Just need to vent...

[megster1123]

Could it be that the bride wants everyone to hang out after the wedding and reception? The wedding of close friends I attended this past summer, the reception ran clear till midnight, then people of the bridal party other friends then hung out in the lounge afterwards.

THIS.
Exactly what we did after our wedding and honestly, I would have felt really let down if one of my bridesmaids just bailed.

 

[Vernie822]

I absolutely see your side. Your life doesn't revolve around her wedding just because hers does. Heck my own sister is totally disinterested about the shoes and the dress because she hates getting all gussied up, so I don't take offense to it when she's like "Yeah that one's good." Maybe she just doesn't understand your personality and that you aren't all gushy over everything. I'm the same way - just because someone sends me a picture of their shoes and I say "Nice" doesn't mean I dislike them, and why do you need me to respond with pictures of my shoes!?

Personally, I probably would've gone in on a hotel room with other bridesmaids, because the last few weddings I've been to, the party carries on at a nearby bar/restaurant for a few hours afterwards and that's part of the fun too. I understand not everyone else feels that way, but chances are I'm going to have a few glasses of wine at a wedding and I don't want to be driving home anyhow.

 

[Nancyg56]

THIS.
Exactly what we did after our wedding and honestly, I would have felt really let down if one of my bridesmaids just bailed.

If that matters then you need to tell the bridesmaids what you want. It's not wrong for attendants to be unable to read minds.

 

[NYDisGuy]

I agree with the after party thing, that's been going on for a while now. Usually the bridal party goes back to the hotel and parties for a few hours after. The only reason why I would text someone that i'm worried is if I knew they were going to drink and drive. If you're not a drinker then it really doesn't make sense why she would write that.

 

[megster1123]

If that matters then you need to tell the bridesmaids what you want. It's not wrong for attendants to be unable to read minds.

But the information for the rooms was given...and based on what the OP said there is a lot of communication going back and forth among the wedding party. Is it possible she's the only one that didn't get the memo? Maybe? But if the information was given and the OP just "forgot" to book the room and didn't make attempt to room with someone else or work out arrangements so she could be with the wedding party, I could absolutely see how the bride could be upset.

 

[mom2rtk]

I am in my friend's wedding in a couple of months. Today she called me at work to ask me about hotel rooms. I do not have one reserved. I forgot to reserve before they were all gone. Frankly, I cannot afford it along with everything else, anyway. I'm not quite sure why she's stressing out over me staying after the wedding. There's nothing planned for the next day, that I'm aware of. We talked about meeting up this weekend when she's in a nearby town. We say goodbye, and I think nothing of it.

I get a text about 2 hours later reminding me that it's over an hour from my house (i know) and that she wishes I would have told her and she would have helped me and that she sent the rate code as soon as she got it. Then she says she's worried. Now I'm confused. Why is she worried? I'm a grown woman and if I choose to drive home after her wedding, then I should be allowed to. I replied back that it's ok, and that it's my fault. I was busy and forgot. I have friends up there and could probably crash with them if I needed to.

Then I get a text saying she's upset and she feels like I just don't care tbh and that she's sad. I replied that forgetting to book a hotel room did not mean that I don't care about her. Then she comes back at me about the bridesmaid's dress and that I just don't seem interested. That she gets that I'm going through a lot and she feels like I don't want to be part of it.

I don't even know what to say to her. On one hand, some of the things going on are ridiculous and driving me nuts. Group text messages (some are hundreds of messages) showing each other their shoes or whatnot. I bought shoes. I didn't feel the need to text everyone about them. The fact that I paid $500 for a weekend bridal shower / bachelorette party and had to sleep on the floor when her sister got pissy about sharing a bed. On the other, she is my friend and I love her. I put up with those things for her. Yes, the dress wasn't my favorite and I couldn't buy it the day we went shopping, but it is her wedding and I purchased what was chosen. And no, I didn't tell her that I hated the dress. I like it. It just wasn't my favorite of the ones we tried.

Right now I haven't answered her because I'm so annoyed. I really want to ask her if she wants me to step down. I'm not sure what she expects from me. I've never been the hyper, cheerleader type. So I'm hoping that's not what she wants. I'm doing what I'm asked to and what a bridesmaid is supposed to do and I will be there for her whatever she needs, but I do have other things going on in my life. When did agreeing to be in a wedding mean that you agreed to it taking over your life?

Thanks for listening... Sorry it was so long.

UGH.

That's all I've got.

 

[ronandannette]

Could it be that the bride wants everyone to hang out after the wedding and reception? The wedding of close friends I attended this past summer, the reception ran clear till midnight, then people of the bridal party other friends then hung out in the lounge afterwards.



At the same wedding the hotel hosted like 3 weddings and receptions. The hotel was full.

THIS.
Exactly what we did after our wedding and honestly, I would have felt really let down if one of my bridesmaids just bailed.

I agree with the after party thing, that's been going on for a while now. Usually the bridal party goes back to the hotel and parties for a few hours after. The only reason why I would text someone that i'm worried is if I knew they were going to drink and drive. If you're not a drinker then it really doesn't make sense why she would write that.

Do these "after-parties" include the bride and groom? I find that totally bizarre. Aren't they anxious to be getting "on" with it? DH and I barely cared to sit through dinner, let alone hang for a few drinks with the bridal party into the wee hours. And if the bride and groom do NOT attend these events, what business of theirs is it to demand that their attendants participate? Honestly, this is one of the weirdest "wedding dramas" I've ever heard of.

 

[nkereina]

As a bride getting married in August, these are the exact reasons I'm not having a bridal party. Too much added stress for everyone!

But to play devil's advocate from a bride's perspective, this is the biggest day of her life and she has very high expectations. She wants her best friends - her bridesmaids - to be as excited as her, but she needs to understand that's not reality. I'd say most people reluctantly agree to be a bridesmaid or groomsman, because they know it can be a hassle and an expense. It's not YOUR day so it's impossible for you to be as excited and happy about it as she is. She should take a step back and remember that. It really is an imposition for a lot of people to be in a wedding. The flipside of this, however, is that if you do agree to be part of a bridal party, there are certain obligations and expenses that come with it. Staying in a hotel for the night may not be a traditional requirement, but if I were the bride, I'd be a little bummed if one of my bridesmaid's wasn't staying until the end of the night at the hotel with everyone else. Especially if it meant the bridesmaid couldn't have a few drinks and had to leave early because she had a long drive home. BUT if I knew cost was the main factor, I may offer to cover the cost of your room since you're already spending a lot of money.

There's no right or wrong answer here, IMO, just different perspectives. Planning a wedding is horribly stressful and you don't want to worry about the people closest to you that you're leaning on for help and support through the process. She's likely just taking out planning stress out on you, and the closer it gets to the wedding, hopefully the more she'll learn to roll with the punches. There's no doubt she will get over it if you don't stay the night. She'll have bigger fish to fry as the wedding approaches, and after the wedding, it's a moot point anyway!

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

But the information for the rooms was given...and based on what the OP said there is a lot of communication going back and forth among the wedding party. Is it possible she's the only one that didn't get the memo? Maybe? But if the information was given and the OP just "forgot" to book the room and didn't make attempt to room with someone else or work out arrangements so she could be with the wedding party, I could absolutely see how the bride could be upset.

Why? The bride hasn't communicated to this bridesmaid that she's expecting the wedding party to hang out after the reception, so for all intents and purposes, the wedding is over. There's no events scheduled, there's no reason whatsoever that a bridesmaid needs to stay around, just in case. If the bride's not saying anything about her expectations, then the OP doesn't need to book a room.

 

[megster1123]

Do these "after-parties" include the bride and groom? I find that totally bizarre. Aren't they anxious to be getting "on" with it? DH and I barely cared to sit through dinner, let alone hang for a few drinks with the bridal party into the wee hours. And if the bride and groom do NOT attend these events, what business of theirs is it to demand that their attendants participate? Honestly, this is one of the weirdest "wedding dramas" I've ever heard of.

I don't really understand why the idea of an after party is so strange? It's really common these days (at least with the weddings I've attended or been in the party.) The brides and grooms were there with everyone and it was a lot of fun. IMO the idea of ending the reception at 10 and the bride and groom running away to "get it on" is kind of out of date, sorry.

 

[NYDisGuy]

Do these "after-parties" include the bride and groom? I find that totally bizarre. Aren't they anxious to be getting "on" with it? DH and I barely cared to sit through dinner, let alone hang for a few drinks with the bridal party into the wee hours. And if the bride and groom do NOT attend these events, what business of theirs is it to demand that their attendants participate? Honestly, this is one of the weirdest "wedding dramas" I've ever heard of.

The bride and groom are usually there, we did it for ours. For us it was great because there was no stress anymore and it was just a party with our friends. Photographer even stayed after and those produced some of the best pictures we had.

 

[megster1123]

Why? The bride hasn't communicated to this bridesmaid that she's expecting the wedding party to hang out after the reception, so for all intents and purposes, the wedding is over. There's no events scheduled, there's no reason whatsoever that a bridesmaid needs to stay around, just in case. If the bride's not saying anything about her expectations, then the OP doesn't need to book a room.

Do you know that she didn't? All the OP said was that she didn't think there was anything planned for the day after.
And honestly, if the OP didn't want to make any effort to join in the festivities of the wedding with friend and celebrate with them, why even be in the wedding?

 

[mom2rtk]

Do you know that she didn't? All the OP said was that she didn't think there was anything planned for the day after.
And honestly, if the OP didn't want to make any effort to join in the festivities of the wedding with friend and celebrate with them, why even be in the wedding?

Because the bride wasn't clear about what those expectations were in the beginning?

Providing information on rooms available the night of the event is not the same as telling the bridal party they are expected to stay for some reason.

 

[megster1123]

I just think it's kind of funny that everyone seems to know what the bride said and what was communicated.
At the end of the day it's a party. And if the OP doesn't want to participate in the party with everyone else then fine, go home. The bride has the right to have her feelings hurt.

 

[Disney Dynamite]

I just think it's kind of funny that everyone seems to know what the bride said and what was communicated.
At the end of the day it's a party. And if the OP doesn't want to participate in the party with everyone else then fine, go home. The bride has the right to have her feelings hurt.

Aren't you doing the same thing by assuming the bride is wanting the OP to stay after the wedding for a party? You're right - No one here knows why the bride is upset about the hotel room, not even the OP seems to know. Communication is a wonderful thing. The bride needs to clearly communicate what she wants/expects from her bridesmaids. Getting upset because the OP failed to read her mind doesn't cut it.

 

[mom2rtk]

The bride has the right to have her feelings hurt.

We'll have to disagree on that.

The OP is already heavily invested in the festivities. Maybe she can't afford a room for one more party.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I just think it's kind of funny that everyone seems to know what the bride said and what was communicated.
At the end of the day it's a party. And if the OP doesn't want to participate in the party with everyone else then fine, go home. The bride has the right to have her feelings hurt.

No. Really. The bride is a brat if she is being snarky about a bridesmaid returning home after the wedding.

It's over. You are married. Get over yourself.

The bridesmaids have served you well. There have been showers, and BBQs, and rehearsal dinners, the wedding, the reception, etc. And now she is angry the OP didn't pay for a hotel room? Um, maybe she is out of money. Maybe she wants to return to her house and her family. Maybe she feels her obligations to you have been met.

Your Big Day is done. It's over. Move on with your husband. Enjoy your life. Stop the drama. Grow up.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

THIS.
Exactly what we did after our wedding and honestly, I would have felt really let down if one of my bridesmaids just bailed.

Bailed? No. No. No.

She is an adult that is going home after a wedding.

If you feel "let down" on your wedding day because a bridesmaid went home afterwards, I really don't know what that says about your marriage. Why would you even care what anyone did after your wedding? Why is that even a blip on your radar.

Aren't you so excited to just be with your new husband?

 

[megster1123]

Omg I'm so thankful my friends and family don't act like this in regards to weddings. There's WAY too much bitterness in this thread it's almost comical.

 

[weeniecat2442]

I feel your pain!
Im MOH in a wedding Saturday. It has been a longgggggg year of planning with quite a few up's and down's.
I am SOOO looking forward to Sunday morning when I am FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Good luck to you!