If your spouse asked you....

[Miss Inga Depointe]

I have a friend who has a career that he loves and is very good at . He has done it for years, before he met his wife. They have a child now, and she has asked him (insisted, rather) to change careers, because it involves working nights and weekends. He is miserable, I can tell, but has done what she asked and taken a 9-5 no weekends sales job so that he can have more family time. And he hates it, but he does it because he feels that he must. He said to me, "I miss it so much! I felt like I was good at that job and not very good at this one." Meanwhile, the wife asked me not to ever bring it up again, because "it just stirs things up." He's being a good sport, though, they aren't fighting. He loves her and I believe is just considering it being a good husband.

This is between them and none of my business, but I think she was wrong to ask him to change careers. I will never tell them this, but I wonder, is it right to ask something like this of a spouse?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

No not really.

 

[Serena]

No. I understand wanting family time, but not at the cost of his happiness.
They need to come up with some sort of compromise.

 

[SEAlla]

If he had the job before they got married and had a child, she knew what she was getting into. She also probably knew what the job meant to him. I think it was out of line for her to ask him to quit. Just my two cents...

Added to say...My husbands job requires him to travel overseas up to 75% of the year. I knew this before I signed up and would never ask him to quit.

 

[Bob Slydell]

It's not right of her to expect, IMO, but it's also way out of your boundries as a friend and outside observer to bring up the topic.

 

[Maleficent13]

I'm with everyone else so far. I wouldn't have asked him to change jobs. We'd have figured it out somehow.

 

[Maleficent13]

It's not right of her to expect, IMO, but it's also way out of your boundries as a friend and outside observer to bring up the topic.

Maybe all she said was, "So, George, how do you like the new job?" and that started it. That's not out of bounds, is it?

 

[BabyTigger99]

We are going through something like this in my house. DH was offered a job as retail loss prevention, which he was jacked to get. But he is also interviewing today for a warehouse supervisor position. He said if he is offered the warehouse job as well, he will have to look long and hard at the plusses and minuses to each job. Retail loss prevention has always been his first choice for a job. He loves the challenge in it. Working nights and weekends doesn't matter to him. And I want to see him happy!

 

[Bob Slydell]

Maybe all she said was, "So, George, how do you like the new job?" and that started it. That's not out of bounds, is it?

Sorry, I misread the OP -- I thought she was asking if she should bring it up with his spouse.

No, letting her friend rant to her about hating his new job is not out of bounds.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

It's not right of her to expect, IMO, but it's also way out of your boundries as a friend and outside observer to bring up the topic.

I can't ask a friend how a new job is going?

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Oops! Sorry! I see that you realize what I meant.

 

[Minnie824]

I would never ask DH to change jobs. I would ask him to do what he could for more 'family time' if that was an issue, which it seems it was with your friends wife. I think what they should have done is worked together to find a solution so that everyone was happy. She should not have demanded him to switch jobs, that seems kindof rude and controlling to me. Now, if DH asked me to stop working, I would gladly say "SURE"!

 

[gradtchr]

I understand wanting family time but I would want my husband to be happy with his job and would never ask him to change. If he chose to change I would support him but would never force the issue.

 

[experiment626mom]

It would make me miserable knowing that dh was miserable. I couldn't do it.

 

[experiment626mom]

Duplicate post

 

[christinadei]

I dont' think she should have insisted, but they do have a family and there is nothing wrong with discussing it. It's wrong for her to say "you have to change jobs" but nothing is wrong with her talkign to him about it. I talked to my husband about the same thing and even though he loves his job, he just can't stay there forever. He doesn't make any money, hasn't gotten a raise in years and probably never will, doesn't have taxes taken out, so we have to pay self imployment tax, he doesn't have any benefits and he wants to go back to school. So, I don't feel liek there is anythign wrong with me "pushing" or motivating him to get off his butt and go get a job that pays him, has benefits and will send him to school. I just think that those decisions shoudl be made as a family, not one person or the other. When I'm deciding on going to school or taking a full load of classes, I talk to him about it, I dont' jsut do what makes me happy. We are, after all, a family.

 

[golfgal]

Does the wife work? If so, what hours does she work? Why didn't she change HER job?

 

[minniepumpernickel]

What kind of job is it? Was it very lucrative? Most jobs if you have done your time on weird shifts for awhile, eventually you can get day shift, right?

 

[Disney Doll]

I am of the opinion that I couldn't watch DH being unhappy with his job. Our jobs are a very important part of our life, whether we want to admit it or not. I mean, think about it...we spend a good portion of our waking hours at our job!!

I have been in jobs that I did not like, for various reasons. I had a job where my immeidate supervisor and I did not see eye-to-eye on anything. I was almost vested in a pension from that employer, so I had to stay about 9 months working for her to become fully vested...my choice. DH told me to resign when the misery first started, but I chose to stay for full pension vestiture. They were 9 months of hell, and the day I was fully vested, I tendered my resignation.

Knowing that, I would never want my DH to have to feel like that, so I'd have to find a compromise.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Does the wife work? If so, what hours does she work? Why didn't she change HER job?

She stays at home with the baby,but do you mean so she could work nights and weekends while he was? I think she was just trying to create a more "normal" family life for the baby, with mom and dad home at night. And I sympathize, but like someone else here said, she knew what she was getting into.

My whole married life I've seen other wives telling their husbands to stop playing golf on Saturday, or that they refuse to move when the husband gets a promotion, and I would never do those things.(I guess never say never. If my husband was addicted to golf or if the move was to China or something, I'd voice my concerns ) I was wondering if I've been some kind of pushover wife!