I don't get it

[rt2dz]

to you first. And, second, to your DD. It's not right that some parents can be such jerks. I just don't get them. It's ok to not want anything to do with the other parent beyond the child, but it is NOT ok to not be responsible to the child who never asked to be born.

If it makes you feel any better, a good friend of mine didn't meet her dad until she was almost 8 years old. Her mother met him about 6 months prior to that. Her biological dad wanted nothing to do with her when her mother found out she was pregnant, but wouldn't marry him. When she was 18 she broke down crying and let out a lot of feelings about not knowing her biological dad. Her mother told her who he was, gave her the phone number of someone who would have his contact information and told her to do what she felt she needed to.

She got her biological fathers phone number and called him. His first question was what did she want from him. She told him nothing, she had a dad, but she would like to know the person who was responsible for her being there. He said ok, but would never meet with her. She did end up meeting his 3 other kids, has a great relationship with her older brother, and a good friendship with her younger sisters (who think she is just a close family friend, as they were quite little). She's fine with him not wanting anything to do with her, she has gotten to know a whole family (and was accepted by them--most knew she existed, but not anything beyond that, and wanted to know her). She says he's a jerk; her mother was right to end that relationship and the dad she met later in life couldn't be any more of a dad to her than if they shared DNA. Maybe the same thing will happen for your little girl if her father doesn't get his act together.

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

Do not beat yourself up over this. Your daughter will one day soon know exactly what is going on. She will know that it was you that is always there for her and it is you that comforts her and you that even tries to compensate for her dad. You have the pleasure of knowing that you do all you can for your little girl. One day he will wake up and realize his 21 year old daughter wants nothing to do with him. That she is a fine young woman no thanks to him.

 

[arminnie]

I can't help but hope that all those absent fathers will LIVE TO SUFFER the consequences of their choices. No, I can't forgive this. Never will. I hate that so many have to suffer because some pig refuses to take responsibility.

Some of my friends had fathers like that. I guess I should say sperm donors as they were definitely not fathers.

I am 60 years old and have gotten a kind of perverse satisfaction from seeing some of these fathers suffer in their old age. And when they died their daughters did not mourn them at all.

One very close friend was approached by her bio dad when he was sick, dying and broke. He wanted to come stay with her. She told me that she didn't refuse him out of any hatred - he was just a stranger to her. She said she would no more have opened her doors to him than to a stranger on the street.

Unfortunately I know too many bio-dads who began new families and quit paying attention to the first children. Even a dad who pays child support thru the courts but never maintains contact can't expect a devoted child in his old age.

 

[Sherri]

I dont get how men could be that way, Im not claiming dad of the year as I am way far from it, but I have not eaten lunches, gotten no haircuts, driven cars with bad mufflers , all so my little girl could have what some of her freinds have where there dads make more money then me. It just really makes me sad that a dad wouldnt want to see his little girl

This was about the sweetest thing I ever read and I sure think it makes you dad of the year. Your little girl is very lucky.

 

[alliecats]

alls i can say is some day these guys will all be lonely old men laying in their own s*** in the nursing home, and they have no one to blame but themselves

That is the unvarnished truth. You are right. Of course, they are not thinking about this now, and they won't believe they have it coming to them when this happens. They always have some reason or excuse.

My father is in the scumbag club too but in retrospect, I think it's better that he stayed away & didn't taint my life with his presence or influence. Anyone who can run out on their kids like that has something fundamentally wrong with them and I didn't/don't need it around me.

Silly, I am sorry. Reading your OP, I just *hate* your ex, so I can't even imagine how you feel.

 

[Hedy]

I'm sorry for you and your daughter. What a #%y@%%##%%.