Just need to vent...

[cabanafrau]

Dear Pot,
Re-read what you just posted, then go back and re-read your own posts as well.
Thanks,
The Kettle.

Great suggestion. I think I'll start with post #50, where I surveyed the weather conditions on both sides of the fence, giving credence to differing points of view on the circumstances OP has outlined, without painting any side any way, just feeling how they see things. It happens. You've given zero acceptance at all for OP's viewpoints, instead inserting yours and how things work in your life -- and then bashing anyone who sees it any differently.

 

[megster1123]

I'm sorry, I guess I didn't read the guideline that said everyone had to be sympathetic and supportive of the OP of a thread. I also didn't read where I was required to give credit to the OPs issues, when I think no credit is due.

I'm not really sure what to tell you if see my opposing viewpoint as "bashing." It's simply that, an opposing viewpoint. In a discussion, people's opinions and personal experiences differ. I'm not sure why people get so upset and take things posted so very personally.

 

[cabanafrau]

I'm sorry, I guess I didn't read the guideline that said everyone had to be sympathetic and supportive of the OP of a thread. I also didn't read where I was required to give credit to the OPs issues, when I think no credit is due.

I'm not really sure what to tell you if see my opposing viewpoint as "bashing." It's simply that, an opposing viewpoint. In a discussion, people's opinions and personal experiences differ. I'm not sure why people get so upset and take things posted so very personally.

Not my point in the least. I understand how you think about the circumstances. You may be dead on about how the bride in this situation views things. I disagree that the OP should know this without being told simply because that's how your experiences have all gone. Your experiences don't extrapolate to cover all situations, nor are they the standard by which all other circumstances should be decided.

You seem very upset about people viewing the situation differently than you do, going so far as to claim those who do are bitter, angry and out of date. You don't need to paint other people with a different viewpoint with a black brush. Contrary to what some people believe, far from winning the point it suggests the supportive factors of your argument don't hold weight on their own merits. If you had left things with only your viewpoints about the potential circumstances it would have been fine. You made it personal by attacking disagreeing viewpoints as bitter, angry and out of date.

 

[brooke789]

I didn't read the whole thread but working at an event center, which hosts weddings and requires a minimum wedding block at our inn I'm wondering if you not booking a room is requiring her to pay for that room. We require a different number of room depending on how far out the event space is booked and if those rooms are not reserved by the wedding party/guests they are paid for by whomever booked the event. It's possible that is why she's gotten upset.

Honestly, though I don't think people should make their friends go into debt over their weddings....buying special dresses/shoes/etc, throwing parties/showers, weekend getaways...oh and don't forget to get yourself to the wedding, stay in the hotel and give an adequate gift!

 

[megster1123]

Not my point in the least. I understand how you think about the circumstances. You may be dead on about how the bride in this situation views things. I disagree that the OP should know this without being told simply because that's how your experiences have all gone. Your experiences don't extrapolate to cover all situations, nor are they the standard by which all other circumstances should be decided.

You seem very upset about people viewing the situation differently than you do, going so far as to claim those who do are bitter, angry and out of date. You don't need to paint other people with a different viewpoint with a black brush. Contrary to what some people believe, far from winning the point it suggests the supportive factors of your argument don't hold weight on their own merits. If you had left things with only your viewpoints about the potential circumstances it would have been fine. You made it personal by attacking disagreeing viewpoints as bitter, angry and out of date.

I am not upset, so please don't project your feelings onto me. Also, can you please just stop at this point? I'm not the topic of this thread.

 

[nkereina]

IMO, the bride's disappointment may also be because the OP would have over an hour drive home which means she may be inclined to leave early, not drink, and not stay to dance/party like people usually do, especially the wedding party. However, the bride should realize she has and will have bigger fish to fry and in the grand scheme of wedding planning, this is not a big deal.

Just curious of the OP has communicated the financial concern to the bride? Sorry if I missed that part. If the OP is telling the bride she's not staying the night because she "forgot" and now its too late, I'd be miffed too if I were the bride. But if I were the bride and the OP was honest about not being able to afford it, I'd be inclined to be more understanding and may even offer to cover the OP's cost so she could stay and enjoy.

On one hand, if you agree to be in a bridal party, you should understand the cost that involves. It's both a time and financial commitment. But the other hand is that the bride and groom need to be reasonable as well. I don't have a bridal party in my upcoming wedding, but I've been very cognizant of any costs my guests and friends may need to shell out for travel, etc. I want people to enjoy and not have it be a hassle or struggle for them.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I am not upset, so please don't project your feelings onto me.

I think people are reacting to your posts saying the bride in the original post is correct in being upset that the OP Bridesmaid is not staying overnight. You seem very passionate about her staying the night.

……honestly, I would have felt really let down if one of my bridesmaids just bailed.

Omg I'm so thankful my friends and family don't act like this in regards to weddings.

The bride has the right to have her feelings hurt.

There's plenty of nights to "go sleep in your own bed" ... it's a wedding, it's one night, make a compromise.

 

[Julylady]

Hey OP. You certainly touched a nerve with your "vent"! When reading your post it struck me that you are either really busy yourself (you mentioned work) or just aren't into wedding planning that much. What ever it is.
, I am guessing that your responses were interpreted by the bride as disinterested and she freaked out. Don't offer to step down as that is just escalating the situation. If I were in your shoes, I would call the bride and reassure her. I would also be honest about the hotel room. Did you honestly forget or were you never planning to stay over? (Note: I have a family member who "forgets" to do things she doesn't want to do. Its maddening. She relies on the forgot excuse instead of being honest about it from the beginning. Drives me crazy.)

 

[megster1123]

I think people are reacting to your posts saying the bride in the original post is correct in being upset that the OP Bridesmaid is not staying overnight. You seem very passionate about her staying the night.

Yes, those are my posts and how I feel. I agree with the bride. I would have felt really let down if one of my bridemaids decided they wanted to just go home after our wedding rather than continue to be part of the group.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

Am I from the Dark Ages? When my daughters got married, we were as concerned with facilitating the happiness of the guests as we were with making sure the bride and groom got the wedding they wanted. Our working assumption was that the guests were going to a lot of trouble and expense, and we wanted them to enjoy the experience. We also felt strongly that the guests were not an audience at a show with the bride and groom as the stars, but rather that they were treasured participants in surrounding the bride and groom with the love and support they needed as they started their new lives. Guests who felt love and joy returned that feeling ten-fold to the bride and groom. Win-Win. Worked for us.

 

[nephthys43]

Just checking back in. Thank you all for your responses and views. I texted her and let her know I would call her after I got done with work today. I will talk to her about what she expects and why me staying is so important. As far as I know, there is no after party and nothing the next day. I plan on staying until she goes to her room with her new husband. Honestly, I don't need alcohol to have a good time; I can party with the best of them without it. I will be fine to drive.

 

[DopeyDame]

Alcohol. A situation happened with my BIL and it took actual intervening during my wedding to get him to stay in a hotel room by taking his keys because he wanted to drive home. Not saying this is the case but the texts remind me of the ones I sent to him trying to persuade him to stay.

This is the one and only reason that I can possibly think for the bride to be getting even remotely involved. And the extent of her involvement should be - are you sure you have a way to get home safely at the end of the night? Period. Where the bridesmaid sleeps is really none of the brides business.
And I'm not at all following the logic that says the bridesmaid can't go to the after party because she doesn't have a hotel room. Maybe the bridesmaid is just fine driving home at midnight/2am/whatever. Or maybe she'll put in a token appearance at the after party and leave. Or maybe she'll play it by ear on the day of the wedding. She's a grown woman who can be trusted to figure out how to keep herself safe and make her own decisions.

Now, OP, do make sure that you have a safe way to get home after the festivities, regardless of what time the end.

 

[DopeyDame]

I'm sorry you read it that way.

I never told anyone to suck it up and compromise, nor would I expect that from my family or friends. I was only stating the way I've been in weddings and suggested some of the impressions of weddings here may be a little outdated.

And honestly, it's a Wednesday morning and the sun is out and I have no idea why people have become so angered over a thread about an upset bridemaid, good God.

Because for a lot of us the sun isn't out. It's been raining or cloudy for 17 of the last 20 days where I live and I just may poke my eyes out soon. Or kill one of my kids. Or run away to Florida. Or something. Dear lord please let the sun come out soon!

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Yes, those are my posts and how I feel. I agree with the bride. I would have felt really let down if one of my bridemaids decided they wanted to just go home after our wedding rather than continue to be part of the group.

And I think it is difficult for some of us to understand why you are even concerned who is a part of the After Party Wedding group. Are you just not that into your husband? Are you not on Cloud Nine that the wedding is over and you are now a married woman?

I get it, everyone is different. Some people are more into keeping tabs on who is "in the group" after the wedding than they are into the "OMG! I love my new husband. Let's go back to the room. We are married!!"

I do think times have changed with the whole social media thing. Pinterest has thousands of pages dedicated to After The Wedding festivities. Why on earth would anyone want to gaze into their new husband's eyes when they can post the pictures of the after party instead Look at us! The party is still going on! We are fun people! Not for me, but I see it happening more and more.

But one thing should NEVER change. The bride should be thankful for the time the bridesmaids have given up until the moment you said "I Do". Like I said before, if a bridesmaid wants to leave after the wedding, don't be upset or angry. That's very bratty and immature.

Be gracious for everything they have done for you throughout your engagement. Hug them and say "Thank You" and move on with whatever you want to do for your first evening as a married couple.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

Yes, those are my posts and how I feel. I agree with the bride. I would have felt really let down if one of my bridemaids decided they wanted to just go home after our wedding rather than continue to be part of the group.

You would have felt let down. OK. I'm sure as an adult you would agree that you might be disappointed, but you would be able to put it in perspective and manage your disappointment so you didn't let it ruin your day. I hope that you aren't trying to say that just because it's "your day" everyone should feel an obligation to protect your feelings even when that might present a real problem for them.

 

[megster1123]

And I think it is difficult for some of us to understand why you are even concerned who is a part of the After Party Wedding group. Are you just not that into your husband? Are you not on Cloud Nine that the wedding is over and you are now a married woman?

This is actually quite rude.

 

[nephthys43]

Yes, those are my posts and how I feel. I agree with the bride. I would have felt really let down if one of my bridemaids decided they wanted to just go home after our wedding rather than continue to be part of the group.

I'm sorry... this cracks me up. What group? The party's over! Are we all going to stand around their bed and cheer them on?

 

[Chocolate Cake]

This is actually quite rude.

I get it, everyone is different. Some people are more into keeping tabs on who is "in the group" after the wedding than they are into the "OMG! I love my new husband. Let's go back to the room. We are married!!"

 

[jrmasm]

I'm sorry... this cracks me up. What group? The party's over! Are we all going to stand around their bed and cheer them on?

It seems that that is now a requirement of the bridal party.

 

[megster1123]

I'm sorry... this cracks me up. What group? The party's over! Are we all going to stand around their bed and cheer them on?

It's a really simple concept. We had a formal wedding and reception. Some people plan parties after the reception for their wedding party - we did. In our case we reserved a large suite in the hotel that would easily allow the 14 people in our wedding party to hang out after the wedding. We rolled in the coolers, turned on some music, someone ordered pizza and were able to kick off our shoes and let our hair down. We had a great time. The wedding party stayed together until maybe 1 or 2am and then the wedding party went back to their own rooms.