Is this becoming widely accepted

[EMom]

Another Baptist checking in. We did not have a dollar dance or a money tree at out wedding (our reception was not at the church so we got to have a dance). In fact the first time I had ever heard of a dollar dance was at my cousin's Catholic wedding. My in-laws are Methodist and they were the ones who brought up the idea of us having a money tree. My family takes Emily Post to the next level and had some rather strong opinions on that idea.



OT a bit, but we were very amused at the cultural difference when it came to the wedding planning. Here in the south, you always have 2 cakes: the wedding cake and the groom's cake. My husband is from Kansas and had never heard of a groom's cake. He also doesn't like cake, so he really didn't want to have one. We tried to explain to him that everyone had two different cakes here in the south and that if we didn't we would look cheap. He and his parents felt that it was unnecessary; my family and I felt that it was necessary. His family felt that a dollar tree or a dollar dance was necessary; my family and I felt that it looked like we were begging for money and were opposed to it. My husband is quite the anomaly, though, as he doesn't dance and didn't like registering for gifts because he felt like it made it look like we weren't prepared to get married since we were begging people to give us stuff.

NO GROOM'S CAKE?!?!?!?!?!?!? We'd feel hideously cheated.

 

[dizcrazee]

If you're Cajun and Catholic, you have a money dance. If you're Baptist and coonass, you have something else.

Well said, Coyote. I get it - the money tree is a way to do the money gifting while avoiding dancing. Smart! Of course, if you're a Baptist in Mississippi (excluding the coast), you just get the mints and cake the fellowship hall. That's it. The "no money" goes along with the no booze and no dancing.

 

[MrsPete]

My family is mainly baptists, so I've seen the money tree since I was quite small. What does a money tree have to do with being baptist? Well, there's a tradition around here that at the wedding reception you pin bills to the bride and groom in exchange for a dance, which is similar to many other parts of the country. However, baptists don't dance. So, I guess our family has just always had the alternative, but usually at the shower. It's not on the invitation, but when you call the hostess, she'll tell you then, just so you actually have some cash on you.

I'm a Baptist, and I've never seen any of this.

 

[Pooh2]

Tacky!

 

[dizcrazee]

I'm a Baptist, and I've never seen any of this.

Hi MrsPete, Coyote explains it in her other posts. It's sort of a non-dancing version of the bill pinning "money dance" thing that is common in her area.

 

[disneydee6]

Money for wedding? Yes
Money for a shower? No

I thought the gift unwrapping and gift games were a part of the shower? Maybe they are trying to change it to a less boring tradition? BINGO! I put the word money in every box!

 

[DaisyD]

It has been pretty common in my area for quite a while. People set up donation sites to help pay for their honeymoon, etc. Also people request gift cards to stores that they frequent. So many people live together these days or have their own apartment/home before they get married. The last thing they need is another blender. I see no problem if my gift goes to help pay for their marriage celebration or their honeymoon and makes their life have a little less debt. IMHO

I've lived in MD all my life, going to numerous weddings and showers. Thankfully never seen a donation site for gifts. LOL Not anyone bumming gift cards or dollars on a tree either. Generally we go for honeymoons we can afford and don't depend on others to donate to it.

 

[sk!mom]

My family is mainly baptists, so I've seen the money tree since I was quite small. What does a money tree have to do with being baptist? Well, there's a tradition around here that at the wedding reception you pin bills to the bride and groom in exchange for a dance, which is similar to many other parts of the country. However, baptists don't dance. So, I guess our family has just always had the alternative, but usually at the shower. It's not on the invitation, but when you call the hostess, she'll tell you then, just so you actually have some cash on you.

Baptists don't dance? I'm baptist and my DD studies dance. Our baptist church hosts dances for the youth group. I guess we're pretty progressive.

To the OP, tacky, tacky, tacky. I've never heard of requesting cash for a shower. Cash is usually given at the wedding. I have looked at registries that, had gift cards on them, though.

 

[M5ward]

Tacky!

 

[kaligal]

Exceedingly poor manners there! Not widely accepted here!

I would decline an invitation like that.

What kind of mothers do these women have?

 

[jdb in AZ]

I was invited to a bridal shower where the hostess (an aunt) specifically mentioned on the invite that the group gift was luggage, and if we wanted to participate, we had to donate at least $$, about double the amt the average guest would spend on a shower gift. It was like we were being charged admission, so I boycotted the shower.

A family here in AZ hosted a shower for mom-to-be living on the east coast and the invite mentioned that since the mom-to-be would be flying home, easy-to-pack gifts would be appreciated. The guests took the hint that gift cards and $$ were more practical than a package of bulky diapers. That carefully-worded request didn't bother me at all. One aunt bought a huge gift off the baby registry and had it delivered to the mom-to-be's home.

 

[epcot.girl]

I think outright asking for/expecting gifts is a bit tacky. I also think giving invitees instructions on exactly what to buy and/or a minimum spend(!) is a pretty outrageous thing to do.

However, if it's worded appropriately (in a similar way that the guests may be made aware of a gift registry) I don't see any issue with making guests aware that if they'd like to make a gift, the recipient would prefer it to be in the form of cash/gift card. If anything, it just makes the whole process easier.

 

[Riles_and_Gabe]

Technically, you are never supposed to expect a gift. So outright asking for money is extremely tacky.

 

[sam_gordon]

Technically, you are never supposed to expect a gift. So outright asking for money is extremely tacky.

Did I miss it? Have we determined the bride & groom to be are the ones who sent out the invitation?

 

[kim929]

I hate that, it's so tacky but of course that is only my opinion.

I was invited to a shower last year, there was no info on where they were registered so I asked my friend where her daughter was registered and her reply was " oh they aren't registered anywhere they don't need anything, they want cash to put towards a house"

I sent a gift and so didn't a lot of other people.

 

[SLP958]

Did I miss it? Have we determined the bride & groom to be are the ones who sent out the invitation?

The invitation says the shower is being given by family. The family is one of the aunts of the bride.
I know the couple requested at least the gift cards because of the specific stores they named. Not many people ask for gift cards to the feed/seed and tractor store.

 

[sam_gordon]

The invitation says the shower is being given by family. The family is one of the aunts of the bride.
I know the couple requested at least the gift cards because of the specific stores they named. Not many people ask for gift cards to the feed/seed and tractor store.

The bolded:

My point is I don't know if this is the couple saying "bring us these gifts" or the family saying "here's what we think you should get them". Does that make sense?

 

[MrsDuck]

I had my shower in August. My girls wrote where I was registered on the invite but certainly didn't request gifts, giftcards, or cash.

It's really embarassing what some people do.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

The invitation says the shower is being given by family. The family is one of the aunts of the bride.
I know the couple requested at least the gift cards because of the specific stores they named. Not many people ask for gift cards to the feed/seed and tractor store.

Well that's very interesting. Reminded me of something I read a few years back. On a message board for my university, a guy was posting about a wedding he had to attend. It was a long thread, but the first post said this:

Details of a wedding I must attend tonight (my cousin's kid):

-5:00 PM on a Friday, who tf does that?
-The happy couple actually got married at the JP last month because she is knocked up, but the groom's mom still wants a ceremony for the family
-Due to expense, the catered BBQ was cancelled and replaced with lighter fare, and I'm not kidding, "Big Sub Sandwiches From Wal*Mart(direct quote)
-The bride's family is aggressively Baptist and will not be attending the ceremony because "It is rooted in sin"
-The happy couple will be spending their wedding night at their home, which consequently is also my cousin's home, rather than spending a weekend in ----San Antonio on the Riverwalk as originally planned. They decided a "fancy honeymoon" was too expensive with a baby on the way
-Music at the wedding will be provided by my brother's laptop hooked up to a PA system. Musical selections chosen by the Groom's parents can best be described as "Skynyrd's Greatest Hits". After the song list runs out, the only civilized portion of the ceremony will commence: A special performance by the locally successful band Mashed Potato Pants (some of you on here may have heard of their greatness, they really are a couple of really talented individuals (I'm serious on that one!))
-I've heard rumors that a couple of coolers of Keystone Light will be provided by the groom's uncles
-All of this takes place in Crowley (enough said there)

I wonder how many people will be smoking during the ceremony?

Not that I am saying that there is anything wrong with this kind of wedding, wanting gift cards to Feed and Seed, or anything like that. One post simply reminded me of the other.

 

[Riles_and_Gabe]

Did I miss it? Have we determined the bride & groom to be are the ones who sent out the invitation?

It doesn't matter who sent it out. The host of the party should not be requesting any type of gift. If someone invited to the shower/wedding called the host and asked for suggestions than that would be the time to bring up the request for money or to direct them to a registry.