Is this becoming widely accepted

[FlightlessDuck]

It certainly makes things easier.

 

[castleview]

While planning my wedding, I nearly shoved the Book of Etiquette down my mother's throat. Instead I read a book called "The Bride Did What?!" It was very funny. Sadly though, so much of what was reported has become mainstream…expected presence at destination weddings, 4-5 showers, bridal registry gifts on display AT the shower, etc.

 

[IheartMickey]

It's a little much to ask for money at the shower, and expect to give money at the wedding too. Two of my cousins got engaged, married and had kids at the same time. I felt like they should have just grabbed my checkbook and kept it for a year or two. I was constantly buying gifts or writing checks. I think it's almost rude to have an engagement party, bridal shower, wedding, and baby shower within the span of a year.

All I want is a wedding and a baby shower, for my FIRST child. This baby shower thing for every child is too much as well.

 

[Disney Doll]

Years ago my in-laws knew people whose daughter was getting married out in California.

The invite came and included in it was the statement, cleverly worded, that they would appreciate it if everyone would "buy a brick" for their new house...ie "we don't want money, send cash".

My late DFIL was quite a guy with quite a sense of humor, so he actually wrapped up a brick and mailed it to them. My late DMIL was horrified, so she sent a check too.

I always wondered if the bridal couple got the message that my DFIL was trying to send?

 

[AnnaS]

I have heard of this suggested before but have not received any invite like this.

Most of the bridal and baby showers here are consisted of (more or less) an estimated 50/75 % gifts and the rest cash or gift cards to where they might have been registered.

In the 30 years plus that I have attended weddings - all gifts are cash around here. Very, very rarely does someone bring a gift - so I guess no specification needed.

But I do see many changes over the years - so not sure what is acceptable here or somewhere else anymore. I do know not everyone celebrates the same and or follow same traditions, etc.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I have heard of that, yes. Its not that uncommon. Maybe its considered tacky and tasteless but I personally dont mind giving cash or giftcards if thats what the bride is requesting. I usually give cash anyway.

 

[goofyintoronto]

In the 30 years plus that I have attended weddings - all gifts are cash around here. Very, very rarely does someone bring a gift - so I guess no specification needed.

Me too. In all my years attending weddings, I have only seen one or two people carrying actual gifts. Everyone else gives cash.

 

[Pigeon]

That would be an invitation I'd be declining.

 

[Heidict]

While I usually give cash as a wedding gift, I always find it tacky for the bride and groom to out right ask for it.

It seems that in this day and age everyone wants the amazing, all out, celebrity wedding and honeymoon. It doesn't matter that they can't afford, they will just have their guests pay for it!! I don't know about you, but I don't have a bunch of rich friends dying to gift me with gobs of money!

 

[aprilgail2]

I. There was also a dollar dance where the bride had a little bag that money was put in to dance with her. Sort of like a high end stripper, hahaha. Just kidding. .

LOL-I had this discussion with riends of mine and we all agreed that it seems like they are paying a stripper to dance with this dollar dance thing- perhaps because that is never done here and we just hear stories of paying money to dance with the bride it just seems tacky and stripperish....

In the 30 years plus that I have attended weddings - all gifts are cash around here. Very, very rarely does someone bring a gift - so I guess no specification needed.

I haven't seen anyone bring a gift to a wedding since my friend got married in 1984! And even then I remember people looking saying "what the heck"-

 

[dizcrazee]

My family is mainly baptists, so I've seen the money tree since I was quite small. What does a money tree have to do with being baptist? Well, there's a tradition around here that at the wedding reception you pin bills to the bride and groom in exchange for a dance, which is similar to many other parts of the country. However, baptists don't dance. So, I guess our family has just always had the alternative, but usually at the shower. It's not on the invitation, but when you call the hostess, she'll tell you then, just so you actually have some cash on you.

I'm right over the line from you in MS, Southern Baptist also, and I've never seen a money tree or money pinning at a local Baptist wedding (which is not to say that they don't do it now - I haven't been to a wedding in quite a while). Traditionally, though, it's not done around here. Traditional Baptist wedding receptions in MS (like mine a hundred years ago) are quite austere, really - no drinking or dancing, although from what I understand people are now moving the reception out of the church fellowship hall to a local party venue so that they can drink and dance. The times, they are 'achanging.

However, I went to a Catholic wedding on the MS coast (Biloxi) a few years ago and they pinned the bills during the dance with the bride. I thought it was sweet and no one seemed to be offended - it was all in fun, although I think there was some "friendly competition" going on. There was nothing about this on the invitation - all of their family and local friends knew it would happen, and came prepared. I personally don't think any mention should be made of it on the invitation. If it is part of your culture, people will know already. On the other hand, if it's not part of your culture, people may not understand what's going on and be offended by mention of money on the invitation.

I think wedding customs vary regionally, culturally and denominationally. Most of MS is predominately Protestant and of Scotch/English/Irish (Anglo) heritage, while the coast has a far greater Eastern European and Catholic influence, like Louisiana, so the customs there tend to be a little different from the rest of the state. I think it's neat how cultural heritage shows itself in such subtle ways.

 

[SLP958]

Truthfully I've come to the conclusion that what I considered back in the day, old fashion etiquette, has become a thing of the past.

Brides are routinely told "it's your day, do what you like" and they have taken that to heart.

I've had more family members do absolutely tacky things then I can recount.
I posted how my neice sent me an invitation with my gift already picked out. I was assigned the "kitchen" area and she expected a kitchen aide mixer. other members had their gifts already picked out also. According to some here I was being old fashion and it cuts down on getting gifts you don't want.

So, I'm at the point I ignore all of it. I purchase the gift I feel I can afford, I will try and use a registry if it's available. I don't participate in the things that I find totally tacky and tasteless.

Now, I've heard of the money tree, never at a wedding reception though. I've seen them at retirement parties and baby showers.

Give the gift that you want to. If they don't like it then let them take it back.

I don't even know what to say to that.

The invitation just says the shower will
Be given by family but I know the gift cards were requested by the bride due to the stores requested.

 

[smitch425]

I wonder if the bride and groom are planning to move into a new home shortly after the wedding. Perhaps they are asking for gift cards so they can figure out what they need AFTER the wedding and the move. If they are both moving from separate homes into one shared home, maybe they just don't know what they really need at this point. They are asking for gift cards to certain stores, not all cash. There is a difference. Could that scenario be a possibility, OP?

 

[Maggie Lizer]

I haven't been to a wedding or a wedding shower in about 10 years, but my experience was that for weddings up north (my relatives in NY/NJ), you gave a check at the wedding, tucked into a nice card, but you gave a gift off the registry at the shower. At my own wedding, the northerners all gave checks, and the southerners all gave gifts off of the registry.

I can see both sides of it, having been a bride who really didn't need a lot of "stuff" and who preferred the checks, as we were saving up for a downpayment on a house and had already been living together when we were engaged; however, my mom would have rather died than for me to tell people that. So, I set up a registry at Target for some things I wanted and my mom just directed the people who asked to go look there.

 

[TinkerBelled]

You'll get a variety of opinions here about whether one should properly give cash or a physical gift (it's regional, it's cultural, it's family-traditional).

Leaving this aside, it's never appropriate to include gift information on the invitation. This makes it seem like a gift is quid pro quo for the invite. It seems to say, "I am inviting you to this, so you must get me something." Whether or not the guest is going to get you something (and let's be honest, they probably will, and you probably expect something, even just a card), it shouldn't seem like the impulse for the invite.

Fortunately, with free wedding websites, there's an easy way around this: just put the registry in an information section. However, it remains tacky as all get-out to put registry or gift information on the invite itself.

 

[shoney]

You'll get a variety of opinions here about whether one should properly give cash or a physical gift (it's regional, it's cultural, it's family-traditional).

Leaving this aside, it's never appropriate to include gift information on the invitation. This makes it seem like a gift is quid pro quo for the invite. It seems to say, "I am inviting you to this, so you must get me something." Whether or not the guest is going to get you something (and let's be honest, they probably will, and you probably expect something, even just a card), it shouldn't seem like the impulse for the invite.

Fortunately, with free wedding websites, there's an easy way around this: just put the registry in an information section. However, it remains tacky as all get-out to put registry or gift information on the invite itself.

I don't think I've ever received a shower (bridal/baby) that didn't contain registry information. I prefer it, so I know where to purchase the gift. Having it in the invite makes it very easy!

Wedding invitations never contain it here because ppl give cash.

I never heard of a "money tree" before. Is this instead of a gift? Or is it similar to a wishing well for token gifts?
If it is instead of gift, it may be a good thing. Makes it easy to buy a gift and I wouldn't have to watch someone open gifts for an hour!

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

My family is mainly baptists, so I've seen the money tree since I was quite small. What does a money tree have to do with being baptist? Well, there's a tradition around here that at the wedding reception you pin bills to the bride and groom in exchange for a dance, which is similar to many other parts of the country. However, baptists don't dance. So, I guess our family has just always had the alternative, but usually at the shower. It's not on the invitation, but when you call the hostess, she'll tell you then, just so you actually have some cash on you.

I'm right over the line from you in MS, Southern Baptist also, and I've never seen a money tree or money pinning at a local Baptist wedding (which is not to say that they don't do it now - I haven't been to a wedding in quite a while). Traditionally, though, it's not done around here. Traditional Baptist wedding receptions in MS (like mine a hundred years ago) are quite austere, really - no drinking or dancing, although from what I understand people are now moving the reception out of the church fellowship hall to a local party venue so that they can drink and dance. The times, they are 'achanging.

However, I went to a Catholic wedding on the MS coast (Biloxi) a few years ago and they pinned the bills during the dance with the bride. I thought it was sweet and no one seemed to be offended - it was all in fun, although I think there was some "friendly competition" going on. There was nothing about this on the invitation - all of their family and local friends knew it would happen, and came prepared. I personally don't think any mention should be made of it on the invitation. If it is part of your culture, people will know already. On the other hand, if it's not part of your culture, people may not understand what's going on and be offended by mention of money on the invitation.

I think wedding customs vary regionally, culturally and denominationally. Most of MS is predominately Protestant and of Scotch/English/Irish (Anglo) heritage, while the coast has a far greater Eastern European and Catholic influence, like Louisiana, so the customs there tend to be a little different from the rest of the state. I think it's neat how cultural heritage shows itself in such subtle ways.

Another Baptist checking in. We did not have a dollar dance or a money tree at out wedding (our reception was not at the church so we got to have a dance). In fact the first time I had ever heard of a dollar dance was at my cousin's Catholic wedding. My in-laws are Methodist and they were the ones who brought up the idea of us having a money tree. My family takes Emily Post to the next level and had some rather strong opinions on that idea.



OT a bit, but we were very amused at the cultural difference when it came to the wedding planning. Here in the south, you always have 2 cakes: the wedding cake and the groom's cake. My husband is from Kansas and had never heard of a groom's cake. He also doesn't like cake, so he really didn't want to have one. We tried to explain to him that everyone had two different cakes here in the south and that if we didn't we would look cheap. He and his parents felt that it was unnecessary; my family and I felt that it was necessary. His family felt that a dollar tree or a dollar dance was necessary; my family and I felt that it looked like we were begging for money and were opposed to it. My husband is quite the anomaly, though, as he doesn't dance and didn't like registering for gifts because he felt like it made it look like we weren't prepared to get married since we were begging people to give us stuff.

 

[jetskigrl]

Just received a wedding shower invitation in the mail. It states there will be a money tree and requests gift cards to 3 specific stores.

I have heard of this but thought it was considered in poor taste.

Has this become common these days? I just can not fathom sending someone an invite requesting cash.

I have not seen an invite where the specific request is cash. I'm not sure how I would feel about receiving that invite either. But having gift information included in the shower invite is not new to me.

For my wedding, I followed the traditions at that time. I'm sure things are a lot different now.

For the shower, a small card was added to the invite that said where we (DH and I) were registered. No other mention of gifts were made.

There was nothing included with the wedding invite except the RSVP card. If people wanted to know where we were registered, they would call us or my parents, etc.

As for the money dance, it was more of a traditional thing for us. My aunt made a traditional Polish apron and gave it to my sister to wear over her dress for the money dance at her wedding. My sister then gave it to me to use for mine. Money dances were very common at the time (there was one at every wedding I had been to) and it was supposed to be used as an opportunity for guests to have one-on-one time with the bride and groom. Yes, both the bride and the groom danced and both were given a token of money (usually a dollar).

Personally, I never saw the money dance as a way to rake in loads of cash Usually it was more about that time to socialize with the bride or groom. Most people just gave a dollar but sometimes a close relative would put a bigger bill in. It certainly didn't add up to enough to cover a honeymoon or anything

But honestly, if I were to have my wedding today, I'm not sure if I still would have had the money dance. It definitely would be an inner conflict between family/cultural tradition and today's etiquette, which seems to frown on those types of dances.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

I'm right over the line from you in MS, Southern Baptist also, and I've never seen a money tree or money pinning at a local Baptist wedding (which is not to say that they don't do it now - I haven't been to a wedding in quite a while). Traditionally, though, it's not done around here. Traditional Baptist wedding receptions in MS (like mine a hundred years ago) are quite austere, really - no drinking or dancing, although from what I understand people are now moving the reception out of the church fellowship hall to a local party venue so that they can drink and dance. The times, they are 'achanging.

However, I went to a Catholic wedding on the MS coast (Biloxi) a few years ago and they pinned the bills during the dance with the bride. I thought it was sweet and no one seemed to be offended - it was all in fun, although I think there was some "friendly competition" going on. There was nothing about this on the invitation - all of their family and local friends knew it would happen, and came prepared. I personally don't think any mention should be made of it on the invitation. If it is part of your culture, people will know already. On the other hand, if it's not part of your culture, people may not understand what's going on and be offended by mention of money on the invitation.

I think wedding customs vary regionally, culturally and denominationally. Most of MS is predominately Protestant and of Scotch/English/Irish (Anglo) heritage, while the coast has a far greater Eastern European and Catholic influence, like Louisiana, so the customs there tend to be a little different from the rest of the state. I think it's neat how cultural heritage shows itself in such subtle ways.

Yeah, I wouldn't figure you'd have it in Mississippi. I live N of Baton Rouge now, but I'm from a part of Louisiana that's about half Cajun and half Yankee/English. If you're Cajun and Catholic, you have a money dance. If you're Baptist and coonass, you have something else.

 

[disney1990]

It has been pretty common in my area for quite a while. People set up donation sites to help pay for their honeymoon, etc. Also people request gift cards to stores that they frequent. So many people live together these days or have their own apartment/home before they get married. The last thing they need is another blender. I see no problem if my gift goes to help pay for their marriage celebration or their honeymoon and makes their life have a little less debt. IMHO