If you knew your girlfriend or boyfriend were infertile

[Mrs.Toad]

When I was going through IVF I belonged to a TTC board, where we all were going thru some type of fertility work. I'd say the large majority (about 80%) didn't realize that they would have problems until they started trying. That's when the problems like scar tissue, hormonal problems, repeated miscarriages, incompetent cervix, and low counts would start to show up.

this was my experience on ttc, infertility and adoption boards as well.

On the other hand, the post about hysterectomies reminded me of an adoptive mom who was tired of people saying "now you'll get pregnant" after she adopted. Some of these people didn't know she'd had a hysterectomy, but her SIL did. Um, yea, how exactly am I going to get pg without a uterus?

 

[NikitaZee]

Depends on when I found out. If I found out before I was emotionally invested, I would probably have moved on. Once in love everything changes.

This is how I feel as well. And further - if I was already in love and knew that this was the man for me, he'd have to agree to artificial insemination or in vitro. If that was taken off the table, it would be a huge obstacle for me.

 

[ShuisFan584]

I love my husband and that would be the most insensitive thing if I didn't marry him for that reason. I would probably feel terrible about it for the rest of my life. I would love to have biological children. But if I were to find out that there was no way we'd be able to, I wouldn't just get rid of my husband!

 

[Freyja]

Not having children would have been an absolute deal-breaker for me. If my DH and I could not have had biological children I would have adopted. Had my husband not been willing to have children unless he they would be his biological children, I would have found another husband or had children by myself.

 

[quentina]

I have one biological and two adopted children. I love them all the same....after a few weeks, you don't even realize that you did not give birth to the others (it was not instant for me as others will report).

So, I would say that I would not be affected. I have been blessed, humbled and experienced many amazing things from all my kids......no matter how they were conceived.

 

[quentina]

Since I have no desire to have anymore biological children (going through childbirth once was more than enough for me) this would be great IMO

I agree....I told my DH, enough of this, if we want more we will adopt. At the time, I don't think it was serious however; I then had issues that prevented more kids. So, we did adopt 2 out of 3. It is an amazing experience, something you cannot describle until you experience it.

 

[disykat]

I would not have married anyone for whom I thought there would be deal breakers. Like someone else said, when you love someone their problems become your problems. Like others, the desire to have kids or not is usually a shared desire amoung couples, thus in order to be compatible you'd have to have that in common. Inability is a whole different story.

I've told this story often, but when I was in my teens I met someone whose husband had a really serious accident in the first year of their marriage. When I met them, they had been married for 25 years and her life was VERY different than she had imagined. Yet, they had a very loving marriage. Biological kids certainly weren't a possibiltiy and adoption really wasn't realistic given the amount of care he required. It certainly changed my image of what an ideal marriage was.

So my answer is like many others, I would have married someone who was unable to have children. I would not have married someone who was unwilling to have children. We would not have been compatible.

 

[Freyja]

I would not have married anyone for whom I thought there would be deal breakers. Like someone else said, when you love someone their problems become your problems. Like others, the desire to have kids or not is usually a shared desire amoung couples, thus in order to be compatible you'd have to have that in common. Inability is a whole different story.

I've told this story often, but when I was in my teens I met someone whose husband had a really serious accident in the first year of their marriage. When I met them, they had been married for 25 years and her life was VERY different than she had imagined. Yet, they had a very loving marriage. Biological kids certainly weren't a possibiltiy and adoption really wasn't realistic given the amount of care he required. It certainly changed my image of what an ideal marriage was.

So my answer is like many others, I would have married someone who was unable to have children. I would not have married someone who was unwilling to have children. We would not have been compatible.

Doesn´t this mean that the unwillingness to have children would have been a dealbreaker for you?

 

[sunnyday123]

If they were unable to have children, yes I would still marry them. If they were not open to adoption, fertility treatments or any other roundabout way of having children, no I wouldn't marry them.

This kind of happened to me in reverse. Before we were married, my ex talked non-stop about how he wanted children, couldn't wait, blah blah blah.

While on the pill I got pregnant. He wanted to know if I wanted to "keep it" because he wasn't really happy about it. He was afraid it would cut into his "fun time".

We were divorced 4 years later. That played a huge role in our divorce-as did his girlfriend! I knew from the time my DD was an infant we would divorce some day.

 

[grafxgirl]

Personally, having children was very important to me. It did not matter to me if they were biologically mine or not--adoption would have been fine.
So, while I would not have married someone who was opposed to having children at all, I would have had no qualms about marrying someone who could not have biological children and then adopting.

I feel this way too.

 

[pigletgirl]

Yep, I would stick with him even if we were not able to have our own biological child. We would definitely adopt. There are ways to build a family!

 

[Jennasis]

Neither DH nor I want children so discovering that he or I were infertile while we were dating would've been fine.

And FASCINATING first post...though I tend to think this isn't really your first post.

 

[fairestoneofall]

Personally, having children was very important to me. It did not matter to me if they were biologically mine or not--adoption would have been fine.
So, while I would not have married someone who was opposed to having children at all, I would have had no qualms about marrying someone who could not have biological children and then adopting.

yes. this.

 

[phorsenuf]

Neither DH nor I want children so discovering that he or I were infertile while we were dating would've been fine.

And FASCINATING first post...though I tend to think this isn't really your first post.

Not to change the subject, but how was the trip? Did your team do well?

 

[Shyvioletisme]

When DH and I were dating I would have been totally jazzed to find out he was infertile. We don't want children and it would have made life so much easier.

 

[disykat]

Doesn´t this mean that the unwillingness to have children would have been a dealbreaker for you?

No, I don't think so. It would have been a compatibility issue. I don't see not being compatible with someone the same as having deal breakers. Not having deal breakers doesn't mean you have to marry people you don't like!

Deal breakers are "I want to be with this person, but one thing about him is on my deal breaker list."

 

[Jennasis]

Not to change the subject, but how was the trip? Did your team do well?

It was definitely an experience. 4 gold medals, 6 silver and 6 bronze all together though! Competition was fantastic (the horses were simply outstanding and my athletes awe inspiring). Greece is falling apart at the seams and honestly should have backed out of hosting the games even though it would've meant no games at all. Some things went down that would simply curl your hair! PM me if you want deets.

But the competition...magnificent! And I did get to see the Acropolis.

 

[skater]

I'm so thankful that my DH loved me more than potential future children. I was such an extremely liberal young woman and feminist that I told my extremely conservative, raised in the country boyfriend I did not want children - only a career. We loved each other so much that we married despite our differences. Over 20 years later we have one biological child and two adopted children - and I homeschool them .

Now, I don't think this works for everybody. I hope that all my children marry people who share their values, because most of the time, people don't change. And I think its an extremely important point to understand about your future spouse. However, in my case, I'm happy that love really did conquer all .

 

[njmom47]

All I'm gonna say is when I met dh, he had told me he had an accident while playing sports and the doctor told him he might be unable to father a child. Not to mention I had had a tubal by the time we met. It didn't make me think twice.
DS, 15, is the result of this.

 

[phorsenuf]

It was definitely an experience. 4 gold medals, 6 silver and 6 bronze all together though! Competition was fantastic (the horses were simply outstanding and my athletes awe inspiring). Greece is falling apart at the seams and honestly should have backed out of hosting the games even though it would've meant no games at all. Some things went down that would simply curl your hair! PM me if you want deets.

But the competition...magnificent! And I did get to see the Acropolis.

Congratulations! You did well. Quite the accomplishment. Shame about Greece though. I'll PM you in, oh, about 10 days.