If your 9 y.o. snooped in their Christmas gifts - UPDATE post #96

[tzolkin]

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But we are at our wits end with DD10. She is so scared of getting into trouble for anything, small or big, that she lies about almost everything. And no, we don't beat her or ground her a lot or any of that, so I don't know what she is so scared of. DH says it is because she is scared to be thought less of (he was quite the liar too when younger, so maybe he is onto something there). Right now we are on a "someday you are going to want a cellphone/to go places on your own/a car and we need to know we can trust you for the little things before we can trust you for the big things" kick.

We are have had the same issue with our DD10. She only lies occasionally, but it's always a situation where it's obvious that she's lying. Sometimes it's little things like she's holding something in her hand (that she's allowed to have!) and denying that she has anything. Almost always the lie is to cover up something that she would not have been in trouble for to begin with.

At the beginning of the school year she cut her hair. Her hair is very thick and to the middle of her back. She basically cut long bangs (a piece on each side to ear-length). I noticed it and asked "Did you cut your hair?" She just kept denying it. It was so obvious that it was cut, but she wouldn't admit it. I even found the hair in the bathroom. Finally after an hour of being in her room I went to talk to her. She still denied it. I had a long discussion with her about trust and that this was something I could obviously see she had done-- how will I be able to trust her if I have no proof whether she's lying or not?


Sorry to go slightly off topic. This has been a huge source of frustration for me too.

 

[Ephany]

Well as a child who not only snooped, but helped my best friend unwrap all of her and her sister's presents and then switch them around so my bf got what she wanted for Christmas, I'll come down on the it sounds a little extreme side to me. Kids snoop, that's part of the fun of Christmas.

I think we would deal with each issue separately. The items that were snooped would be put under the tree unwrapped. The surprise is gone and I would think that would be lesson enough. For us, lying is a big deal and we've tried to impress upon DD that she'll get in less trouble if something happens and she tells us the truth than if she lies. I'm not sure what we do as far as punishment for the lying but I'm pretty sure Christmas would not be taken away (unless it was very serious or someone had gotten hurt).

However we don't know the backstory, it sounds extreme but if the child is a chronic fibber, then maybe the mom was at her wits end and just went overboard. I'm not defending her actions, but I know there have been times I've been so very frustrated and I say something stupid which I then have to follow through.

 

[robinb]

He learned that there are consequences to his actions. Too many kids today don't learn that everything we do causes a consequence, whether good or bad. How many parents let things go undone because they are afraid their child might get mad or get their feelings hurt? What happens if he lies to a teacher and gets caught in front of the class, or lies to his boss when he's older? There might be some public interaction that he'll have to face.

Like I said in another post, of course he should be punished for lying. No one said he shouldn't . I think what you did was cruel and over the top and your son would still be an "A" student with a different punishment.

DS is not scarred for life because he had to return gift because he broke the rules.

How do you know? Really know what is in his heart and what hurts he is carrying deep inside? That kind of thing would crush me emotionally. Sure, I would forgive because I love my mother but I would never forget the emotional suffering I went through that Christmas. And how do you know he doesn't relive that a little bit every single year? You say that you can "laugh about it" now, but how do you know that laughter is not forced. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah mom, that time that you took my presents away and humiliated me in public was really a hoot!

No, punishments should not be easy but neither should they be cruel.

 

[disykat]

I don't get the "lied about it" thing. What kid is going to answer a question "did you snoop at your presents?" with a yes? They're going to try to cover their tracks!

I snooped as a child. It was "part of the game" as far as me and my siblings were concerned. My parents handled getting the truth (if needed for some reason) the old fashioned way - by pitting us against each other and getting us to tattle on each other.

I have always assumed my kids will snoop. I've never needed any truthful confessions from them about it, so I've never asked. This is the first year I haven't hidden presents in a place they'd never be found. My kids teens now and are old enough I really don't care. While I do keep them hidden, if they want to snoop, it really doesn't bother me. I'm an adult, and I still think snooping is half the fun.

I guess I could honestly care less if I'm surprised Christmas morning, so it doesn't bother me if they don't care. If they are upset, it's their own darn fault.

 

[natashag76]

Personally I would have more of a problem with the lying than the snooping. I figure curiosity is normal and goes with the holidays. As for punishment, I'm undecided. Let him have them since he's so desperate, but nothing on Christmas? Return them myself and say too bad? Who knows? Fortunately my kids have yet to find my hiding place!

 

[CrAzY4DL]

We are have had the same issue with our DD10. She only lies occasionally, but it's always a situation where it's obvious that she's lying. Sometimes it's little things like she's holding something in her hand (that she's allowed to have!) and denying that she has anything. Almost always the lie is to cover up something that she would not have been in trouble for to begin with.

At the beginning of the school year she cut her hair. Her hair is very thick and to the middle of her back. She basically cut long bangs (a piece on each side to ear-length). I noticed it and asked "Did you cut your hair?" She just kept denying it. It was so obvious that it was cut, but she wouldn't admit it. I even found the hair in the bathroom. Finally after an hour of being in her room I went to talk to her. She still denied it. I had a long discussion with her about trust and that this was something I could obviously see she had done-- how will I be able to trust her if I have no proof whether she's lying or not?


Sorry to go slightly off topic. This has been a huge source of frustration for me too.

I hear ya, sister!!! It's sooooo hard!!! DH says I have to take her chance to lie away. Let me see if I can explain it. Instead of asking "did you cut your hair?", DH would have suggested to me to say "I can see that you cut your hair. I see where it is shorter and there is hair in the sink and now I am going to measure what looks shorter. Why did you cut your hair? Do you want a haircut? Do we need to go now to help you avoid cutting your hair?"

Now, granted, I don't think I would be able to do that but he said it helped a lot with him. Recognizing the behavior and stopping the lie before it can happen. Me, I prolly would have flipped because I take great issue with cutting the hair. LOL In the past we have allowed the girls to bleach sections of their hair and then let them dye the sections wild and crazy colors as a means to express themselves but DD10 desperately wants bangs and I am not willing to budge on this right now, so yeah, I doubt I could have done his approach. My 6 year old, wow she sooooo doesn't lie. She will come and rat herself out too, sooo funny. It's like she has seen DD10 get in so much trouble over lies that she doesn't want to even go down that road. When I think I am being lied to by DD10, I will usually give an out right in the beginning-"if you can tell me the truth right now, we will let the lie go and there will be no punishment for it. The punishment for the original crime will be XY but if you continue to lie the punishment will be XYZ." Usually she can't let the lie go tho. <repeatedly banging head against wall....>

 

[NotUrsula]

Honestly, I have NEVER understood the whole State Secret of Xmas Presents thing. Maybe because I was not raised with the Santa tradition, but I just don't see the point of all the obsession about secrecy. What on earth difference does it make if the recipient finds out ahead of time what gift he or she is getting?

DH and I have been married for nearly 20 years, and this issue caused the ONLY real fight we have ever had in that time. He went ballistic last year and tried to do this to DS after he opened some boxes before Christmas, and I essentially said over my dead body. He is obsessive about the secrecy thing, and I refuse to enforce it.

I hate surprises. Always have, always will. DS is the same way. DH knows this, but he's still obsessive about the whole "you MUST be surprised on Christmas, no matter how miserable that makes you" thing.

When I was a kid, I perfected the art of Christmas snooping. I'm not sure if my parents ever knew that I did it, but even if they had, they wouldn't have gotten angry over it -- it was just a game. Gifts sat out in the living room for weeks, and we all shook and prodded the boxes trying to guess what was in them -- I just took it a step further and unwrapped them at 3 am. I also took pride in restoring the wrapping perfectly to its original condition, and I'm danged good at that. (I still get practice, because my relatives have a habit of sending battery-operated gifts to the kids without the batteries, so I open the boxes and put them in before Christmas morning. It's impossible to tell that they have been opened. I use a needlenosed Exacto knife, an old credit card, and a crafter's glue stick.) I'm famous for this in my family; it is now widely known that I can open ANY box without a trace, and my relatives like to come up with all kinds of wacky ****ytraps to try to stop me. Never works.

A cornered 9 yo who knows that he is between a rock and a hard place will ALWAYS lie to try to get out of it if you give him a chance to. I am betting anything that that woman is just like my DH about the sanctity of The Secret, and he figured he was doomed anyway, so what did he have to lose? Kids that age are not logical that way, especially with a furious parent looming over them.

I'd punish my child for lying, but not that way. By returning the gifts she made it more about what he saw than how he reacted to being caught.

 

[princessmom29]

I hear ya, sister!!! It's sooooo hard!!! DH says I have to take her chance to lie away. Let me see if I can explain it. Instead of asking "did you cut your hair?", DH would have suggested to me to say "I can see that you cut your hair. I see where it is shorter and there is hair in the sink and now I am going to measure what looks shorter. Why did you cut your hair? Do you want a haircut? Do we need to go now to help you avoid cutting your hair?"

Now, granted, I don't think I would be able to do that but he said it helped a lot with him. Recognizing the behavior and stopping the lie before it can happen. Me, I prolly would have flipped because I take great issue with cutting the hair. LOL In the past we have allowed the girls to bleach sections of their hair and then let them dye the sections wild and crazy colors as a means to express themselves but DD10 desperately wants bangs and I am not willing to budge on this right now, so yeah, I doubt I could have done his approach. My 6 year old, wow she sooooo doesn't lie. She will come and rat herself out too, sooo funny. It's like she has seen DD10 get in so much trouble over lies that she doesn't want to even go down that road. When I think I am being lied to by DD10, I will usually give an out right in the beginning-"if you can tell me the truth right now, we will let the lie go and there will be no punishment for it. The punishment for the original crime will be XY but if you continue to lie the punishment will be XYZ." Usually she can't let the lie go tho. <repeatedly banging head against wall....>

This absoultely describes my sister and I, but the ages are reversed. I am the oldest and could never lie to my parents. I felt too guilty about it. My sister, who is 6 1/2 years younger, on the other hand was a master. She is 25 now, and I honestly think that the lies have become so ingrained in her she doesn't know how to not do it anymore. She lies about things that do not even matter. My parents never really called her out on the lying. They knew when she was doing it, and punished her for whatever she had done and lied about, but the lying was never a seperate issue. I think mabye if she had been called on it every time things would have turned out differently. Good for you for calling her out in the lies and making it clear that lies only make it worse.

 

[NotUrsula]

I hear ya, sister!!! It's sooooo hard!!! DH says I have to take her chance to lie away. Let me see if I can explain it. Instead of asking "did you cut your hair?", DH would have suggested to me to say "I can see that you cut your hair. I see where it is shorter and there is hair in the sink and now I am going to measure what looks shorter. Why did you cut your hair? Do you want a haircut? Do we need to go now to help you avoid cutting your hair?"

Now, granted, I don't think I would be able to do that but he said it helped a lot with him. Recognizing the behavior and stopping the lie before it can happen. Me, I prolly would have flipped because I take great issue with cutting the hair. LOL In the past we have allowed the girls to bleach sections of their hair and then let them dye the sections wild and crazy colors as a means to express themselves but DD10 desperately wants bangs and I am not willing to budge on this right now, so yeah, I doubt I could have done his approach. My 6 year old, wow she sooooo doesn't lie. She will come and rat herself out too, sooo funny. It's like she has seen DD10 get in so much trouble over lies that she doesn't want to even go down that road. When I think I am being lied to by DD10, I will usually give an out right in the beginning-"if you can tell me the truth right now, we will let the lie go and there will be no punishment for it. The punishment for the original crime will be XY but if you continue to lie the punishment will be XYZ." Usually she can't let the lie go tho. <repeatedly banging head against wall....>

Are you familiar with the late Grace Hopper? She was an Admiral in the US Navy who was a pioneer in early computer technology. She is very famous for an adage that she used to use: "It is far easier to get forgiveness than permission."

Your DH is right. You are setting her up to lie (in situations like these, at least) because you are making a point of belaboring the obvious. She wanted her hair cut, you wouldn't let her, and so she took the only option, doing it herself, because she knew that you couldn't undo it once it was done. However, because you are known for insisting on admissions of guilt, she has convinced herself that if she doesn't admit to having done something that she is not supposed to, then it didn't happen, and you won't be disappointed in her. You have, by your actions, encouraged her to believe that lying might actually get her out of the trouble if only she could do it convincingly enough.

You have a thing about getting confessions. Ask yourself why. You knew she had done something wrong, so what was the point of asking her if she did it? Just punish her and be done with it, and forget the whole interrogation aspect. Confession is obviously NOT good for her soul, if she'll go to these lengths and willingly court additional punishment in order to avoid doing it. You are purposely using the hope of avoiding punishment as a trap, and she is falling into it every time, and for that reason she doesn't trust you to be fair with her even if she is honest. (I'm not saying you would not be, as I'm sure you would be, but the root of the problem is that for some reason she doesn't believe that you would be.)

I don't think that you needed to be as touchy-feely as your DH suggested, but I think that what you should have said was something like: "I'm punishing you for cutting your hair after I told you that you could not. Don't bother denying it because it is obvious, and I know that you did it yourself. You disrespected my authority, and your punishment for that is X."

 

[CrAzY4DL]

Are you familiar with the late Grace Hopper? She was an Admiral in the US Navy who was a pioneer in early computer technology. She is very famous for an adage that she used to use: "It is far easier to get forgiveness than permission."

Your DH is right. You are setting her up to lie (in situations like these, at least) because you are making a point of belaboring the obvious. She wanted her hair cut, you wouldn't let her, and so she took the only option, doing it herself, because she knew that you couldn't undo it once it was done. However, because you are known for insisting on admissions of guilt, she has convinced herself that if she doesn't admit to having done something that she is not supposed to, then it didn't happen, and you won't be disappointed in her. You have, by your actions, encouraged her to believe that lying might actually get her out of the trouble if only she could do it convincingly enough.

You have a thing about getting confessions. Ask yourself why. You knew she had done something wrong, so what was the point of asking her if she did it? Just punish her and be done with it, and forget the whole interrogation aspect. Confession is obviously NOT good for her soul, if she'll go to these lengths and willingly court additional punishment in order to avoid doing it. You are purposely using the hope of avoiding punishment as a trap, and she is falling into it every time, and for that reason she doesn't trust you to be fair with her even if she is honest. (I'm not saying you would not be, as I'm sure you would be, but the root of the problem is that for some reason she doesn't believe that you would be.)

I don't think that you needed to be as touchy-feely as your DH suggested, but I think that what you should have said was something like: "I'm punishing you for cutting your hair after I told you that you could not. Don't bother denying it because it is obvious, and I know that you did it yourself. You disrespected my authority, and your punishment for that is X."

MY child didn't cut her hair and then lie about it, I was responding to another persons post. I simply told them what my husband would want me to do in that situation. And I don't think it is touchy-feely, that sentence doesn't fit in my head at all. All I am trying to do with my children is instill in them a sense of character. When you lie, you put a crack in your character. You make it hard for me to believe you next time. He is trying to get me to a point in my parenting where I don't allow for the lie to occur at all, which when you think about it, makes sense. I show them through example, I don't lie and I take it very personally when someone lies to me.

 

[Chelley00]

Like I said in another post, of course he should be punished for lying. No one said he shouldn't . I think what you did was cruel and over the top and your son would still be an "A" student with a different punishment.

How do you know? Really know what is in his heart and what hurts he is carrying deep inside? That kind of thing would crush me emotionally. Sure, I would forgive because I love my mother but I would never forget the emotional suffering I went through that Christmas. And how do you know he doesn't relive that a little bit every single year? You say that you can "laugh about it" now, but how do you know that laughter is not forced. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah mom, that time that you took my presents away and humiliated me in public was really a hoot!

No, punishments should not be easy but neither should they be cruel.

Holy cow. According to you, my poor 16 year old should be in therapy because he's going to turn out to be a serial killer or something because I made him return a toy that he broke the rules to find, and then lied about.


Parenting isn't easy. Our kids are all different, and we all have different styles of parenting. Calling me cruel and over the top is a little ridiculous. If my son ends up in prison, or spending years in a psycho ward because he was so humiliated and will never get over the scars, then I'll humbly apologize, but I think you are highly judgemental and way too emotional. Let's agree to disagree.

 

[robinb]

Holy cow. According to you, my poor 16 year old should be in therapy because he's going to turn out to be a serial killer or something because I made him return a toy that he broke the rules to find, and then lied about.


Parenting isn't easy. Our kids are all different, and we all have different styles of parenting. Calling me cruel and over the top is a little ridiculous. If my son ends up in prison, or spending years in a psycho ward because he was so humiliated and will never get over the scars, then I'll humbly apologize, but I think you are highly judgemental and way too emotional. Let's agree to disagree.

Show me where I said he should (1) be in therapy, (2) become a serial killer, (3) end up in prison or (4) spend years in a psycho ward. Overdramatize much?

 

[jeepgirl30]

I don't get the "lied about it" thing. What kid is going to answer a question "did you snoop at your presents?" with a yes? They're going to try to cover their tracks!

Exactly what i was thinking! I was not a snooper, one year I accientially found the presents because my mom stuck them in the dryer, forgot and asked me to do the laundry. I was so sad because I still pretended to believe in Santa and now that was ruined for both of us. it also ruined christmas for me because i was not surprised.

I will be crushed when my kids snoop and no longer believe in Santa. My DD9 knows about Santa but I told her to keep playing along for DS7 because those that don't believe don't receive and as soon as he stops believing there is no reason for Santa to continue! Of course Christmas will but she doesn't realize that yet. I don't know what i'll do but nothing extereme. Its part of learning, realizing you spoil the surprise. Its like a rite of passage or something.

I lied about believing in Santa. This kid lied about snooping. What is the difference? We both tried to cover our tracks and get our presents.

 

[NotUrsula]

MY child didn't cut her hair and then lie about it, I was responding to another persons post. I simply told them what my husband would want me to do in that situation. And I don't think it is touchy-feely, that sentence doesn't fit in my head at all. All I am trying to do with my children is instill in them a sense of character. When you lie, you put a crack in your character. You make it hard for me to believe you next time. He is trying to get me to a point in my parenting where I don't allow for the lie to occur at all, which when you think about it, makes sense. I show them through example, I don't lie and I take it very personally when someone lies to me.

My apologies, I misunderstood your example, but the issue remains the same for the person you were responding to, and your DH is still right in his reasoning.

If you (general you, not you personally) ask whether or not the child committed the offense, you are unconsciously dangling bait that a conflict-averse child will be helpless to resist. Their unconscious response will go something like, "She doesn't know it was me -- I might be able to avoid getting punished if I play this right."

They don't see it as a character test, they see it as an escape route, and because you, a parent that they trust, are offering it to them, they don't understand that trying to take it is wrong. They also don't understand why someone who loves them would offer an escape route that is a trick. You are to some degree lying yourself -- by implying that you don't know that the child did it, when in fact you did know all along.

I understand that you see that question as a chance to redeem something by confessing, but conflict-averse personalities don't see it that way, at least not at that age. They don't understand that it is a trick question, and they will forever cling to the hope that if they can just do a good enough job of being convincing, they can avoid pain. Eventually, with maturity they do begin to understand that the question is a trap, but by then the habit of attempting to take the escape route may have become too ingrained, and they will jump at it before they think.

Not asking questions like that is the first step to stopping the compulsion to always go first for the denial option. If it isn't laid out for them on a silver platter, it cannot so easily be used.

 

[disykat]

but conflict-averse personalities don't see it that way, at least not at that age.

I know some conflict-averse personalities that don't outgrow this! (Are your ears burning dh?) Obviously, it becomes a personality flaw when you don't outgrow this, but I think some of us "truth-seekers" underestimate just how important people pleasing is to some people. Important enough that they will lie to cover their tracks. Important enough that they don't want to disappoint the gift giver by admitting they "have ruined the surprise." I've caught my dh lying to avoid conflict, and I honestly think this is one of his major personality flaws, but I have to remind myself that there are probably instances I've done it myself.

Let's face it - we all "lie" at times. One of the reasons parents get upset when their kids snoop is because they don't want them to discover the truth about Santa. Kind of ironic, isn't it?

 

[CrAzY4DL]

My apologies, I misunderstood your example, but the issue remains the same for the person you were responding to, and your DH is still right in his reasoning.

If you (general you, not you personally) ask whether or not the child committed the offense, you are unconsciously dangling bait that a conflict-averse child will be helpless to resist. Their unconscious response will go something like, "She doesn't know it was me -- I might be able to avoid getting punished if I play this right."

They don't see it as a character test, they see it as an escape route, and because you, a parent that they trust, are offering it to them, they don't understand that trying to take it is wrong. They also don't understand why someone who loves them would offer an escape route that is a trick. You are to some degree lying yourself -- by implying that you don't know that the child did it, when in fact you did know all along. QUOTE]


Very interesting to hear his side of it from an outside party. I will definitely work harder at doing this!!! My problem is, I am so quick to jump to agitation (hormone drama, you don't even wanna know, lol!) that I am scared that in the heat of the moment I will revert back to my usual tendencies and just go for the easy fight (asking if she did it then the drama over the inevitable lie). Anyone have any tips on how to change your parenting methods? I have read, and continue to read, several parenting books and I just have a hard time implementing the changes in ME. (Currently enthralled in How to Hug a Porcupine: Negotiating the Prickly Points of the Tween Years). Literally, I am ALLLL ears here! LOL

 

[mommyof2princesses]

While I don't agree with the extreme this mom went to for punishing her child for snooping, I will not judge her actions. She obviously did when she felt needed to be done to teach her child a lesson. I am sure all of us have done something to punish our child/ren, that others may not have agreed with.

I would like to think my children don't snoop. My oldest is 14 and I really believe she has never snooped. she likes to be surprised. My 6 year old is not at that snooping age. If they did, I probably would be hearbroken. Not sure what their consequence would be. Perhaps donate the item they found to charity. Would they be upset? Yes. Would they be scarred emotionally forever? i would hope not. It is a toy. Something of material value.

And I am also not sure about the whole public humiliation. I am sure we have all humiliated our children in public at one time or another, and we ourselves have been humiliated in public too. I don't think it has scarred me for life. I have spanked one of my children in a store. I am probably a horrible mom for it, but it was called for and waiting to go home and do it probably would have lost its value.

 

[pixiedancr]

My family had a rule and we hold to the same rule if you go looking and find your presents those presents are then given to someone who is really in need of a gift. It did happen to me once as a child...yes it was sad seeing the present go but it did go to a very deserving child and made her christmas even better. It may sound harsh but honestly my kids know it happened to me so they haven't even attempted at looking. There have been accidents where it was my fault(ie go get this out of that closet and low and behold there is the present I forgot I put there) and those presents do not get taken away.

I'm editing to add that I wasn't emotionally scarred by this in anyway. My children know that the majority of their gifts are in our closet...so avoid the closet. I do allow them free reign at shaking and trying to figure out their gifts(unless they are breakable) they seem to enjoy that more anyway. To be honest my parents had the rule...I broke the rule and so as a result I lost something I REALLY wanted but like I said it did go to someone in need and knowing that it went to her in away made it seem right even though I was sad. I know that mabey doesn't make sense but it did in my heart. I do think that we don't know everything about this story and shouldn't judge the mom.

 

[jodifla]

On a Mom's board that I am a part of, another Mom posted that her 9 y.o. son was caught snooping in her room to look at his Christmas gifts. AND he lied about it. Her solution was to make him pack up all the gifts. Put them in the car. They all drove to the store. He had to explain to the clerk why they were returning them. And appologize for the waste of the clerks time putting the items back on the shelf. She made no mention of whether she had other gifts for him or if she was planning to go buy them back. I really think that she is going to stick to her guns.

Part of me is impressed that she followed through and taught him a lesson that he'll never forget. But the other part says that seems really extreme.

If you were put in the same position, what would YOU do?

Assuming there aren't other factors we don't know (i.e. child always lies, is a hellion, etc.) then this is cruel and lousy parenting.

For the "actions have consequences" crowd, the punishment should also fit the crime. What this woman did is spiteful, mean and vindictive. It teaches her son fear, because you never know when some adult is going to wildly overreact to a minor trespass. It's like that zero tolerance crap that passes for discipline in the school systems.

What I would do is wrap the gifts, and stick them under the tree. Then when the child is not surprised, maybe he'll think twice about snooping next year. THAT'S the proper consequence.

As for the lying part....why would you tell the truth to a mom like this? This child likely knows she can't be trusted. If she'd do the public humiliation of her child over CHRISTMAS, God knows what else she is capable of.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Assuming there aren't other factors we don't know (i.e. child always lies, is a hellion, etc.) then this is cruel and lousy parenting.

For the "actions have consequences" crowd, the punishment should also fit the crime. What this woman did is spiteful, mean and vindictive. It teaches her son fear, because you never know when some adult is going to wildly overreact to a minor trespass. It's like that zero tolerance crap that passes for discipline in the school systems.

What I would do is wrap the gifts, and stick them under the tree. Then when the child is not surprised, maybe he'll think twice about snooping next year. THAT'S the proper consequence.

As for the lying part....why would you tell the truth to a mom like this? This child likely knows she can't be trusted. If she'd do the public humiliation of her child over CHRISTMAS, God knows what else she is capable of.

Hold onto your hat Jodifla but I completely agree with you!

I think the Mom acted insanely. I don't tolerate lying so I would deal with that but the snooping on a whole is not the end of the world. I couldn't imagine any offense that a 9 year old could commit that would make me take such drastic measures. Nothing is impossible of course but it boggles my mind.