Just need to vent...

[Allison]

I just think it's kind of funny that everyone seems to know what the bride said and what was communicated.
At the end of the day it's a party. And if the OP doesn't want to participate in the party with everyone else then fine, go home. The bride has the right to have her feelings hurt.

You seem to think you know.

Did the OP say they didn't want to participate in the party? Did she say she was leaving immediately after the reception? She simply doesn't have a hotel room.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Omg I'm so thankful my friends and family don't act like this in regards to weddings. There's WAY too much bitterness in this thread it's almost comical.

Act like what? Dare to return home after a wedding and not stay in a hotel room? And then be accused of "bailing" and "hurting the feelings of the bride" because you went home to sleep in your own bed after a very long day?

 

[megster1123]

Act like what? Dare to return home after a wedding and not stay in a hotel room? And then be accused of "bailing" and "hurting the feelings of the bride" because you went home to sleep in your own bed after a very long day?

No one sees the irony that people are acting just as bratty as they're accusing the bride of being?
In my life friends and family enjoy celebrating things together. There's plenty of nights to "go sleep in your own bed" ... it's a wedding, it's one night, make a compromise.

 

[jdb in AZ]

Don't ask her if she wants you to step down. It will only stress her out more and make things weird. Pick up the phone and call her. If you live close to her, offer to take her out for coffee; she can probably use the breather.

Would recommend decaf -- Bridezilla is already wired.

 

[mom2rtk]

No one sees the irony that people are acting just as bratty as they're accusing the bride of being?
In my life friends and family enjoy celebrating things together. There's plenty of nights to "go sleep in your own bed" ... it's a wedding, it's one night, make a compromise.

It's one night costing yet more money after a year of paying for bachelorette parties and bridesmaid dresses.

 

[cabanafrau]

Omg I'm so thankful my friends and family don't act like this in regards to weddings. There's WAY too much bitterness in this thread it's almost comical.

I don't see the reality of or need for painting a differing viewpoint as bitter? How is thinking a bridal attendant justified in heading home after the reception when no events are scheduled in any way bitter towards the wedding or the marriage?

 

[Allison]

Omg I'm so thankful my friends and family don't act like this in regards to weddings. There's WAY too much bitterness in this thread it's

Why would anyone care where someone.sleeps after an event? That is so odd.

 

[VandVsmama]

What a lot of brides forget is that the most important part of the wedding day is the actual CEREMONY. Unfortunately, a lot of focus tends to be on the party afterwards. Or in recent years, 3 days' worth of events with a brunch the day afterwards. I mean, seriously, it's really quite ridiculous.

The MARRIAGE after all the partying is done is the challenging part. The bride in this case really went overboard with her text messaging freak out. It's ironic how people are now passive-aggressively attacking the OP. This is why I am so glad that I'm not a bridesmaid in anybody's weddings. The next time I AM one it'll be for my sister's wedding and she is going to make hers as simple and easy as possible because every example of bride drama you can think of, she has experienced. Weddings appear to bring out the ugly in people for some reason.

 

[megster1123]

It's one night costing yet more money after a year of paying for bachelorette parties and bridesmaid dresses.

Split a room with someone? be honest with her friend? She outright said her friend had offered to help.

 

[cabanafrau]

OP, I understand your perspective and don't see any problem whatsoever with you heading home after the wedding. If the bridal party hanging out after the reception to let their hair down was so important to the bride, it was her responsibility to make sure everyone had the heads up.

I will say this however for what might be giving the bride cause to wonder about your enthusiasm, from what you outlined here it could seem you are fulfilling your obligations, but almost like you are simply going through the motions and no more. I'm not at all saying that's the genuine circumstance, I'm just suggesting that everything you've outlined, cumulatively, might be making the bride think that is the case -- especially since the other bridal attendants are all "with the program", so to speak. Simply food for thought, not even a little bit suggesting you are out of line, simply that different people view things differently and a bride in the midst of it all might have her nerves so frayed she's on high alert and ready to burn out at any moment.

 

[NYDisGuy]

Why would anyone care where someone.sleeps after an event? That is so odd.

Alcohol. A situation happened with my BIL and it took actual intervening during my wedding to get him to stay in a hotel room by taking his keys because he wanted to drive home. Not saying this is the case but the texts remind me of the ones I sent to him trying to persuade him to stay.

 

[jrmasm]

Gawd, the requirements for the bridal party seem to have become never ending.

 

[cabanafrau]

No one sees the irony that people are acting just as bratty as they're accusing the bride of being?
In my life friends and family enjoy celebrating things together. There's plenty of nights to "go sleep in your own bed" ... it's a wedding, it's one night, make a compromise.

Somehow your words suggest your version of compromise is that everyone else do things the way it is "in your life" and suck it up and compromise -- to your point of view.

 

[mom2rtk]

Split a room with someone? be honest with her friend? She outright said her friend had offered to help.

The friend didn't offer to help until after the rooms were gone. And the OP did say she could crash with friends if it turns out she needs to. She also said there's nothing scheduled the next day.

 

[megster1123]

Somehow your words suggest your version of compromise is that everyone else do things the way it is "in your life" and suck it up and compromise -- to your point of view.

I'm sorry you read it that way.

I never told anyone to suck it up and compromise, nor would I expect that from my family or friends. I was only stating the way I've been in weddings and suggested some of the impressions of weddings here may be a little outdated.

And honestly, it's a Wednesday morning and the sun is out and I have no idea why people have become so angered over a thread about an upset bridemaid, good God.

 

[cabanafrau]

I'm sorry you read it that way.

I never told anyone to suck it up and compromise, nor would I expect that from my family or friends. I was only stating the way I've been in weddings and suggested some of the impressions of weddings here may be a little outdated.

And honestly, it's a Wednesday morning and the sun is out and I have no idea why people have become so angered over a thread about an upset bridemaid, good God.

It's a little difficult to read your responses as anything but to be honest. Then you cap it by suggesting the differing viewpoints are out of date and so angry? Perhaps go back and read your own responses back again.

Oh, and while you're at it, do remember the sun may not be out everywhere, despite the weather conditions over your head. Good analogy for life and this conversation by the way.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

And honestly, it's a Wednesday morning and the sun is out and I have no idea why people have become so angered over a thread about an upset bridemaid, good God.

I don't think anyone seems angry. They just have a different opinion on what is worthy of a bride getting upset about.

Weddings have become multi-day (heck...multi-month) affairs.

When is enough going to be enough?

You have said "I do". Now go and enjoy some time with your new husband.

You can really tell the type of person the OP is dealing with. Again, if you are upset that the right amount of people aren't surrounding you AFTER your wedding, you are a Bridezilla.

Take a hint if someone doesn't want to stay. They don't want to be there. For whatever reason, they are going home. Be gracious for everything they have done for you throughout your engagement. Hug them and say "Thank You" and move on with whatever you want to do for your first evening as a married couple.

I know the LAST think I would want to be doing is keeping tabs of where others are sleeping.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Split a room with someone? be honest with her friend? She outright said her friend had offered to help.

Yes. The last time she split a room with someone, the bride's sister had a hissy fit and the OP slept on the floor. Sounds like fun.

 

[megster1123]

It's a little difficult to read your responses as anything but to be honest. Then you cap it by suggesting the differing viewpoints are out of date and so angry? Perhaps go back and read your own responses back again.

Oh, and while you're at it, do remember the sun may not be out everywhere, despite the weather conditions over your head. Good analogy for life and this conversation by the way.

Dear Pot,
Re-read what you just posted, then go back and re-read your own posts as well.
Thanks,
The Kettle.

 

[Nettester]

I think your bride friend was out of line in how she communicated to you. However I really understand that if she knows you are driving home late after the wedding, she is going to worry about your safety. I would too. Especially since weddings are parties that most often involve alcohol. It's a legit concern, and if you're prone to anxiety, it becomes big. Knowing the wedding guests are staying at the hotel would just give her peace of mind that everyone was safe and she didn't have to worry about her loved ones being in a horrible accident when she wants to be happy in the moment enjoying her wedding day/night. I can see my mind going there. If I knew someone was driving, I'd be noticing if they were drinking, and feeling responsible if they left my event not 100 percent sober to drive. Maybe she just wants everyone to have a good time. Maybe she wants to you feel free to enjoy some alcohol. Maybe she thinks you aren't interested in having as much fun if you're just looking to drive right home after. She doesn't want to worry about anyone getting into tragic car accidents on her wedding day. Does that make it fair for her to insist you stay at the hotel? No, you're right. You are an adult, you can take care of yourself make your own decisions. Hotels cost money, you've already invested a ton, and you don't live that far away. If you really feel strongly about going your own way after the wedding, I think you just have to spend some time reassuring your friend that you still plan to have a great time, and you will be one hundred percent safe, and make sure you do that.