Interracial dating

[disney1990]

I definitely wouldn't worry about it. Especially since it is your DS's first girlfriend. Most likely, he will have numerous girlfriends before he finds "the one". And, making it a big deal will only make them try harder to stay together.

I am 60 and can remember my parents telling me that if I ever married somebody that was not white that they would disown me. But, times have definitely changed. Heck, my 89 year old Mom even voted for Obama. Another thing she said she would never do - vote for somebody that was not white.

I wouldn't give it another thought. Just be glad your son is happy.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I have a 19 year old DS and he's never dated anyone who wasn't basically his skin color, etc, but he's always been attracted to "exotic" looking girls - he had a crush on a fellow student from India and almost dated a girl whose mother was typical "white" and father was Thai (long story, but they flirted a while as friends and then she was moving, so they decided not to date).

That's always been me. Dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes, Oh My!!

But for whatever reason all the significant women in my life wound up being pasty white blonds

 

[smallblackstars]

I really don't see what the issue is here. If your parents have something to say about it then that's their problem, I wouldn't entertain them at all with discussing it. If your DS is happy then that's what is important

 

[brockash]

You're parents are ignorant and ridiculous. In my opinion it doesn't matter that they're old and were "raised in a different time," it shouldn't matter and you can tell them to keep they're comments to themself. If they say something about it again I'd just tell them that you're leaving as you don't want to be around such comments or people like that.

 

[ebtbmom]

Thanks for the insight. I agree that sometimes these coupled can have a rough go of it, but in DS case it's very accepted at his school so I'm not too worried about that. Plus they are Freshman, so I'm hoping they at least make it to prom since I have to pay for a tux . One of our friends used to be married to a black woman and he told me that the only people that ever hassled them were young black men.

I think my mom bugged me because she made the statement "could you imagine her at our family functions?", that made me mad. I guess I should leave DS at home in the summer time when he gets a lot darker!

Out of genuine curiosity, what are people from places like Panama considered if not Hispanic? They are not white, bio dad is darker than some black people I know.

 

[Liberty Belle]

That's always been me. Dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes, Oh My!!

But for whatever reason all the significant women in my life wound up being pasty white blonds

lol Me, too. I've always preferred darker men. Well, not necessarily skin color, but hair and eyes. Blonde men do nothing for me. DH has brown hair and eyes and has Cherokee in him, though, so I did good.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Thanks for the insight. I agree that sometimes these coupled can have a rough go of it, but in DS case it's very accepted at his school so I'm not too worried about that. Plus they are Freshman, so I'm hoping they at least make it to prom since I have to pay for a tux . One of our friends used to be married to a black woman and he told me that the only people that ever hassled them were young black men.

I think my mom bugged me because she made the statement "could you imagine her at our family functions?", that made me mad. I guess I should leave DS at home in the summer time when he gets a lot darker!

Out of genuine curiosity, what are people from places like Panama considered if not Hispanic? They are not white, bio dad is darker than some black people I know.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Out of genuine curiosity, what are people from places like Panama considered if not Hispanic? They are not white, bio dad is darker than some black people I know.

It's a gray area as you have people who are 100 percent white, 100 percent Native American, and 100 percent of African descent in South America (among others) and obviously any mixture of the above one could imagine. Maybe one day we'll quit worrying about trying to label everyone and just call ourselves humans

 

[mjantz]

I wouldn't care. In fact, given the 'type' my DD seems to find 'cute' (skinny, very geeky) & her love of all things Japanese, an Asian or East Asian (like India) spouse would not surprise me.

Honestly (& this may be opening another can of worms) a boyfriend/girlfriend of a different religion (not denomination) would worry/bother me more than different race or ethnic background.

 

[Liberty Belle]

There's a really good documentary on Netflix that is about race and how we all migrated from Africa. They chose random people in New York City and took their DNA and traced them all. There were different migratory routes and they were able to identify them in all the people. It's very interesting. Might be a good thing for your parents to watch to see that, pretty much, we're all "black"!

I can't remember the name of it. I'll see if I can find it.

ETA: Found it! It's called "Human Family Tree."

 

[NHdisneylover]

I have two teens. Neither has started dating yet ( they are allowed to, just not interested as of yet) but when they do I could care less what race, country, religion or gender the person they are with is.

I care that they get along well and treat each other respectfully and that they ar generally good and kind people.

Later on, when they are older and looking long term, I also hope they choose long term partners with similar life goals and work ethics. Race, gender, religion, ec still does not play into it at all.

 

[ebtbmom]

I wouldn't care. In fact, given the 'type' my DD seems to find 'cute' (skinny, very geeky) & her love of all things Japanese, an Asian or East Asian (like India) spouse would not surprise me.

Honestly (& this may be opening another can of worms) a boyfriend/girlfriend of a different religion (not denomination) would worry/bother me more than different race or ethnic background.

I'm more concerned about this aspect. We are atheists, and often thats a deal breaker for girls.

There's a really good documentary on Netflix that is about race and how we all migrated from Africa. They chose random people in New York City and took their DNA and traced them all. There were different migratory routes and they were able to identify them in all the people. It's very interesting. Might be a good thing for your parents to watch to see that, pretty much, we're all "black"!

I can't remember the name of it. I'll see if I can find it.

ETA: Found it! It's called "Human Family Tree."

Thank you, we're actually watching a documentary on cannibals on Netflix rights now, we'll check this one out next.

 

[ebtbmom]

You're parents are ignorant and ridiculous. In my opinion it doesn't matter that they're old and were "raised in a different time," it shouldn't matter and you can tell them to keep they're comments to themself. If they say something about it again I'd just tell them that you're leaving as you don't want to be around such comments or people like that.

That's pretty much what I said, except for the ignorant and ridiculous part.

It's a gray area as you have people who are 100 percent white, 100 percent Native American, and 100 percent of African descent in South America (among others) and obviously any mixture of the above one could imagine. Maybe one day we'll quit worrying about trying to label everyone and just call ourselves humans

I'm very interested in this though, from an academic standpoint. I love sociology!

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm more concerned about this aspect. We are atheists, and often thats a deal breaker for girls.




Thank you, we're actually watching a documentary on cannibals on Netflix rights now, we'll check this one out next.

It's a good one for younger kids, too, because it's pretty simple, though some younger kids might find it a bit boring. My ten year old ds liked it.

 

[mjantz]

I'm more concerned about this aspect. We are atheists, and often thats a deal breaker for girls.

We are Christian but I have friends whose spouses are of a different religion or non-religious & it's very difficult for them to go to church by themselves & not share in certain activities throughout the years.
I truly believe religion is more of a barrier than race.

 

[Liberty Belle]

We are Christian but I have friends whose spouses are of a different religion or non-religious & it's very difficult for them to go to church by themselves & not share in certain activities throughout the years.
I truly believe religion is more of a barrier than race.

My son's first girlfriend was a fundamentalist and it caused a lot of issues with him (we're Christians, but liberal - ONA UCC). He now considers himself agnostic.

I really would prefer he not date another fundamentalist, but I REALLY don't think that's going to happen again.

 

[willowsnn3]

OK to add some humor to this thread:
Grandson now 19 is half black, his sister is half Puerto Rican.
They are both light skinned, most people think he is 'Hawaiian' & his sister was real chubby when she was a toddler with straight black hair most people thought we had adopted a baby from China, lol.
OK so dd is at the beauty shop getting a haircut, Seth is maybe 6yrs old & Jade is in a baby carrier. One of the hairdressers asks Seth where he's from. He says "Oh, I'm English & she's Spanish".....

 

[sookie]

So, I think we some times get more "scared" than hypocritical.
We live in south Jersey which is really well blended. I am always concerned about my sons when they date some one white. I like to think that I'm good at not projecting my fears onto them. Here are my concerns.

1) as far as we have come, we still have a long way to go. Cops in my area are notorious for racial profiling. my sons have been and continued to be harassed for simply "driving while black". They have been told" you don't belong in this neighborhood" one or two times for no other reason than they are black. If they drive my dh's lexus, they have been asked how we "afford" the car. So we have to teach them how to respond so as not to escalate the situation.

2) while I think the kids today are more open minded, I have found that many of the parents have the same stereotypes. I have been asked by school officials "Do your kids have a father?". Now I have developed replies and in some cases filed reports but it gets tedious.

So while I would not ever forbid them from dating anyone, I do say an extra prayer at night when they go out with a caucasian girl. I'm always so scared that they will be the next Trevon Martin. I'm always scared some idiot with a stereotype is going to say some thing

Am I missing some vital information on the Martin case? Did they decide if it was murder or self defense yet? This did not happen because he was dating a white girl, did it? Was he in a biracial relationship ? I'm not sure how that case will shake out but if they determine it was self defense - I can assure you that people of other races are also killed if they act as an aggressor and a victim has to protect himself or herself. I think that the guy on trial is also another minority, correct? Isn't he hispanic? People tend to forget that.

I think that being unusually fearful of any racial groups outside your own can lead to bad behaviors or behaviors that could be seen as racism, both ways. I think that just teaching healthy responses is good, but if your in a situation where this is happening a lot - I would find a different community because there is something else going on. You reported incidents at the school, with your car, and you don't feel safe when your children date. The area doesn't sound "well blended" at all. It sounds racially tense and scary.

I'm Native American. But I am also light skinned. I have had comments about not being dark enough or that I don't "look Indian". Can you believe I have dealt with that since I was a kid? As an adult - nevermind that I am engaged in my tribe and my community. I know my tribal culture and history better than many of the people who have said that to me. Yes, being judged because I am too fair skinned doesn't feel great either.

It is hard but people need to remember that people of all races can be unfair to each other. You can be discriminated upon because of your race, gender, religion. Thankfully it does not happen often and is a shunned behavior in our culture. Everyone I know has a zero tolerance for it because no one likes it. But on the other hand - I have gotten to the point where I think everyone should just suck it up, buttercup - and get over it. It is an almost universal experience to be discriminated against in some form or another. If is serious discrimination we have a system of laws in place for that. We have legal constraints in place for housing and job discrimination for example. But minor incidents - I just put people in their place and move on. It isn't worth my mental energy to anguish or worry over it.

But what frosts my cupcakes is when people try to turn everything into a discrimination issue. I hate that!

Re: the original post - OP I hope your child enjoys the new relationship. People here would not bat an eye. Adolescence is such a fun time of personal growth and development. Congrats!!

Off my soapbox.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Am I missing some vital information on the Martin case? Did they decide if it was murder or self defense yet? This did not happen because he was dating a white girl, did it? Was he in a biracial relationship ? I'm not sure how that case will shake out but if they determine it was self defense - I can assure you that people of other races are also killed if they act as an aggressor and a victim has to protect himself or herself. I think that the guy on trial is also another minority, correct? Isn't he hispanic? People tend to forget that.

I think that being unusually fearful of any racial groups outside your own can lead to bad behaviors or behaviors that could be seen as racism, both ways. I think that just teaching healthy responses is good, but if your in a situation where this is happening a lot - I would find a different community because there is something else going on. You reported incidents at the school, with your car, and you don't feel safe when your children date. The area doesn't sound "well blended" at all. It sounds racially tense and scary.

I'm Native American. But I am also light skinned. I have had comments about not being dark enough or that I don't "look Indian". Can you believe I have dealt with that since I was a kid? As an adult - nevermind that I am engaged in my tribe and my community. I know my tribal culture and history better than many of the people who have said that to me. Yes, being judged because I am too fair skinned doesn't feel great either.

It is hard but people need to remember that people of all races can be unfair to each other. You can be discriminated upon because of your race, gender, religion. Thankfully it does not happen often and is a shunned behavior in our culture. Everyone I know has a zero tolerance for it because no one likes it. But on the other hand - I have gotten to the point where I think everyone should just suck it up, buttercup - and get over it. It is an almost universal experience to be discriminated against in some form or another. If is serious discrimination we have a system of laws in place for that. We have legal constraints in place for housing and job discrimination for example. But minor incidents - I just put people in their place and move on. It isn't worth my mental energy to anguish or worry over it.

But what frosts my cupcakes is when people try to turn everything into a discrimination issue. I hate that!

Re: the original post - OP I hope your child enjoys the new relationship. People here would not bat an eye. Adolescence is such a fun time of personal growth and development. Congrats!!

Off my soapbox.

With discrimination being so prevalent, I don't think they have to try all that often, but I have seen a few instances where I did not see discrimination when others were crying it. I also think we need to remember all eyes see things differently. When really bugs me (and I'm not saying you do this) is when people are blind to the discrimination and think that people are just "playing the race card."

 

[ez]

I am 50 and I know that 10 years ago, my father had a definite attitiude toward interracial couples. I was at a theme park with him and I remember a few negative comments he made (to me, and it made me cringe) So anyway recently my gay cousin married his partner. It came up in conversation with my parents (dad is almost 80 now) and I was surprised at my dad's positive comments. I have a feeling that that must mean my dad has softened his other views as well Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks, heck, he has an i-phone!!!