Interracial dating

[Mkrop]

I could see both sets of grandparents having some comments if either DSs brought home a girl of a different race. They would have their comments. I would and do call them out on their comments but they seem genuinely clueless when I do.

DBro33 married a Jewish girl. We are Catholic. My mother at first was freaking out, but it turns out she absolutely adores my SIL, and she is an awesome DIL. I do wonder how they will handle raising their children but it is really none of my business. Where we live is predominantly Catholic so this was quite the shock to my mom. She has made some commets about the Jewish faith that have made me go "Oh no!" I have called her out on some of those things and she genuinely seemed shock that I said something to her, you cant say that, and you better not say anything like that in front of M. I think it was the way she was raised, and I truly believe she doesnt get it, and my mother would be so upset if she upset anyone let alone M.

 

[sookie]

With discrimination being so prevalent, I don't think they have to try all that often, but I have seen a few instances where I did not see discrimination when others were crying it. I also think we need to remember all eyes see things differently. When really bugs me (and I'm not saying you do this) is when people are blind to the discrimination and think that people are just "playing the race card."

I can totally agree with that too. I think if someone is bringing it up it should be a VERY serious allegation and not blown off. I'm just always surprised. I remember one time, when I was a new nurse, I was sitting at the desk and there was a mom that was just railing on one of the social workers and actually the worker just went by to drop off materials (very standard in the nursery). It degraded into the mom screaming at the social worker that she only came by because the family was African American. But the kicker was that the social worker was African American too.
It just has to be logical. Not every allegation is. I still remember our social worker, who was the sweetest lady ever, being very shaken and upset. Not ok.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I'm very interested in this though, from an academic standpoint. I love sociology!

I think that may be the problem with "Hispanic" as a term - really not specific to any one race. One may have to dig much deeper, though as time marches on we all become more "mutts" anyway

 

[Colleen27]

Honestly (& this may be opening another can of worms) a boyfriend/girlfriend of a different religion (not denomination) would worry/bother me more than different race or ethnic background.

That would worry me more too. Race is something that just is, while religion is an active part of life. A difference in religion is far more likely to cause conflict in a long term relationship.

 

[Wishing on a star]

though as time marches on we all become more "mutts" anyway

Too funny!!!!

My son has had the biggest crush on a Hispanic girl.
She really is one of the most beautiful and smart girls in his class!
It is his first big-time crush.
I told DH that I hate for him to be heartbroken, as she does not seem to reciprocate his feelings... but that I am glad to see that he has such good taste in girls/women!!!!!

I am not 'racist' by any means.
My sister is married interacially (we are white, he is black)
God, what are the PC terms right now anyway!!! Caucasion, African-American... whatever!!!

But, just personally, I think it would take me a bit to be comfortable with an interracial relationship with a black girl. Not because of racism and the color of one's skin. I think I would be concerned about any relationship with big cultural, religious, types of differences.

I just think that it might be natural for many people to seek somebody out and spend their life with similar backgrounds, families to mesh into, etc...

Of course, that varies from person to person.
Who they are... How their families are... etc..
And, in no way has to do with race, at all.

The same can be said of people/families of the same racial background... But with other big personal and cultural differences. (income level, religion, etc...)

Heck, my inlaws and I are the same background and beliefs and views in many ways... but still, some HUGE differences.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

lol Me, too. I've always preferred darker men. Well, not necessarily skin color, but hair and eyes. Blonde men do nothing for me. DH has brown hair and eyes and has Cherokee in him, though, so I did good.

We are not so alike after all ...

I LOVE tall, built,(Scandinavian) blonde haired, blue eyed boys. (Alexander Skarsgard, Josh Holloway....)

But alas, I fell in love with a tall...skinny...Italian boy with the darkest brown eyes and hair I have ever seen.


OP...You can't help who you love. If your family cares enough, they'll come around.

 

[Jennasis]

When my older sister was in high school (1992) she was dating a non-white guy. His mom was from Grenada and his father was of some Carribbean decent. We were sitting in the living room and my grandfather called and asked to speak to my sister (she was 17). She had this horrible look on her face while she listened to what my grandfather was saying on the other end of the line...the color was draining from her face. When she hung up she said that he called to tell her he was disowning her and removing her from his will (ultimately an empty threat as NONE of us grandkids were mentioned in his will).

My mother had been pretty upset about my sister's choice of beau too...riiiiiiight up until grandpa pulled that stunt. Then my mom changed her tune REAL quick and got over her old school upbringing and prejudices. Grandpa tried to pull that nonsense and the family FROZE HIM OUT for a gooooood long while until HE changed his tune too.

 

[englishteacha]

As a teen, I had liked a guy was Cambodian, and he seemed to like me back. His parents wouldn't let him date me because I wasn't Cambodian, though. Many of my school friends were Asian, but many of their parents didn't approve of their kids being friends with the "white kids." I think they thought we were bad influences. This was in the late 1990s. I now live in a rural area without much diversity and it really bothers me that many people around here are racist. If my daughter grows up and falls in love with a nice person, I'll be happy. A person is a person.

 

[Liberty Belle]

We are not so alike after all ...

I LOVE tall, built,(Scandinavian) blonde haired, blue eyed boys. (Alexander Skarsgard, Josh Holloway....)

But alas, I fell in love with a tall...skinny...Italian boy with the darkest brown eyes and hair I have ever seen.


OP...You can't help who you love. If your family cares enough, they'll come around.

And my biggest crush in college had blonde hair. I guess our attraction system has open minds.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

A friend of mine from high school married an African American man. My mom had a huge problem with it. As I explained to her several times, this friend dated a lot of total losers in high school and college. One guy gave her a, shall we say, social disease. Another guy talked her dad into cosigning on a truck for him and failed to make the payments. Yet another had way to many problems to go into here! Along comes her husband. He's kind-hearted, honest, tons of fun (we used to go out a lot with them), and added a much needed level of stability to my friend's life.

They've now been married almost 25 years and have three really awesome boys. A few years ago, my friend got a job offer in Los Angeles (we're in the San Francisco Bay Area). The oldest boy was a senior and wanted to finish high school here. The husband encouraged her to go ahead. He would stay behind with the boys, put the house up for sale, and move when the school year was over. She took the job and came home every weekend. He more than handled things on this end. I just kept thinking what an awesome guy to take that on so she could pursue a really great job. They're now living in LA, except for the oldest boy who stayed here to go to college. I don't care about the color of the guy's skin. I could never imagine a better husband for my friend!

 

[dawnhaze]

Personally, I don't see the big deal some people have with interracial dating. I've dated outside my race almost exclusively (not deliberately, it's just the way it worked out). My parents never cared and neither did my grandparents when they were alive, so I don't buy the "different time" argument.

I'm with the folks who think religious differences can be a bigger issue than cultural or racial ones, really. After a (short) relationship with a hardcore evangelical guy, though, I mainly date other atheists and agnostics. Religious differences aren't something I want to argue about in a relationship. Some people can navigate it but I'm not one of them.

 

[StitchFanZ]

The best response I've found - "Race? What race? No, I don't see any different races there. All I see is a group of American students/people."

I wish they would just take the race question off of all those forms - I am an American, plain and simple.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I can't believe this is still an issue and I am very glad it isn't an issue in my circle of life and friends.

I figure soon the old racist people will die off and then everyone will live as one; if only they'd just stop teaching hatred to their children.

If I were the OP, I would just stop talking to their parents until they came around. This is how I handled a situation personally and just the threat alone resolved the issue. The threatened person knew I was serious due to past stances.

I know it can't be that easy, though. I just got lucky. Age and "they were raised in a different world" is not an excuse nor a free pass.

Eliza61, I am so sorry you have to go through all of that you mentioned and that you have to teach your children how to respond to inane people. I'm afraid I probably wouldn't handle things as cooly as you do.

 

[hereyago]

Well my mom married my df who was half.Cherokee and her family at first.had a cow. however they soon realized that.he was nothing like her first husband who was white and a loser.some family nembers were well still not happy, but my df would have kicked their butts had they tried anything dumb.

I dated exclusively half Asian guys, shocked deveryone married a white guy lol. my parents didn't care who i dated,i wasnt taught to be racist.

Dd 14 has a half black half hispanic "boyfriend" and her first one was half Puerto Rican and half Thai.

You like or love who you do.as long as they treat you right that is all that matters.
It is a shame that racism etc is still alive though.

 

[tasha99]

My first serious boyfriend as a young adult was Japanese, so no, I have no issue with interracial dating (good thing since DS22 is dating a Japanese girl now, and my sister in law is from Taiwan). My boyfriend's mom had a huge problem with him dating me. His dad and my parents were okay with it.

 

[North of Mouse]

I can totally agree with that too. I think if someone is bringing it up it should be a VERY serious allegation and not blown off. I'm just always surprised. I remember one time, when I was a new nurse, I was sitting at the desk and there was a mom that was just railing on one of the social workers and actually the worker just went by to drop off materials (very standard in the nursery). It degraded into the mom screaming at the social worker that she only came by because the family was African American. But the kicker was that the social worker was African American too.
It just has to be logical. Not every allegation is. I still remember our social worker, who was the sweetest lady ever, being very shaken and upset. Not ok.

What really frosted me recently was in the news about this couple in a hospital that forbade anyone of color tending to their baby in a nursery. Can you believe that? I would have told them what to do real quick. But, maybe such is allowed in some settings. I'm clueless. People sue so easily these days over nothing, and the sorry tale is they sometimes 'win'.

 

[pigletgirl]

DS has his first girlfriend and He's really excited about it. The girl is black and i told my parents so if they meet her they'd know and not be surprised, they are not handling it well. I know they were "raised in a different time" but come on. What's really upset me about it Is that DS is mixed himself, he's half Hispanic! I reminded her of this yesterday but somehow they don't see their hypocrisy. It's hurt my feelings and made me wonder how they'd feel If DSs skin tone was a shade darker?

How do you all feel about this? Do you consider yourself not racist but interracial dating bothers you? Do you agree that it's rather hypocritical to not accept a mixed race person dating someone of a different race? Please feel free to share all opinions, I won't judge either way.

Oh, and they haven't said anything to him, only to me.

I think it's wonderful. We need more of it in this world!

 

[sookie]

What really frosted me recently was in the news about this couple in a hospital that forbade anyone of color tending to their baby in a nursery. Can you believe that? I would have told them what to do real quick. But, maybe such is allowed in some settings. I'm clueless. People sue so easily these days over nothing, and the sorry tale is they sometimes 'win'.

I saw that headline!! Now that is nuts. I agree that both ways that nurse could not have been treated fairly in the situation she was placed in. If she had continued to take care of the family making that racist request, that might have exposed her to an even worse situation with the family. But if the hospital then indulges that request - it reinforces that behavior. It is my understanding she was bringing suit, right? The nurse? If so - I am glad. That has to be addressed. Just because it is a service industry doesn't mean you can treat people poorly. :-(

 

[Tiger926]

Outward appearance has no bearing on our inner selves...

The fact that it's 2013 and this thread was started, is rather unsettling to me...

Tiger

 

[Bob NC]

I'm kind of curious about how the topic came up.

You obviously know how your parents feel about a topic such as this.

My parents never met a girlfriend my 14 year old had.

14 year olds, if they have a girlfriend, are not known for long, drawn out relationships.

Do you live with your parents, so you could reasonably expect them to see this girl at the house?

I just can't believe that at your age, (with a 14 year old child), that you are completely suprised and shocked at your parents beliefs on this subject.

To answer your question, I would have no problem whatsoever with my 14 year old dating someone of another race.

I also know that if my 14 year old dated someone of another race, my parents would likely not even know for quite some time.

Being an adult and having known my parents for quite some time, I know how they would react to such a scenario, and can't picture myself being suprised.