Just need to vent...

[Oreo Cookie]

Except you kept arguing your point. That's why people got sick of you, quite honestly. As for bullying...please. When my daughter was 17 her dear friend committed suicide because she was a victim of Internet bullying. No matter what she did or did not do online, a group of boys found everything she ever posted, called her names, told lies about her and harassed her. She could not post on anyone's FB page that these boys also knew withou them posting photoshopped pictures of her head on a nude obese body in very crude poses. That, is Internet bullying.

I am so very sorry for you loss. A child was bullied and committed suicide, it's beyond tragic. {hugs)

 

[Tinkermommy]

After reading all the replies on this thread I am going to bribe my children to elope!!!

 

[Chocolate Cake]

So just a bit over 24 hr after this thread was started and we are already up to 13 pages! We can do better, people! Who wants to make it to 20 pages? You people are all slackers...you can do better!

ROFL

I don't know if I have the strength. LOL!

But I do hope the OP gives us updates on this wedding. Keep us posted, nephthys43.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

After reading all the replies on this thread I am going to bribe my children to elope!!!

That would be a dream for me if my children eloped. The money that is spent on one day makes me sick to my stomach.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

The world of bullying is not black and white. What is bullying to one person is not bullying to another. As someone who claims have personal experience with this one would think you would be a little more knowledgeable. You people know nothing about me. You know nothing about any situation I may have in my life. I was chastised early on in this thread for daring to comment it was a sunny day outside - how dare I say such a thing when other people may not have the same circumstance! But then turn around and it's perfectly acceptable to tell me that I'm not allowed to feel a certain way. It's hypocritical, immature and a downright crappy way to behave.

The poster you quoted for this reply, gave a personal example of bullying where a teenager took their life. Instead of showing any sensitivity, or offering condolences, you respond the way you do. I'm just amazed by the selfishness of the comment. A child is dead from bullying, which is tragic.

You've been passive/aggressive in some of your posts, throwing the "bitter" comment around or the " fabulous/amazing friends" post is implying that other posters are bitter or have no friends. You may not have quoted anyone specific, but it was your way of making a dig at the other posters on the thread.

All of your posts are about you, you really didn't give the OP any advice, or just some empathy. She came here to vent.

 

[ronandannette]

Nah - never mind.

 

[gwynne]

After reading all the replies on this thread I am going to bribe my children to elope!!!

That would be a dream for me if my children eloped. The money that is spent on one day makes me sick to my stomach.

We didn't bribe our adult children to elope, but we did put them in charge of the budget. We gave each of them x amount, and it was up to them to use it as they wished. If it all went to the wedding, fine. If part of it went into savings, fine. It was one of the best decisions we ever made.

 

[DopeyDame]

So... I talked to her a little while ago. I'm still confused and now a little angry. I started the conversation off by acknowledging that she was upset with me. She said she knew I had things going on and problems I was dealing with and that she feels like I'm not "in" this. She also said she doesn't want me to feel like I have to do this. I told her I loved her and that I want to be there on her day, and she brought up the hotel room. I told her I didn't understand why I needed to stay over. She started on about drinking and having a good time and such. I told her that I didn't plan on getting drunk. There's no way for me to be a responsible bridesmaid and help her during her wedding if I'm sloshed. She got annoyed and was like I don't need you to help me go to the bathroom. I explained that wasn't what I meant and sometimes things happen at weddings that need someone to be able to think and fix it.

Then she was talking about how there were going to be drunks out on the road and she didn't want me driving an hour home at night. That it was going to be a long day and I'd be tired. It took all I had to bite my tongue. I am 10 years older than she is. I already have a mom and even she knows better than to tell me what to do. Finally, I just said that even if I did have a room reserved, I'd have to cancel it. I couldn't afford it. She asked me why I couldn't afford it? The tone of her voice made me want to hang up. I live alone. She lives with her fiancé. She has help with the bills, I don't.

The conversation basically ended there. She saw some neighbor that she had to talk to and hung up. I texted her to call me back later. She texted back and said, "ok. Just be upfront if you need things. I'm here u know".

I don't even know what to think.

Ugh. I'm so sorry the call didn't go as hoped. I would totally be confused and angry in your shoes too. How about this text/email/message back to her:
Hi Bridezilla, So glad we got to chat last night. I really appreciate your concern for me after your wedding. But don't worry about me - I can't wait to celebrate with you and promise that I'll be safe!. But you really need to focus on you and your big day! So tell me again all about your shoe delimna."

And then just keep turning the discussion back to her and the wedding if she ever brings up the hotel room again.
Her: Why don't you have a room?
You: Oh silly bridezilla, don't worry about me! How are your dress alterations coming?
Her: I just want you to be safe.
You: Now, now - let's focus on the bride to be! Tell me all about the flowers you've chosen!
Lather, rinse, repeat.

Good luck and I hope you and your friend can get through the wedding happily and maintain your close friendship afterwards!

 

[phorsenuf]

I am going to a wedding this weekend. On her wedding page she has a list of events. There is the wedding, then the reception, and then at 6, the After Party. The description reads 'Continuing the wedding celebration back at the hotel. The hotel restaurant has a full bar and food options available.' So to me, this is another planned party and not an impromptu get together as some have eluded to.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Ughh....this kind of stuff drives me batty and why I always turn down the invitation to stand up in weddings! We got married in Disney World and really didn't want bridesmaids or groomsmen because we know it's too much but our parents made us ask our siblings! LOL! We figured that was easier anyway as the parents would cover their costs. Our reception lasted until 4 a.m. and though everyone was looking at where to go next, we snuck off straight away as we couldn't wait to be alone! There were plenty of times to let loose and have fun at our reception, but then again we made sure of it, we didn't want our reception to feel like a 'job'. We had 75 guests at our wedding and honestly thought it would be a lot less as it was a destination wedding! HAHAHA!! Every event we had we made 100% optional and didn't guilt trip anyone into joining us or 'feel hurt' that they wanted to take off in Disney World alone. We had an awesome time and everyone keeps asking us when we are having our Vow Renewal now that it's been 12 years! LOL

 

[LuciMarie]

Having calmed down and been the subject of a few bridal freakouts (this year alone), it sounds like the bride is in freakout mode.
Is it fair? No. Is it normal? Unfortunately yes. Even the sanest person can get overwhelmed with planning.

I agree with a few of the first responders. It sounds like you may need to meet up for coffee and have a face to face chat. There could be a hundred reasons for her 0 to 60 change in feelings. Maybe she's in overplaying mode. She could be worried about you getting home safe. This could be because of other activities in the area, or feeling like you'll be missing out on a few drinks and daces (if you partake in either) and won't be having as much fun. A wedding is, of course, for the bride, but many of them freak out wondering if their friends are having fun and enjoying what MONTHS OF PLANNING has resulted in.
You're not in the wrong one bit, don't let her make you feel that.
She may just feel concerned when she doesn't see your responses in those messages. The "forgetting to book a room" while totally normal, probably hurt her a bit. She probably had rooms blocked off and saw the forgetting to book as forgetting about her wedding rather than what it was: a hotel room.

I'll admit I haven't made it all the way through the thread. Seems your vent post hit home to a lot os people. I hope you two have gotten a change to talk and clear the air. This is just another bump in the road of friendship.
Regardless, here's my 2 cents and I hope you do enjoy your time with your friend pre and post wedding.

 

[cabanafrau]

I am going to a wedding this weekend. On her wedding page she has a list of events. There is the wedding, then the reception, and then at 6, the After Party. The description reads 'Continuing the wedding celebration back at the hotel. The hotel restaurant has a full bar and food options available.' So to me, this is another planned party and not an impromptu get together as some have eluded to.

That seems like it could be nice since the after party is at 6. The wording does raise a couple thoughts in my mind. 1) they are trying to make it clear to everyone the after party is on individual tabs. 2) Are they serving much of anything at the reception if they think people can leave the reception at 6 and want more to eat after that? 3) Is this after party a clever way of gathering everyone to party, on their own dime, without throwing a full on reception?

 

[cabanafrau]

We didn't bribe our adult children to elope, but we did put them in charge of the budget. We gave each of them x amount, and it was up to them to use it as they wished. If it all went to the wedding, fine. If part of it went into savings, fine. It was one of the best decisions we ever made.

A friend of mine recently told a group of us that she was disappointed not to be able to throw weddings for her daughters. She said both of her daughters told them, no, you guys paid for college, this is on us. Well, to be fair, oldest daughter did that and younger daughter felt she had to do the same. My friend said if she knew that she would have paid for the weddings and not college.

Still not sure I understand her thinking, as she is completely not the type to take over just because she's paying. But for some reason paying for the wedding would have meant more to her somehow.

 

[phorsenuf]

That seems like it could be nice since the after party is at 6. The wording does raise a couple thoughts in my mind. 1) they are trying to make it clear to everyone the after party is on individual tabs. 2) Are they serving much of anything at the reception if they think people can leave the reception at 6 and want more to eat after that? 3) Is this after party a clever way of gathering everyone to party, on their own dime, without throwing a full on reception?

I think that's a mother-daughter thing. I know having all boys I was disappointed knowing that I would not be able to help plan their weddings. I just think it's something all mothers dream about. I was fortunate enough however to be able to do it, since when my son got married he was living overseas and they were getting married during R&R. Since he was marrying a local German girl she wasn't around to do it either. I'll admit, it was awesome. LOL

 

[bethy]

We didn't bribe our adult children to elope, but we did put them in charge of the budget. We gave each of them x amount, and it was up to them to use it as they wished. If it all went to the wedding, fine. If part of it went into savings, fine. It was one of the best decisions we ever made.

This is exactly what we plan on doing with our daughters.

 

[Hikergirl]

I think that's a mother-daughter thing. I know having all boys I was disappointed knowing that I would not be able to help plan their weddings. I just think it's something all mothers dream about. I was fortunate enough however to be able to do it, since when my son got married he was living overseas and they were getting married during R&R. Since he was marrying a local German girl she wasn't around to do it either. I'll admit, it was awesome. LOL

Not this mom LOL. After trying to help with this year's prom dress I can't even imagine what it will be like for a wedding dress!

Just kidding, I will willingly help my dd and try to make it as stress free for her as possible.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Ughh....this kind of stuff drives me batty and why I always turn down the invitation to stand up in weddings! We got married in Disney World and really didn't want bridesmaids or groomsmen because we know it's too much but our parents made us ask our siblings! LOL! We figured that was easier anyway as the parents would cover their costs. Our reception lasted until 4 a.m. and though everyone was looking at where to go next, we snuck off straight away as we couldn't wait to be alone! There were plenty of times to let loose and have fun at our reception, but then again we made sure of it, we didn't want our reception to feel like a 'job'. We had 75 guests at our wedding and honestly thought it would be a lot less as it was a destination wedding! HAHAHA!! Every event we had we made 100% optional and didn't guilt trip anyone into joining us or 'feel hurt' that they wanted to take off in Disney World alone. We had an awesome time and everyone keeps asking us when we are having our Vow Renewal now that it's been 12 years! LOL

My wedding was huge, formal and expensive(paid for by Dad) but despite that we let loose. My family isn't uptight, heck after all the formal stuff and traditions were over my grandfather, who was 72 at the time, was in the center of the dance floor dancing away to Metallica with all of us "young" people. Then when the slow dancing started he grabbed my grandmother (they were married 50 years that year, they made it to 65 before my grandfather passed away) and they sure showed all of us exactly how those slow dances were supposed to be done. Everybody ended up standing to the side and watched two people really in love dance in such a beautiful way. Then he walked up to the bar with my father and they started doing kamakazi shots with our friends-lol

I didn't want or need my family to be gone so we could let loose and have a good time. We did that with them right there with us because they're awesome fun loving people. When it was over DH and I were more than ready to have our alone time so we could celebrate the huge commitment and promises we had made to each other that day.

 

[phorsenuf]

That seems like it could be nice since the after party is at 6. The wording does raise a couple thoughts in my mind. 1) they are trying to make it clear to everyone the after party is on individual tabs. 2) Are they serving much of anything at the reception if they think people can leave the reception at 6 and want more to eat after that? 3) Is this after party a clever way of gathering everyone to party, on their own dime, without throwing a full on reception?

The reception is a sit down meal so I'm not sure what else there may be. I did think the way they worded it was a good way to basically say come party, but you pay for your own. I don't have a problem with that.

This is the same wedding (if you saw that post) where my sons longtime girlfriend was invited, but then too many people rsvp'd yes, so the MOB called my son to let him know the girlfriend wouldn't be able to attend after-all. Going to be tough to bite my tongue on that one when I see her!

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Wedding season on the DIS...It's the gift that keeps on giving.

I'm gonna push for a Vegas wedding for all my kids. Heck, I'll even throw in an after-party for them and their 14 friends!

 

[DiannaVM]

I think that's a mother-daughter thing. I know having all boys I was disappointed knowing that I would not be able to help plan their weddings.

That certainly did not stop my Mother-in-Law. If anything, because she paid half (more like a third) of the wedding, she felt like she had the right to take over our wedding planning to the point that she would guilt-trip DH about she is helping pay for this wedding if we didn't go along with her ideas/choices. My DH and I keep saying we should've eloped instead, save us some money and avoid the stress his mom put us through. However, in speaking with my brother-in-law and his wife, she put them through the same thing when they had their second wedding reception here, so I guess it was to be expected.

I really don't understand when brides act the way your friend did. Maybe its because I personally tried not to sweat the small stuff during mine (again, the only sticking point really was DH's mom), and when it came to our bridal party I tried to make sure that I wasn't putting undue stress and expenses on them either. As a matter of fact, my friend and I went through a similar situation to yours. Most of my bridal party actually lives elsewhere, so this particular friend lives in Florida with her DH. Long story short, I eventually came to realize that she probably couldn't afford to do it even though she really wanted to and was trying pretty hard. But I didn't want to make her feel obligated to do it, so after a long talk she confessed that she had wanted to bow out because of other life commitments (like bills and a new home) but didn't know how to approach me about it. That's when I told her that I was OK and understood and let her off the hook. It was an awkward conversation yes, but it took nothing out of our relationship. I would've loved to have had her there on my wedding day because she is one of my best friends, but I would've felt worse to know that I put her out of her way in some form by making her feel forced to do it.