I'm failing as a step-father

[cardaway]

I would give anything to be able to marry who I want (yes, I'm a lesbian) so frankly, it really pisses me off when I see people screw it up so badly and then tell ME I can't get married because if I did it would somehow deface the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. Give me a break!

We agree on that point. Good day.

 

[goofy4tink]

Dakota Lynn, while I can understand your argument, I'm not sure what someone's sexual orientation is matters here. And no, I have no issues. Far from it. Everyone is certainly free to whatever opinion they want....but just because someone doesn't agree with someone else's opinion, doesn't make it wrong. It's an opinion. Here, we will find those who's opinions we usually agree with, those who we usually adamently oppose...but we are free to differ. Straight, gay, or lesbian...it makes no difference. Everyone has relationship issues. I'm not trying to be confrontational, and apologize if that is the case, but I just don't see where your last paragraph is relevant. My dd is straight and would love to be married, but she isn't...same with my ds. I'm in a happy 2nd marriage. What's the point. We are all people, sharing the same revolving orb, know as Earth. (oh man...now I'm sounding like something in WDW!!)
Rather than bashing the OP, if you don't agree with what he has done (and I don't in some ways), then rather than bring sexuality into it, just pass it by.
We had best be careful here, before we manage to get this thread shut down.

 

[mickeyboat]

Dakota Lynn, while I can understand your argument, I'm not sure what someone's sexual orientation is matters here. And no, I have no issues. Far from it. Everyone is certainly free to whatever opinion they want....but just because someone doesn't agree with someone else's opinion, doesn't make it wrong. It's an opinion. Here, we will find those who's opinions we usually agree with, those who we usually adamently oppose...but we are free to differ. Straight, gay, or lesbian...it makes no difference. Everyone has relationship issues. I'm not trying to be confrontational, and apologize if that is the case, but I just don't see where your last paragraph is relevant. My dd is straight and would love to be married, but she isn't...same with my ds. I'm in a happy 2nd marriage. What's the point. We are all people, sharing the same revolving orb, know as Earth. (oh man...now I'm sounding like something in WDW!!)
Rather than bashing the OP, if you don't agree with what he has done (and I don't in some ways), then rather than bring sexuality into it, just pass it by.
We had best be careful here, before we manage to get this thread shut down.

Actually, Diane, I can see where she is coming from. When DH and I were desperate to have a baby, I was furious with people who treated their children poorly, and swore that I would never treat my children that way. It was hard to see someone abusing something that I wanted so badly! The desire can explain why Dakota is so adamant about her position.

Denae

 

[goofy4tink]

Actually, Diane, I can see where she is coming from. When DH and I were desperate to have a baby, I was furious with people who treated their children poorly, and swore that I would never treat my children that way. It was hard to see someone abusing something that I wanted so badly! The desire can explain why Dakota is so adamant about her position.

Denae

Absolutely agree... I have been in similar shoes myself.

 

[Mimi Q]

 

[Gramto3]

Just jumping with my . 2 worth.

They both need to get Christian counselling individually and then together. Even if they work out their own personality quirks ~~ the problem will remain as long as the child is refererred to as HER Son and he feels that he is the STEP FATHER. The child should be referred to as OUR SON!!!!!

Being raised by a step-father and going through the "they are my kids, not yours" produced lots of stress and insecurity for my sisters and myself.
Children from broken families need to hear "Our Kids" so they have a sense they are loved by both individuals they are living with and they are not constantly being pulled apart.

Get it resolved or get it over with before more damage is done to the 5 year old.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

Dakota Lynn, while I can understand your argument, I'm not sure what someone's sexual orientation is matters here. And no, I have no issues. Far from it. Everyone is certainly free to whatever opinion they want....but just because someone doesn't agree with someone else's opinion, doesn't make it wrong. It's an opinion. Here, we will find those who's opinions we usually agree with, those who we usually adamently oppose...but we are free to differ. Straight, gay, or lesbian...it makes no difference. Everyone has relationship issues. I'm not trying to be confrontational, and apologize if that is the case, but I just don't see where your last paragraph is relevant. My dd is straight and would love to be married, but she isn't...same with my ds. I'm in a happy 2nd marriage. What's the point. We are all people, sharing the same revolving orb, know as Earth. (oh man...now I'm sounding like something in WDW!!)
Rather than bashing the OP, if you don't agree with what he has done (and I don't in some ways), then rather than bring sexuality into it, just pass it by.
We had best be careful here, before we manage to get this thread shut down.

Perhaps you didn't get to read the whole thread. My past post wasn't in response to the OP at all. Actually, the reason I pointed that out about my sexual orientation was because Cardaway (page four), suggested (more than once I believe) that I would have held a different opinion of the OP had he been a woman. I merely pointed out that I have strong reasons for NOT holding hypocritical opinions regarding marriage issues. I did not wish to be lumped into that category with people who have double standards. Frankly, I haven't seen the threads that Cardaway mentioned mostly because I try to avoid them if I can! Not my thing at all! Had I seem them I feel certain that I would react the same way to them. As Mickey pointed out, I'm adamant about my position and upon being accused of having a double standard, I felt the need to explain why. My sincerest apologies if my post was offensive to you.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

We agree on that point. Good day.

Psst! We also agree on who is gonna win the Super Bowl!

 

[nowellsl]

Just like countless other threads. If I see any more comments like this it will be hard to believe the issue is that it's a guy posting about a woman.

I don't get this - my comment had nothing whatsoever to do with the OP's gender!

 

[poohandwendy]

Psst! We also agree on who is gonna win the Super Bowl!

Too bad you both will be wrong... Go Steelers!!!!

 

[boomhauer]

For my part, I'll end it here:

I come on to the DIS, not to bash my wife (as I have not). Not to "seek a way out". I come here to vent. I come here, because as I sit here at work, I'm bothered by the events that have occured, and in the past, I have read threads (and started some) where there are VERY helpful and supportive people who give advice, and are a shoulder to lean on. No different in many ways than going to counseling. That's me. I like to talk about things, figure out a way for things to work out and see what it is I am doing wrong on my part.

As for those that think otherwiese, that's your prerogative. Quite frankly,if I can't take the criticism, I shouldn't post in the first place.

As for my Al Bundy joke, it was just that - A joke.

I love my wife. I love my step-son. I have some growing up to do. My wife has some growing up to do. We'll either do it and live happily ever after, or we won't, and deal with the consequences. Period.

Now the rest of you can go on bickering about what a heartless scum I am, while I will go and try and fix my family.

For those with a bit of common sense who have seen why I was here and what I was trying to say, thank you for your help, advice and kind words. Peace be with you.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

Too bad you both will be wrong... Go Steelers!!!!

Oh no. No no no no no no! We finally finished one debate over here and everybody is still alive; let's not get started on another one already!

 

[Alicnwondrln]

Just jumping with my . 2 worth.

They both need to get Christian counselling individually and then together. Even if they work out their own personality quirks ~~ the problem will remain as long as the child is refererred to as HER Son and he feels that he is the STEP FATHER. The child should be referred to as OUR SON!!!!!

Being raised by a step-father and going through the "they are my kids, not yours" produced lots of stress and insecurity for my sisters and myself.
Children from broken families need to hear "Our Kids" so they have a sense they are loved by both individuals they are living with and they are not constantly being pulled apart.

Get it resolved or get it over with before more damage is done to the 5 year old.

how do you know hes christian?
maybe he is jewish, muslim or something else
just a thought

 

[poohandwendy]

Oh no. No no no no no no! We finally finished one debate over here and everybody is still alive; let's not get started on another one already!

LOL, yeah...we should keep that fist fight out of fthis thread...

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

LOL, yeah...we should keep that fist fight out of fthis thread...

Well then let's go start a new thread and fight it out there!

 

[Carrieannew]

Have an awesome vacation!!!!!

 

[boomhauer]

Have an awesome vacation!!!!!

Well, I said "I'm sorry" and "I Love you", and she said the same, so I certainly will now.

 

[goofy4tink]

Cool beans as my dd says. Have a good trip and remember to bring those back home something really nice!!!!

 

[Crankyshank]

Honestly I think boom should go on the trip and really take the time to think about what's going on and what his expectations are.

It seems like every time you bring up these fights they always end with an "I'm sorry" and "I love you". Well Sorry and I love you is just lip service because you keep doing the same things to each other over and over again. It's time to poop or get off the pot. Either put something in motion to make something more than a band aid repair or resign yourself to a lifetime of drama, bickering, and misery. You both need to grow up and realize these passionate melodramas are horrible on your son. You need to think about him and what you two do are effecting him.

 

[FreshTressa]

I'm late to the discussion, and haven't read all the posts...


BUT, I bet your community offers free parenting classes somewhere. Take them, then you guys can be on the same page.

Or buy a parenting book and decide that both of you will follow the methods in the book.

That you are on the same page and that you ARE disciplining is more important than how it is being done.

Kids grow up okay with lots of different styles, and there is no ONE way. But, you do need to do it as a team to be effective.

Good luck!