How young is too young to get married?

Rather than focusing on your age, I would focus more on life goals and plans instead. DH and I got married in our early 20s, but DH had been in the military and traveled the world and I had been on my own since 18. We were not the typical 20s college students finding ourselves. We discussed careers, children, finances etc. extensively before getting married. I knew I wanted a big family and wanted to have a husband who wanted that as well. Of course things change as you get older, but we re-evaluate our goals and talk about things all the time.

DH and I will celebrate our 15th anniversary this October. I can say that I am so happy I married him when I did and that we have had all this time together. We have changed as individuals and as a couple. But I am sure that if you asked me 10 years from now, I would tell you the same thing.
 
Rather than focusing on your age, I would focus more on life goals and plans instead. DH and I got married in our early 20s, but DH had been in the military and traveled the world and I had been on my own since 18. We were not the typical 20s college students finding ourselves. We discussed careers, children, finances etc. extensively before getting married. I knew I wanted a big family and wanted to have a husband who wanted that as well. Of course things change as you get older, but we re-evaluate our goals and talk about things all the time.

DH and I will celebrate our 15th anniversary this October. I can say that I am so happy I married him when I did and that we have had all this time together. We have changed as individuals and as a couple. But I am sure that if you asked me 10 years from now, I would tell you the same thing.

:thumbsup2
 
Everybody is different so I don't think a person can put a number on maturity. i was 23 when I got married, 20 when we got engaged and are blissfully happy 20 years later. I have known some people who got married younger and did ok and some who didn't and the same goes for older couples. In fact, a friend of mine was widowed at 38 and ran off to marry some guy she met on the internet within the year her DH died and has now moved back to town divorced. I've known plenty of people of all ages who have no business being married and many of all ages that just can't seem to find the right match.

I am in your corner on this one though, not so much because of age but because of the additions to a persons life that come with age. The marrying kind WANT to settle down early on, they don't want to play the field and see what's new out there. If you won't be his wife he will find someone who does. By the time you reach 30 all the good ones are taken (at least the first time around) so you are stuck with either whats left or the poor nice guys who got dumped and have baggage, they are worth the trouble but I think it seems easier if you are the first Mrs. IMO, the early 20's is the best time to choose, the guys are old enough for you to read who they are as men but young enough to still be flexible and grow with you :thumbsup2:thumbsup2
 
It totally depends on the people, their maturity level, and if what they want from life is compatible. Statistics are just numbers...they don't mean much to an individual situation. People marry the "wrong" or "right" person at every age, and only the two of you know if you are ready. Be honest with each other and keep planning if that's what you want to do - all that really matters is that the two of you are ready and know it's right when you do choose to marry, not what other people think. But I do think you're wise to focus on your education and get it completed. :) Knowing now that you might not have family support can also help you to realize you may need/want to budget for your own wedding expenses.

I was engaged to someone at your age and we were to be married when I was 21. We were together since before I turned 18. In my situation, somewhere along the way I realized that it wasn't the person I was supposed to spend my life with and I stayed far too long in a relationship I shouldn't have because I felt like I was supposed to and I didn't want to disappoint people. I don't know if it's because I was too young or because I just didn't know exactly what I wanted or both. A few weeks before the wedding I ended up calling it off and it was the best thing I ever did for myself (and I think for my former fiancee as well), but it did make my family skeptical and not very supportive when I did meet my now-DH and start seeing him soon after. I'd been so unhappy for so long in the prior relationship I had already grieved the end of it and was ready to move on - but I understood where they were coming from, told them it was fine with me if they needed to see it happen to believe it, and told them I would be fine with providing my own wedding if that's what I needed to do. With DH, I had no doubts and knew I had found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Eventually they did come around, and we've been married four happy years with no end in sight and a little one due anytime. :) Our scenario was a little different because I'm okay with living together prior to marriage, but I don't think whether you do or don't matters to whether you'll have a happy marriage, as long as you're not getting married just to "make it right." ;) If you're right for each other I think your marriage will work whether you lived together or not.

The most important thing you can do is listen to your heart and your gut, be honest with yourself and each other, and do what you know is best for yourself. If you have doubts, listen to them. If you don't, ask for your family to respect you enough to trust you to do what's right, and to be supportive of your choices. I wish you much happiness. :)
 

I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU for each and every person who has posted so far! I've read every response and while some have been encouraging, some have been thought provoking and others challenging, I appreciate every single one.:thumbsup2:thumbsup2

Really, thank you all for your insight, wisdom and generosity in sharing your lives and experiences with me!:hug:
 
I agree with some of the others who felt there was really no way to answer this... depends on the person. I was 23, DH was 22 - he was in the military right out of college (where we met) and he was leaving. We got married... we were young and in love, blah, blah, blah.

14yrs later we're older, wiser and honestly feel even more strongly about each other now then we did 14yrs ago. I know so many of our friends and family never thought we'd "make it" - but I see myself with him, God willing, years from now. And I know he feels the same.

Good luck to you.
 
I think everyone is different and the age depends on not only your maturity but your life priorities. I knew that I didn't want to date seriously until I was out of college and set on my career path. I've dated on different levels of seriousness but the number one priority was work and school until I was set (I worked while in school). Now I have a degree, am progressing very quickly through the rungs of my career path's ladder, own a home, have started saving for retirement, and am at a point where I am more seriously looking for something serious without making it a hunt.

I also changed a lot from 18 until about 25. My views on things changed once I experience actual life as opposed to the idealized version I had heard about. I know that had I married young I very likely would not have made it. I wouldn't want to marry the 20 year old me. Things that were important to me then aren't so much any more and things I never gave a second thought about then are very important to me now.

There are people who marry as teens and die still married and there are people who marry in their 40's who last a year. There isn't a magic formula that will tell you what will and won't work.
 
I agree that there is no specific age. Everyone is different. Just think over your expectations for what it is supposed to be like. I think too many people think it is supposed to be romantic love forever. You can have that, but it takes hard work from both of you... forever. My relationship with DH has definitely changed. We are much closer friends than ever and really love each other deeply (16 yrs this August), but it wasn't easy. That initial romantic love is long gone. What we have now is much sweeter in so many ways, but like I said, it wasn't automatic or easy. Age is really irrelevant, it si more about realistic expectations to me. Good luck!
 
I'm not sure anyone can really answer this question. Everyone will have examples of a couple who got married very young and stayed together for 50 years, or one the didn't make it 6 months... Statistically, those who get married under the age of 23 have a 70% chance of divorce, while those over 23 have a 30% chance. So statistically speaking, you have a better chance of staying together if you get married later.

I met my DH when I was 16 (he was 17), and we got married 10 years later when I was 26, having gotten engaged at 24. I know we both grew and changed a lot during our 20's, and I'm glad I waited. But as for your situation, only you know what's best for you. Best of luck no matter what you choose to do!

So true. When my parents got married in the late 1960's, they were 21 and 22 respectively. The maturity level of young adults back then was completely different compared to today. They (young adults) were much more mature then now.

DH and have also been together since we were 16 and 17 respectively (23 years ago). Our maturity level was lacking -meaning we were still acting like teenagers. There was a lot of growing up to do for both of us. DH went to college after H.S. graduation and I didn't go until I was 23. We got engaged in 1993, but we didn't get married until 12 years later (28 & 29) b/c we knew we weren't ready yet (mostly financial reasons and finishing college for both of us). I would have to say that maturity for us didn't hit until we hit our 30's.

I remember saying to friends & co-workers that I couldn't wait until DH and I could get married. The response was always the same, "Don't rush it." That is until I told them how long we were together and how long we were engaged, then the response changed to, "What's taking you so long?" :laughing:

OP, basically it all comes down to maturity level and if you are ready to head into a life long committment with all of its ups and downs.

*Do you both have an open communication with each other?
*Are both of you there to support each other no matter what?
*Can you get passed any hard times/difficulties together or just put your hands up and give up b/c it's the easiest thing to do?
*Do you each have complete trust in each other?

Those are all key points in any marriage. One big thing that I didn't mention above is not to change each other. A lot of people find out about habits that their SO has and they try to change them, which makes a bigger mess.
 
I don't think there is a magic age right for everyone. And I will be honest and say that I certianly hope my daughter waits until at least 25 to get married but ultimately its up to her and whatever she decides is the way it will be.
 
I know times change. Nobody can predict what the future will hold, so I can only go by the past.

My parents (pretty much their entire generation) married for life. My mom was nineteen and my dad twenty-one. They could have married sooner but back then, men under 21 needed parental permission - and my grandparents refused :confused1. Anyway, they met when my mom was fifteen. They were married for 47 years until my dad died, and together for 51 years.

A neighbor when I was growing up met her husband when she was thirteen - he was a friend of her cousin. They married when she was twenty and he was twenty-three. They've been married 33 years, and together almost forty.

My own cousin met her husband when she was fifteen and he was seventeen; they married at twenty and twenty-two. They've been married 37 years, and together over 42 years. Note to self: buy/send birthday and anniversary cards!!!!!!!!!!
 
I met my DH when we were Juniors in high school. :lovestruc We got engaged when we were both in college, living at home. We chose to wait until we were established in our careers, and had enough money to have a house, but that was a personal preferance because, to be honest, the first couple of years we lived "on our own" was tough enough financially that throwing marriage in the mix probably wasn't the best idea.

We finally got married last June at 26.

. Have we changed? Of course. But we did it together. :hug:
SO true!
 
Like WDWAurora, we don't believe in living with each other before marriage and if I am to be completely honest, I do believe that is part of the pull. I would never marry someone only for that reason, however!

Both of my parents were older when they were married (over 30) and I do think they see me sometimes as my gangly, preteen self with braces and hair in pigtails.:laughing:

Glad you're honest with yourself enough to admit that (about marriage's allure being the living together part). My stepdad (hmm...husband to whom my mom was married when she died...is he still a stepdad?) married a woman he had only known 3 years, met her after my mom died in "singles" bible study class (vs "couples", it wasn't a dating type of class, just so that people didn't feel lonely when they weren't a couple), and I know very well that a big reason for the fast marriage (2 months after becoming engaged, 10 days before the 3rd anniversary of my mom's death) was so that they could be together. How do I know? Because it's why he married my mom almost instantly! Buncha older teenagers, I swear....

Oh, and I would bet that your parents see you as a baby, not as a teen. :)

I had DS at 34, and while I didn't wait to marry (DH and I only met when I was about to turn 31, got engaged in 4 months, got married when I was 33) on purpose, the thought of my 22 year old self marrying one of the 22 year olds that I was dating back then....makes me laugh hysterically, get nauseated, and wipe my brow with a sigh of relief that no one lost their minds back then.

Does it seem like you're dating someone as idiotic as I was? Nope. But it's the feeling that goes through me when I think of young 20-somethings marrying. One can't help personalizing it like that.


My mom and dad married when he was 17 and she was 19. They did NOT marry for the right reasons, but it was sanctioned by the parents. My mom wanted to leave the house after graduation, and her dad refused to let her go alone. So he and my dad had a meeting behind closed doors, and when they came out, she was engaged. And then they went across the country to San Francisco to be hippies (despite the archaic way it was decided for them to be married). They had me at 25, and even before then he had become abusive towards her. She had my brother, and 2 years later divorced him at last. So they were married for 12 years, but only about 7 years were good, and she knew it would be like that from the moment he stood her up for their FIRST date in high school!

My mom was, of course, very anxious for me to NOT marry young. And since I was on a very long, Freudian, "daddy-quest" while dating, it's good that I didn't! Like I said, one can't help but personalize it.

If you guys get married young, and if you guys make it, when YOUR kids express a desire to marry after 30, you will be just as confused about that decision as those who marry at 30 are about those who marry in their young 20s. :)


Changing the subject slightly, I think you can wait "too long". When DH and I married, we were ready to settle down . . . but we grew together. We weren't set in our ways yet. I think it might be more difficult for a person who'd be living on his or her own 'til 30 or 40 to adjust to living with another person.

I disagree.

While you might be used to being alone, and having your own space, if you are a marrying sort, you always sort of leave a mental space for someone else. You're wanting to meet that Someone, so you know that eventually things might change.

Plus, you probably have had many roommates! My roommates were always MUCH more disruptive to my household routine than DH has been. (he's the only man I've lived with on a non-roommate level)

And lastly, if you wait, you TRULY know yourself (well, except for those people who skip the self knowledge and insist on midlife crises), and can probably be honest with the people you are dating. Which then brings two people together without games, etc. Not that everyone plays games, but I think that if you don't marry your HS sweetheart and hit your 20s without someone, then games are being played on one or both sides, at least that's been my experience with my life and every one of my friends who hit that age without being coupled yet. But if you're 30 something (can't speak for 40 something b/c I'm married) you are probably more YOU than you were 10 years before, and there's something very very good about that.

Ha ha...my problem is that I went for a younger man! I was coming up on 31, and DH was only 28. He hadn't quite hit that stage yet. He thought he had, but he hadn't! The amount of growth I've seen in him between 28 and 38 has been incredible, while he would say that I'm about the same because I had already figured it all out by the time I met him.

I'm actually not putting allllll of this on others, I'm just blathering right now. :)

Plus, ideally our honeymoon destination is between the Seychelles, Galapagos and Micronesia. Neither one of these will be cheap so we'll need time to save up money, or careers that can support such a trip.

If you're looking at Micronesia, two people I know would urge you to consider Guam. Just as beautiful, MUCH cheaper. That argument did not sway me, I wanted to think about Hawaii and hubby urged me to research Guam (he'd been to both), but I could not be convinced. (ultimately we went to Alaska, LOL....just not tropical people!)

So true. When my parents got married in the late 1960's, they were 21 and 22 respectively. The maturity level of young adults back then was completely different compared to today. They (young adults) were much more mature then now.

OP, basically it all comes down to maturity level and if you are ready to head into a life long committment with all of its ups and downs.

*Do you both have an open communication with each other?
*Are both of you there to support each other no matter what?
*Can you get passed any hard times/difficulties together or just put your hands up and give up b/c it's the easiest thing to do?
*Do you each have complete trust in each other?

I like those points.

But from my parents' story, it wasn't the time that made people mature. (plus, everyone keeps saying that "kids THESE days are growing up too fast!" it can't be both ways, LOL) Sure, the clothes and hairstyles of the time made even young teens look like adults (I have this pic of my mom at 13, vavoom she looks 28!), and young marriage was more normal, but that didn't mean the emotional maturity was there, necessarily. :)



OP...when I heard that Kevin Jonas was marrying at 22, it bugged me. Like I've said, if I'd married at 22 it would have been a disaster. And in '08 I spent a "girls weekend" watching my friend (who married at 22) act in THE most immoral fashion, it was sickening and even disturbed our other friend who always had more loose morals (the other friend was *this* close to having an affair while newly married and only realizing she was pregnant stopped her, for instance). My friend who married at 22 seemed so incredibly mature back then. She and her now-husband met each other over the summer between freshman and sophomore years of college. They clicked from the start. She had dated extensively before, and felt that it was "time" to settle down (which depressed a constantly single girl like me!). So they married shortly after college graduation and started a perfect little life. And now she's continuing the "rule" she started in college, which was "what happens outside of the state we live in stays in the other state"...and that was before Vegas adopted that basic slogan.

And then...I remember that my brother and his wife married at 22. They'd both graduated from Duke (she had done so a year before him), and in that same month of his graduation he was commissioned into the Air Force and married. They are still disgustingly in love. But they knew themselves at VERY young ages. My brother has barely changed since he was 10. The only thing I can put my finger on is that he'll eat salad now, which never ever happened before...I think he started eating "green food" at 30. His wife, at a very young age, had her life mapped out, and it has gone even better than expected. They were old before they were old, and knew themselves enough to not lie to themselves or to others, and I think that's a big reason why it has worked out!

So I have anecdotes on ALL sides.

If you guys, and if your parents and his parents and your friends, truly feel that you are old beyond your years, if you are making good choices of partner, if you guys have thought about the BIG grownup life stuff (babies, no babies, pets, where to live, how to live, how to raise babies, have babies, feed babies, surgical procedure on one type of baby (seriously, those are big ones, might as well work it out now)), if you've *talked* about it...if you guys have done all that work, then it certainly could work.

If not, it might work too, but you might as well do the talking now. :)
 
I don't think there's a "right" age; it has more to do with maturity and personality than age. I was 19 when I met DH and was 22 when we got married. I'm 31 now, and we're still happily married even through some very difficult times when we were trying for baby #3. My mother, who initially gave me a very hard time about marrying so young, has decided in hindsight that I was more ready for marriage at 20 than she was at 30; she and my father married later in life but were never able to make it work and were only married 6 years when they first seperated.
 
Since nobody is willing to just answer the question for you, I'm gonna go ahead and say '13'. Yes, 13... 13 is too young to get married :)
 
Hey! I win! I think 13 was the youngest age listed. (Which, I tend to not judge, but... that's just kinda creepy. Apologies to anyone who was 13 when they got married.)

Interesting link.
 
Hey! I win! I think 13 was the youngest age listed. (Which, I tend to not judge, but... that's just kinda creepy. Apologies to anyone who was 13 when they got married.)

Interesting link.

Except for the states with no minimum (KS, MA, CA).

I wonder if any states have a lower minimum marriage age then age of consent. That could sure make for a boring honeymoon :goodvibes
 


Disney Vacation Planning. Free. Done for You.
Our Authorized Disney Vacation Planners are here to provide personalized, expert advice, answer every question, and uncover the best discounts. Let Dreams Unlimited Travel take care of all the details, so you can sit back, relax, and enjoy a stress-free vacation.
Start Your Disney Vacation
Disney EarMarked Producer






DIS Facebook DIS youtube DIS Instagram DIS Pinterest DIS Tiktok DIS Twitter

Add as a preferred source on Google

Back
Top Bottom