I need help making a Kindergarten decision

[Mkrop]

I personally think everyone should go to school when thier chronological age says they should. I would send him to catholic K and see how he does. I would lay bets that you will be pleasantly suprised and he will do fine and be ready to go to first grade with his age peers rather than behind them.

Have you considered this...putting him in Kindergarten at the Catholic school this year, then re-evaluate next year to see if he needs to repeat at all? He might excel and be ready for first grade next year at the public school. Just a thought.

I agree with these two posts.

I think kids should be given the chance to be with the kids they are suppose to be with given the parameters set by the school district.

Your child may surprise you and excel in K. You may also fall in love with the school and not want to switch him. Maybe you will find the Catholic school is a nice fit for your family and then what?

And yes as the kids get older, they do notice who is turning the next age way before. DS12 has asked why certain kids are a whole year older, and he is one of the oldest in his class based on the cutoff but he is not the oldest bc many kids were held back or did not start on time.

Ultimately you need to do what is best for your family and your child, best of luck with that decision.

 

[Kit'smommy]

Honestly, if he makes the cutoff, I would send him.

My little boy turned 6 back in February, so he was 5.5 when he started K-5. Even though he is in the middle age wise, he is easily the smallest child in his class, and lags well behind his peers both socially and physically (and always has). He is very shy and immature. However, he has done just fine this year. I really can't imagine him starting K-5 right at the age he is now (which is close to where your child will be, if you hold him back). He was in Pre-K3 and Pre-K4 and I think he would have done just fine starting K-5 right after he turned 5, in spite of his physical and mental immaturity.

A couple of my friends did hold their late summer boys back a year, and started them after they turned 6 and they are way too far ahead of their classmates. They are not challenged, are physically larger and just are starting to develop different interests then the younger children.

DS does go to a Baptist school and I am really in love with it. They class size is smaller and there are minimal disciplinary issues, so I do think a private school may be the way to go if you think your child may need to be handled a little more gently.

Good luck to you...

 

[imthatgirl]

And yes as the kids get older, they do notice who is turning the next age way before. DS12 has asked why certain kids are a whole year older, and he is one of the oldest in his class based on the cutoff but he is not the oldest bc many kids were held back or did not start on time.
:

I have to say I'm a little surprised by your response here. You say your son should be the oldest, so that would make him maybe a September birthday? Right? You say he's asked why some of the kids are "a whole year older" then him? He must, at the age of 12 have a fairly decent grasp on how long a month is...or in the OPs situation, 2 months. right? I am not understanding why a 12 yo would feel a child born 2 months before him was not the same age as him.
Now on the other hand if your son, with a september birthday, would think that a child who was born in July would be a "whole year younger" then him if they were in the same grade that would make sense. There would be huge difference on their age.

 

[~Kristina~]

Our principal and preschool teachers at our school say "if you don't think they're ready, then you're probably right." Follow your gut. Also, our school district has a "transitional" kindergarten class, maybe yours does as well?

 

[clutter]

Will your public school allow this?

A friend of mine did this with her twins, but didn't do it until 1st grade. They'd been in a private school, and when she enrolled them in the public school for 1st grade, the public school refused to place them there. They completed 1st grade, so they were to be enrolled in 2nd. She had to place them in a different private school to repeat 1st grade. (She held them back for maturity reasons, not academic.)

 

[princessmom29]

My 4yo will be 5 in August and we too are not sending him to K next year. We really want him to be with kids his own age, not always trying to catch up with the kids that are a year older then him. It just doesn't seem fair to him to send him now.
So I completely understand where you're coming from.
For us, I wouldn't even consider sending him to K two years in a row. I have a nephew who repeated K and it has had a profound effect on him. He's a smart child, he just needed the extra year to mature, but now he always feels like a failure. Everytime he doesn't do something right he will remind himself that he stayed back in K. He knows thatmost kids didn't do this.
We are sending my son to Pre K in a school where some of the kids he's with will also go to K in the same school as him. I want him to form bonds with kids that will continue their education together.

And to the PP who said he won't be with his peer group and will "figure it out"....actually the OPs child WILL be with his peer group. Having such a late birthday will either make him almost a year younger then most of the kids or maybe 2-3 months older then most of them. Personally I would always choose 2-3 months older. It's rather silly to think those 2-3 months are such a big deal.

Actually, he won't be with his peer group, he will be older than the oldest child in the class is supposed to be every year by 2-3 months. A school peer group is designed to be those who are 5 by x date. If she waits to send him he will be older than everyone that went on time, and everytime his birthday comes around everyone will be reminded. The 2 boys who turned 7 around Christmas in my DD's K class really didn't seem comfortable with the idea that they were now 2 years older than those who were still 5. I still say that trying K this year and re-evaluating is the best course of action. If he is not ready to promote to first them hold him in K, but at least give him the chance to stay with the group he is supposed to be with.

 

[dizneechic]

Oh boy, this one hit's home big time! Here's our situation.

DS8 is an Aug child (as was DH) so would have been one of the youngest children in his class. He was/is also extremely bright, but because of this would easily tuck himself in a corner with a good book hoping not to be noticed so he can live in the world of what he's reading. Socially he was shy and not confident even though he always knew the answers, he was the type of child who was more thrilled to know he had the answer right in his own head than to share it with anyone else. Anyhow we decided to hold him back in preschool and start him a year later, for the sole purpose of him building up confidence and not always being a few steps behind his peers as he aged (maturity, driving etc - which was a HUGE issue for my DH). We worked with his preschool teacher to have him become a leader, she had him "help" with lesson plans showing other kids how to write letters, tell time, complete projects etc. HUGE SUCCESS! He went to K, 1st, and currently is completing 2nd, is in the gifted program, is many years above his peers academically (would have been the case regardless of grade), but most importantly to us STILL continues to be a leader amongst his peers, helping classmates with lessons when needed, always thinking outside of the box and is very much adored by his teachers and peers. No regrets AT ALL!

DS6 is a May child. He was/is very socially outward, total class clown, everyone likes him, he likes everyone, has the biggest heart of anyone I know and will defend & take care of anyone if he notices they need something. Academically he struggles tremendously. He needed to go to K on time, socially he was way too much of a disruption to remain in preschool, I wanted him to repeat K (same school) but the teacher convinced me he needed to go to 1st, socially he would have been a disaster in K again (just way too out there and had the readiness skills for 1st). WORST decision ever, but we sent him to 1st. This year he has struggled, recognizes he isn't at the same level as his peers (academically), acts out more so because of it, or completely zones out in class. Socially he doesn't have any really STRONG friendships, just gets along with everyone, doesn't want to try to answer things in class anymore for the fear of being wrong, and thinks of himself as "stupid" because his brother is "so smart" and he can't manage what he sees his peers doing. 1st thing is we are having him evaluated for ADD since he is pretty much textbook for all symptoms (school has requested this, we think its just who he is ), but we are also retaining him this year so he will repeat 1st. He is actually very excited to have his same teacher again, he feels repeating will now make him one of the "smart kids" and this will give us the next year to not only give him the year to mature some, but if he in fact does have an ADD dx we can work through getting that in check without having a whole new knowledge base to handle as well. The teacher and school staff will also be working with him on boosting his confidence levels similar to what we did with my oldest by letting him take on leadership roles in class (helping the new class transition into routines). We completely regret not holding him back earlier, even if it was 2 years of K... we could very much see he was "younger" but kept thinking his social outwardness would carry him through, but it's clearly not the case.

As a parent you need to trust your gut! I wish I trusted mine last year re my middle DS, but listened to the school who this year completely agree with our decision.

 

[dizneechic]

Actually, he won't be with his peer group, he will be older than the oldest child in the class is supposed to be every year by 2-3 months. A school peer group is designed to be those who are 5 by x date.

I agree with this to a certain degree. In the post above I explained our scenario. In my DS8's class, there are 6 children OLDER than him (he's an early August child) and 3 other August children not including him. That's 10 kids out of a group of 82 who are older than the cut off, any only 1 of those children repeated a grade, the rest were retained by parents prior to entering public K. He's naturally gravitated to the older group, but they have a few friends with similar interests who are also on the younger side for the grade.

I think certain areas of the country it is more common to "red shirt" (retain) kids and start them later than it is in other areas. Around here it's very common and no one thinks anything of it.

 

[owenoliviamom]

I would either keep him back in pre-K or send him to Kindergarten. My son will be 5 in December and will be starting pre-k. So he'll be 4 months shy of 6 when he starts Kindergarten. Already at 4, the kids in his class at daycare are definately aware of who is what age. He has some classmates that are 3 and they all know it - and say "so and so is only 3."

 

[Kit'smommy]

I agree with this to a certain degree. In the post above I explained our scenario. In my DS8's class, there are 6 children OLDER than him (he's an early August child) and 3 other August children not including him. That's 10 kids out of a group of 82 who are older than the cut off, any only 1 of those children repeated a grade, the rest were retained by parents prior to entering public K. He's naturally gravitated to the older group, but they have a few friends with similar interests who are also on the younger side for the grade.

I think certain areas of the country it is more common to "red shirt" (retain) kids and start them later than it is in other areas. Around here it's very common and no one thinks anything of it.

So 12% of the class is older than what has been established as the group that is "supposed" to be in the class? Here is the thing that bothers me with this - K5 should be a for 5 year olds firming up their grasp on their numbers and letters and starting to read. A 6 year old should be already at this level. If parents are allowed to hold back 10% or more of the class due to "social readiness" issues, it is no wonder K5 is become as academically challenging in some schools as it is. And the children who are on the younger end of the scale will lose out because they are not ready academically, physically or socially to compete with children who are a year older.

I have seriously qualms about the things my 6 year old picks up from his 7 and 8 year old cousins as he isn't mature enought to grasp what they already understand. A year difference in ages is a huge amount of time at this age.

 

[luvmy2babies]

I'm also wondering what your school district will allow. My daughter goes to a private school. My church owns and operates both a daycare/preschool and a private school, so my daughter transitioned pretty smoothly. My daughter has an April birthday though, not an issue. Her best friend has a December birthday. Sweet little thing, smart as a whip, reads at a 2nd grade level, tall parents so not smaller than the other children but yes, a bit immature. When she arrived at the preschool, she was 3, but, due to her academic ability, her parents asked and were granted permission to put her in the 4 year-old class. Then when K-4 was over, they wanted her to go to K at 4 instead of waiting, so they put her in the private school after preschool was over because the public schools would not take her. The school district additionally told them that due to her age they could not switch her to public school until 3rd grade. It's the opposite situation but it leaves me curious as to what they think of the situation.

Also, have you considered just doing the private school and not switching over to public later? Here, class size is one of several reasons we do private school. My daughter does great academically, but tends to daydream (something I'm afraid she inherited). The work at the private school is actually harder from what I've seen, but the class size is about half. My daughter even with harder work is an honor roll student, but no matter what the work was, she would not do well in a class with 25 to 30 other students.

If you're going to hold him, I'd do the extra year of preschool as opposed to 2 years of K. Otherwise, it might be too many changes going from his preschool to the Catholic school, then to another school.

 

[2poohbears]

Have you observed the kindy classes at public & private school? It seems there is a good deal of variation in expectations across schools.
My twins went to public prek & I think would have done ok in kindy there, but we moved out of that school dist, & they were not ready for the demands of kindy @ catholic school. We placed them in the catholic school's developmental kindy class---which is a step between prek & kindy.. It worked out great for them. I should say our cutoff bdate is sept 30...my boys' bday is sept 3, so they aren't much older than most in their class.

 

[anl]

The only thing that I would think about is our private schools are more advanced than our public. So if he went to Kinder at a private, when he goes to public, he may be bored. I certainly don't think holding him back is bad. I would do the same thing. My little one was born 9/2 (which is our cut off) and if he would have been born in Aug, he would have been held back. My oldest son has a Sept birthday as well and it just seems to make a big difference.

Some of the preschools around here have a bridge-K which is for kids like your son who could have started Kinder or the older ones...(like summer and Sept birthdays). It's kind of between PK and K.

 

[imthatgirl]

Actually, he won't be with his peer group, he will be older than the oldest child in the class is supposed to be every year by 2-3 months. A school peer group is designed to be those who are 5 by x date. If she waits to send him he will be older than everyone that went on time, and everytime his birthday comes around everyone will be reminded. The 2 boys who turned 7 around Christmas in my DD's K class really didn't seem comfortable with the idea that they were now 2 years older than those who were still 5. I still say that trying K this year and re-evaluating is the best course of action. If he is not ready to promote to first them hold him in K, but at least give him the chance to stay with the group he is supposed to be with.

I still am not following how 2-3 months older is such a big deal? Someone does have to be the oldest child. You are saying the child who turns 5 on august 31st is the same peer group as the child who turned 5 on september 1st the year before. Thats ridiculous. Those kids are a whole year older. Turning 6 a few weeks before school starts certainly does not make a child so much older then the ones who turn 6 during the year. I've never heard of a child being 7 in K unless they were held back. There is a big difference between a child with a December birthday and the child with a july or August birthday.
As a parent you do what you can do give your child the best possible start, and if a parent chooses to wait for that start they they are doing what is best for that child. I don't feel that sending them with the knowledge that they may be held back is doing whats best for the child at all. Starting school is so much more then knowing your ABCs. I have yet to meet a teacher who felt like starting when they weren't ready was a good idea.

 

[princessmom29]

I still am not following how 2-3 months older is such a big deal? Someone does have to be the oldest child. You are saying the child who turns 5 on august 31st is the same peer group as the child who turned 5 on september 1st the year before. Thats ridiculous. Those kids are a whole year older. Turning 6 a few weeks before school starts certainly does not make a child so much older then the ones who turn 6 during the year. I've never heard of a child being 7 in K unless they were held back. There is a big difference between a child with a December birthday and the child with a july or August birthday.
As a parent you do what you can do give your child the best possible start, and if a parent chooses to wait for that start they they are doing what is best for that child. I don't feel that sending them with the knowledge that they may be held back is doing whats best for the child at all. Starting school is so much more then knowing your ABCs. I have yet to meet a teacher who felt like starting when they weren't ready was a good idea.

Most kids are a lot more "ready" than the parents think. In my experience it is usually more about the parent not being ready than the child. The parent decides that the child needs another year and finds a justification for it. Given the chance to go to school on time, it is very rare that a child is actually held back. The vast majority of the kids that parents were convinced were "not ready" do just fine. In our public school system 90-95% of children start K on time and the retention rate is less than 3%. It is even less for those same children in first grade. About half the children in public schools here don't come from homes where anyone really cares wether they are ready or not, and makes no effort to see that they are. They have had no preschool, and have not been taught much if anything at home. If there were truly as many "not ready" children out there as parents seem to think, the retention rate for these kids would be a lot higher. The retention rate is even less in private schools for children who start at the correct chronological age. Why not give our chidlren the opportunity to succeed, rather than holding them back until we are ready? Yes it is hard and scary as a parent to let go, but that is what we have to do as responsible parent.

There has to be a line drawn somewhere, or what you end up with is 7 year olds in K whose parents chose to hold them back to "give them the best possible start". What they really wanted was a child who was stronger, faster, and smarter than everyone else, or they didn't want their "baby" to grow up. The parents of the kids in DD's class CHOSE to hold thier kids back so that they would be 7 in K. There are 2 of them from 2 different families, but the story is the same. They were not held back because they were not capable of doing the work. It has backfired on them as far as the social aspect goes because they are so much older and don't relate well to the kids in K along with the fact that they are really bored and have become a discipline problem because of it. Thes kids SHOULD be in first grade.

My point is that an age cutoff has been set and I feel it should be respected unless there truly is a valid developmental reason not to, not just some vague "my kid isn't ready" excuse to get around the rule, but a diagnosed condition that makes waiting a better option. You may say "what is a few months". The next Mom will say "if she gets to wait 3 months I'll wait 6. My kid will have the advantage then." The next mom comes along and decides to wait a year so that her kid is top dog. It has to stop somewhere. I say everyone should respect the age cutoffs until there is evidence that a child is not functioning well on that grade level, or that they have a disability that prevents them from doing so. It would eliminate many of these issuse of "old kindergarteners" being 6 and 7 and "young kindergarteners" being 4 and 5. Holding a child back for no more reason than you want to ultimately creates a set of classroom problems that takes away from the education of every child in the room, including the one who was held back.

 

[imthatgirl]

Most kids are a lot more "ready" than the parents think. In my experience it is usually more about the parent not being ready than the child. The parent decides that the child needs another year and finds a justification for it. Given the chance to go to school on time, it is very rare that a child is actually held back. The vast majority of the kids that parents were convinced were "not ready" do just fine. In our public school system 90-95% of children start K on time and the retention rate is less than 3%. It is even less for those same children in first grade. About half the children in public schools here don't come from homes where anyone really cares wether they are ready or not, and makes no effort to see that they are. They have had no preschool, and have not been taught much if anything at home. If there were truly as many "not ready" children out there as parents seem to think, the retention rate for these kids would be a lot higher. The retention rate is even less in private schools for children who start at the correct chronological age. Why not give our chidlren the opportunity to succeed, rather than holding them back until we are ready? Yes it is hard and scary as a parent to let go, but that is what we have to do as responsible parent.

There has to be a line drawn somewhere, or what you end up with is 7 year olds in K whose parents chose to hold them back to "give them the best possible start". What they really wanted was a child who was stronger, faster, and smarter than everyone else, or they didn't want their "baby" to grow up. The parents of the kids in DD's class CHOSE to hold thier kids back so that they would be 7 in K. There are 2 of them from 2 different families, but the story is the same. They were not held back because they were not capable of doing the work. It has backfired on them as far as the social aspect goes because they are so much older and don't relate well to the kids in K along with the fact that they are really bored and have become a discipline problem because of it. Thes kids SHOULD be in first grade.

My point is that an age cutoff has been set and I feel it should be respected unless there truly is a valid developmental reason not to, not just some vague "my kid isn't ready" excuse to get around the rule, but a diagnosed condition that makes waiting a better option. You may say "what is a few months". The next Mom will say "if she gets to wait 3 months I'll wait 6. My kid will have the advantage then." The next mom comes along and decides to wait a year so that her kid is top dog. It has to stop somewhere. I say everyone should respect the age cutoffs until there is evidence that a child is not functioning well on that grade level, or that they have a disability that prevents them from doing so. It would eliminate many of these issuse of "old kindergarteners" being 6 and 7 and "young kindergarteners" being 4 and 5. Holding a child back for no more reason than you want to ultimately creates a set of classroom problems that takes away from the education of every child in the room, including the one who was held back.

So now you're trying to say that because a parent knows their child and choose to wait a year...they're just doing it because they "can't let go". OMG...give me a break We all love to see our kids excel. I have 3 kids, don't try to tell me because ONE of my 3 kids was born 3 days before the cut off that I can't "let go" of him. Don't do ridiculous.
you do realize the cut off date isn't a "rule"...sure they won't let your child in before the minimum....but you can surely choose, as a parent who knows their child to wait until a little later. the cut off date is an arbitrary number in order for them to easily identify children. Personally I don't think kids all fit that neat little mold.
If another mother wants to wait with a child thats older, that means nothing to me. That would be her choice. Why would I be threatened by an older child in my childs class? I don't compare my children to other peoples kids, we look at our kids as complete individuals.
And I will say again...no one in this thread is sending their child to K at the age of 7, stop exaggerating.
My sons birthday is August 29th. Had he been born 3 days later it wouldn't even been an issue with him, he would have no choice but to wait. If you really think that a child who was born 3 days before the cut off effects the education of the other kids in the classroom, then the classrooms your children are in need to focus less on a child number and more on what they are teaching them.
Form your threads it sounds more like you view children who are a couple weeks older then the cut off as a threat to your child. Thats silly, if your child is in the same classroom they have the same advantage.

 

[iwrbnd]

I met many parents that regret sending their young boys (me included) but I've NEVER met one who has regretted holding them. I say definately hold them. It makes a huge difference especially in the really important years like the first years of school and middle school!

 

[princessmom29]

So now you're trying to say that because a parent knows their child and choose to wait a year...they're just doing it because they "can't let go". OMG...give me a break We all love to see our kids excel. I have 3 kids, don't try to tell me because ONE of my 3 kids was born 3 days before the cut off that I can't "let go" of him. Don't do ridiculous.
you do realize the cut off date isn't a "rule"...sure they won't let your child in before the minimum....but you can surely choose, as a parent who knows their child to wait until a little later. the cut off date is an arbitrary number in order for them to easily identify children. Personally I don't think kids all fit that neat little mold.
If another mother wants to wait with a child thats older, that means nothing to me. That would be her choice. Why would I be threatened by an older child in my childs class? I don't compare my children to other peoples kids, we look at our kids as complete individuals.
And I will say again...no one in this thread is sending their child to K at the age of 7, stop exaggerating.
My sons birthday is August 29th. Had he been born 3 days later it wouldn't even been an issue with him, he would have no choice but to wait. If you really think that a child who was born 3 days before the cut off effects the education of the other kids in the classroom, then the classrooms your children are in need to focus less on a child number and more on what they are teaching them.
Form your threads it sounds more like you view children who are a couple weeks older then the cut off as a threat to your child. Thats silly, if your child is in the same classroom they have the same advantage.

I don't view them as threat at all. My DD is 6 1/2 and one of the older ones in class , with the exception of those who were held back. She is doing just fine in her class. What bothers me is seeing kids that need the teacher's attention not recieve it because she is dealing with the discipline problem created by a 7 year old who should not be in the classroom in the first place. It is that child who is being done a disservice because of someone else's desire to see theri child be the best. I realize that most here are only talking about a few months, but where does in stop and cross over into unacceptable, and who gets to decide that? Where does your right to hold you child back end, and my child's right to a quality, age suited education begin? These are the hard questions that I think are eliminated by adhering to cutoffs. I think it is a better way to do things than parents just sending their child whenever they think they are ready, because it takes the emotional response out of the picture completely. I am not saying the you are necessairly acting out of not wanting to let go, but it certianly has struck a nerve with you. I cannot know what your motivation is for holding back. You are certianly welcome to do whatever you like within the bounds of what your school will allow, but I think that schools should stop allowing it without some sort of documentation as to why it is necessary. Ferom waht I observe personally as a parent and the sister of a K teacher most of the issues lie not in the children but in thier parents, wether those parents choose to admit that or not.

 

[sdoll]

OP here
When we made our decision not to send him this year for his 1 and only year of kindergarten we had talked to both our pediatrican and our preschool director. Both felt that waiting a year could only help him. It had nothing to do with not want to let go or anything other than his age. Our schools cut off is Aug 1st DS's birthday is 7/13. So he just makes the cut off. And our biggest concern had little to do with if he ready now. It had more to do with will he be a leader or not, will he be immature as he gets older compared to his peers in school (more around Jr high than kindergarten) So my concern is not about is he ready now I think he is probably average in his class. We know he does not misbehave, his teacher has explained to us that he knows how to play with the kids in his class and has a small group of friends but he waits for kids to approach him he does not approach the other kids outside of his small group.
I am not so concerned about him repeating kindergarten I don't see the difference if he repeats kindergarten or he repeats preschool. I don't think we would ever use the words "held back" since that is not what this is its more about giving him a chance to be the most sucessful little kid he can be.

We are meeting wednesday with his preschool to get her opinion. I am not sold on anything yet. I just feel strongly that I want him to be 1 year behind where he is currently at we just aren't sure what is the best way to do that. Wish me luck these decisions are so difficult.

 

[princessmom29]

I met many parents that regret sending their young boys (me included) but I've NEVER met one who has regretted holding them. I say definately hold them. It makes a huge difference especially in the really important years like the first years of school and middle school!

I know several mothers of 18- 19 year old high school seniors who now sorely regret holding them back. They have not done as well academically in later years because they were "over" high school 2 years ago. I teach high school and I am generalizing here, but as a rule the older the child the less motivated they are by the time they are a senior.