I don't get it

[Robinrs]

That was wonderful, mommasita, to give your Mom that pleasure. You're an awesome daughter.

Silly, I am so sorry this is happening to you and your baby. It also happened to my son but it is so much worse on daughters when Daddy just drops the ball.

But, unfortunately, this happens way too often.

My pastor did an entire sermon on how important the Father/daughter relationship is. It is the first real male/female relationship they have and it reflects on their lives forever. He isn't just hurting her now, he may be affecting all of her future relationships with males.

I pray that he comes to his senses. I've seen this happen so MANY times to family members and friends. He has to realize what he can do to someone he loves but feels the need to separate it from his current life.

 

[Pooh67_68]

 

[autumnbaby9]

I'm sorry you are going through this. It is terrible when a parent doesn't want to be a part of their child's life.

My DD's father has chosen to not be a part of her life and has never even met her even though he insisted on a visitation schedule when she was born.

Just love your child and make sure they know you are always there for them.

 

[MushyMushy]

I'm so sorry for you and your DD.

I completely understand how you feel, though. When my DH and I separated, he walked out and did nothing to maintain a relationship with the kids. I did come to find out that he had a total mental breakdown and HE felt that they were better off without him, but that certainly didn't make it any easier for THEM! Sorry, but parents don't have the luxury of breakdowns. He's done everything in his power to make up for it, but I don't know if any of us can forget that period in time, even if we have forgiven him.

 

[UrsulasShadow]

I can't help but hope that all those absent fathers will LIVE TO SUFFER the consequences of their choices. No, I can't forgive this. Never will. I hate that so many have to suffer because some pig refuses to take responsibility.

 

[LaraK]

I'm sorry. I know I'm blessed that my dad stayed a part of my life when my parents split. We have a wonderful relationship, but that took work on everyone's part. I'm sorry that your daughter's father is too immature to invest the energy in maintaining a positive relationship with you and your daughter. I would say it's his loss, but I know it's your DD's as well.

 

[PeterPanette]

Silly Me, I know this is heartbreaking for you. We can't bear to see a stranger hurt our children's feelings, but to see someone who's supposed to love them more than anything hurt their feelings - well there aren't words to describe it.

More than this, what I don't understand are the women in this situation. This man's mother, his new girlfriend, his sisters, etc. Why aren't his mom and sisters (if he has any) kicking his butt? Why aren't they holding him accountable? Why aren't they calling him every day and asking, "Did you talk to your little girl today? How is she doing? When will you see her next?" These are the questions I ask my divorced son - whether he likes it or not!

And as for the new girlfried - what is she thinking?? Is she truly comfortable with a man who can so easily neglect his child? Does she think that any future babies she might have with him be somehow "better" than the child he already has, and he would never neglect them? Why isn't she demanding that he see his little girl as often as possible? What does any woman, anywhere, see in a man who could be so cold to his own child?

Arrrghhhhh!! I'm really riled up now.

Just for today I will not be angry. Just for today I will not be angry. Just for today....

 

[Pop Daddy]

I dont get how men could be that way, Im not claiming dad of the year as I am way far from it, but I have not eaten lunches, gotten no haircuts, driven cars with bad mufflers , all so my little girl could have what some of her freinds have where there dads make more money then me. It just really makes me sad that a dad wouldnt want to see his little girl

 

[sleigh]

I don't understand how they just walk away either. My DS is 6 and my ex and I separated when he was 1. In the the 5 years since he has seen him maybe 4 times. He will not even give me his "home" phone number, he set up a separate line that is only for my son and he NEVER answers it, because he will not talk to my DS when his girlfriend or friends are around. He has been dating this girl for over 3 years and I still don't understand how she thinks it is ok. My ex moved to Canada and we live in Florida and always uses the excuse that he doesn't have any money to visit but goes on loads of other vacations.

He owes over $80,000 in child support, there was recently a hearing in Canada to register the order and the judge laid into him, because he was trying to set aside the motion, the judge said no way and actually ordered more child support.

I have tried for years to get him to understand and the sad thing is, is that he thinks that there is nothing wrong with how he treats DS. My son had a tonsillectomy and he called a week and half later to see how he was, and when I asked why he waited, he said, "it's not like he had open heart surgery or anything."

I understand your frustration, but unfortunately they don't change.

 

[disneycutie84]

I'm really sorry for what you and your daughter are going through.
My father did the same thing to me. He chose his new wife and new children over me, instead of making me feel welcome in their family. Yes, it was a painful experience and we do not have a relationship now because of that. The only good thing that came from it was the fact that I have a very strong bond with my mom and extended family. They were all there for me when my dad wasn't.
Keep strong and I hope things get better!!

 

[Christine]

SillyMe--

No real insight for you here, just want you to know that *I* am a product of a dad like that.

I, too, was the "apple of my dad's eye" when I was little. He and my mom split and he was very young and very immature. I would see him sporadically. Often he would say we were going to get together and he just wanted show up. There I'd be standing at the window, looking for his car.

Finally, when I was 12, I just never heard from him again. He remarried, had two "new" kids. Never a word have I heard and I think he only lives about an hour away from me all this time. I'm 43 now. I can't say I'm hurt by all this, but it will always be like I have unfinished business in my life.

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

You could always PM me his number.
I'm just saying.....

 

[SillyMe]

Silly Me, I know this is heartbreaking for you. We can't bear to see a stranger hurt our children's feelings, but to see someone who's supposed to love them more than anything hurt their feelings - well there aren't words to describe it.

More than this, what I don't understand are the women in this situation. This man's mother, his new girlfriend, his sisters, etc. Why aren't his mom and sisters (if he has any) kicking his butt? Why aren't they holding him accountable? Why aren't they calling him every day and asking, "Did you talk to your little girl today? How is she doing? When will you see her next?" These are the questions I ask my divorced son - whether he likes it or not!

And as for the new girlfried - what is she thinking?? Is she truly comfortable with a man who can so easily neglect his child? Does she think that any future babies she might have with him be somehow "better" than the child he already has, and he would never neglect them? Why isn't she demanding that he see his little girl as often as possible? What does any woman, anywhere, see in a man who could be so cold to his own child?

Arrrghhhhh!! I'm really riled up now.

Just for today I will not be angry. Just for today I will not be angry. Just for today....

He doesn't even talk to his own mother that often...a fault on both parties. His mother didn't even raise him most of his life, so I guess that's where he learned it. She always expects everyone to call her. She's too busy with her husband (not his dad). Yeah, I guess he takes after his mom.

The girlfriend? Don't get me started. Oh yeah, she wanted to be a part of my daughter's life. In fact, she tried pushing her way into it. He was keeping her a secret, so she took it upon herself to let her pajamas lay on the chair in the living room for my daughter to find, knowing she was coming over to the house that day. It's all gone down hill since then. She has a teenage son, but I don't think she has custody of him. My daughter said she thinks she's moved in with my ex, but the son isn't there. I don't know much about her and I haven't met her yet, but she isn't scoring any good points where my daughter is concerned. Leaving pajamas lie around for my daughter to find, spending the night at the house the first day my daughter met her.

He finally called my daughter today. Imagine that. He didn't ask to see her though. I guess a phone call was good enough for him.

 

[poohandwendy]

How can a father not care if he doesn't see his child? How can he put his hobbies and his girlfriend before his daughter and just walk away from her?

Because sometimes it is easier to just ignore the issue than face it head on. I think that is why this sort of stuff happens. Doesn't call for a while (selfish reasons) and then feels like crap about it, knows they have no good excuse and just procrastinates until it is a HUGE issue and more and more time goes by.

I think sometimes after a divorce, fathers feel like they have to be 'super dad' and since they cannot live up to that, they quit trying. This is why some bounce in and out of their kids lives...but make a big deal when they do...gifts, trips, etc. Making up for time lost. If they only knew, their kids would be happy with a consistent, just plain old dad.

It's self centered and destructive behavior, but it happens alot.

JMHO

 

[SillyMe]

Because sometimes it is easier to just ignore the issue than face it head on. I think that is why this sort of stuff happens. Doesn't call for a while (selfish reasons) and then feels like crap about it, knows they have no good excuse and just procrastinates until it is a HUGE issue and more and more time goes by.

I think sometimes after a divorce, fathers feel like they have to be 'super dad' and since they cannot live up to that, they quit trying. This is why some bounce in and out of their kids lives...but make a big deal when they do...gifts, trips, etc. Making up for time lost. If they only knew, their kids would be happy with a consistent, just plain old dad.

It's self centered and destructive behavior, but it happens alot.

JMHO

That's exactly what he does.

 

[Sherri]

That's exactly what he does.

I know the whole thing is frustratin, because loving your child more then anything in the world makes you their biggest protector.
Hope in time her dad will shape up and see the light.
Atleast she knows she can always, always count on you.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I'm sorry I had a father like that, only it wasn't because of a girlfriend - it was his mother. My parents split when I was 2 years old. The entire time they'd been married, my father refused to move out of his parents' house. My grandmother hated my mother. I was forced to go out to visit for a month every year, alone, starting at the age of 5 (my mother and I were in CT with her parents, my father and his parents were in Indiana). I won't get into what I dealt with while visiting them, but let's just say these were unbalanced people. Occasionally, in the autumn, my father would drive to CT for a weekend to visit. When I was 14, while I was in Indiana, my grandmother said to me, "I got your mother out of my son's life and I'm going to get rid of you, too." That autumn, my father came all the way out here to tell my mother that my grandmother told him that she'd caught me in his room while he was at work, going through his drawers and stealing things, which I absolutely did not do. He chose to believe his mother and we never spoke again. In July 2005, while perusing the internet, I discovered that my father died on New Year's Day 2005. I managed to get in touch with my uncle (his brother), who told me that he would have called had he known how to find me. He said my father never spoke of me, almost as if I didn't exist. I probably didn't to him.

I have no advice, but to you and your daughter.

 

[Cantw8]

I dont get how men could be that way, Im not claiming dad of the year as I am way far from it, but I have not eaten lunches, gotten no haircuts, driven cars with bad mufflers , all so my little girl could have what some of her freinds have where there dads make more money then me. It just really makes me sad that a dad wouldnt want to see his little girl

awwww, you are an excellent Dad Silly, I have met you and you are a very warm and caring person What you have to offer more than makes up for your ex's coldness

 

[ptcruisermom]

These men are all a bunch of jerks, my ex is right at the top of the list. I have 3 kids, DS20,DS16 DD12. He never had much to do with the middle one, theoldest was the favorite, and he went to youngest during divorce when he wanted to know info. He lived in the marital home until divorce was final with all of us. He was/is a truck driver so was gone a lot so made it tolerable. Never did too much with the kids except oldest one. But acted like he was going for custody ust to p*** me off, told the kids they would have nanny or live with their grandma when he was on the road, have to change schools etc ( his parents live in a different town) just as much bull **** as you could think of. Well when it came for the kids to talk to judge about where they wanted to live, he got scared and said he wasn't going for custody. Anyhow in the divorce his attorney and himself were very adament about him having open visitation, due to his job of being a trucker, Isaid that was fine but if it was a weekend that wasn't his and he wanted to switch if the kids had activities he was responsible for getting them their and staying with them, even if it meant he had to take DD to her dance compititions, and isaid that means getting her there on time and doing haair and make up.

When I went to my attorney to sign the final papers and after he had moved out, I asked her when I should expect him to exercise his visitation rights, she looked at me and said you really think he is going to, she stated she didn't think he would, and to this day over tweo years later he has not taken his kids once. At first he would call and invite the oldest and only the oldest to family functions, the invites for the other two came from his sister ( who he lived with for the first 6 months) or his mom. The first fathers day he was gone i got a card and had the kids sign it and put it in the mail to him, well DD b-day came around and not even a card from him. christmas come and they went over to their g-mas and he gave the oldest 50.00 and the other two 20 each. The other tow's b-days came and went and not even a card, so I quit sending to him from the kids. This past christmas they went over and he didn't even acknowledge the younger two, and the oldest he questioned as to where we were moving to ( the marital home had to be sold as part of the divorce and it took almost two years) he had trrrried to find out from the realestate person where i was looking ( and i didn't want him to know until I had signed papers, becaaaaaue he is the type that would go in and out bid me just for spite). Sicne then no one had heard from him. The funny thing is he moved back into this town a year and a half ago even though he has no friends and relatives here, it would have been one thing if he was seeing his kids but he wasn't and doesn't. It was mainly to keep his eye on me and my life because we used to live on a main road and he had to go by to go to work. Itwill be interesting to see what he does now ( he only rents and I bought another house) since we live on a dead end street and he can't drive by without turning arouond, and we are not as far off the street as were off our road.

It is just too bad that these guys have to be jerks, but to be quite honest with you , my kids don't want to go with him now and it would be another fight to get them to go. I would feel really bad if I had to make them go, To my middle one and this is out of his mouth, he is not my dad he is a sperm donor. It is sad and I feel bad, but actually the four of us together make a good team.

alls i can say is some day these guys will all be lonely old men laying in their own s*** in the nursing home, and they have no one to blame but themselves

 

[SillyMe]

I'm sorry I had a father like that, only it wasn't because of a girlfriend - it was his mother. My parents split when I was 2 years old. The entire time they'd been married, my father refused to move out of his parents' house. My grandmother hated my mother. I was forced to go out to visit for a month every year, alone, starting at the age of 5 (my mother and I were in CT with her parents, my father and his parents were in Indiana). I won't get into what I dealt with while visiting them, but let's just say these were unbalanced people. Occasionally, in the autumn, my father would drive to CT for a weekend to visit. When I was 14, while I was in Indiana, my grandmother said to me, "I got your mother out of my son's life and I'm going to get rid of you, too." That autumn, my father came all the way out here to tell my mother that my grandmother told him that she'd caught me in his room while he was at work, going through his drawers and stealing things, which I absolutely did not do. He chose to believe his mother and we never spoke again. In July 2005, while perusing the internet, I discovered that my father died on New Year's Day 2005. I managed to get in touch with my uncle (his brother), who told me that he would have called had he known how to find me. He said my father never spoke of me, almost as if I didn't exist. I probably didn't to him.

I have no advice, but to you and your daughter.

How awful! I am so sorry you had to go through all that.