How young is too young to get married?

[BEloveDisney]

I was 22 when I got married. My husband was 25. I think that was a good age. We've been married for three years and so far so good! We've recently had a horrific loss, but have come through it well. I think age doesn't matter as long as it isn't something that it being rushed into. Bad decisions can be made at 22 or at 42.

 

[autumnpalm]

I met my dh when I was 18. We dated steadily for 10 years and got married when we were almost 29. Actually, today would be my 18th anniversary, but dh died 4 years ago.

We waited until we were 32 to have our first child. Second came 3 years later and third came 7 years after that. I can safely say that we waited too long. Having children is for the young. I really wish that we could go back and get married and have children sooner.

I just wanted to send a . I'm so sorry, I can't imagine what a difficult days this must be for you but I am sending you good thoughts and prayers.

 

[ilovejack02]

Met hubby when I was almost 21, married him 2 days after I turned 23. He was 25 when we married.

Was I too young, I would venture to say yes. Been married almost 14 yrs now. I adore him, amazing man, but our early years were rough, rough, rough, maturity would have made things MUCH easier.

It is crazy to look back on how we handled things then to how we handle things now. We are kinder, gentler, nicer people now. We know how to tackle issues without fighting now, we talk about everything and now don't have those feelings of I need to go out with friends etc, as lots of young people do . How we have stayed together is amazing and most of the issues we had , really had to do with us both and I will say prob mainly me , needing just to grow the hell up ; ).

I wouldn't change the man I married, but I think we could have waited a few more years and I wouldn't have moved in with him either, but that is just my deal. I wouldn't then , nor will I now play house with out a ring on my finger, that was just my deal. Nothing to do with religion on anything , just how I feel.


I do think NOT having children until I was 29 was very much in our favor .

We laugh every so often and wonder what the hell we were in such a hurry for, but then give each other a smooch and remind the other we are thankful that we just got past it all and that we are sooo very lucky we did. Not all would have stuck it out like we did.


HAHA, as typing this, hubby just sent me a text from the back yard ,where he is mowing that he loves me lots. AWWWWWWW!! : )

 

[krcit]

I agree with previous posters that there is no 'magic age' or right answer. I got married a month after I turned 25. Do I think that was too young? For me, I think it was. I'm still married 16 years later but it hasn't been all wine and roses...not even beer and carnations I wish I had been a little older and had traveled a bit but hindsight is 20/20.

 

[minkydog]

I would think if family pressure are having an influence on your dession to marry or not you may be too young for it. When you are ready I think you know and it's not really up for discussion with anyone but the 2 of you.

The number 22 is irrevevant - how mature are you is the question.

Exactly. DH & I met at age 19(we're the same age). We dated off & on and each of us dated other people. We decided to be exclusive at age 22 and married when we were 24. We had just finished our 2nd college degrees and were ready to move into full adulthood. We didn't ask our parents what they thought. We set a date and we paid for everything ourselves. No input for them at all.

We've just celebrated our 29th anniversary and I will have to say,we have both grown and changed. I could never have imagined how much, how many crises we would have to overcome. But I believe that because we waited until we were at least 24 and were pretty mature, already living on our own, paying our way through college, that we were ready to make a life-long commitment to each other.

 

[jazzielady]

I don't think this can really be answered objectively. We all know the people who were high school sweethearts and got married right away after graduating who are now celebrating 50 years. Then you could be like me who got married for the first time at 26 and divorced less than 2 years later.

 

[monkeybug]

I married my husband when I was 23 and he was 29, we have been married 8 years now.
Like most posters, I don't think there is a magic number, I think it's just about when you are ready!
One of the things I would take into consideration though is how many children you think you want (if any!), and how soon after marriage you want to start a family?
We knew we wanted more than 2 kids, and are planning on 4. I wanted them spaced 3 to 4 years apart at least, so I couldn't (or actually didn't want to) wait until my thirties to start having kids. Lot's of women have healthy babies and pregnancy's into their 40's, but there are increased risks once you become 35, and those made me nervous, so I wanted to be done near that age.
There are lot's of great reasons to get married and start a family later too though! It's just one of those things that's a personal decision!

 

[Hillbeans]

might not have a clue about. As you can see from the PP who married young, they're perfectly happy many years later and don't regret their choice at all. But this isn't always how it works out, and I think it's important to remember that, too. It's easy to see the answer you want in cases like this.

ITA agree with your post - I doubt you'll get pages and pages of responses from those people who got married and divorced young - you'll get most from those who got married young and stayed married and are happy.

I got married at 28, DH was 27. I know we have changed a lot in those 11 years. I don't think that's a perfect age or anything, but I think late 20's would be my choice if this question was a poll for many of the reasons given.

 

[ICF]

My wife was 22...6 months out of college. I was 23 and a year and a half out. We had been together for 2+ years.

15 years later, we are still married.

 

[MrsPete]

I was 24 and DH was 26 when we married. We'll celebrate our 20th anniversary in two more months.

We were both out of college, and I think that makes more difference than the ages. That is, we were done with the decision-making, moving-around constantly college years, and we were ready to be "settled". We didn't have financial reserves in place yet, but we had jobs.

At 24 and 26, we'd each had time to live on our own. I think having had a couple years of independance is important. In retrospect, I think we did it "just right". Among our peer group, we were very average for our marriage age.

Changing the subject slightly, I think you can wait "too long". When DH and I married, we were ready to settle down . . . but we grew together. We weren't set in our ways yet. I think it might be more difficult for a person who'd be living on his or her own 'til 30 or 40 to adjust to living with another person.

At what age would I like my daughters to marry? If I could write out a plan for their lives, I'd like them to meet "the guy" in college, have a couple years there to date . . . but not live together before marriage -- living together and really intertwining your lives is exciting and fun, and it's something to save for the one person whom you'll marry. I think it'd be rather anti-climactic to come home from your wedding and not have a major lifestyle change. I'd like to see them have a year after college to start working -- possibly two. Ideally, I'd like to see them marry a college sweetheart somewhere between 22 and 26.

 

[bekkiz]

I think marriage is a lot of work no matter when you marry. And while I do think people do change a lot in their 20's, I think accepting change and growing together can make a much closer and more meaningful relationship than people who meet and marry once they're "set in their ways."

 

[Ember]

At what age would I like my daughters to marry? If I could write out a plan for their lives, I'd like them to meet "the guy" in college, have a couple years there to date . . . but not live together before marriage -- living together and really intertwining your lives is exciting and fun, and it's something to save for the one person whom you'll marry. I think it'd be rather anti-climactic to come home from your wedding and not have a major lifestyle change. I'd like to see them have a year after college to start working -- possibly two. Ideally, I'd like to see them marry a college sweetheart somewhere between 22 and 26.

Nope, it's still pretty special. After dating for 10 years, and living together for 7, getting married was still a big step. It's why we waiting so long, we knew what the commitment meant and wanted to be at the point where we were stable (both emotionally and financially) before making it.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

We got married at 23 and 24. Last month, we celebrated our 23rd anniversary. At this point, I've lived more years with DH than without.

Neither of us was looking to get married young--in fact, when I first met DH, he mentioned that he didn't want to get married until he was in his 30's. I'm still not sure why, but there you have it. I don't know that there's a "right" age--no matter what the statistics say.

I do recommend that you both finish your undergraduate work--that might allay some of your families' concerns. Especially if they're providing financial support for school and/or the wedding--you really should at least look at things from their viewpoint.

On another note, although you didn't ask--we had our first child when I was 31 (DH was 32), and our last when I was 42 (DH was 43). We enjoyed our lives before we had kids, which is why we waited a while. While 31 wasn't too bad,some days, I feel old as the hills, chasing a preschooler! But, the little guy means the world to us.

 

[SaraJayne]

DH and I got married on my 22nd birthday and he was 21. We were both still in college and while I don't regret getting married, I will be honest and say the first year was very, very hard.

Financially, more than anything. We were both in school full time as well as working, so we didn't see each other much.

We've been married for almost 14 years and like many others, we've grown and changed together and are as much in love today as we were then.

It's a hard decision, but only one *you* can make. Not your parents or friends.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Disneyland1084]

My parents think getting married at the age of 22 is extremely young and while they won't forbid it, they would prefer I waited until I was older, more financially settled and had more life experience.

I got married when I was 22. DH and I will be celebrating our 8 year wedding anniversary in two months and still going strong!

 

[Micca]

Depends on the people. When we got married I was 19, DW turned 20 nine days before the wedding. Today is our 36th wedding anniversary. Would I recommend others getting married that young? Probably not, but it really depends on the people. Good luck

 

[Blue Skies]

I met my DH when I was 18 and he was 20. We were married 2 years later. We celebrate our 20th anniversary June 16th.

Have we changed? Of course. But we did it together.

Kristen

I had just turned 19 when I was married to DH (who was 21). We have been married for 19 years!

Only you can answer for yourself when you are the "correct" age. Some are mature at 20, while others are 50 and still are not mature enough to be married!

 

[Magpie]

At what age would I like my daughters to marry? If I could write out a plan for their lives, I'd like them to meet "the guy" in college, have a couple years there to date . . . but not live together before marriage -- living together and really intertwining your lives is exciting and fun, and it's something to save for the one person whom you'll marry. I think it'd be rather anti-climactic to come home from your wedding and not have a major lifestyle change. I'd like to see them have a year after college to start working -- possibly two. Ideally, I'd like to see them marry a college sweetheart somewhere between 22 and 26.

I'm afraid I have to disagree with this, too. There was nothing at all "anti-climatic" about our wedding.

As a child of divorced parents, I needed to know that my husband was really the man I was going to commit to for my whole life. In my mind, marriage was just too important to jump into blindly. I was NOT going to repeat my parents' mistakes.

On my husband's side... well, his parents lived together before they were married, and he just assumed that it would be the height of insanity to marry someone you didn't already know inside and out.

I don't have a set age in mind for my children to marry. And I don't know where they'll meet their sweeties. I just want them to find someone trustworthy, who will love and cherish them their whole lives. Oh... and I want grandchildren!

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

I'm 22 right now, DFiance is 25. We've known each other since I was 2 and started dating when I was 13 (yeah, yeah, I know even that is young). We had been unofficially engaged around when I turned 18 but made it official last year. We think we'll get married in 2012... but maybe not.

But for us, there's no rush. Married or not, it doesn't change what we feel about each other. He still has a little bit to go in school and I have at least two more years of school coming up. While financially, we are OK, we feel as if being more stable in everything (mainly our careers) will make the married life a millions times better.

Plus, ideally our honeymoon destination is between the Seychelles, Galapagos and Micronesia. Neither one of these will be cheap so we'll need time to save up money, or careers that can support such a trip.

 

[kamik86]

I had many people think I was too young to get married. I became engaged when I was 19. Although to be honest I considered myself engaged for a good year before that. I knew we were going to get married once we made it through the first year of me being in college. We didn't get married until I was 22 becuase I wanted to be closer to the end of graduation (partially for health insurance reasons, partially for financial reasons so we could save for the wedding). We moved in together a little over a year before that, to be honest I'm really glad we did because his mother got really sick 2 months before the wedding and died. If my DH had still been living with her 6 hours away and had no family I don't know how well he would have gotten through it. At least this way we were together for everything.

I had many people think we wouldn't last. Mostly people that didn't know us though. Like some lady that ran our company retreat for the new hires when I started work. She made some comment under her breath that we wouldn't last 9 month when she realized I was married (and I was still 22 at the time since it was about a month before my 23rd birthday.) what is funny is at that point we HAD been married 9 months already!

Only you and your fDH will know when your ready to get married. I knew I would marry my husband when I was 17, sometimes you just know.