Is it wrong to spank your child?

[minniepumpernickel]

When I babysit my neices and nephews they don't listen at all! I used to threaten time out, but my neice would just scream "quiet time" and laugh hysterically. So now I say, "I'm going to spank you". They still don't listen?

 

[robinb]

But I have also read Your Strong Willed Child.

I have also read Your Strong Willed Child by that nut-job Dobson. It was one of the most disturbing books I have ever read.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

DD went through a very "sassy" period when she was 3. Suddenly, she thought talking back and disobeying her parents was acceptable. When the typical time out, take away toys, etc. didn't work, DH and I decided that a good old fashioned spanking might do the trick. After one of her outbursts, we warned her that the next time she would be spanked. Of course, she tested us about 20 minutes later and we had to follow through. We have only had to spank her 1 other time about 6 months after that. Spanking is a last resort with us.

 

[sunni]

I have also read Your Strong Willed Child by that nut-job Dobson. It was one of the most disturbing books I have ever read.

So are those that read Dobson and take some of his advice also nut-jobs? I thought we were being civilized and avoiding name calling.

Well, we managed to get to pg 10...

 

[chadfromdallas]

Whoops, read that wrong

 

[Papa Deuce]

I have given "attention getters" to my daughters on RARE occasions... just enough to break the concentration on what they are focussing on. It is extremely light, but enough that they now focus on what I need them to do.

I'm sure my parents would be in jail....

 

[snoopy]

Our kids were only spanked when they were teeny tiny and they did something like run out in the street. We used it as a method to get their attention, and we never spanked in anger. Once when my youngest was little he went to put his hand over a hot burner, and I spanked him. That was the last time I can remember having to do that.

My parents raised us the same way. They had 9 children, and did not spank as a form of discipline.

 

[robinb]

So are those that read Dobson and take some of his advice also nut-jobs? I thought we were being civilized and avoiding name calling.

Well, we managed to get to pg 10...

There was no name-calling of the people on this tread . I said Dobson was a nut-job. For instance, Dobson recommends that you beat your child with a switch. His method for getting a child to remain in bed at night is to beat them with that switch when they get up and leave it on the dresser so the child can see it if they get out of bed again to remind them of their punishment.

 

[sunni]

There was no name-calling of the people on this tread . I said Dobson was a nut-job. For instance, Dobson recommends that you beat your child with a switch. His method for getting a child to remain in bed at night is to beat them with that switch when they get up and leave it on the dresser so the child can see it if they get out of bed again to remind them of their punishment.

I certainly don't agree with using a switch, I never would, but I'm surprised he suggested a beating. Could you tell me what page it's on that he said to "beat" your child... I have the book right here as I wanted to read some of it once.

 

[robinb]

I certainly don't agree with using a switch, I never would, but I'm surprised he suggested a beating. Could you tell me what page it's on that he said to "beat" your child... I have the book right here as I wanted to read some of it once.

Sorry, I don't have the book anymore otherwise I would be happy to give you the page number. I accidentally picked up a used copy a couple years ago because even them my DD "strong willed". I didn't notice who the author was until I opened it up to read it. I read it all out of pure curiousity. Unless he has since purged his more offensive methods, you should be able to find references to switches in the first chapter and the bed-time method about two-thirds through the book.

 

[Stacey2grls]

I think that spanking should be used for "severe situations". I have never had to spank my 7 and 5 year old girls, but there hasn't been a time where I felt I couldn't handle the situation. I must admit I have grabbed my girls hand fast, squeezed arms, (lightly)not hard, but enough to show that I mean business! But, if you have a child that you feel does things like hitting, talking back, putting themselves or others in danger, or just being disrespectful, than that is your right as a parent to do so.

 

[Goobergal99]

Dh and I are young parents (I was 17 and he was 18 when DD was born) That out of the way, I can honestly say that we are probably two of the most mature 23 and 24 yearolds on the planet. I grew up in a pretty leniant household, I was the only child my dad passed away when I was very young and my dads dad (my pop) and my mom who is hands down my best friend raised me. I had a very loving up bringing, I was never beaten and the only thing that happened was I became a young mom (which happens much more often in an abusive household anyway) I still graduated highschool, went on to college, became a nurse, finally married my childs dad and am now working on my masters,

My husband also came from a pretty laid back household, his parents are divorced and shared custody of their kids. Neither of them beat their children and they all turned out to be great ppl.

Bfore I write an autobigraphy, let me just say that I don't think it is necessary to hit your children. I think MANY (not all) parents spank their kids because they are angry and they just exhaust their anger on their children. As far as parents who prepare their children for a spaking, I don't know but I find this to be kind of sick and creepy. If you are preparing your child for it then you have already had time to process it and therefore should find an alternative way to discipline them.

I'm not trying to tell anyone how to raise their kids but abuse seems to me more of a weapon of control then a means to raise respectful children. I might be in the minority, but I don't think it is ever acceptable.

 

[jimmiej]

I spank when it is warranted. It is few and far in between but if all other avenues have been exhausted, and behavior is not up to snuff...someone is getting a butt-whippin'.

Ditto for my family. My kids are adults now, but that's how we handled it.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

We don't spank. We use Gentle Discipline as described by William Sears and adapt it to DD. We also rarely use time outs. DD HATES them. She shapes up right away at the mention of one.

Some days it is a struggle and I have had the urge to hit when I am at my wits end. I have to put myself in time out.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I'm not trying to tell anyone how to raise their kids but abuse seems to me more of a weapon of control then a means to raise respectful children.

You are confusing SPANKING with ABUSE! Two totally different things.

 

[N.Bailey]

I certainly don't agree with using a switch, I never would, but I'm surprised he suggested a beating. Could you tell me what page it's on that he said to "beat" your child... I have the book right here as I wanted to read some of it once.

I didn't read the book, but have listened to him talk on several occasions. He's like me, he feels a child should ONLY be smacked when they're pushing your authority. He doesn't believe in jumping right to a smack either. He feels you can get a firm grip and squeeze an arm, on that area right on the back of your shoulder. He just does not believe any parent should simply ignore a child who has pushed the limits of parental authority. I agree 100% with him too. If you show your child early on that what you say goes (and I'm talking about being Hitler here) the kids learn young and your job as a parent becomes much easier. If you're not consistent though, you're in for one heck of a job.

If you find it in that book, would you please post back because I would be TOTALLY shocked if he's ever said anything like that.

 

[N.Bailey]

You are confusing SPANKING with ABUSE! Two totally different things.

This was my take reading that reply too. These are two separate issues and some are using the terms interchangeably.

 

[bajanswife]

We don't spank. We use Gentle Discipline as described by William Sears and adapt it to DD. We also rarely use time outs. DD HATES them. She shapes up right away at the mention of one.

Some days it is a struggle and I have had the urge to hit when I am at my wits end. I have to put myself in time out.

I wanted to use Gentle Discipline and those types of things, and I was doing OK when I just had DS. But I found that adding more kids to the household within a relatively short space of time was my undoing. I just didn't have the time to be as attentive a parent to each child as i needed to be, and I really NEEDED each child to behave a certain way when I was trying to juggle them all. I admit I took the short-term road (spanking) a few times for lack of another viable alternative at the time (yes, I could have chosen other things, but each time I chose spanking, either because at the time I thought it would put a quick stop to things, or I was at the end of my tether and it was all I could think of).

I really liked positive, gentle parenting approaches early on in my parenting, but I just haven't been able to implement them the way I had hoped now that I have 3 busy kids!

I hope you'll be able to keep it up - I like the approach!

 

[poohandwendy]

Bfore I write an autobigraphy, let me just say that I don't think it is necessary to hit your children.

Great, then don't hit your children.

I think MANY (not all) parents spank their kids because they are angry and they just exhaust their anger on their children.

I think many people use all sorts of discipline measures on their children because they are angry.

As far as parents who prepare their children for a spaking, I don't know but I find this to be kind of sick and creepy. If you are preparing your child for it then you have already had time to process it and therefore should find an alternative way to discipline them.

I disagree. I think in some circumstances, just the threat is enough...and if it isn't they should be warned of what the consequences will be if their behavior doesn't change immediately.

Btw, on the rare occasion that I spanked my kids, it wasn't because I just lost control of myself. It was a deliberate act that they knew was coming. It was because they were out of control and would not change behavior that they knew was wrong or were exhibiting behavior that was an immediate danger. It was about the shock value, the severity of the punishment...not to physically hurt them.

I, just like any other good parent, think long and hard about parenting issues and how to handle them. I researched the methods and came up with a different conclusion. It's really that simple.

I'm not trying to tell anyone how to raise their kids but abuse seems to me more of a weapon of control then a means to raise respectful children.

Actually, abuse is usually a sign of an out of control person...one who lacks discipline themselves. I agree that many abusive people are trying to control their victims. But, we aren't talking about abuse...we are talking about spanking as a form of discipline.

And let's be honest, any form of discipline is about controlling the behavior of children. If parents have no control over their children's behavior, especially when they are young, then what is the point of even having parents? Someone has to be in control.

I think the resounding message I keep getting on this thread is that parents who spank must not be educated or have enough self-control to not spank. That we just couldn't think of anything else to do or get in such fits of rage that we cannot stop ourselves. That could not be further from the truth. Of course some people are abusive and out of control...but that doesn't have to do with discipling children, that is about out of control adults who would be so even if they never spanked. They would be verbally abusive too.

Is it so hard to believe that people who spank have actually taken the time to think about how they will handle different parenting issues beforehand, and that we also use other methods too? I mean, we keep saying it over and over in this thread. Do you think we are all just lying?

 

[ktink]

Dh and I are young parents (I was 17 and he was 18 when DD was born) That out of the way, I can honestly say that we are probably two of the most mature 23 and 24 yearolds on the planet. I grew up in a pretty leniant household, I was the only child my dad passed away when I was very young and my dads dad (my pop) and my mom who is hands down my best friend raised me. I had a very loving up bringing, I was never beaten and the only thing that happened was I became a young mom (which happens much more often in an abusive household anyway) I still graduated highschool, went on to college, became a nurse, finally married my childs dad and am now working on my masters,

My husband also came from a pretty laid back household, his parents are divorced and shared custody of their kids. Neither of them beat their children and they all turned out to be great ppl.

Bfore I write an autobigraphy, let me just say that I don't think it is necessary to hit your children. I think MANY (not all) parents spank their kids because they are angry and they just exhaust their anger on their children. As far as parents who prepare their children for a spaking, I don't know but I find this to be kind of sick and creepy. If you are preparing your child for it then you have already had time to process it and therefore should find an alternative way to discipline them.

I'm not trying to tell anyone how to raise their kids but abuse seems to me more of a weapon of control then a means to raise respectful children. I might be in the majority, but I don't think it is ever acceptable.

I have a question for you, when you punish your child with whatever method you use, do you talk to them about what they've done wrong? If you find a talk w/ the child before a spanking sick and creepy then what's the difference between you talking to them about what they've done wrong? Like I've said this is our LAST resort and I treat all of their punishments equally. If they've sassed me I've talked to them and explained to them this is where you went wrong and this is the consequence. Sick and creepy, I think not.