Is a church wedding 'open to the public?'

[Jennasis]

So 7 pages in and here's what we've discovered...

IT VARIES. Some churches can be made exclusive for the wedding, others are always open, and the variance can be found even within the same denomination. Some people feel it's okay to "crash" a wedding (for lack of a better word) and some think it's rude or not okay.

 

[mrsklamc]

My church locks from midnight - 6am (in Chicago). Church is a place of refuge and should be open a lot!

We had strangers at our wedding - most weddings here do - never thought of it as a problem. Weddings are posted in the weekly newsletter - so the entire congregation knows who is getting married and when.

The thought of calling the police!!! Seems to go against WWJD.

Since the church is not regularly open, if someone is there that the bride and groom do not wish, it is likely they are there to cause trouble. I'm not saying it happens as a matter of course, just that if it were necessary, the church (most likely the wedding planner as a representative of the church) would have no qualms having someone removed.

 

[FireDancer]

Wow, what a collection of miserable biddies. Who cares if someone you don't know is sitting quietly at the back of the church during your wedding mass. I can't believe all the things that people complain about on here.

Of course this isn't about everyone here but I have never seen so many people who can't get through life without complaining about every little thing and in some cases literally asking if they should be offended.

Christ on a pony it must be tiring to be so unhappy all the time. Live your life and stop worrying so much about how other people live theirs. It makes for a much better existence for everyone involved.

 

[declansdad]

Wow, what a collection of miserable biddies. Who cares if someone you don't know is sitting quietly at the back of the church during your wedding mass. I can't believe all the things that people complain about on here.

Of course this isn't about everyone here but I have never seen so many people who can't get through life without complaining about every little thing and in some cases literally asking if they should be offended.

Christ on a pony it must be tiring to be so unhappy all the time. Live your life and stop worrying so much about how other people live theirs. It makes for a much better existence for everyone involved.

Having a bad day are we?

 

[FireDancer]

Having a bad day are we?

I'm having a great day. I just can't believe how many people on here will whine and complain about everything in life. Who sits in the church, what people wear to formal nights on cruises or to restaurants at Disney, who other people invite to their wedding, who got them what for whatever holiday, how their spouses can't or won't (insert one of a myriad of constant complaints here), how much someone you have never met tips someone you will also never meet, what some celebrity who doesn't even know you exits does in their private life, that kids are playing in a public park, and so on.

If some of the people on here are as miserable in real life as they appear to be on here they must be very lonely individuals and that also explains some of the "I have no friends" threads that pop up from time to time.

 

[declansdad]

I'm having a great day. I just can't believe how many people on here will whine and complain about everything in life. Who sits in the church, what people wear to formal nights on cruises or to restaurants at Disney, who other people invite to their wedding, who got them what for whatever holiday, how their spouses can't or won't (insert one of a myriad of constant complaints here), how much someone you have never met tips someone you will also never meet, what some celebrity who doesn't even know you exits does in their private life, that kids are playing in a public park, and so on.

If some of the people on here are as miserable in real life as they appear to be on here they must be very lonely individuals and that also explains some of the "I have no friends" threads that pop up from time to time.

You've been around here long enough to know how things are; why are you surprised today?

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

I could say the same to you. I can understand that where you are you know how it would work. Why can't you open your mind to the possibility that it may be different here? I'm not trying to offend you or anyone else, just telling you that it isn't the same everywhere.

The reason is because the fundamental core of Catholicism is that we are One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic. Unlike most other faiths, the Roman Catholic Church is not run at the local or Diocesan level, it all flows directly from the Holy See, so an action of the type you claim took place at your wedding would be a huge violation of canonical law, of a nature that could have a priest defrocked if it was a systematic behavior. So I just don't think it was likely; it was, however, quite likely that you believed that to be the case, may have even been led to assume that was the case, and that nobody cared to attend your wedding, and that therefore you never knew the difference.

Honestly, I don't care and it's not relevant to me what you believe, but it would be the equivalent of saying that the Hail Mary was said in a Lutheran mass; it is antithetical to the faith, so I just doubt it happened.

 

[mrsklamc]

I'm not complaining specifically, just curious/incredulous. It had truly never occurred to me that anyone would think that it would be OK to go to a wedding they weren't invited to. But I'm not Catholic and have never been Catholic or involved in a Catholic wedding.

 

[design_mom]

At our church (Catholic), the weddings for the following weekend are listed in the Sunday bulletin. I believe anyone can come to the ceremony. I think there are a few little old ladies in the parish who attend most of the weddings and funerals, just for something to do.

Of course, it would be very poor manners to attend a wedding where you knew you were unwanted and/or where you intended to stir up trouble (the violent ex situation that someone mentioned). I could see someone being asked to leave if they were not behaving in a suitable way, but unless they were behaving poorly or there was some legal reason (restraining order) that they couldn't be there, I can't see them being asked to leave.

 

[Elinor Dashwood]

Wow, what a collection of miserable biddies. Who cares if someone you don't know is sitting quietly at the back of the church during your wedding mass. I can't believe all the things that people complain about on here.

Of course this isn't about everyone here but I have never seen so many people who can't get through life without complaining about every little thing and in some cases literally asking if they should be offended.

Christ on a pony it must be tiring to be so unhappy all the time. Live your life and stop worrying so much about how other people live theirs. It makes for a much better existence for everyone involved.

I'm relatively new here to the disboards but boy, this post sounds pretty harsh. So what if people are discussing things you find unnecessary? This is a discussion board and I'd expect to see all sorts of discussions going on.

I recently asked a question that was in reference to my kids not being invited to a family wedding. I truly appreciated everyone's input (including yours since you posted on it as well). I am not unhappy nor is my existence marred by worry. What I find interesting is that you took the time post on mine and this thread, mainly to voice your displeasure. So I'll ask the obvious question...are you unhappy in life, worrying about those of us who ask questions you find ridiculous?

I find these threads very helpful since I usually learn a thing or two from people asking questions. For instance, I didn't know that some people attend church weddings because the church is open.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Perhaps you should consider practising what you preach? If I pay a man to perform a specific role for me then I have hired him. If I pay a fee for the use of a building at a specific time on a specific date, to the exclusion of anybody else using that building for any other purpose at that time, then I have rented it.

Based on this thread, people getting married in any church should probably confirm with the church and the officiant exactly what they're paying for, and what rights that payment gives them.

 

[Coconut36]

Based on this thread, people getting married in any church should probably confirm with the church and the officiant exactly what they're paying for, and what rights that payment gives them.

I agree. I never considered the donation you give for the priest/church to mean that it is 100% mine for the duration of the time I have it Others clearly have different expectations and if they would call the police on people in the church then it might be wise that they understand the legalities, rights and ways things are done prior to the wedding as it may not be in keeping with the faith or the way things are handled.

 

[snapppyd]

IMO a church is a public building. When I got married 30 years ago we always had neighborhood people who enjoyed sitting at the back of the church and watching weddings. As long as they were not taking up space from the family what is the problem?

 

[goofyintoronto]

Wow..just wow. All I can say is that is not a belief system or church I would attend.

Like I said..I am not for crashing weddings or anything but churches have meaning to people and there are times when they want to seek the solace of one for one reason or another. To think people would think nothing of having them forcibly removed by the police because "there is no need for prayer to be in church". I guess I can't see how that is a decent way someone would start their married life..by calling the police on people who come to the church because it's all about them and their wedding.

Maybe it is because I am Catholic and there is someone physically present every day of the week, Mass held every day (sometimes more than once a day especially during certain holidays) and people are always welcome (as I mentioned in most parishes I have been in there is an area that would be used/open to others if a ceremony or wedding was going on). It is locked when nobody is there because of possible risk of vandalism or theft but that is it (and I believe that doesn't happen until the evening..sometimes lateish as they have youth activities there most nights).

I totally agree with cornflake on this 100%. I cannot believe that someone in their right mind would call the police and have someone escorted out of the church because they werent invited to their event. What a great way to start your life! Its a church for petesake. Some ppl are really that uptight?

Tresspassing? really? WOW!!

IMO a church is a public building. When I got married 30 years ago we always had neighborhood people who enjoyed sitting at the back of the church and watching weddings. As long as they were not taking up space from the family what is the problem?

Exactly my thoughts! they like to watch ppl get married. Its a church. Whats the big deal if theyre not bugging anyone?

 

[Minnesota!]

People would actually get bent out of shape because there were a few random people at their ceremony that they didn't know? Seriously?

We had like 10 older members of our church parish there that I did not know. They were not even a thought in my mind. Heck, I even smiled at some of them when I was walking down the aisle.

I should add that I am Catholic and have never heard of a Catholic church in my area not allowing non-wedding guests into the church during a wedding.

Wow, what a collection of miserable biddies. Who cares if someone you don't know is sitting quietly at the back of the church during your wedding mass. I can't believe all the things that people complain about on here.

Of course this isn't about everyone here but I have never seen so many people who can't get through life without complaining about every little thing and in some cases literally asking if they should be offended.

Christ on a pony it must be tiring to be so unhappy all the time. Live your life and stop worrying so much about how other people live theirs. It makes for a much better existence for everyone involved.

It scares me how much I think like you at times. I always find myself shaking my head in agreement with you. There are some truly miserable people in this world - looks like a lot of them come to roost here. I cannot imagine getting so worked up day to day over the littlest of things.

FWIW - I am Catholic - have been all of my 34 years. Same parish. And yes, the church is open whenever people need it. And yes, weddings are open to the public. It's why the wedding announcements are published in the Sunday Bulletin for minimum 2 weekends before the wedding.

I cannot imagine 1) getting upset by people being there that simply came to witness and 2) even noticing that there were additional people there!!!!

How anal must you be to remember years (months even) later who exactly was at your wedding and where they sat? I have a photographic memory and I cannot tell you anything outside of my husband to be was at the end of the aisle and my mom was in the front row.

Life is so so so much easier when you just LET IT BE!

 

[Andtototoo]

Doors have locks. I mean the secretary can lock the office door or the door to the school if it adjoins is locked not during school hours or etc., and stuff like the chalice is kept in the tabernacle, which is locked.

And we had our doors open until it proved totally unsafe to leave them open. ... Until within six months:
- the homeless found out our doors were open and used the floors of the church and the altar as their toilets. Interestingly, in order to get to where they were going, they passed by a full set of restrooms so the truth is that they CHOSE to use the church as their toilet.
-- some teenagers broke down the oak door that led to the sacristy to get to the silver.
-- one of our elderly altar guild ladies was physically assaulted by someone who said they came in to prayer, but waited until she was alone and then assaulted her.

After we locked the doors, not a week went by without someone trying to get in and being thwarted.

FTR, the church was NOT in a ghetto. It was in a large midwestern town next to a university, amidst some of the most high-end homes in the area.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

It would never occur to me to object to having anyone who just wanted to watch a wedding come and sit in the back of the church (as would be appropriate). Unless there's some prior negative or criminal history, probably not much you can do about it. If there's someone in your life you seriously just don't like (believe me...I get it), then perhaps having a wedding in a church isn't the route to go.

No guest, invited or otherwise, should be disruptive to a church service. I absolutely would bring my kids (when they were younger...they're all adults now) to a wedding ceremony if they were not invited to the reception. That's what I consider the "invited" part of an invitation. If they could not behave in church, I would remove them, whether they were on the invitation or not.

I can't imagine someone having an issue with a photo of the whole church, and the fact that there's a random person (in red dress or otherwise) sitting in a pew. If she was doing a two-armed wave to the camera, THAT would be inappropriate, but not her presence in and of itself. If a homeless person in tattered dirty clothes was in the picture, I think I'd just be grateful I was blessed with my life and pray he/she found their way. Again, I might take issue with the actions of a person, but not the person's mere presence.

I have a relative that I would prefer never to see again, because of her intense need to cause drama and turn situations/events into being ALL about her. If I were to die while she's still living, I seriously would not want her at my funeral, for the sake of my immediate family. I've told my DH not to tell anyone outside of my kids, have whatever small private service, and then spread the news.

Gotta love a good wedding thread.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Wow, what a collection of miserable biddies. Who cares if someone you don't know is sitting quietly at the back of the church during your wedding mass. I can't believe all the things that people complain about on here.

Of course this isn't about everyone here but I have never seen so many people who can't get through life without complaining about every little thing and in some cases literally asking if they should be offended.

Christ on a pony it must be tiring to be so unhappy all the time. Live your life and stop worrying so much about how other people live theirs. It makes for a much better existence for everyone involved.

This is the best post i've seen yet. Christ on a pony. LMAO!!! I totally agree btw!

 

[declansdad]

The reason is because the fundamental core of Catholicism is that we are One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic. Unlike most other faiths, the Roman Catholic Church is not run at the local or Diocesan level, it all flows directly from the Holy See, so an action of the type you claim took place at your wedding would be a huge violation of canonical law, of a nature that could have a priest defrocked if it was a systematic behavior. So I just don't think it was likely; it was, however, quite likely that you believed that to be the case, may have even been led to assume that was the case, and that nobody cared to attend your wedding, and that therefore you never knew the difference.

Honestly, I don't care and it's not relevant to me what you believe, but it would be the equivalent of saying that the Hail Mary was said in a Lutheran mass; it is antithetical to the faith, so I just doubt it happened.

Thanks.

 

[Imzadi]

Who cares if someone you don't know is sitting quietly at the back of the church during your wedding mass. I can't believe all the things that people complain about on here.

When I got married 30 years ago we always had neighborhood people who enjoyed sitting at the back of the church and watching weddings. As long as they were not taking up space from the family what is the problem?

I agree with these two statements. Other parts of a marriage are made public. Well, not what goes on in the bedroom. But, The institution of marriage is not private on some levels: the marriage license is filed under public records. You legally state it on legal documents. People get a tax break. Some women take on the groom's name. Some spouses wear wedding rings to show they are married. Some people put wedding announcements in the newspaper. Some people even call their spouse, their "spouse" or "wife" or "husband."

In many ceremonies, the priest/officiant even says something to the effect of, "Will all of you gathered here to witness this joining agree to help keep the marriage together?" And we collectively say, "Yes." While it is asked & responded in a symbolic way, that is why it is considered taboo to go after a married man or woman. Just because someone isn't physically sitting in the church at the time, doesn't absolve them of the symbolism of being part of the "community" doing what they can to keep the institution of marriage intact or staying out of someone's marriage. Likewise, why would you need to keep out the "community"?

It's not like you (general you) are hiding the fact that you are married. I just don't understand, if you are presumably happy/overjoyed to get married, WHY would you feel a need or even care if some strangers, who are not disrupting anything, would like to witness such a joyous occasion? Wouldn't you want to spread & share more of the joy? IMO, this is just so nothing to bicker about for 8 pages.