Interracial dating

[Nancyg56]

Well, we had another conversation today and this time it was actually worse. Basically the highlights are:

1. I'm doing everything that I can to be opposite of her and the way I was raised.
2. She has a right to her opinion and she should be able to express it honestly whenever she wants to.
3. How can I believe it's OK for the "races to mix?"
4. DS being mixed race has nothing to do with this and it's an entirely different situation.
5. She was raised this way, and why should society tell her that the "old ways" of thinking are wrong?



I feel like this is a lost cause. I acknowledged to her that yes, she can have whatever opinion she wants, but that I do not have to hear about it, she has the option of keeping it to herself, she disagrees.

Your Mom has decided that she is right and anyone who holds a different opinion needs to be educated. This is where I would draw the line. I would refuse to discuss this with her, other than to draw my own line in the sand and make sure that she knew exactly where it is and the consequences of crossing it.

My DD recently had a similar conversation with one of her IL's. My DD made it abundantly clear that there would never be any derogatory remarks, jokes, etc about Gay couples in her pretense and especially not in front of her DD after one of them made a nasty comment. The IL was horrified that she would put this above family but she knew DD meant every word.

Than I thiink you need to take Disney Doll's advice...and say yep Mom you are entitled tp your opinion but if you ever say a word to or in front of my son or this young woman, it will be the last word you say to any of us for a long time.

 

[Lorelei Lee]

My very white, Jewish cousin married a black man in 1968. It was considered such a scandal that it was never talked about in my family. I was only 8 when the marriage took place, and I did not even know my cousin existed until many years later.


My children were in elementary school and we went to Six Flags, where we happened to run into my cousin's son. He resembles his father much more than his mother. When I introduced my kids to their cousin, they each gave me an odd look, but then accepted what I said and moved on to something else.

Younger dd seems to be attracted to Jewish boys, but older dd, not so much. The last young man she brought home for us to meet was half Dominican and half Filipino. Interesting ethnic blend.

 

[Mkrop]

I do understand what you mean. I wanted to go back to her comment about being raised to believe these things, and society telling her that the old ways are wrong.

There have always been 'old ways'; things we used to believe that we know now are not true. We used to believe that the earth was flat. We used to believe that an eclipse meant a wolf was eating the sun. At some point, we gave up on those 'old ways' because we came to realize that they were just wrong.

And we used to believe that people of other races were biologically inferior, or inherently less intelligent, or lazy. Interestingly enough, some other cultures have thought the same of white people. It's kind of a thing for the dominant culture to see the 'other' as inferior.

If it were me, and I were going to have any further conversation with her about it (and I'm not sure I would), I might say something like "Mom, when the old ways cause people pain and harm just because they look different than us, then the old ways deserve to be thrown away."

I'd also tell her that if she says these things around her grandson or his girlfriend, she's going to hurt them both, terribly, and that I really don't think she wants to do that. And that if she hurts them that way, she's going to cause permanent damage to her relationship with him, and with you.

And the OP should also remind dear Momma that woman at one point were condisered inferior as well...I am sure she is glad people changed their views on that

 

[kwelch10377]

And I just have to throw out there, that this reminded me of an incident when I worked in a hospital blood bank about 25 years ago. An aide had stopped by to pick up some blood and was looking at our inventory board. It was a big metal board with slots that held cards for each unit of blood we had, and there were different color cards for each blood type.

Our shift supervisor was explaining all of this to her, and she said "but how do you know which is white people's blood and which is black people's blood?"

<insert cricket sound here>

You could have heard a pin drop.

Somehow, the poor supervisor composed himself and said "well, we don't, because there's really no difference, and no way to tell."

"You mean you might give black people's blood to white people?"

"Um, yeah."

The girl was HORRIFIED. Completely horrified.

So were we.

Years ago former governer of PA, Bob Casey needed a heart/liver transplant. They were doing a story on the news and they had said who the hear/liver came from and it was a black man. My friend's grandfather couldn't understand how they could use a black man's organs for a white person.

 

[vttkdmom]

My current marriage is interracial. I am white, my husband is from the Caribbean.

When we first started dating my husband asked me if I had ever dated outside of my race, I responded "No, I only date humans" Took him a minute before he started cracking up.

Race/color is irrelevant to a person's worth as a partner.

 

[Sam81]

I get it. But I am kinda wondering what the purpose of this thread is? I would be willing to bet no one is going to come right out and say "OP I agree with your parents, I hate XXXX."

 

[Tiger926]

I get it. But I am kinda wondering what the purpose of this thread is? I would be willing to bet no one is going to come right out and say "OP I agree with your parents, I hate XXXX."

Yup. That was my response as well...it is 2013, but this thread makes me feel like it's a long time ago...

Tiger

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[Sanchez]

I get it. But I am kinda wondering what the purpose of this thread is? I would be willing to bet no one is going to come right out and say "OP I agree with your parents, I hate XXXX."

It seems to be a "pat ourselves on the back" thread where our colorblind virtues are praised through use of platitudes and obvious declarations.

Date/marry whoever you wish. I don't care. However, it seems likely that many parents would be concerned if their children were involved in an interracial relationship. Not necessarily because they are bigots, but because they understand that such a life could be difficult.

Finally, perhaps the perspective on this thread is skewed but this is not only an issue among white people. I know a Mexican family who forbids their children to date white people. I am sure that some black people feel the same.