Interracial dating

[ebtbmom]

DS has his first girlfriend and He's really excited about it. The girl is black and i told my parents so if they meet her they'd know and not be surprised, they are not handling it well. I know they were "raised in a different time" but come on. What's really upset me about it Is that DS is mixed himself, he's half Hispanic! I reminded her of this yesterday but somehow they don't see their hypocrisy. It's hurt my feelings and made me wonder how they'd feel If DSs skin tone was a shade darker?

How do you all feel about this? Do you consider yourself not racist but interracial dating bothers you? Do you agree that it's rather hypocritical to not accept a mixed race person dating someone of a different race? Please feel free to share all opinions, I won't judge either way.

Oh, and they haven't said anything to him, only to me.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I don't see a problem with it.

 

[Pixiedust34]

We're a bi-racial family. As long as our kids date people who treat them well and give them happiness then we are happy too.

That said, we have similar issues with my parents. No advice, but I can empathize that it's a frustrating situation.

 

[NMAmy]

No, of course it doesn't bother me. And, honestly, I think you're letting your parents off too easily. My parents were in their 80's and raised in a different time. I was born in the early 60's and honestly, never remember either ever showing any evidence of racial prejudice. They had friends of different racial and cultural backgrounds who spent lots of time at our house. People over a certain age should not get a special dispensation to continue their prejudice just because of their age. You can change for the better at any age.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Well, on the hypocritical thing, a lot of folks don't treally recognize Hispanic as its own race per say. I mean there are people who are 5th generation Mexican who are 100 percent Caucasian. And many Hispanics are themselves a mix of Native American and Southern European. So, I suspect they don't really recognize your son or his father as being a "different color".

That said, it is sad that folks do still take these attitudes toward different races. But because they do, that would be my only hesitation. It's not that I have an issue with it, but I know that they will face some ugly bigotry at some point because of it. And you never want that for your child. On the other hand, you want the best possible match for your child, and that person may be of another race. Tough situation really. It's getting better though

 

[LittleMissMagic]

I think interacial dating is fine.

But my parents are the same way - they think it's wrong for some reason, I guess it was just their time. But my dad's best friend is Japanese, and his wife was white (they divorced many years ago), but if he ever saw a problem with that, he never voiced his opinion to me.

 

[happygirl]

I don't have a problem with it at all, There much more important things to look at then race.

 

[ebtbmom]

Well, on the hypocritical thing, a lot of folks don't treally recognize Hispanic as its own race per say. I mean there are people who are 5th generation Mexican who are 100 percent Caucasian. And many Hispanics are themselves a mix of Native American and Southern European. So, I suspect they don't really recognize your son or his father as being a "different color".

That said, it is sad that folks do still take these attitudes toward different races. But because they do, that would be my only hesitation. It's not that I have an issue with it, but I know that they will face some ugly bigotry at some point because of it. And you never want that for your child. On the other hand, you want the best possible match for your child, and that person may be of another race. Tough situation really. It's getting better though

That's kind of the excuse she gave, but what's funny is that they are the only ones talking about it. At his school it's very common and not a big deal.
It's times like this when I regret choosing to raise him in my small rural hometown.
I knew that they had these kind of opinions in the past but I guess I had assumed since DS is mixed they had gotten over it. His bio dad is originally from Panama, there's no mistaking that he's a different ethnicity!

 

[Gumbo4x4]

That's kind of the excuse she gave, but what's funny is that they are the only ones talking about it. At his school it's very common and not a big deal.
It's times like this when I regret choosing to raise him in my small rural hometown.
I knew that they had these kind of opinions in the past but I guess I had assumed since DS is mixed they had gotten over it. His bio dad is originally from Panama, there's no mistaking that he's a different ethnicity!

I wouldn't worry about the small town thing. You'll run into those issues anywhere you go.

 

[Southernmiss]

Today, mixed race couples are much more prevalent than in previous times. Unfortunately some of the biases and prejudices take a while to change especially in the older generations. Not right but it happens.

Op I think you have done what you need to do. Hopefully, once the newness wears off your parents will come around.

Funny story. I know a Hispanic couple whose grandparents were from Mexico. Their dd in about 6th grade had a hard time when she realized that she was not white, but Hispanic. She told her mom "I didn't know I was Hispanic, I thought just you and dad were!" This is a couple that speaks Spanish and still continues many of their family traditions at home.

 

[kellyg403]

No I don't see a problem. But, I understand about your parents. Mine are the same.

However, I did not raise my children the same way because I did not believe in my parents way.

My oldest dd is married to an African American. My 2nd dd is married to someone from the Phillipians. My grandchildren are mixed and there is nothing different about them.

I appreciate that my parents see things differently, not that it makes them right. However, my moto has always been you never know who you are going to fall in love with. It really doesn't matter to me, and my children know that is what counts. My children paved the way in a sense. My youngest brother later in life met a very nice lady who happened to be black. He took a chance. He always said if it wasn't for the fact that I didn't let our parents decide those kinds of things helped him a great deal in getting past their 'disapproval' and not caring if they did or didn't.

Kelly

 

[PinkLemonade7503]

My Dad always said he wouldn't complain about my boyfriends, because that would only make me like them more.

 

[shortbun]

Honestly, I can't believe it's still a 'topic.' It's commonplace in the city and I don't even think about it. Of my son's good friends, only one doesn't come from a blended family.

 

[eliza61]

DS has his first girlfriend and He's really excited about it. The girl is black and i told my parents so if they meet her they'd know and not be surprised, they are not handling it well. I know they were "raised in a different time" but come on. What's really upset me about it Is that DS is mixed himself, he's half Hispanic! I reminded her of this yesterday but somehow they don't see their hypocrisy. It's hurt my feelings and made me wonder how they'd feel If DSs skin tone was a shade darker?

How do you all feel about this? Do you consider yourself not racist but interracial dating bothers you? Do you agree that it's rather hypocritical to not accept a mixed race person dating someone of a different race? Please feel free to share all opinions, I won't judge either way.

Oh, and they haven't said anything to him, only to me.

So, I think we some times get more "scared" than hypocritical.
We live in south Jersey which is really well blended. I am always concerned about my sons when they date some one white. I like to think that I'm good at not projecting my fears onto them. Here are my concerns.

1) as far as we have come, we still have a long way to go. Cops in my area are notorious for racial profiling. my sons have been and continued to be harassed for simply "driving while black". They have been told" you don't belong in this neighborhood" one or two times for no other reason than they are black. If they drive my dh's lexus, they have been asked how we "afford" the car. So we have to teach them how to respond so as not to escalate the situation.

2) while I think the kids today are more open minded, I have found that many of the parents have the same stereotypes. I have been asked by school officials "Do your kids have a father?". Now I have developed replies and in some cases filed reports but it gets tedious.

So while I would not ever forbid them from dating anyone, I do say an extra prayer at night when they go out with a caucasian girl. I'm always so scared that they will be the next Trevon Martin. I'm always scared some idiot with a stereotype is going to say some thing

 

[java]

Funny story. I know a Hispanic couple whose grandparents were from Mexico. Their dd in about 6th grade had a hard time when she realized that she was not white, but Hispanic. She told her mom "I didn't know I was Hispanic, I thought just you and dad were!" This is a couple that speaks Spanish and still continues many of their family traditions at home.

Well technically she is white. Hispanic is not considered a race(something I learned on the dis). So I suppose I am not in an interracial marriage, my dh is Puerto Rican and I'm as white as they come. My kids check the "white-Hispanic" box on forms. It's now a subdivision of white I guess

I tease my daughter and tell her since she is half Hispanic and was in my belly, that makes me part Hispanic,since we were sharing blood. She thinks I'm an idiot that knows nothing about genetics. I do it just to bug her.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DS has his first girlfriend and He's really excited about it. The girl is black and i told my parents so if they meet her they'd know and not be surprised, they are not handling it well. I know they were "raised in a different time" but come on. What's really upset me about it Is that DS is mixed himself, he's half Hispanic! I reminded her of this yesterday but somehow they don't see their hypocrisy. It's hurt my feelings and made me wonder how they'd feel If DSs skin tone was a shade darker?

How do you all feel about this? Do you consider yourself not racist but interracial dating bothers you? Do you agree that it's rather hypocritical to not accept a mixed race person dating someone of a different race? Please feel free to share all opinions, I won't judge either way.

Oh, and they haven't said anything to him, only to me.

If I were in your shoes I would tell my family to shut it and get it over it. Them tell them "I ain't got time for that".

I guess I would go down the "comedy road" instead of "pissed off road" so to speak because you are not going to change anything by your words, if that makes sense.

Shut them down IF they start it up and then in addition do not offer anymore "info" about your son's "dating life".

Bottom line be a role model for them to follow.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

If I were in your shoes I would tell my family to shut it and get it over it. Them tell them "I ain't got time for that".



Bottom line be a role model for them to follow.

I agree. You love who you love it doesn't matter what color race or religion they are too me.

We are white and my cousin has two kids from a interracial relationship and my aunt didn't like it at first. BUT she loves her grandkids dearly and I think this stopped a lot of "talk" in the family all together of people in the family not liking it.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Don't worry about it unless the relationship gets serious.

 

[Colleen27]

That said, it is sad that folks do still take these attitudes toward different races. But because they do, that would be my only hesitation. It's not that I have an issue with it, but I know that they will face some ugly bigotry at some point because of it. And you never want that for your child. On the other hand, you want the best possible match for your child, and that person may be of another race. Tough situation really. It's getting better though

I agree. I'd have a hard time with one of my kids dating a black classmate in middle or high school because there have been some ugly incidents of bullying and intimidation of interracial couples in their schools. It is the thing I dislike most about where we live - there are only 5 or 6 black students in the shared middle/high school campus of about 1000 students, and while there's not much overt racism in our community the issue of black-white couples seems to bring out the "redneck" in people. I'd never say it out loud to my kids, but in the privacy of my own mind I'd really rather they not have to deal with the ignorance that dating a black peer would bring down on them.

OP, I think other posters are right that people don't see your son as mixed race. Around here, as redneck as it can be, kids with Hispanic or Native American heritage are thought of as a darker shade of white, for lack of a better description. The ugly attitudes don't come out until the topic is a black student dating someone of another race.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I have a 19 year old DS and he's never dated anyone who wasn't basically his skin color, etc, but he's always been attracted to "exotic" looking girls - he had a crush on a fellow student from India and almost dated a girl whose mother was typical "white" and father was Thai (long story, but they flirted a while as friends and then she was moving, so they decided not to date).

I couldn't care less if he brought home a girl with darker skin or whose parents/grandparents came from another country, etc. There are certain types of girls who would bother me, but it has nothing to do with their ethnicity.

DH's family is kind of the same way as your parents. He has a second cousin who married a Hispanic man (sadly they're getting divorced after less than a year of marriage) and typically they would have been very upset, but her previous boyfriend was black, so they were thrilled. Step up, you know.