rights, until you do something about that, you are at his mercy.

THAT should be your primary concern. Fun in WDW is totally secondary.

 

[poohandwendy]

Btw, if you are fighting for your children, why would you need 'lawyer-like' advice here? Don't you have an attorney for these types of questions?

 

[MouseWorshipin]

Sending someone a letter saying that if they don't respond to it, they are held to whatever it says is silly.

If someone sends me a letter saying I have to pay them $100,000 if I don't respond and I throw it out, does that mean I have to fork over the dough? Nope. Can you imagine the numbers of letters we'd get if that were so? Yikes.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I don't know--I think they're already there---I was kinda hoping by having something in writing it would deter him.

Deter him from what? If he signed and witnessed you might be able to sue for the money you spent, but it will not get the kids on the plane. Unless you pick them up yourself you will never be 100% sure they are on the plane when it leaves MA.

Why would it be more tickets for you to got to MA to get them, WDW, back to MA to drop them off and then home?

Your way you need 2 rt MA/KS and 3 rt KS/FL for you and the two boys to get to WDW.

The proposed way is 1 rt MA/KS and 3 rt KS/FL. That is one less rt.

 

[padams]

I'm a lawyer, but I don't do not divorce/custody matters. However, I can tell you that sending him a letter saying he has to respond otherwise he owes you money won't work. Even if he agrees to sign the letter, the letter still might not meet the requirements to be a valid, enforceable contract. If you wanted to enforce the contract, you would likely have to go to court in Mass. (more expense for you).

I think you should fly to where the kids are and pick them up and take them from Mass. to WDW. Only then can you guarantee that they get on the plane.

Also, if it were me, I would spend the money for WDW on a good divorce lawyer who could get a better custody/visitation arrangement for you. Don't you want to see your kids more often with less hassle than you're currently having with your ex?