Is it wrong to spank your child?

[glass-slipper]

I see where you got your first sentance, but I believe you misread the OP. I read it as being that the timeout wasn't working and that was when the child would be spanked.

As for the 2nd paragraph, that was why I started my children on an allowance as soon as possible (my son was 4 and my daughter 5). For most things, it worked great. I would take a dime here, or a quarter there, depending on the offense. I told them I could discipline them in the middle of Wal-Mart and not have to worry about child services.

As for your last paragraph, I disagree with the no spanking croud. In my opinion, for some children, not spanking them is child abuse. For the wrong child, it teaches them that if they cause enough of a problem, they will get their way by wearing out their parent. I have know some parents who were so proud that they never spanked their child - who was in the process of tearing up as much as they could my medical facility.

My children were spanked - about once a year or so. If I had used it as my only parenting tool, it wouldn't have worked. By using it as the tool of last resort, it reinforced in them what was truly important. As has been said before, there is a huge difference between spanking and abuse.

Not spanking is child abuse?? Just because I didn't spank doesn't mean I didn't discipline. Believe me, my kids never wore me down. They knew I meant what I said and that I stuck to it. BTW, I also don't believe in the last resort excuse, and I never said spanking was abuse.

 

[PoohnPglet]

As for your last paragraph, I disagree with the no spanking croud. In my opinion, for some children, not spanking them is child abuse. For the wrong child, it teaches them that if they cause enough of a problem, they will get their way by wearing out their parent.

I am reading this as they have "worn" past other discipline. And if that is the case, that is the parent's fault. If you set a time out and the child won't stay put, you keep putting them back until they figure out that you mean for them to be in time out. (Anyone been watching the Nanny 911 type shows? This is what they are doing.) No matter how much time it takes. And maybe the first few times, it will take a long time. But, once you establish that you are not playing, they get the picture. Spanking seems to be the short cut because the adult is tired of dealing with the situation.

As I said in my post, I have been both spanked AND hit as a child. There was no difference in the severity or location of the strike, they were all a physical assault on my person. No one uses this logic of hitting anywhere else in our society - a husband cannot grab his wife's arm for something he does not like, a boss cannot squeeze his employee's shoulder for doing something outside of policy, a police officer cannot spank a citizen for breaking a law (any law) - why is it alright for adults to do so to children?

I think it is Dr. Phil that talks about finding a child's currency and I will agree with this. Every child has something that is very important to him that they would not like to see taken away - a toy, a privilege, a trip to a friend's house or whatever. I know my son and I know what things he considers his "currency" and this has worked very well.

 

[ktink]

BTW, I also don't believe in the last resort excuse,



Believe it because it IS our LAST resort. As I've posted several times the two of my children have had a spanking 4 or 5 times and that would be an overall total. I don't like to spank my children that's why I don't practice the method very much. However, I don't like certain types of behavior.

PoohnPglet quote/
I think it is Dr. Phil that talks about finding a child's currency and I will agree with this. Every child has something that is very important to him that they would not like to see taken away - a toy, a privilege, a trip to a friend's house or whatever. I know my son and I know what things he considers his "currency" and this has worked very well.

I also watch Dr Phil and this is what we've done, we have found the currency that works for us in certain, rare circumstances.

 

[Goobergal99]

I know this is a little out of place but I just have to say it

"I hate Doctor Phil" he is nothing but a nit witted redneck who has no business telling ppl how to raise their children or the effective way to lose weight, has he looked in a mirror?

 

[PoohnPglet]

I also watch Dr Phil and this is what we've done, we have found the currency that works for us in certain, rare circumstances.

I am pretty sure that Dr. Phil does not consider spanking as currency. At least, not that I have ever heard him mention. But then, I have not read his book or seen every show.

 

[N.Bailey]

No, I believe that spanking is just a semantic word for abuse, so there is no confusion on this end. When you hit your child you are in fact abusing them in my eyes. It is all up to your own perception anyway, I feel that using any type of corporal punishment is abusive.
Also, there is a significant difference between grabbing your toddlers arm because they are about to run into a crowded street and smacking your child in the face because they said something you didn't feel was appropriate. I'm sorry but that to me is abuse.

I suppose this comment was in regards to my earlier post when I did smack my daughter across the face. I agree with you too that I was wrong with smacking her like that. I did acknowledge that in my post when I stated that I was ashamed that I'd done that. I'm certainly not perfect and I'm nowhere near the perfect mother. You have your child scream that to you one time and see if maybe you might just overreact though. I was mad, I was shocked, you name it and yes, I was wrong. I did apologize later, but the damage was done. I also fully explained what I felt when my daughter said that to me and she apologized to me as well.

When I said I might do it again, I meant, I can FULLY remember how mad I was at that time and I might overreact with those same actions if ever put in that same situation again. Maybe I could handle it differently, but then again, maybe not.

Unless you've been put in the situation yourself, I doubt you can say how you'd have reacted.

 

[tiffsix]

IMO people that use these statements don't have kids or if they do, are responsible for the high number of kids in the youth detention centers.

I agree Tiggersmom- i was spanked as a child and believe me i always thought about getting spanked before i did anything wrong again. I am a big believer- i don't necessarily agree with hitting in public or crowded places but behind closed doors is okay.

 

[glass-slipper]

BTW, I also don't believe in the last resort excuse,



Believe it because it IS our LAST resort. As I've posted several times the two of my children have had a spanking 4 or 5 times and that would be an overall total. I don't like to spank my children that's why I don't practice the method very much. However, I don't like certain types of behavior.

PoohnPglet quote/
I think it is Dr. Phil that talks about finding a child's currency and I will agree with this. Every child has something that is very important to him that they would not like to see taken away - a toy, a privilege, a trip to a friend's house or whatever. I know my son and I know what things he considers his "currency" and this has worked very well.

I also watch Dr Phil and this is what we've done, we have found the currency that works for us in certain, rare circumstances.

I don't believe in spanking at all, last resort, first choice, whatever. I dislike certain bad behaviors too, that's why I disciplined my kids when they needed it. I agree with the Dr. Phil currency idea too, that's an example I used in a previous post.

 

[Goobergal99]

I suppose this comment was in regards to my earlier post when I did smack my daughter across the face. I agree with you too that I was wrong with smacking her like that. I did acknowledge that in my post when I stated that I was ashamed that I'd done that. I'm certainly not perfect and I'm nowhere near the perfect mother. You have your child scream that to you one time and see if maybe you might just overreact though. I was mad, I was shocked, you name it and yes, I was wrong. I did apologize later, but the damage was done. I also fully explained what I felt when my daughter said that to me and she apologized to me as well.

When I said I might do it again, I meant, I can FULLY remember how mad I was at that time and I might overreact with those same actions if ever put in that same situation again. Maybe I could handle it differently, but then again, maybe not.

Unless you've been put in the situation yourself, I doubt you can say how you'd have reacted.

No, I guess i cannot say for sure how I would react, however one benefit of being a young mom is that I can still remember pretty clearly what it is like to be the child and I know that if it ever does happen to me then I will take that fact into consideration.

 

[ktink]

I am pretty sure that Dr. Phil does not consider spanking as currency. At least, not that I have ever heard him mention. But then, I have not read his book or seen every show.

Let me just say, " I watch Dr Phil" I don't look to him on HOW to raise my child. So what if he condones spanking or not. I have only said I've found MY child's currency in certain situations.

 

[ktink]

I know this is a little out of place but I just have to say it

"I hate Doctor Phil" he is nothing but a nit witted redneck who has no business telling ppl how to raise their children or the effective way to lose weight, has he looked in a mirror?

I'll give ya that one.

 

[Goobergal99]

I agree Tiggersmom- i was spanked as a child and believe me i always thought about getting spanked before i did anything wrong again. I am a big believer- i don't necessarily agree with hitting in public or crowded places but behind closed doors is okay.

I don't agree with it ever being ok, however I do agree with you in saying that it is even worse in a public place. That to me is merely a tool to embarass your child and shows total disregard for their existance as another human being with feelings. On a personal note, along with shaking my head at these type of parents I also think to myself how incredibly ignorant they are for even acting that way in public.

 

[PoohnPglet]

I can't believe that in my entire comment, the only thing that got picked out was Dr. Phil. I am sorry I used the name. I do not look to him to raise my child, in fact I watch his show only occasionally. I only used his explaination as an example of what I was talking about.

 

[tiffsix]

I know this is a little out of place but I just have to say it

"I hate Doctor Phil" he is nothing but a nit witted redneck who has no business telling ppl how to raise their children or the effective way to lose weight, has he looked in a mirror?

I am so with you on that. What an idiot. Here's a typical Dr Phil conversation: A fat person comes to him because of their weight and his answer, " Donna, you know what you gotta do? You gotta look at that food and say, 'Food, I'm not gonna eat you'"...OH MY GOD!!!! If it weren't Captain Obvious how would Donna ever have figured that out???? And a previous poster was right, has that guy looked in the mirror lately???

 

[glass-slipper]

I don't agree with it ever being ok, however I do agree with you in saying that it is even worse in a public place. That to me is merely a tool to embarass your child and shows total disregard for their existance as another human being with feelings. On a personal note, along with shaking my head at these type of parents I also think to myself how incredibly ignorant they are for even acting that way in public.

I agree!

 

[Goobergal99]

I can't believe that in my entire comment, the only thing that got picked out was Dr. Phil. I am sorry I used the name. I do not look to him to raise my child, in fact I watch his show only occasionally. I only used his explaination as an example of what I was talking about.

In my defense I did say it was rather off topic, mentioning Dr Phil's name just got the spark under me. It honestly had nothing to do with your post.

 

[ktink]

I don't agree with it ever being ok, however I do agree with you in saying that it is even worse in a public place. That to me is merely a tool to embarass your child and shows total disregard for their existance as another human being with feelings. On a personal note, along with shaking my head at these type of parents I also think to myself how incredibly ignorant they are for even acting that way in public.

ITA. People who do things like this in public only makes you wonder what they do behind closed doors. I've heard parents talk to their children in ways that would make adults blush.

Like I've said I don't enjoy spanking my children in fact, it probably hurts me worse than it does them. You can believe that or not. But the fact still remains, it's not something any of us want to do, it's just something that I feel gets the point across. My children are good kids for the most part and most of the time other methods work much better but sadly I have to spank on occasion. I'd rather not but I want to teach them right from wrong and when all other methods have been unsuccessful then and only then do we spank.

 

[What the Heck]

Not spanking is child abuse?? Just because I didn't spank doesn't mean I didn't discipline. Believe me, my kids never wore me down. They knew I meant what I said and that I stuck to it. BTW, I also don't believe in the last resort excuse, and I never said spanking was abuse.

Then you had great kids, and your parenting had something to do with it. But to say to not spank any kid for any reason - I think it goes too far. As pointed out, kids are different.

Also, I never said that you said that spanking was abuse. But look up to just a couple of previous posts to this. Most of the people who say "no, never" use the "spanking is abuse" line.

Funny how I'm getting responses to my last paragraph, but none to the paragraph above it (in my previous post). And, yes, I stand by my statement that to not spank, in some instances, is abuse. "Nanny 911" is a different situation than real life. For one, the Nanny should not use corporal punishment - it's not her child. For another, a Nanny by definition is supposed to be around the child(ren) most of the time. I was a single parent, a widower. Should I have not worked to spend more time with my children so that they would not "wear me down"? That wouldn't have been very practical.

I just refuse to feel guilty because my children, up until about 10 years ago would get spanked about every other year.

 

[sunni]

I am reading this as they have "worn" past other discipline. And if that is the case, that is the parent's fault. If you set a time out and the child won't stay put, you keep putting them back until they figure out that you mean for them to be in time out. (Anyone been watching the Nanny 911 type shows? This is what they are doing.) No matter how much time it takes. And maybe the first few times, it will take a long time. But, once you establish that you are not playing, they get the picture. Spanking seems to be the short cut because the adult is tired of dealing with the situation.

I'm sorry, but I refuse to base my parenting on a reality tv show!

You clearly don't know what it is like to have a child that is extremely headstrong or else you are an Amazon with great strength. At 6 or 7, DS was very wiry and strong. I'm petite. I could only get him to time-out or his room a few times and try to keep him there... I would be PHYSICALLY worn out and further more, it can be dangerous restraining a child (for the child). I believe a spanking is much safer.

 

[N.Bailey]

No, I guess i cannot say for sure how I would react, however one benefit of being a young mom is that I can still remember pretty clearly what it is like to be the child and I know that if it ever does happen to me then I will take that fact into consideration.

Well, I am certainly far from old. I can fully remember what it was like to be that age too and I never once talked to my mother in that manner.

Just imagine if you'd say something and your spouse would just scream "SHUT UP" at you. Get the idea of how mad you just might get? Perhaps in your house things might be different, but my husband would be sleeping on the sofa. I only ask you to substitute your child for your spouse because I'd imagine your child is too young to begin to talk to you in this manner.

Just for the record, it worked (not that I'm proud) and my daughter has never spoken to me in a tone like that again. She's also far away from needing therapy.