I don't deserve to get presents...UPDATE Post #65

[MaryAnnDVC]

hubby now knows exactly what I want because I don't hint, I spell it out, write it down
I want ____________
so he knows and there is no misunderstanding!!!

Somewhere along the way in our now 25 years of marriage, I started doing the same thing. I think it was after he gave me the peach, seafoam green and cream Grandma sweater, and made me think "Does he even know who I AM??" After that, I went so far as to include hand drawn maps of stores pointing out the specific racks with the items I like, including brand, color, size, and price if I had to. Now, I pretty much pick up something I like, or order it, and let him wrap it. I refuse to wrap my own presents...that would be just wrong.

I got a vaccume for Christmas one year. Hated it. That should have been a household expense, not a gift. Kitchen gadgets, I like. Anything that makes my job easier.

One of my favorite gifts was my Dyson vacuum cleaner (at my request), as well as (way back) my first microwave, and our dishwasher.

No flames here though. I totally understand what you're saying. I really don't like flowers at all. Well, not the kind you have to buy. I like them well enough planted outside the house and such. I just think it's a huge waste when you're just going to watch them die.

Me too. Before DH and I got married, flowers were nice...now, it's just another unnecessary expense. Besides, we have a big yard, and I love when Spring arrives and the flowers come up, and he asks what I want and plants some more. THAT is so much nicer to me than a bouquet from a florist.

After our talk a few years back, the next gift he bought me absolutely knocked my socks off. My favorite food in the world is the lobster, crab, and seafood stuffed mushrooms from Red Lobster. The nearest restaurant to us is about an hour away, but he drove 2 hours to get me two of those appetizers and brought them home to surprise me. The thought and the effort were certainly not lost on me and to this day, I think it's truly the best gift anyone ever gave me.

How sweet!

Maybe you can save it and re-gift it back to one of them saying, "I know how much you just love Elizabeth Arden."

You know, it's crazy how simple it seems to just communicate to each other what you want. Like I said, it took us a while to get to this point, but DH and I send each other lists, just like the kids give us lists. And then if we see something that might be neat, we'll get it. For example, I gave DH some Bali coffee beans that I saw at Trader Joe's because we've been following the saga of DNephew and his family's recent move there, and I got him a coffee grinder too.

And sometimes things are a surprise, even if I've said what I want. I wanted a stadium seat to take to soccer games. I told him not to get a sports logo one (don't want to be bringing a "Patriots" stadium seat when we travel to New York's "Giants" country for soccer games ), and he got me the Disney one! I didn't know Disney had one! So that was a nice surprise.

Unfortunately, I'm not a fan of jewelry...DH works for a women's accessory company. I did, however, get a chain from there for a little teeny tiny Mickey Mouse Christmas ornament that I want to wear as a necklace during the holidays.

My mother and my older sister used to buy me matronly sweaters. Ugh. I just wouldn't wear them. Now, I don't exchange with my sister at all (we've cut out all the sibs) and mom just writes out a check to DH and me.

My other sister tho buys my DDs clothes, and they rarely fit, or just aren't their style! (My sister NEVER asks what to get them.)

 

[NotUrsula]

Oh, yes -- I do know. This year, DH bought me [drum roll] ... a phone card, a box of Mucinex-D, and a stick blender; one without a chopping attachment.

Note that one week ago, while making cookies, I had complained that my current stick blender had a broken chopping attachment, and what a shame that it was that it still worked fine but that I couldn't seem to replace that broken part that I needed. The new one does not HAVE a chopping attachment, so what I've got now is exactly what I had already. He purchased it less than one hour after I made the complaint.

The Mucinex was supposed to be a gag gift, because I complain that the pseudoephedrine restriction laws mean that I have to go and buy it once per week, she he bought it to save me the trip! Yeah, that was a gasser.

The phone card was a real wonder, because I already have one that has 17 hours of time on it, and I'm phobic about using phones. I don't use an hour of long distance time in 3 years! Guess I'm now set until my toddler finishes high school.

What I realized some time ago is that the REAL issue with the bad-gifts-from-spouses thing is the hurt that comes with it. It's not disappointment with the gift, it's disappointment with the giver. Your spouse is supposed to be the person who knows you better than anyone else in the world, but this is what they think you would want? Realizing that they really don't know you at all after howsomany years of marriage is just painful on a very visceral level.

 

[smidgy]

wouldn't it be a great idea for someone to start an "exchange" thread?

now, in my family, it wouldn't really apply, cause we almost did away with gifts ($30, grab bag)

but so many people don't like what they got, but other people would have liked that. and peole say, "no refunds or exchanges"

now, I only spend $12 on purses, at wal mart. I never saw the sense in spending big bucks on a purse!coach purse??? how silly!
now, others would LOVE a coach purse, but got an expensive kitchen gadget. i love to cook.

perhaps you people could form some kind of christmas "white elephant" gift exchange(um, I don't know HOW you would handle explaining to hubby why the coach purse turned into a food processor)
and if you had really really silly gifts, it might be FUN to see what you might get in exchange
kinda like the "pop" fridge thread? post your unwanted gift and what you would like. a GIANT gift grab bag exchange.

 

[Boo'sMom]

amazon wish list....best invention ever for my husband

FTR, I had several "kitchen" items on it that I did get, and was thrilled!

 

[JerseyJanice]

I went to the Jewelry Factory yesterday and asked if I could upgrade the chain to a longer one. No can do. Chains are "free" with the purchase of pendants, and if I wanted or needed a longer chain, I'd have to buy one. I seriously disliked the saleswoman I got because she kept trying to sell me something more expensive. I don't know how she couldn't tell how angry I was.

I looked around and couldn't find anything I liked. They didn't have much in our price range ($150). A pendant would be out because then we'd be back to square one--it would come with a too-short chain. Their selection of earrings was minimal. Mostly stud earrings, but I already have a very nice pair of diamond studs that DH bought me when I had my son. (They were a gift from him to thank me for giving him a baby. : )

At some point, the saleswoman told me that the "free" chain was only 16 inches. When I thought about that later, I was furious because they told DH the chain was a "standard" size and 16 inches is not standard! 18 inches is standard and that length is even too short for me.

I wound up exchanging the pendant necklace for a 20 inch cable chain. DH pitched a fit because he wants to buy me a necklace, not a chain. I tried to put the pearl I got from Epcot on it, and it didn't fit because the ring of the clasp is too big. So I called the store and asked for the manager and laced into him that he should refund our money because the salesperson lied to my husband about the length of the chain they sold him. He did not agree to give a refund, but said that their stock is extremely low especially in the lower price range due to the holidays. He said that they will get more stock in about two weeks, and I should find plenty then.

So I guess I'll wait the two weeks and see what other stock they get. I'm going to take the chain back this week for a store credit certificate, just in case it takes them longer than two weeks to restock.

The Coach bag is the 12657 model in rose gold. I got together with some longtime friends last night and showed them the bag. They love it and can't believe I'm not thrilled with it. One silly thing that's bothering me about it is my coworker had one trimmed in gold leather. I would see her carry it and think it was uber ugly, and now I have an ugly one of my own.

Mom has bought me some awesome pocketbooks over the years, including a drop-dead gorgeous Furla when she went to Italy. This is the first one she's given me that I haven't liked. There is no way I'm going to tell her I don't like it because it's a gift giving habit I don't want to discourage. I'm going to hang onto it for now. Maybe in the spring, my friends and I will take a road trip to the Crossings so I can try to exchange it. Or by then, it may grow on me and I'll just use it.

Thanks, everyone, for being so understanding. I thought I might get ripped for complaining about nice presents. I was raised by parents who grew up in the Depression, and I tend to be very practical because of that. These gifts easily cost $300 combined and for that amount of money, I feel like I should absolutely love them.

 

[Nancy]

I know the feeling. If I say I want an electric knife for Christmas please do not tell your son that he has to buy me personal things...I want the darn knife.

One year my mother bought me a new set of pots and pans..my MIL told her that was a horrible gift...I said it is not horrible it is what I wanted and I love it.

My MIL will buy all kinds of stuff that I will never use just because it is "personal" items. Right now she thinks that because I like going to WDW everything she buys me has to be Disney related. So I got a t shirt with Tigger on it that is a bit too gaudy for me, she got me a hoodie sweatshirt which is nice, but I hate hoodies and this doesn't zip so the darn thing is going to feel like it is choking me. And she got me slippers with Mickey Mouse on them....cute but I have about 20 pairs of slippers right now and I am just starting to wear ones I got maybe 5 years ago.


My Mom got me new pot holders and kitchen towels which is what I really needed and wanted and then gave me cash to get the new cookie sheets I want since she wasn't sure what kind I wanted.

 

[nikkistevej]

No flames from me either- I would tell DH what I wanted- and he would get exactly that- no imagination, nothing I would always pick out "special" stuff for him, I finally decided if I want something I'll get it myself and have him wrap it. It works for us. He did go out with my DD7 and pick out a robe/slippers(which I have many of). some Lindt milk chocolates(I like white the white chocolates) LOL But I already had all of my other stuff that I picked out that I liked- so it was all good. LOL

 

[wdwfan16]

I went to the Jewelry Factory yesterday and asked if I could upgrade the chain to a longer one. No can do. Chains are "free" with the purchase of pendants, and if I wanted or needed a longer chain, I'd have to buy one. I seriously disliked the saleswoman I got because she kept trying to sell me something more expensive. I don't know how she couldn't tell how angry I was.

I looked around and couldn't find anything I liked. They didn't have much in our price range ($150). A pendant would be out because then we'd be back to square one--it would come with a too-short chain. Their selection of earrings was minimal. Mostly stud earrings, but I already have a very nice pair of diamond studs that DH bought me when I had my son. (They were a gift from him to thank me for giving him a baby. : )

At some point, the saleswoman told me that the "free" chain was only 16 inches. When I thought about that later, I was furious because they told DH the chain was a "standard" size and 16 inches is not standard! 18 inches is standard and that length is even too short for me.

I wound up exchanging the pendant necklace for a 20 inch cable chain. DH pitched a fit because he wants to buy me a necklace, not a chain. I tried to put the pearl I got from Epcot on it, and it didn't fit because the ring of the clasp is too big. So I called the store and asked for the manager and laced into him that he should refund our money because the salesperson lied to my husband about the length of the chain they sold him. He did not agree to give a refund, but said that their stock is extremely low especially in the lower price range due to the holidays. He said that they will get more stock in about two weeks, and I should find plenty then.

So I guess I'll wait the two weeks and see what other stock they get. I'm going to take the chain back this week for a store credit certificate, just in case it takes them longer than two weeks to restock.

The Coach bag is the 12657 model in rose gold. I got together with some longtime friends last night and showed them the bag. They love it and can't believe I'm not thrilled with it. One silly thing that's bothering me about it is my coworker had one trimmed in gold leather. I would see her carry it and think it was uber ugly, and now I have an ugly one of my own.

Mom has bought me some awesome pocketbooks over the years, including a drop-dead gorgeous Furla when she went to Italy. This is the first one she's given me that I haven't liked. There is no way I'm going to tell her I don't like it because it's a gift giving habit I don't want to discourage. I'm going to hang onto it for now. Maybe in the spring, my friends and I will take a road trip to the Crossings so I can try to exchange it. Or by then, it may grow on me and I'll just use it.

Thanks, everyone, for being so understanding. I thought I might get ripped for complaining about nice presents. I was raised by parents who grew up in the Depression, and I tend to be very practical because of that. These gifts easily cost $300 combined and for that amount of money, I feel like I should absolutely love them.

The value of the gift is not the reason you should love it. The thought of the giver is so much more important.

I found this gift on clearance at WDW that I know my GF would love. She squealed when she got it. It was regularly $19.99 and I paid $0.99 for it. Should she not love it because it was only a dollar and not 20? She got something else too. I also gave her DD a WDW GC for their upcoming trip. What I did not spend on her I added to the GC.

 

[alliecats]

The Coach bag is the 12657 model in rose gold. I got together with some longtime friends last night and showed them the bag. They love it and can't believe I'm not thrilled with it. One silly thing that's bothering me about it is my coworker had one trimmed in gold leather. I would see her carry it and think it was uber ugly, and now I have an ugly one of my own.

Gotta tell you, it was an incredibly generous gift. I love Coach bags. But I looked it up and I wouldn't want it either. Sorry, lol.

 

[Imzadi]

Janice, if the only thing that is keeping you from putting your pearl on is that the ring of the clasp is too big, that is easily fixed!

Jewelry isn't welded together into solid rings. You can easily take two pairs of pliers, wrap a bit of tape around the jagged teeth part, and very gently twist the ring apart just enough to open the ring and slide it off the chain. Then insert your pearl pendant onto the chain. Put the ring back on and gently twist the ring closed again.

Alternately, if you liked the original pendant DH gave you, it can be easily switched to a longer chain in the same manner. Even a cheap chain will do.

Last, make sure you call back the Jewelry Factory and find out what their stated return/exchange policy is. If it's less than 2 weeks from now, they may try to screw you out of an exchange. The manager could later deny that he told you to come back in 2 weeks.

Thanks for the heads up on the Jewelry Factory, btw. Their TV commercials always looked wormy to me.

The value of the gift is not the reason you should love it. The thought of the giver is so much more important.

The OP can still love the idea and intention of the gift without loving the actual gift given. It isn't a one or the other concept of throwing out the baby with the bath water.

 

[acename]

I went to the Jewelry Factory yesterday and asked if I could upgrade the chain to a longer one. No can do. Chains are "free" with the purchase of pendants, and if I wanted or needed a longer chain, I'd have to buy one. I seriously disliked the saleswoman I got because she kept trying to sell me something more expensive. I don't know how she couldn't tell how angry I was.

I looked around and couldn't find anything I liked. They didn't have much in our price range ($150). A pendant would be out because then we'd be back to square one--it would come with a too-short chain. Their selection of earrings was minimal. Mostly stud earrings, but I already have a very nice pair of diamond studs that DH bought me when I had my son. (They were a gift from him to thank me for giving him a baby. : )

At some point, the saleswoman told me that the "free" chain was only 16 inches. When I thought about that later, I was furious because they told DH the chain was a "standard" size and 16 inches is not standard! 18 inches is standard and that length is even too short for me.

I wound up exchanging the pendant necklace for a 20 inch cable chain. DH pitched a fit because he wants to buy me a necklace, not a chain. I tried to put the pearl I got from Epcot on it, and it didn't fit because the ring of the clasp is too big. So I called the store and asked for the manager and laced into him that he should refund our money because the salesperson lied to my husband about the length of the chain they sold him. He did not agree to give a refund, but said that their stock is extremely low especially in the lower price range due to the holidays. He said that they will get more stock in about two weeks, and I should find plenty then.

So I guess I'll wait the two weeks and see what other stock they get. I'm going to take the chain back this week for a store credit certificate, just in case it takes them longer than two weeks to restock.

The Coach bag is the 12657 model in rose gold. I got together with some longtime friends last night and showed them the bag. They love it and can't believe I'm not thrilled with it. One silly thing that's bothering me about it is my coworker had one trimmed in gold leather. I would see her carry it and think it was uber ugly, and now I have an ugly one of my own.

Mom has bought me some awesome pocketbooks over the years, including a drop-dead gorgeous Furla when she went to Italy. This is the first one she's given me that I haven't liked. There is no way I'm going to tell her I don't like it because it's a gift giving habit I don't want to discourage. I'm going to hang onto it for now. Maybe in the spring, my friends and I will take a road trip to the Crossings so I can try to exchange it. Or by then, it may grow on me and I'll just use it.

Thanks, everyone, for being so understanding. I thought I might get ripped for complaining about nice presents. I was raised by parents who grew up in the Depression, and I tend to be very practical because of that. These gifts easily cost $300 combined and for that amount of money, I feel like I should absolutely love them.

No flames from me either. I hate to waste money and especially hate to feel like someone else wasted their money on me.

I just noticed that while everyone here on this thread is extremely supportive, has anyone seen the other thread about the daughter not really wanting the gift her dad gave her? The gifts were about the same price. Why is it ok if your husband and Mom give you something you don't like to say so and not ok for the 12 year old to tell her dad that she'd like something different?

 

[bumbershoot]

Thanks for the heads up on the Jewelry Factory, btw. Their TV commercials always looked wormy to me.

Just the name is getting to me! Then again, I refer to international jewelers as IHOJ (International House of Jewelry), and we were *almost* totally messed up by another store, Gordons which, it seems, is part of Zales...so I'm pretty anti-jewelry *store*. I like proper jewelers who can make things from scratch now... I highly recommend finding one!!!



The OP can still love the idea and intention of the gift without loving the actual gift given. It isn't a one or the other concept of throwing out the baby with the bath water.

I agree with that, good way of putting it.

"Thank you for thinking of me, thank you for spending this money...the gift itself is not something I want or need, let's go get something that hits the trifecta (you thought, you got, I like)."

 

[Imzadi]

I just noticed that while everyone here on this thread is extremely supportive, has anyone seen the other thread about the daughter not really wanting the gift her dad gave her? The gifts were about the same price. Why is it ok if your husband and Mom give you something you don't like to say so and not ok for the 12 year old to tell her dad that she'd like something different?

I haven't seen the other thread yet. Maybe it's because it's easier to "train" your DH and hopefully talk to a usually understanding Mom (who likes to shop) than it is to train a Dad.

Then again, I refer to international jewelers as IHOJ (International House of Jewelry)

By the way, bumbershoot, since we're talking gift exchange and not liking the gifts we get, I'll take off your hands any Kindle rejects your DH may get you that you no longer want.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Last, make sure you call back the Jewelry Factory and find out what their stated return/exchange policy is. If it's less than 2 weeks from now, they may try to screw you out of an exchange. The manager could later deny that he told you to come back in 2 weeks.

Thanks for the heads up on the Jewelry Factory, btw. Their TV commercials always looked wormy to me.

The receipt clearly states the exchange policy. No refunds, exchange credit is given if you return the merchandise within 30 days. They circle the policy on your receipt when they give it to you. I did ask if store credit is good for more than 30 days, and they told me that store credit is good for as long as they're in business and said they've been at that location for 25 years.

I'm going to get something soon, though. They do seem shady. I overheard a salesperson telling one customer, "no, that guarantee is not good on any item under $3,000."

I talked with DH this morning and explained that I really need a chain. We agreed that if they don't restock in a couple of weeks with earrings or a bracelet I like, I can keep the chain. The store did tell me on the phone I could bring in the pendant I want to use the chain for, and their jeweler could change the ring/clasp to fit my bale.

I have a question about the Coach bag. I'm assuming that because it was bought in a Coach factory outlet store, that is where it would have to be exchanged. Is that true? They wouldn't take it back at the Coach store, say, in the Garden State Plaza, would they? If someone knows the answer to this question, please reply. TIA!

 

[janets]

Ah, yes, the Jewelry Factory in Hackensack. I am not a big fan of those types of places. When DH and I had discretionary money for buying nice pieces, we always went to our personal jeweler on 47th Street in NYC. We had an opportunity to sit and talk with her, see what she had, and if needed, she could have a piece cast and made for us. I liken places like the Jewelry Exchange to shopping for jewelry down in the Caribbean. If you don't have a personal relationship with your jeweler, you can never be sure of what you're getting.

I solved this problem long ago. I simply don't get presents anymore. I don't like them, don't want them. And with finances so poor, there simply isn't any money left over for useless stuff. We buy for the kids, I buy something for my mom, usually find something for my sister. The only thing I get from DH is the annual Star Trek holiday ornament (and we are Jewish...so it's an interesting gift). I collect them so I like to get the new one every year. This year I bought DH a watch, but it turns out he doesn't like it so it's going back. No big deal.

I'm also not a fan of big, expensive gifts. I'd rather get something that I really want and need rather than something that someone thinks I'll like because it's expensive and "personal."

 

[KirstenB]

JJ, if you want to exchange the bag, you'll need to go to the Factory Store. You can't do a factory store purse at a regular Coach store.

 

[kimmar067]

JJ, if you want to exchange the bag, you'll need to go to the Factory Store. You can't do a factory store purse at a regular Coach store.

.....OR, you can start an 'exchange' right here on the DIS! Janice can start an exchange thread of unwanted gifts......

 

[jaminmd]

The receipt clearly states the exchange policy. No refunds, exchange credit is given if you return the merchandise within 30 days. They circle the policy on your receipt when they give it to you. I did ask if store credit is good for more than 30 days, and they told me that store credit is good for as long as they're in business and said they've been at that location for 25 years.

I'm going to get something soon, though. They do seem shady. I overheard a salesperson telling one customer, "no, that guarantee is not good on any item under $3,000."

I talked with DH this morning and explained that I really need a chain. We agreed that if they don't restock in a couple of weeks with earrings or a bracelet I like, I can keep the chain. The store did tell me on the phone I could bring in the pendant I want to use the chain for, and their jeweler could change the ring/clasp to fit my bale.

I have a question about the Coach bag. I'm assuming that because it was bought in a Coach factory outlet store, that is where it would have to be exchanged. Is that true? They wouldn't take it back at the Coach store, say, in the Garden State Plaza, would they? If someone knows the answer to this question, please reply. TIA!

Usually, if an item is purchased at a Coach Factory store, you can return it to a full price store for a store credit only. It's been about a year since I last bought one at a factory store but that was the policy then. Call your local Coach store first to check.

ETA:
From the Coach web site:
RETURNS

Where do I send my return?
We will be glad to refund or exchange any new and unused merchandise. You may return your item(s) to either a Coach Full Price Store or ship your item(s) to our Returns department.

New, unused Full Price merchandise may be exchanged or returned at any Coach Store with an original Coach receipt or mail order packing invoice.

New, unused Full Price merchandise may be returned for merchandise credit with a gift receipt.

New, unused Factory merchandise may be returned for merchandise credit only in Full Price stores with an original Coach receipt or gift receipt.

Price adjustments on previous purchases are not permitted.

 

[CathrynRose]

One silly thing that's bothering me about it is my coworker had one trimmed in gold leather. I would see her carry it and think it was uber ugly, and now I have an ugly one of my own.

I guess you would REALLY dislike mine, then:

I looked yours up - it's cute. I like the rose gold. It's very different. However, I adore my above one, so we may have differing tastes.

What about eBay'ing it?

 

[sbell111]

1. Regift the stuff that you can't return. As you stated, other people think that these gifts are just awesome.
2. Go buy a replacement food processor.
3. Forget hinting. From now on just tell your husband what you really want for Christmas.