I am SO mad right now!

[mickeyboat]

Thanks for the replies!

DH called ten minutes ago to apologize. It doesn't make what to said to me alright, but at least I guess he knows he was being unfair. For everyone that asked about him being controlling/explosive, he's not really, I just think the stress of homebuying gave him a short fuse. He's actually never spoken to me like that before, which is why I was so angry! He's a pretty calm guy, stress just really gets to him.

His mother is a little hotheaded and I know she'll be mad that I'm not going to be there the whole time to help out. But DH will be there and I'll be there when I can.

Thanks again for letting me whine! It's nice to have a place to vent sometimes!

I am glad that your DH apologized.

 

[TaraPA]

Is there any way his family can re-schedule & come another weekend? I'm sure you're anxious to clean & move but seriously, doesn't he understand that's it impossible to get even 1 day off on such short notice? I work in retail mgmt & there's absolutely no way a request off is granted in less than 10 days from the request, unless it's a true emergency. And over a weekend - that's grounds for termination where I work, if you're seasonal help. We have very strict rules about requesting off for temporary employees, and weekends are extremely limited & must be done 14 days in advance. Maybe you could find another employee to cover your shifts for just one full day off so you can be there? We always have high school or college students begging for hours, try & ask one of them.

I'm glad he apologized - and glad you can vent to the DIS! Everyone blows up sometimes, I'm really shocked that the majority of people were bashing his outburst as if they knew him & how he acts. If you said this was his normal behavior that would be different, but I know how stressful home buying can be, and everyone feels the need to yell at some point. Was it right - no, but it happens to the best of us!

And to the OP who couldn't believe you mak enough to get a mortgage on a retail & waitress salary - get real. I think that OP is just jealous! Seriously - you might be the manager - or the owner - who are they to judge? Rude!

Good luck & BREATHE!

 

[shortbun]

I'd be more worried about your husband's demanding/explosive behavior

Yep. Your post made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. My husband has never, not once, yelled at me in the 29 years we've been together. He's never demanded a thing from me. He's never given me an ultimatim. He's never denied me a thing I wanted; I don't ask for much. We've bought three homes, been so broke it made us weary, worked so hard we slept in our clothes, gone through a rough adoption, weathered his near death and many other very stressful things. He doesn't raise his voice. He's macho, manly and a very strong personality but he treats me with kidd gloves and I try to live up to it. Do you have one of those 'the man's the boss of the marriage' relationships? If so, he's not being a very good leader.


eta: glad he apologized but tell him you're giving him that one time and never again. Also, if you think the problem is his mother-make a phone call to her, talk for a long time about how excited you both are and how grateful you are that they are coming. Explain your work situation to her and ask her if there's anything you can do to make her visit comfortable. Be proactive and YOU be the one to communicate with her in this case. It will pay off.

 

[clh2]

Glad to hear he apologized!

I would assume you'll definitley need to be there for the closing, unless you've totally prearranged to not be there.

I agree - call your MIL - express your gratitude for them making the trip, and for the help, and then explain that you'll be working. See if there is something you can do to hlep out, even if you are not there. Maybe pack a cooler of sandwiches and some snacks for lunch.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I'd be more worried about your husband's demanding/explosive behavior

Ditto...and add controlling to that list.
ETA: I'm glad he apologized but I would only give him a one-time pass for this kind of behavior.

 

[ma2jr]

I agree.. try to not fuel the situation, just say you'll ask your boss (never ask)
then say your boss won't let you. This way he can't get upset with you.

Yup I vote passive-aggressive!


Also... celebrate & enjoy this weekend moving into your first house is huge!

Congrats!

 

[quentina]

I cant believe you make "way more" than your DH working in a restaurant! Seriously. And that a bank gave you a mortgage based on a restaurant job. Here, several long time places have recently closed, due to the economy

But to the question-your DH is unresonable-those ARE the busy days for retail and dining.

I want to reply to this....my mother was a waitress her entire life. I am an educated, professional who run 145 convience stores....my mother.... made more than I do (just in tips). There were days she would come home with 300-500 dollars and still have 4 more days to work!

If you are good at what you do...waitresses can make tons of money (and in a good restraunt)

 

[golfgal]

I cant believe you make "way more" than your DH working in a restaurant! Seriously. And that a bank gave you a mortgage based on a restaurant job. Here, several long time places have recently closed, due to the economy

But to the question-your DH is unresonable-those ARE the busy days for retail and dining.

Back in the early 90's a friend of mine worked 3 shifts/week at Red Lobster-2 weeknights and either Friday night or Saturday night. She brought home over $800/WEEK in tips alone for those 3 shifts (usually 4 hour shifts) so about $60/hour before tax. If she worked full-time making that same money that would be about $125K/year in annual income-and this was 15 years ago.

 

[BelleWDW]

Back in the early 90's a friend of mine.

My comment was geared for today.

DH & I dine out frequently & live in a prosperous community.
For the last year we have seen drastically less people at all the places we dine at.
Sometimes there is not a turnover-where, before the recession, 45 min waits at all places was the norm & tables turned over 3 times on a Fri or Sat nite

 

[PatsGirl]

The fact that you live in a prosperous community might skew your reality I still have many friends making a GOOD living working in restaurants, from waitresses, to management, to new owners. Actually, in alot of these families, the waitresses are making more but there you go, in my local and within my circle, families that make $75-100K are considered middle class and for the most part are happy with the concessions they have made to live in a less than prosperous community. Its all in perspective isn't it

 

[mhsjax]

I cant believe you make "way more" than your DH working in a restaurant! Seriously. And that a bank gave you a mortgage based on a restaurant job. Here, several long time places have recently closed, due to the economy

But to the question-your DH is unresonable-those ARE the busy days for retail and dining.

OMG how rude can you be, Maybe she is a manager, who knows. I just can't believe that you had the nerve to ask that. I really just have to words for how nasty that sounded.

 

[KAMKIM]

I would tell my dh that while I understand all the high emotions right now, I will not ask for time off.

In the future you need to check with me. Then he has to deal with it.

Time to diffuse the situation by handling it calmly.

And frankly his parents equal his problem. Words to live by in a marriage.

 

[hinodis]

There are some very judgmental people here who apparently have a PHD in marriage counseling. OP did not ask for marital advice. Do the best you can to get some time off and everyone will just have to understand. I am sure DH is very stressed and he had a moment. He is human. By the end of the day the tension from this morning will subside and he will be in a better frame of mind to talk about it. Congrats on your new home.

 

[KAMKIM]

Is there any way his family can re-schedule & come another weekend? I'm sure you're anxious to clean & move but seriously, doesn't he understand that's it impossible to get even 1 day off on such short notice? I work in retail mgmt & there's absolutely no way a request off is granted in less than 10 days from the request, unless it's a true emergency. And over a weekend - that's grounds for termination where I work, if you're seasonal help. We have very strict rules about requesting off for temporary employees, and weekends are extremely limited & must be done 14 days in advance. Maybe you could find another employee to cover your shifts for just one full day off so you can be there? We always have high school or college students begging for hours, try & ask one of them.

I'm glad he apologized - and glad you can vent to the DIS! Everyone blows up sometimes, I'm really shocked that the majority of people were bashing his outburst as if they knew him & how he acts. If you said this was his normal behavior that would be different, but I know how stressful home buying can be, and everyone feels the need to yell at some point. Was it right - no, but it happens to the best of us!

And to the OP who couldn't believe you mak enough to get a mortgage on a retail & waitress salary - get real. I think that OP is just jealous! Seriously - you might be the manager - or the owner - who are they to judge? Rude!

Good luck & BREATHE!

Me too. It was never indicated that this was normal behavior for him. I think some posters take 1 thing mentioned and assume it is typical of the person to act like that. We all have bad moments, I wouldn't want my bad moments to paint a picture of what I may be like 99% of the time.

 

[mhsjax]

There are some very judgmental people here who apparently have a PHD in marriage counseling. OP did not ask for marital advice. Do the best you can to get some time off and everyone will just have to understand. I am sure DH is very stressed and he had a moment. He is human. By the end of the day the tension from this morning will subside and he will be in a better frame of mind to talk about it. Congrats on your new home.

I agree, my dad was hot headed and so am I, my parents were married for 65 years before they both passed. It wasn't unusual for my dad to fly off the handle, but then it was done. He was a wonderful provider, my mom wanted for nothing and he was very good to her and to all 3 of us kids, he never raised a hand to any of us. It was just his nature. So EVERYONE, back off, you don't know this man, and I am sure that all of you have said things to your spouse that shouldn't have been said or said in a tone that should have been nicer. It you say you haven't, then you haven't been married long enough or you are lying.

 

[Schmeck]

Doesn't need to be a "standard behavior" - it all starts somewhere - verbal or physical abuse both have their starting points, usually brought on by a stressful situation. I've worked in special education, alongside some very well-educated social workers, for enough years to see a small red flag at the OP's first post.

I agree, if the threats/demands occur again, maybe some counseling to help get through the stress? Not saying the OP's husband is a threat for abuse, just that if this seems out of character, maybe a professional could help?

 

[Ponygirl]

Congratulations on the new home. You'll get through this okay, and then you can focus on decorating for Christmas.

 

[mhsjax]

Doesn't need to be a "standard behavior" - it all starts somewhere - verbal or physical abuse both have their starting points, usually brought on by a stressful situation. I've worked in special education, alongside some very well-educated social workers, for enough years to see a small red flag at the OP's first post.

I agree, if the threats/demands occur again, maybe some counseling to help get through the stress? Not saying the OP's husband is a threat for abuse, just that if this seems out of character, maybe a professional could help?

I am sorry, but we don't all need therapy, sometimes you just say things and demand things in the heat of a stressful moment. I don't know why in today's society that some people think that everything is a problem and everyone needs therapy. It's crazy.

 

[AlleyKat]

I am sorry, but we don't all need therapy, sometimes you just say things and demand things in the heat of a stressful moment. I don't know why in today's society that some people think that everything is a problem and everyone needs therapy. It's crazy.

Touche'!

The suggestion to attend therapy seems to be the standard "answer/solution" to everyone's problem(s) on the Dis!

 

[wildernesslodgelover]

I just have to chime in, we recently bought a house, also. In this "down" market we thought it would be a snap. We have excellent credit and had 20% to put down. I could not BELIEVE the roller coaster ride we went on. The ups and downs were awful. It really took a toll on my DH and I, and our relationship. After having offers accepted, then refused, closing dates scheduled, cancelled, houses failing inspections, not making appraisal etc...it was the first (and, so far, the last)time that in a heated fight my DH mentioned to word D-I-V-O-R-C-E. I thank God that we got through it, and we are also a bit ashamed at the way we "turned" on each other when the going got tough. It was quite a learning experience for both of us.

We are in the house now and very happy (although it is a fixer upper and we have a whole new stress on us. Another dirty word...B-U-D-G-E-T! LOL). At the risk of sounding like "the dutiful wife" I am a firm believer that marriage is about taking turns making compromises. This might be your turn. I do not mean about getting time off, you can only do so much in that case. I mean in allowing him to behave this way for a small amount of time. You can even tell him that...it's ok for a moment but then please snap out of it! My DH can be a jerk sometimes but guess what? Me too! Moody, pouty, whatever.

Congrats on your house...please try to focus on the happiness and excitement. I know it is hard in this economy...the financial aspect is always looming over your head. It is a great time to buy *if* you plan on staying in that house for awhile. I think prices will go down before they go back up. So hang tight, enjoy the ride!