I am SO mad right now!

[BeachGirlFLA]

I think those of us who have been controlled/abused know that it can start with something simple like this and we may be too sensitive at times to it. That's why I said I'd definitely give a one-time pass for this (especially since he apologized) but I would keep my eyes open and make sure it doesn't become a regular thing.

 

[Schmeck]

I am sorry, but we don't all need therapy, sometimes you just say things and demand things in the heat of a stressful moment. I don't know why in today's society that some people think that everything is a problem and everyone needs therapy. It's crazy.

And I stated that if it happened again and it seemed out of character, then professional help (even a clergymember counts) might make things easier.

So, we are supposed to go around snapping at people to relieve our stress? Being stressed out and taking it out on other people is not acceptable - I certainly would not want to be anyone's verbal or physical punching bag so that they can get rid of the stress they feel. I guess I expect to be treated with respect by my spouse, and if for some reason he does not, and we can't solve the problem, I'm just supposed to let it slide?

 

[mhsjax]

And I stated that if it happened again and it seemed out of character, then professional help (even a clergymember counts) might make things easier.

So, we are supposed to go around snapping at people to relieve our stress? Being stressed out and taking it out on other people is not acceptable - I certainly would not want to be anyone's verbal or physical punching bag so that they can get rid of the stress they feel. I guess I expect to be treated with respect by my spouse, and if for some reason he does not, and we can't solve the problem, I'm just supposed to let it slide?

No you aren't supposed to let it slide, HOwever, the pp didn't say this was a pattern, and he called to apologize. I think you are taking things out of context. It seems to me that it happend once. BIG DEAL. Can you honestly tell me that you have never snapped at someone when you are stressed? My hubby is the most chilled out level headed man I know, and he even has snapped every once in a while. And I have snapped more than him. So yes, in this case let it slide. GET OVER IT.

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

It seems to me that it happend once. BIG DEAL. .

Oh, I think he is used to telling his wife what to do. The OP posted this a while back:

When DH and I first met, I couldn't stand him! We were both working in the same store and he was patronising and annoying and kept telling me what to do. I went home and told everyone how much I couldn't stand him…..

IMO, she adapted to his ways. Whatever. I don't have to live with him. Apparently he is comfortable speaking to his wife like that.

 

[ilovejack02]

Oh, I think he is used to telling his wife what to do. The OP posted this a while back:




IMO, she adapted to his ways. Whatever. I don't have to live with him. Apparently he is comfortable speaking to his wife like that.

You cant tell what anyone's relationship is just by a few posts. My BIL and SIl and also my closest cousins all couldnt stand each other before dating . All said the same things about each other.. annoying, patronizing etc etc etc. This all turned out to not be true in both cases and both have been happily married, My cousin going on 25 yrs and BIL and SIL going on 10 yrs.

Funny thing is in both cases they all said it about each other Go figure lol!

Oh I will also say prob age has alot to do with dealing with stress. I was def not able to handle stress well when first married at 23, it takes years to gain the maturity and wisdom on how to deal with being married and the stresses of everyday life. Hubby and I both made mistakes in dealing with each other in our early years.. thank goodness with age comes wisdom ; ). We didnt need counseling we needed to grow the heck up HAHA!!

 

[luvsJack]

So none of you have ever gotten mad and sad something you regretted? Ever?

That's all it sounds like to me. He is stressed, he got mad at the last minuteness of the situation and lashed out for a second. He apologized.

You all have him pegged as an abuser! Yes, many of you have probably been through and abusive relationship; that doesn't mean every one that gets angry its abusive. It is a normal emotion.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I agree, my dad was hot headed and so am I, my parents were married for 65 years before they both passed. It wasn't unusual for my dad to fly off the handle, but then it was done. He was a wonderful provider, my mom wanted for nothing and he was very good to her and to all 3 of us kids, he never raised a hand to any of us. It was just his nature. So EVERYONE, back off, you don't know this man, and I am sure that all of you have said things to your spouse that shouldn't have been said or said in a tone that should have been nicer. It you say you haven't, then you haven't been married long enough or you are lying.

Your mother must have been *a saint.

There's no way in hell I would stay with someone known to "fly off the handle" no matter how much of a provider he is.

It's not hard to think before you speak.

A person who can't control his/her mouth needs help.
A person who is willing to put up with it also needs help.

 

[Disney Doll]

Thanks for the replies!

DH called ten minutes ago to apologize. It doesn't make what to said to me alright, but at least I guess he knows he was being unfair. For everyone that asked about him being controlling/explosive, he's not really, I just think the stress of homebuying gave him a short fuse. He's actually never spoken to me like that before, which is why I was so angry! He's a pretty calm guy, stress just really gets to him.

His mother is a little hotheaded and I know she'll be mad that I'm not going to be there the whole time to help out. But DH will be there and I'll be there when I can.

Thanks again for letting me whine! It's nice to have a place to vent sometimes!

OK, so DH is not normally an explosive controlling jerk. He had a little "hissy fit" related to a stressful situation. We've all done it, even those of us who will say we haven't.

So, what to do?

Sit down with DH and explain that while you understand it's a stressful time and truly appreciate that his parents are coming to help, the fact remains that you will not be able to get all that time off on such short notice. Explain to him that you will calmly discuss your situation with your 2 bosses and ask for as much time off as they feel they can spare you for during that week.

And then do so and hope for the best.

As far as his parents, the explanation to them is "Katie got as much time off during the week as her jobs would allow and you have no idea how much we both appreciate your coming to help us". If his parenst have a problem with that, then it is their problem, not yours.

If you are a newlywed, you might also want to mention to DH that before he makes a plan which includes you and your availability, he might actually want to check with you to see if the plan is feasible.

 

[Disney Doll]

Your mother must have been *a saint.

There's no way in hell I would stay with someone known to "fly off the handle" no matter how much of a provider he is.

It's not hard to think before you speak.

A person who can't control his/her mouth needs help.
A person who is willing to put up with it also needs help.

Do you have trouble lifting that broad brush you are painting with?

 

[natenapril]

OK, so DH is not normally an explosive controlling jerk. He had a little "hissy fit" related to a stressful situation. We've all done it, even those of us who will say we haven't.

So, what to do?

Sit down with DH and explain that while you understand it's a stressful time and truly appreciate that his parents are coming to help, the fact remains that you will not be able to get all that time off on such short notice. Explain to him that you will calmly discuss your situation with your 2 bosses and ask for as much time off as they feel they can spare you for during that week.

And then do so and hope for the best.

As far as his parents, the explanation to them is "Katie got as much time off during the week as her jobs would allow and you have no idea how much we both appreciate your coming to help us". If his parenst have a problem with that, then it is their problem, not yours.

If you are a newlywed, you might also want to mention to DH that before he makes a plan which includes you and your availability, he might actually want to check with you to see if the plan is feasible.

Do you have trouble lifting that broad brush you are painting with?

I have seen you (disneydoll) give great advice on the marriage problems on this board. If you are not already you should consider being a counselor.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Do you have trouble lifting that broad brush you are painting with?

Nope, not at all.

People should be mindful of the way they speak to one another.

 

[disneyhand]

You've received a lot of advice, much of it good to sort through. Good luck with this situation.

As long as you pitch in and work on your new house with the rest of the family when you aren't at both your job's, that needs to be enough to satisfy them.

When you make your living temporarily or long term in businesses that either aren't or can't be flexible with employee hours, or you work in a field with non traditional hours, your family MUST get used to living with it, working around it and supporting you. Not just for this move, but every other big thing that comes up, especially with short notice in the future.

 

[C.Ann]

Quite frankly, I think it would be extremely hard for you to pull that off.. If you were working only one job, maybe - but two? I think he's being unreasonable..

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

Wow, if my husband ever talked to me like that...wow...what a horrible position he has put you in.

As someone who grew up in a restaurant family and am also now the owner of a retail store - I would be furious if an employee came to me at either location at the last moment and asked for time off. I certainly wouldn't mind if they called other employees who weren't scheduled to work to get their shifts covered - but to leave me shorthanded on the busiest days of the week? That's bad - retail and restaurant = weekends are a must - no excuses unless someone died or you're ill. Period.

Your husband is completely and totally out of line. Whey can't he and his parents get the work done during his time off and you get your work done during your time off?

Does he frequently speak to you like this or is it just the stress of the closing date?

 

[KathyTX]

Since we now have several people "flying off the handle", this thread is done.