In Search of my Body...Not The One I ate...#3 "Crowning Goddesses As We Go"

[SeptemberGirl]

Um, no. You do not get till 2010. You will do one this summer.

Remember when no matter how much I love you, I still wouldn't let you make my New Year's resolutions for me?

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

Hey Cutie,

Have a wonderful time. I am so happy for you. It honestly gives me great joy and smiles to think of you going....

It's brought me daydreaming smiles all week.

Have a wonderful time and can't wait to hear all about it,

Lisa

Thanks Lisa.

 

[Dizneydawn]

Hello ladies...

I watched BL after you guys talked about it - had not folllowed all season but still was amazing...not hard since I did not watch...it is on an hour later here since I am on central time..so I was greatfull for the notice...

Lyz - I did not realize you were heading to the world...maybe I missed it...sorry about that...please have an awesome time...and no come to Jesus moment either...not my proudest moment...I think I just felt so anxious about seeing friends and people I had spoken with for a year...and wanted to have done well with weight loss...ad truthfully had only dissapinted myself...not anyone else...That I know played a part iin it...but still...not a proud moment...but it has taken a turn here at home...Digging out the WW stuff I had...looking to rejoin...

Liz - how do you feel about the change in the program....sounds like they are foccussing on better foods being the major part of a lifestyle not just the amount of food...sounds like a great idea..my sister lost a lot....but gained it back when off because she idd not learn about food...ate only beer and snickers...but stayed within her points...but the fast food hit back when she moved off it....I know people still eat great foods in wrong amounts...but it has to be better at lest than Krispy Kremes...

OKay...eat well today guys...do something good fo ryou...do something great in fact...

 

[Dizneydawn]

Duh! Forgot to share with you the new house Dan and I are buying....just a lil ole place we hope you can all come out and visit us at!

http://www.steamboat-estates.com/

Thoughts on decorating anyone?

 

[SeptemberGirl]

Dawn - I understand what you are saying about our meet-up. We have all been there, to some extent. I have certainly tried to smile my way through things when I wanted to cry or kick something. I've had it out with Nick over my own issues. I've felt like the one who should have been on the inside, sitting on the outside. All I can say is, I get it. And...be who you want to be. We have all done things, said things, felt things that are not true to who we want to be, who we believe we truly are. Maybe this year, it's not about the weight for you. Maybe it's about losing some other stuff you don't need.

Just my 2 cents.

And yes, the program change. I think it's good one. I've yet to embrace it. I have spent the last week doing nothing food wise but eating it. I'm struggling and not sure why. I do think I needed to feel a little empathy to others who struggle like this. It's like the switch was always flipped on and never flipped off. So in a way, it was easy for me to lose 75lbs. Honestly.

But now I know how it feels to battle a bit more. Good time to learn it, before I hit goal. Anyway, yes, program looks great. Have to get myself to the meeting today and soak it in. And start again this week. Be who I want to be.

 

[3DisneyKids]

Morning! A snowy day here, but don't confuse that with a snow day! Kids are in school--takes a true act of nature to cancel school in Maine.

Lyz--I know that you are already in the air, but I also know that you will be checking in throughout the trip. So have a safe trip today and an awesome time. Can't believe we missed you by just a few days. And keep thinking of alternate destinations, right?

And LURKERS--I know you are out there! With the New Year on the horizon, please think about coming out of the shadows and joining our crew. Yes, we really have room for more.

Off to do some retail therapy today.

 

[goofyfan-12]

Hi Everyone...

The snow has arrived with more to follow, but all is well so far... The Christmas party last night was fun, not terribly exciting, but fun. The infamous giraffe print shoes came out to play so that is always a good time...

Dawn - glad you and the family had a great time and made it home safely. I definitely understand where you are coming from with the issues you were talking about. We have all had our a-ha moments and it sounds like you may have hit yours. Use the experience to inspire real change in your life. Take baby steps and work on the little things rather than creating unrealistic goals for yourself and hopefully you won't be beating yourself up for it later. As I was telling Lyz a few days ago, to change one's life is more of a journey than a destination and you take a journey one step at a time.

Liz - I love what you said about wanting to experience the struggle before you hit goal. In an odd sort of way, that makes total sense to me. I think because in my mind when you work so hard to achieve something, you appreciate it so much more. Hang in there and we will get you through this. Maybe the new WW program was just what you need right now.

Lyz - you should be in FL by now... I am so excited for you.... can't wait to hear about your trip...

Erika - have fun shopping. I know it is not Christmas shopping since you finished that already (call me greenie for my envy). I'll be out shopping on Thursday night for Christmas presents.

OK - I can't believe I am saying this, but if you all are setting goals for a 5K in 2010 (but will make the trip down as a supporter), I need to set a goal as well. I can't commit to running since my doc won't clear me to do that yet (I would destroy my knees if I started running at my present weight), I need help figuring out what my new fitness goal should be. Thoughts anyone...

Time to get back to work... I'll talk to you all later,
Paula

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Ya freakshow. Let me lose the 40lbs I need to first. Oh and I like my big toe nails. They are currently red. (but I'm not saying no)

Ummm....just wanted to point this out. Lyz said "I'm not saying no"....

Have a fan-tab-ulous time at WDW!!!!

Um, no. You do not get till 2010. You will do one this summer.

Look out, Liz...the Great and Powerful Oz has spoken

Duh! Forgot to share with you the new house Dan and I are buying....just a lil ole place we hope you can all come out and visit us at!

http://www.steamboat-estates.com/

Thoughts on decorating anyone?

I'd be HAPPY to come visit you there! Can you even imagine? I'm having difficulty committing to a CHAIR and END TABLE (which reminds me - I forgot to tell you all that story. Sorry - it'll have to wait until later, 'cause I'm already running late for work. again.

Morning! A snowy day here, but don't confuse that with a snow day! Kids are in school--takes a true act of nature to cancel school in Maine.

Crappy morning here- we had approx 2" of snow, followed by that lovely thing they like to call a "wintery mix". sleet, rain, freezing rain. YUCK. So school was delayed...at least they went. Friday is supposed to be another big storm. And again Monday. Delays, early releases I don't mind. School cancellations....argh. We get out so late as it is already...

Didn't make it to the gym this a.m. - ran on the TM at home instead - 3 miles. Now I get to go bake cookies. Paula...what was it you wanted?

 

[DISNEY4XMAS]

Ok so I am finally off the couch! I have to work this afternoon so I have to be somewhat NOT sick!
The fevers the crap pouring out of my Nose and coughing up lungs needs to STOP! The lack of voice needs to return!
If this tells you how sick I was I went to Burlington yesterday with Zachary for his check up and FORGOT to have Dr. write out NEW scripts for all his diabetic supplies! DUH I am all out! So now I need to call over there and have her call them in!

Oh and what is the next book in the Twilight series? Twilight and then NEw Moon?? Cuz I am having a hard time finding it! I went to walmart Monday night (SICK) and they had NONE! I went to target (sick) last night and they had NONE! I was like ***! I need the book I need a fix! CRACK ON PAPER!!!! I am trying to download and all I am getting is stupid trailors for different movies!

So snowy day here in the NorthEast of NY! we are supposed to get 3-6 inches total ummm yeah that was a boo boo! We already had 4 by 7:30 a.m. The snow has decreased but it's still snowing! I think there is a total of 7" already! Kids were made that there was school! I wasn't! Zac was glad to because today is his school play! So I will need to be dressed and ready for 1230 for a good view!

I am going back to catch up I only have 5 more page read!

 

[HockeyKat]

I think we need to find a 5K in the summer and do it. Would give me an excuse to come meet up, anyhow. Make it somewhere north so that I don't sweat my $$ off, k?

Liz, I tried to get them to send me to Camden this week but no dice. Maybe next time.


I need to recommit but this time of year is so hard.

 

[DISNEY4XMAS]

Lyz - have a great time....



OK - results of the weigh in last night....

So let's review, I spent a week in Disney World eating and drinking my way through the dining plan and a visit with new friends. Came home for a few days and spent the weekend in Boston eating and drinking my way through with an old friend for a total of two weeks off of JC food and exercise plan.

The result was a loss of .1 pound.... I am over the moon thrilled as I went into this vacation hoping to stay the same or gain a pound or two. To have posted a loss (even one as small as that one) was huge. Both my JC consultant and I busted out our happy dances last night.... I then came home and went swimming and prompltly fell asleep.... such the exciting life I lead...

OK - off to get some work done and then to my company's Christmas party tonight... I have no idea what I am wearing to this and Liz - you know I have no fun clothes in my closet...

Talk to you later,
Paula

AWESOME JOB PAULA!!! What a great job you did!

And I'm sure you would totally train with me! You're like the running Scientologist!!! Come to my running room!
.

OMG

As for me weight!1 HMMM sickness does wonders I am down to 220.8 and that is fully dressed Jeans thermal shirt cami and slippers! So that is almost 4 pounds since I last went to weight watchers! And Yes I skipped WW this week because 1 I was sick and 2 had to go to pick up lay a way at K-MART! Had to be picked up that day NO IF ANDS OR BUTS!
Ok off to shower for school play!

 

[goofyfan-12]

AWESOME JOB PAULA!!! What a great job you did!


OMG

As for me weight!1 HMMM sickness does wonders I am down to 220.8 and that is fully dressed Jeans thermal shirt cami and slippers! So that is almost 4 pounds since I last went to weight watchers! And Yes I skipped WW this week because 1 I was sick and 2 had to go to pick up lay a way at K-MART! Had to be picked up that day NO IF ANDS OR BUTS!
Ok off to shower for school play!

Steph -

Thanks for the kind words.... Glad to hear you are feeling better. Have fun at the play....

Paula

PS - I'll take whatever cookies you are making... less that I have to make (ha...) I am baking this weekend. Two days, three helpers and 50 dozen cookies to make (I make seven types). Should be easy

 

[Dizneydawn]

Dawn - I understand what you are saying about our meet-up. We have all been there, to some extent. I have certainly tried to smile my way through things when I wanted to cry or kick something. I've had it out with Nick over my own issues. I've felt like the one who should have been on the inside, sitting on the outside. All I can say is, I get it. And...be who you want to be. We have all done things, said things, felt things that are not true to who we want to be, who we believe we truly are. Maybe this year, it's not about the weight for you. Maybe it's about losing some other stuff you don't need.

Just my 2 cents.
Liz - thank you so much for those kind words...the truth is that I think with all that has gone on in the past 3 months (Chad finally moving out...hospitalization for me for 10 days in September...Baylor's injury and month of hell that followed...and then...the trip to prepare for while dealing with college issues for Treyner and his HS schedule) I should have been looking for ways to release my pent up frusteration...I deal with stress by trying to micromanage what I can control...and not do a good job about releasing what I cannot...

(Rant below about Baylor...please do not read if you are already in a bad mood)

Baylor's burn has been harder than I can explain in words I think...we deal with the scars and the bandages at least twice daily...and it is worse right after bathtime...which was right before we came because everyone wanted to clean up...His compresion stocking sticks to his skin...it is super tight...it takes 2-3 of us to put it on his leg because we have to pull it away from his graft site before releasing it...imagine putting on tights when you still are wet from the shower...we have to lotion him...which h usually does on his own...but with one finger at a time...because it feels just so weird to him...his own skin...which takes forever...and then you have siblings wanting to get into the bathroom at the same time he is taking care of himself...

it takes him about 1 hour to get his leg prepared...and that is a huge amount of time for a 12 year old boy...and he cries...and I walk away crying...I hate that he hurts and I am helpless because the only thing that will change it is time...

When we were coming home from Florida...Baylor was pulling a suitcase behind him...he banged the back of his leg with it..and what for you or I would be a bruise..tore his calf open...bled through two layers of comression stockings...and he was ceying...on the plane...mad that he was crying...embarrassed...hates attention...and refused to let me take him back to the plane to deal with it because there is no open seat and no room to have him sit and stretch out to take off his shoe...carefully pull the stockings off..etc...so he sat..and I had to let him make that choice...and when we got home...not go to school...sit in a bath...get the stocking and his leg wet enough...to pull off the adhesive scab that had formed...and again...deal with an open wound...

His school wants him to go into a "gateway program" for kids who maybe aren't suited for a traditional class...so they do not have to deal with him leaving class 5 minutes early to not be in a crowded hallway...and all the school he is missing for Doctor appointments...and re-bandaging in school...and he feels like he is being punished...and all I do is sit and try and give him word choices...but the truth is that is just blows...and there alwys isn't word choices...

Soooo...I think I need a person to talk with...just vent and problem solve with...and my Pastor and I will be meeting and doing phone conversations for awhile...looking forward to that..

and...I think that that will help free up some inner turmoil to start taking care of me...and I would love to really use the YMCA as a tool to get that anger out...productively...and use my weight anger...in a way that is helpfull...

Has Nick ever struggled with weight?

That is the great part of Dan and I...he gets it...has had it worse than I ...but he never turned the hatred he feels towards himself in the same ways...never thought he was a bad looking guy...never thought he was worthless...and there is the proof...that it for me... at it's core is not about weight...like you said...something more...

Remember when you said you were not comfortable being the skinny friend...did you ever figure out why that was? Just curious.....
And yes, the program change. I think it's good one. I've yet to embrace it. I have spent the last week doing nothing food wise but eating it. I'm struggling and not sure why. I do think I needed to feel a little empathy to others who struggle like this. It's like the switch was always flipped on and never flipped off. So in a way, it was easy for me to lose 75lbs. Honestly.

But now I know how it feels to battle a bit more. Good time to learn it, before I hit goal. Anyway, yes, program looks great. Have to get myself to the meeting today and soak it in. And start again this week. Be who I want to be.

I am glad you are fine tuning your proccess as you go...to know that you are a work in progress...that sometimes the one thing that works for us at one point...may not be the same as in another...and accepting that about yourself...you are such a strong, inspiring woman...I am proud to know you...

Morning! A snowy day here, but don't confuse that with a snow day! Kids are in school--takes a true act of nature to cancel school in Maine.
Same in MN...40 below reg temp and at least 8" of snow...kids hate it...
Lyz--I know that you are already in the air, but I also know that you will be checking in throughout the trip. So have a safe trip today and an awesome time. Can't believe we missed you by just a few days. And keep thinking of alternate destinations, right?
Can someone fill me in..when did we know she was going? Was this a suprise???
And LURKERS--I know you are out there! With the New Year on the horizon, please think about coming out of the shadows and joining our crew. Yes, we really have room for more.
Thanks E for that...great word choices!!!
Off to do some retail therapy today.

Hi Everyone...

The snow has arrived with more to follow, but all is well so far... The Christmas party last night was fun, not terribly exciting, but fun. The infamous giraffe print shoes came out to play so that is always a good time...

Dawn - glad you and the family had a great time and made it home safely. I definitely understand where you are coming from with the issues you were talking about. We have all had our a-ha moments and it sounds like you may have hit yours. Use the experience to inspire real change in your life. Take baby steps and work on the little things rather than creating unrealistic goals for yourself and hopefully you won't be beating yourself up for it later. As I was telling Lyz a few days ago, to change one's life is more of a journey than a destination and you take a journey one step at a time.
Paula - I love that motto...and I usually look at it for things outside of me..need to internalize that...write it out...

I started today by making a to do list...never done that before...really have not...and am starting a project...finishing it...before allowing myself to move on...setting myself up for success...like this morning...the kitchen...vacuumed the edges...polished the table and all woodwork...cleaned the fridge..did the dishes...everything...and did not allow me to take a break...phone call etc...till done...that was a first...I usually will take a work call etc...get distracted..not finish what I wanted to do...and then feel like cr@p about myself...so today...goal #1...take care of me first...and let myslef put priorities I have on the front..not deal with everyone else first...
Liz - I love what you said about wanting to experience the struggle before you hit goal. In an odd sort of way, that makes total sense to me. I think because in my mind when you work so hard to achieve something, you appreciate it so much more. Hang in there and we will get you through this. Maybe the new WW program was just what you need right now.
Agreed....

OK - I can't believe I am saying this, but if you all are setting goals for a 5K in 2010 (but will make the trip down as a supporter), I need to set a goal as well. I can't commit to running since my doc won't clear me to do that yet (I would destroy my knees if I started running at my present weight), I need help figuring out what my new fitness goal should be. Thoughts anyone...

Time to get back to work... I'll talk to you all later,
Paula

I need to do this as well...I would love to say I want to run...but I hate running...so why decide on something I hate already...really...would love to do boxing...I need to hit something...there is a gym in town...maybe they have a womens class...training session...I need to look into that...look at Kat..playing hockey in her adult years...and never did before...I also would love to be in shape enough to play soccer on an adult league...and yes that involves running...but for a team..and a purpose of scoring...or not allowing to get scored on...so to me that is different...

I'd be HAPPY to come visit you there! Can you even imagine? I'm having difficulty committing to a CHAIR and END TABLE (which reminds me - I forgot to tell you all that story. Sorry - it'll have to wait until later, 'cause I'm already running late for work. again.

do tell...Dan is in Colorado now...told me to check it out...he is such a window shopper..me..I just end up feeling bad....but I would kill for just one of the kitchens...totally my style of a house..even 1/10 of the size....

Now I get to go bake cookies. Paula...what was it you wanted? [/B][/COLOR]

That is on my list to do as well...2 batches of cookies...

Oh and what is the next book in the Twilight series? Twilight and then NEw Moon?? Cuz I am having a hard time finding it! I went to walmart Monday night (SICK) and they had NONE! I went to target (sick) last night and they had NONE! I was like ***! I need the book I need a fix! CRACK ON PAPER!!!! I am trying to download and all I am getting is stupid trailors for different movies!


I am going back to catch up I only have 5 more page read!

Forgot to tell you all that I finished the book the first few days there...sooo yummy...hooked and cooked...and I can't find the new onle locally either...need to get out and get to a bigger bookstore....

I think we need to find a 5K in the summer and do it. Would give me an excuse to come meet up, anyhow. Make it somewhere north so that I don't sweat my $$ off, k?

Liz, I tried to get them to send me to Camden this week but no dice. Maybe next time.


I need to recommit but this time of year is so hard.

Maybe one in MN...shopping at the Mall of America...10,000 lakes to party at...just throwing it out there....

 

[Dizneydawn]

some pics from the trip!

The kids after dinner at Kona's...

Kids at Vero Beach...next time the only place they want to go....

Kids making mama proud at Sea World...

My favorite pic of Dan this trip...Baylor and he have really gotten to be great friends...they both have a warped sense of humor...and Dan can make him laugh like noone else...mostly cause Baylor thinks he is a big dork!

Dan and I in October at my nieces B-day party...

A full backside view of my goodies...and Dan's...thanks to Carsyn...but I love this picture...cause she took it...and she did not have to...and that means she is okay with us...someone holding her Mom's hand...which her Dad never did...and she is okay with Dan...and that is the best Christmas present ever...

 

[Dizneydawn]

The mini meet...with Treyner's Birthday thrown in!

And last..our Christmas Card Pic!

 

[Dizneydawn]

never mind...pics fixed themselves...

 

[AKASnowWhite]

PS - I'll take whatever cookies you are making... less that I have to make (ha...) I am baking this weekend. Two days, three helpers and 50 dozen cookies to make (I make seven types). Should be easy

Sorry...I read that...2 days, 3 helpers and 50 dozen cookies, and thought - eh (I sound like Lisa )...eh...that's not so bad I always *forget* though, that making that many cookies at HOME is waaaayyy more time consuming that making them at WORK.

Enjoy the cookie baking Paula. Have fun with the people you are cooking with...put on some good music...have a good "beverage"... make a mess...and laugh all the way thru it. That's the fun of it all...

really...would love to do boxing...I need to hit something...there is a gym in town...maybe they have a womens class...training session...I need to look into that...

OMG. That sounds like FUN. Beating the CRAP out of something? I'd choose THAT one!

Forgot to tell you all that I finished the book the first few days there...sooo yummy...hooked and cooked...and I can't find the new onle locally either...need to get out and get to a bigger bookstore....

Jim Jones, paging Jim Jones....you have a call on line 1...

A full backside view of my goodies...and Dan's...thanks to Carsyn...but I love this picture...cause she took it...and she did not have to...and that means she is okay with us...someone holding her Mom's hand...which her Dad never did...and she is okay with Dan...and that is the best Christmas present ever...

I totally LOVE everything about this picture, and what it all represents. It's like the 2 of you walking away, and leaving that "old life" behind you....not looking back, just moving forward.

 

[goofyfan-12]

Sorry...I read that...2 days, 3 helpers and 50 dozen cookies, and thought - eh (I sound like Lisa )...eh...that's not so bad I always *forget* though, that making that many cookies at HOME is waaaayyy more time consuming that making them at WORK.

Enjoy the cookie baking Paula. Have fun with the people you are cooking with...put on some good music...have a good "beverage"... make a mess...and laugh all the way thru it. That's the fun of it all...

I don't mind the quantity, but when you think that it all comes from one mixer, four cookie sheets and one oven, it is a lot of work....

That is the plan.... have fun and make a mess...(but not too big of one since I have to clean it...)

You are full of awesome advice today.... love you for that...
Paula

 

[SeptemberGirl]

Nancy - I spent yesterday making 224 pierogi and two batches of cookies- on standard, one new one that was the worst dough I have ever worked with - and I kept thinking, how does Nancy DO this? Hats off to you, my girlfriend!

Paula - I love what you said - you guys WILL get me through this. So thankful for that.

Dawn - great pics. And yes to keeping the butt shot. I've got some of those of my own, as you well know. As for running, why not? So you hate it. i hate it too, until it gets fun. In a sick, hateful way. Start walking every day, and then build up.

Nick, i wouldn't say he struggled. He's not thin. He's a big guy and has gained since we met, used to be more active, etc. Mostly now he works, comes home, works on our house, and parents on the weekend. He doesn't have much time to do more than make money and see his kid. He was a normal kid, never fat or heavy, just never thin. But athletic his whole life. And now he's a suit on the train, that tailgates and drinks beer with his buddies and takes his kid on errands on the weekend. Maybe one day, he will get in shape, and I hope that for him, but that's his journey. So yes, he gets it. To a point. But he's so vastly unconcerned with my size, it's nice. Unconditional love and all that.

Today...

Went to WW and weighed in. 167.4. I want to be 160 by Dec 31st. So there you go. How much of that weight is water and how much is the junk I have been eating while baking? Who knows? But there's some of both. So, to break the cycle, I went to the gym right after weigh in. In a year plus,I have never done that. But I want this week to be the start of something new. And I have that size 8 green dress I want to wear for Christmas.

I have a goal, I have an anchor, and it finally clicked. It's not about the food anymore. I need to exercise, so I track better. I need to move. That motivates me. It never did before, but thank God I figured that out.

Honestly, I am not sure what my goal weight is anymore. I think I need a chat after the 1st with my leader. It's under 160 and over 145 but I'm not sure what it is. Is it a low 10, a high 8, a mid 8? Is it 150 still or not? I'm not sure.

Thoughts welcome on this process.

So I am so proud I weighed in. And did a yoga class. And have another class on my calendar for tomorrow. I like the new program, too. Makes more sense.

In other news, Emily came home from school sick today. Fever. Took her to the doctor's office, nothing wrong. Must be viral. She's a sad puppy.

I'm making Nick come home early (this means 7pm instead of 8pm. Not actually "early"), serving soup and sandwiches for dinner, and then heading out to Costco and the grocery store to stock up until the new year.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Nancy - I spent yesterday making 224 pierogi and two batches of cookies- on standard, one new one that was the worst dough I have ever worked with - and I kept think, how does Nancy DO this? Hats off to you, my girlfriend!

One thing to keep in mind - the mixers I use at work are not your standard "home kitchen" size. We have 3 different ones, and the smallest is bigger than my kitchenaid at home...the biggest is...I don't know... a darn big bowl! And the oven that I bake cookies in - I can do at least 6 dozen at a time....2 dozen on each of 3 trays....if they are smaller cookies I can do up to 4 dozen per tray....SO....it's not at all like working in my kitchen at home.

Baking 50 dozen cookies at home...yeah...that'd take a while

I have a goal, I have an anchor, and it finally clicked. It's not about the food anymore. I need to exercise, so I track better. I need to move. That motivates me. It never did before, but thank God I figured that out.

What a great feeling. Gotta love that "click"! I need to find my "click"...I think I left it in Mexico.... ...I had it right before we left....

Hope Em feels better soon. No one wants to be sick for Christmas!