If you knew your girlfriend or boyfriend were infertile

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Since I have no desire to have anymore biological children (going through childbirth once was more than enough for me) this would be great IMO

 

[dreamin_disney]

i think its an indivual choice. Personally for me It would be hard to walk away from someone i love. I really dunno because i wasnt in that situation. Fastwards to the present....I have had fertility issues for the last 7 years that i know of. Luckily dh and I did get pregnant fast and have a beautiful dd. When she was 4-5 i got pregnant but miscarried. We would love to have another one but I really dont want to go through fertility treatment as I hear it really hard on the body and the women emotionally, physically and mentally. I've discussed it with dh and he said if i cant have any then i cant have any and he would be open to adoption. Adoption is very expensive and dont think it would be possible. I have pcos and I'm hoping if I lose some weight it will balance out my hormones but even when i was 120 I didnt have a monthly cycle so I just feel its in God's hands if i will be blessed with more.



I have a friend that was told she would never be able to have a baby. She even adopted her nephew that was abandoned. After 15-17 years with her BF they just naturally had a baby. They and everyone was shocked!!!! . She now has a baby girl. so you just never know

 

[tlbwriter]

If they didn't try to procreate before getting married, how would they know? I have many friends who thought they would get pregnant right off the bat and have struggled. I have friends who had no idea that there were issues with their swimmers or had no idea that they weren't ovulating regularly until they started TTC. I had no idea if we'd struggle or not. None whatsoever. Didn't know if being on the pill would mess things up for my fertility. Had no idea if I was ovulating or if I had bad ovaries or tubes or hormones prior to TTC. No clue at all.

If you have one period a year (raising my hand), you know you're not ovulating regularly and will probably have problems. If you're diagnosed with endometriosis, you should know you might have problems. My niece was diagnosed with PCO before she got married, and knew it would be difficult. A coworker lost 1 and 3/4 ovaries due to cysts and adhesions before she got tried to conceive, and knew it would be difficult. I've known people who had cancer treatment and were told they would likely be infertile or subfertile as a result. And then there's the rarity like a girl born without a uterus.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I would not have cared in the least. I had a strong desire to have kids, but it didn't matter how they joined the family. I may not have married my husband if he didn't want kids at all, or if we knew one of us was infertile, and he wasn't open to adoption, but like most couples we believed we were fertile and never discussed it.

It turned out we had secondary infertility and luckily we were both so open to adoption we didn't waste any time with fertility treatments, but adopted our gorgeous, smart, funny, caring and loveable daughter. Sometimes I thank God for my infertility because I cannot imagine my life without her.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Depends on when I found out. If I found out before I was emotionally invested, I would probably have moved on. Once in love everything changes.

 

[Ceila]

Ah, summer, when the weather is hot and so are the topics that trolls post...

Interesting 1st post there, OP, lol.

 

[lemondog]

As someone who has both adopted and given birth, I can tell you UNEQUIVOCALLY there is no difference in how I feel about them so yes I would definitely still marry that person.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Personally, having children was very important to me. It did not matter to me if they were biologically mine or not--adoption would have been fine.
So, while I would not have married someone who was opposed to having children at all, I would have had no qualms about marrying someone who could not have biological children and then adopting.

I'm in this camp as well.

Of course if I married someone now they'd have to open to parenting my son, who is adopted, so anyone who has problems with adoption would not be right.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

If they didn't try to procreate before getting married, how would they know? I have many friends who thought they would get pregnant right off the bat and have struggled. I have friends who had no idea that there were issues with their swimmers or had no idea that they weren't ovulating regularly until they started TTC. I had no idea if we'd struggle or not. None whatsoever. Didn't know if being on the pill would mess things up for my fertility. Had no idea if I was ovulating or if I had bad ovaries or tubes or hormones prior to TTC. No clue at all.

I have friends who had hysterectomies at early ages. I assume they know they are infertile.

 

[LuLuO]

Personally, having children was very important to me. It did not matter to me if they were biologically mine or not--adoption would have been fine.
So, while I would not have married someone who was opposed to having children at all, I would have had no qualms about marrying someone who could not have biological children and then adopting.

 

[college_student]

What would you do if you were thinking that your current bf or gf could be marriage material, but before any engagment, they announced that they would never be able to have a biological child or be able to carry a child, or were against fertility treatments. Would this affect your decision in continuing things going forward.

My wife and I just had a discussion about this, and I told her it would have affected my decision in getting married to someone because having a biological child was important to me and for many reasons I am not open to adoption.

This is not hey we got married and found out we needed ivf, I am curious if you knew this information ahead of time, what would you do,

I want to keep this polite and expect all of you to do the same, you can disagree with someone and have class doing so.

I'm not at the point where I'm thinking about these issues yet, but from initially thinking about it, I don't see how this would affect me. There are other ways to become a parent. Adoption has worked for many people. As of right now, I don't have any issues with it. That could change if I'm actually put in that situation, but right now I don't think that would be an issue.

Now, if they were against any children at all, then I would have a serious issue with that. I would want kids.

 

[Michelle67]

If they didn't try to procreate before getting married, how would they know? I have many friends who thought they would get pregnant right off the bat and have struggled. I have friends who had no idea that there were issues with their swimmers or had no idea that they weren't ovulating regularly until they started TTC. I had no idea if we'd struggle or not. None whatsoever. Didn't know if being on the pill would mess things up for my fertility. Had no idea if I was ovulating or if I had bad ovaries or tubes or hormones prior to TTC. No clue at all.

Disease, deformity, or the treatment thereof can lead to knowing you won't be able to have children before you've had the chance to try.

i think its an indivual choice. Personally for me It would be hard to walk away from someone i love. I really dunno because i wasnt in that situation. Fastwards to the present....I have had fertility issues for the last 7 years that i know of. Luckily dh and I did get pregnant fast and have a beautiful dd. When she was 4-5 i got pregnant but miscarried. We would love to have another one but I really dont want to go through fertility treatment as I hear it really hard on the body and the women emotionally, physically and mentally. I've discussed it with dh and he said if i cant have any then i cant have any and he would be open to adoption. Adoption is very expensive and dont think it would be possible. I have pcos and I'm hoping if I lose some weight it will balance out my hormones but even when i was 120 I didnt have a monthly cycle so I just feel its in God's hands if i will be blessed with more.



I have a friend that was told she would never be able to have a baby. She even adopted her nephew that was abandoned. After 15-17 years with her BF they just naturally had a baby. They and everyone was shocked!!!! . She now has a baby girl. so you just never know

My oldest daughter's cousin had a similar experience. She had a very aggressive juvenile cancer, and between the cancer itself and the treatment was told that she would never be able to have children. Imagine her surprise when she popped up pregnant with twins! Twice! What a sweet surprise.

 

[chris1gill]

Personally, having children was very important to me. It did not matter to me if they were biologically mine or not--adoption would have been fine.
So, while I would not have married someone who was opposed to having children at all, I would have had no qualms about marrying someone who could not have biological children and then adopting.

Exactly what I was going to say, biological or not as long as my significant other wasn't opposed to children EVER, wouldn't have been an issue.

 

[Acklander]

I have friends who had hysterectomies at early ages. I assume they know they are infertile.

When I was going through IVF I belonged to a TTC board, where we all were going thru some type of fertility work. I'd say the large majority (about 80%) didn't realize that they would have problems until they started trying. That's when the problems like scar tissue, hormonal problems, repeated miscarriages, incompetent cervix, and low counts would start to show up.

 

[Sweetpancake]

No, it wouldn't affect me. It would be disappointing but there are many children in the world who need a good home. If they didn't want children at all, then yes, I wouldn't be ok with that.

 

[DisneyCowgirl]

No. What would have impacted my decision is knowing that the person I was dating might dump me if I was infertile.

 

[Aisling]

Having a biological child was a big part of what I wanted when deciding to get married. If I were dating a man and he told me he was sterile, I'd end the relationship. And I'd understand and accept it if the situation were reversed, as sad as it would be.

I know my self, and I know after a while I'd start to feel cheated and resent the poor guy no matter how much I loved him. The desire for me to give birth to my blood offspring was always very strong and an important factor in what I needed/wanted in a husband.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

When you love somebody their struggles become your own. So if I had found out my husband was unable to concieve a child with me, yes I still would have married him and we would have moved on to whatever the next step would be together.

If my husband was completely 100% against having children then we would not have gotten very far in our relationship to begin with. So in that case - no. I would not marry somebody that did not want the same basic goals in life that I did.

 

[Aisling]

No. What would have impacted my decision is knowing that the person I was dating might dump me if I was infertile.

It wouldn't have been "dumping" the guy, in my case. We would have talked about it, he'd know what I wanted in life, in a marriage, children, everything. And if we weren't a match in one of the big ways, we'd break up decently and maturely, no "dumping" involved.

 

[miralys]

It would not affect my decision to stay in the relationship. Life is not to be prearranged. It is to be lived, one day at a time. Just because I am fertile today, doesn't mean I will be tomorrow. The same goes for my partner. It's something we will deal with, together, when and if it happens.