Keeping maiden name when marrying

[Ember]

I kept my name. It was never even a possibility that I would do otherwise.

I find the tradition of taking your husband's name to be offensive. I always question the men who feel most strongly about the tradition if they would be willing to take their wives last name as theirs. The answer is always a resounding "no." It would make them not manly, whipped, weak - take your choice. In other words: less. There is then no rational way to argue that a woman taking a man's name doesn't make her less. I see it as nothing but a gender power issue, a sexist tradition of ownership, and see nothing romantic in it at all.

I do not love my husband less because we have different last names, I am not less committed to my marriage. However, what I am is a fully equal partner.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

... There is then no rational way to argue that a woman taking a man's name doesn't make her less...

Do you think less of women who choose to take the names of their husbands?

 

[LaurenLC]

I kept my name. It was never even a possibility that I would do otherwise.

I find the tradition of taking your husband's name to be offensive. I always question the men who feel most strongly about the tradition if they would be willing to take their wives last name as theirs. The answer is always a resounding "no." It would make them not manly, whipped, weak - take your choice. In other words: less. There is then no rational way to argue that a woman taking a man's name doesn't make her less. I see it as nothing but a gender power issue, a sexist tradition of ownership, and see nothing romantic in it at all.

I do not love my husband less because we have different last names, I am not less committed to my marriage. However, what I am is a fully equal partner.

I think it takes a lot more than your maiden name to make you an equal partner in a marriage.

 

[Ember]

Do you think less of women who choose to take the names of their husbands?

If it was totally her choice with no pressure from her husband (or anyone else), and he would be 100% okay with whatever choice she made, then no, I would not think less of her. That said, I would still prefer to see the tradition abolished. (This is the same idea to me as supporting freedom of speech. It means supporting the rights of people to say the things you don't like. I would fight for women to have the right to choose, even if I don't personally like the choice they then make.)

 

[castmemberb4]

I was proud to take DHs last name, but since the name i was known by was my middle name I just used my maiden name as my middle name. i rarely use it though.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

If it was totally her choice with no pressure from her husband (or anyone else), and he would be 100% okay with whatever choice she made, then no, I would not think less of her. That said, I would still prefer to see the tradition abolished. (This is the same idea to me as supporting freedom of speech. It means supporting the rights of people to say the things you don't like. I would fight for women to have the right to choose, even if I don't personally like the choice they then make.)

Thanks

 

[Ember]

I think it takes a lot more than your maiden name to make you an equal partner in a marriage.

I agree completely. But this is just one of those "hidden" forms of sexism, based on a tradition of the transfer of ownership.

 

[disney11fan]

i am seriously considering keeping my maiden name when i get married. Have not yet had this discussion with my fiance.

Has anyone done this, what was you experience?

i hope you talk to him before you tie the knot. If you don't want his name ...don't get married. Just shack up. Sorry your wrong. Take his name its a good one. Your now 1 not 2.

 

[disney11fan]

i kept my name. It was never even a possibility that i would do otherwise.

I find the tradition of taking your husband's name to be offensive. I always question the men who feel most strongly about the tradition if they would be willing to take their wives last name as theirs. The answer is always a resounding "no." it would make them not manly, whipped, weak - take your choice. In other words: Less. There is then no rational way to argue that a woman taking a man's name doesn't make her less. I see it as nothing but a gender power issue, a sexist tradition of ownership, and see nothing romantic in it at all.

I do not love my husband less because we have different last names, i am not less committed to my marriage. However, what i am is a fully equal partner.

what's the problem. Take his name. Or don't get married...period. If i ever pass you i will not wait to hold the door for you.

 

[Ember]

what's the problem. Take his name. Or don't get married...period. If i ever pass you i will not wait to hold the door for you.

So... You're sexist and rude? I may not like your views, but I would still hold the door open, that's just basic manners.

 

[disney11fan]

Be careful of your girlfriend if she doesn't want to take your last name. Your life as man and wife is already behind the eight ball. Your one not two. I said this earlier if you don't want his last name ..don't get married just shack up.

 

[disney11fan]

so... You're sexist and rude? I may not like your views, but i would still hold the door open, that's just basic manners.

not in the least. You don't like my point of view because i tell it like it is. We could open up other issues but that's not what this is for.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Be careful of your girlfriend if she doesn't want to take your last name. Your life as man and wife is already behind the eight ball. Your one not two. I said this earlier if you don't want his last name ..don't get married just shack up.

Wouldn't it depend on WHY she felt that way? In your mind, is there no scenario in which you would take your wife's name instead of the the other way around?

 

[Ember]

not in the least. You don't like my point of view because i tell it like it is. We could open up other issues but that's not what this is for.

No, that is not why I don't like your views. Luckily, "like it is" seems to be a false statement as clearly I was still allowed to get married and keep my name.

 

[disney11fan]

wouldn't it depend on why she felt that way? In your mind, is there no scenario in which you would take your wife's name instead of the the other way around?

that's the way it is. Marriage is between a man and a woman (no matter what other people might think) and it has always been the woman takes the mans name....period. If you don't like it don't get married. I would call this a marriage buster in my view. I would be afraid of this. I hve been married by the way for 26 years and counting. And yes my wife took my last name.

 

[disney11fan]

no, that is not why i don't like your views. Luckily, "like it is" seems to be a false statement as clearly i was still allowed to get married and keep my name.

clearly we would never have gotten pass a first date. I may not like your point of view but i would think we could have one heck of a time talking about the issues.

 

[shortbun]

I've been married 26 years. I kept my birth name and it never caused trouble for anyone. I would not have married someone who was hoping I was going to change my identity for them. My husband and I never even discussed it until close to our wedding day and I just told him matter of factly. He said, and I quote, " I knew that." That was it. Anyone who asked why was told that I wanted all my old boyfriends to be able to find me. That shut them up pretty fast, lol! Most of our friends have the same situation. I don't ridicule or judge anyone who changes their name but honestly, I think some women think they have no choice. If you choose to keep your given name you have nothing to do-no driver's licence change, no social security change, no insurance company change, no change of any kind. When people ask me if I'm Miss, Ms or Mrs., I respond by saying, 'it's Her Royal Highness.' which usually gets a laugh and no more questioning. I just did that the other day for the first time in a long time. If you are questioning, don't change. You can always do it later. Once you take another last name, it will be hard to switch back. Your dedication and love for your partner/future husband does not change. Tradition is not always sensible. Do what you want.

 

[JennyDarling]

Wanted to edit but couldn't

Our situation is a little different. We were together 12 years ago in the military, seperated, and I had a child She has always gone by my name never his and I am wondering if keeping our names the same would be the better route to go as we are known by our name and his name if French, he is a foriegner coming to us in the US.

Shame on all of us! OP elaborated and not one of us responded to her at all!

OP, does your daughter know her father at all? My guess would be no. What would be the circumstances of his move here (Is this a permanent thing?)

I guess at this point I would want to know how she felt about changing her name. Then maybe go from there...

 

[FlightlessDuck]

As a guy from the United States, I'd have a problem with it. I'd be OK with hyphenating, but I wouldn't have wanted my wife to just keep her maiden name. I feel that having the same last name is a form of solidarity and a way to commit yourself to part of a family.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

that's the way it is. ...and it has always been the woman takes the mans name....period. ..

Careful - you might want to do a little research. This is far from true.