How young is too young to get married?

[Gigi22]

I don't really believe that 22/23 is too young to get married, but I think it is too soon to get married. The world today is more complex that ever. There are a lot more experiences available to a young woman today than before. It is important to be able to make an informed decision about marriage. To do so, most people need to have the experience of a few years out on their own (of course, this applies to men too). So what I would say is, to have a successful marriage, you need to be financially stable--having a complete education will enable you to achieve financial stability and independence. Taking a couple of years between completing your education and getting married can only help you make sure that you are making the right lifetime choice. If you are truly looking at making a life-long commitment, two years of living on your own is an important investment in yourself.

 

[FireDancer]

I don't really believe that 22/23 is too young to get married, but I think it is too soon to get married. The world today is more complex that ever. There are a lot more experiences available to a young woman today than before. It is important to be able to make an informed decision about marriage. To do so, most people need to have the experience of a few years out on their own (of course, this applies to men too). So what I would say is, to have a successful marriage, you need to be financially stable--having a complete education will enable you to achieve financial stability and independence. Taking a couple of years between completing your education and getting married can only help you make sure that you are making the right lifetime choice. If you are truly looking at making a life-long commitment, two years of living on your own is an important investment in yourself.

I completely agree with this for myself. I'm not sure if it would be the case for everyone. I needed to do a lot on my own before I could do it with someone else but I'm pretty independent.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I don't really believe that 22/23 is too young to get married, but I think it is too soon to get married. The world today is more complex that ever. There are a lot more experiences available to a young woman today than before. It is important to be able to make an informed decision about marriage. To do so, most people need to have the experience of a few years out on their own (of course, this applies to men too). So what I would say is, to have a successful marriage, you need to be financially stable--having a complete education will enable you to achieve financial stability and independence. Taking a couple of years between completing your education and getting married can only help you make sure that you are making the right lifetime choice. If you are truly looking at making a life-long commitment, two years of living on your own is an important investment in yourself.

On the flip side of this, I think I am TOO independent and I fear what will happen if/when I meet the person I'm supposed to marry.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Okay, and I feel very, very, very old-fashioned right now. . .but when did it become better and more moral to, ahem, "live in sin" than to get married?

I married at two days after I turned 21 because I wanted to go to summer school with my now-DH and there was no way my parents were going to let me spend the summer at my fiance's apartment unless I had a wedding band on my finger. (We attended different universities.)

Somewhere in the past 20+ years, we've changed as a society, I guess, because all of the posters who reccommend late marriages tend to presume the couple will live together before marriage.

While that's a personal choice, and, honestly, it seems like everyone in the world is okay with that these days. . .I just don't think I could do it. If you're going to share my bed and we're going to choose toilet paper together, I dang well want a wedding band on my finger! I am NOT letting any male who isn't stuck with me for life wash (and probably ruin) my undies because they got into the towel basket by mistake, and I will not quibble with a man who is not my spouse about who gets the last ice cream sandwich!

But seriously, when did we switch? I think the change in thinking was happening when I got married, but now it seems to be complete.

 

[Ember]

Okay, and I feel very, very, very old-fashioned right now. . .but when did it become better and more moral to, ahem, "live in sin" than to get married?

I married at two days after I turned 21 because I wanted to go to summer school with my now-DH and there was no way my parents were going to let me spend the summer at my fiance's apartment unless I had a wedding band on my finger. (We attended different universities.)

Somewhere in the past 20+ years, we've changed as a society, I guess, because all of the posters who reccommend late marriages tend to presume the couple will live together before marriage.

While that's a personal choice, and, honestly, it seems like everyone in the world is okay with that these days. . .I just don't think I could do it. If you're going to share my bed and we're going to choose toilet paper together, I dang well want a wedding band on my finger! I am NOT letting any male who isn't stuck with me for life wash (and probably ruin) my undies because they got into the towel basket by mistake, and I will not quibble with a man who is not my spouse about who gets the last ice cream sandwich!

But seriously, when did we switch? I think the change in thinking was happening when I got married, but now it seems to be complete.

Well, I think you'll find a lot of differing opinions on this, and none of them wrong. So long as the choice being made is right for the person making it (and not the result of parental pressures) then it's right.

Personally, I would rather a couple live together "in sin" than to get married just to get to the "sinning" part. That is just my opinion, though, and I'm about as far from traditional as you can get. (Heck, I kept my own last name and won't be called "Mrs.") But it seems to me that the desire to be grown up, to live together with a partner, or to have sex are not the best reasons to marry someone. Marrying for these reason does not mean the marriage won't work, but I still don't think they're great ones.

 

[tiggerlover]

I think when a couple is ready they will know. My DH and I were married young, 19/20, we didn't have any money, but we were in love and he was in the military. We learned to make sacrifices and we grew up together, we will celebrate our 24th anniversary this fall. Follow your heart, your family will come around.

 

[aprilgail2]

Really?! I'm 38 years old and have never had a roommate.

I am in my late 40's and have never had a room mate. Other than people I know that went to college and shared a dorm room no one I know has ever had a room mate!

 

[WDWFWfan]

Success in marriage is not so much about one's age as it is one's attitude. What's your attitude about marriage? Is it a covenant (until death do us part) or a contract (where's my attorney)? Is it about me (I deserve to be happy) or the other person? Is it about "falling" in love or choosing to love? Is it about finding "Mr. Right" or accepting my finance' for who they are?

How you answer these kind of questions will determine your success in marriage...not your age.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Well, I think you'll find a lot of differing opinions on this, and none of them wrong. So long as the choice being made is right for the person making it (and not the result of parental pressures) then it's right.

Personally, I would rather a couple live together "in sin" than to get married just to get to the "sinning" part. That is just my opinion, though, and I'm about as far from traditional as you can get. (Heck, I kept my own last name and won't be called "Mrs.") But it seems to me that the desire to be grown up, to live together with a partner, or to have sex are not the best reasons to marry someone. Marrying for these reason does not mean the marriage won't work, but I still don't think they're great ones.

Well! There went the 3 reasons DH and I got married and we're still blissfully, madly, passionately in love 20 years later.

I am honestly of the opinion that if you don't want to make the beast with two backs, dance the horizontal lambada, or set the sheets on fire, don't marry, because all you've got is a bestie, not a spouse!

As for the desire to be grown up, heck yeah! What's wrong with that? We can't all be children forever! Back in the day, being mature enough to commit to someone forever pretty much indicated that you were a grown up.

And to live together with a partner. . .uhm. . .as I said. . .I always thought that WAS the reason you got married. To live with someone you loved until you died.

And please, I'm not saying it's wrong for anyone else, just that I couldn't do it. I mean, well, ick. Unless I'm certain you're committed to me and me alone until death do us part and all that, no way no how! Sex would be one thing, I think, but I don't think I could share all the little intimacies and gross-ities that go along with living with someone without being married to that someone.

(And now my 'Droid is playing Jackson, illustrating all the reasons you shouldn't get married just for the sex!)

 

[tonilea]

I was 18 and DH turned 25 the day we married. We will celebrate 22 years this fall.

I would be concerned if DS wanted to get married at 18. Very concerned. But, I had lived in my own apartment for over six months before we married. I moved out of my parent's home shortly after turning 18, even though I was still in high school. I worked a full time job and went to school. I think it is very important that women know that they can take care of themselves. We never really know what the future may bring... death, divorce...they can happen. The confidence of knowing you can manage on your own is priceless.

I also think it would be wise to wait a while before having children. We waited until we had been married six years before we started trying..... after nine more years, we finally became parents. Maybe we waited a bit too long.... I don't know. Maybe not, I know was much more patient at 34 than I would have been at 24.

 

[Ember]

Well! There went the 3 reasons DH and I got married and we're still blissfully, madly, passionately in love 20 years later.

I am honestly of the opinion that if you don't want to make the beast with two backs, dance the horizontal lambada, or set the sheets on fire, don't marry, because all you've got is a bestie, not a spouse!

As for the desire to be grown up, heck yeah! What's wrong with that? We can't all be children forever! Back in the day, being mature enough to commit to someone forever pretty much indicated that you were a grown up.

And to live together with a partner. . .uhm. . .as I said. . .I always thought that WAS the reason you got married. To live with someone you loved until you died.

And please, I'm not saying it's wrong for anyone else, just that I couldn't do it. I mean, well, ick. Unless I'm certain you're committed to me and me alone until death do us part and all that, no way no how! Sex would be one thing, I think, but I don't think I could share all the little intimacies and gross-ities that go along with living with someone without being married to that someone.

(And now my 'Droid is playing Jackson, illustrating all the reasons you shouldn't get married just for the sex!)

I honestly didn't mean to offend you, rather I was trying to answer your question as to why things have changed. I think there are cases where young people rush into marriage because it's the only way they can experience living together, feeling grown up, or having sex. I know a few couples who married very young for these reasons. Some have lasted, others haven't. The fact that our society has changed in this regard allows young people to have these experience without the commitment of marriage. While many opinions exist on this, it means that people aren't getting married just to have them. Their hand isn't forced in that way.

Personally, I wanted to know myself before committing to another person for the rest of my life. I wanted to be confident in who I was and comfortable in my own skin. A marriage can't make you a grown up, any more than a drivers license can. I chose to wait because I had seen first hand that people expected someone else to make them happy, someone else to complete them, and someone else to give them a purpose in life. I didn't want that for myself.

Again, I'm not putting down your choice, just offering a view of why someone might choose differently.

 

[ChristmasElf]

Friends of ours son just got married this past weekend. He just turned 20 and the girl is 23. WAY too young in my opinion. The groom just finished his first year in community college, has NO job (so he is going into the Army and leaving for basic training next month) He is pretty immature for his age IMO.

The reason they got married: all her friends are getting married, so she wanted a wedding too.

People were taking bets at the wedding on how long it would last....

 

[drag n' fly]

IMO whatever floats your boat. If my kids want to marry in their early twenties and feel they have met their life partner then I would be happy for them. We have had this talk and I have encouraged them to finish university, travel and live on their own first, but they in the end will do what they feel is best for them. I married at 28 and have never regretted waiting.

 

[Planogirl]

I traveled a lot and got my college degree but after I was married and that worked well for me. As others have said, there is no right or wrong answer. It depends a lot on the people involved.

That said, I would hold off on having kids. It does become a lot harder to do many of these things once kids come into the picture.

 

[Stephanie218]

I met my husband at 20, and was married a year later at 21. He was 23 when we married. He already had his degree, was in the Marine Corps with an obviously steady job, and I graduated college 6 months after we were married. We'd both had our fill of dating and partying in high school & college, and were ready for marriage. We'll be celebrating 3 years this year already and although we've only been in the same country for half of our marriage, I still think he's worth it. I think you do have to be mature to be married that early, however.

 

[disfan07]

It is definitely different for everyone.

My family seems to marry later in life.
2 of my cousins did not get marreid until they were in their 30s and one of my cousins is turning 29 and we see no marraige in the near future for her.

I'm going to be 21 and I couldn't see myself getting marreid anytime soon. but I still have 2 more years of undergraduate to go and i plan on spending 5 years in graduate school to get my masters and PhD but of course that could change. I would love to be married before i'm 30.

One of my professors is only 28,she just got married for the second time. She got married the first time at 23 i think and was divorced by the time she was 25 and at 28 she got married for the second time. She fully admitted that the first marraige was a mistake and that she and her ex have forgiven each other for a lot of mistakes that they both made. She said that regardless of how much they did love each other at the time, they were both way too immature to make it work. Which for her, i don't think it not working was a bad thing because she and her husband now are so cute together and he is so sweet.

 

[RachaelA]

I haven't read all the other pages in the thread.

I got married at 23 DH was 28 (1 year anniversary was yesterday! ) I had gone away to school. Lived in another country. Lived on my own, etc. DH and I lived together before we got married. I'm completely happy with my decision.

I think it just depends on the person. Just remember you grow a lot in you early to mid 20s. If marriage is going to hold you back from accomplishing so much, why not wait a couple years?

Good luck!

ETA: DH and I had been together for 5 years when we got married.

 

[castleview]

Tough one. I know many people who met in college and were happily married. Me - well, I wasn't ready to be an adult at 22, much less get married. I have to say I really started learning about myself when I was 24 or 25. I would definitely hold off until you have worked for a little bit. But that's just me.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

Honestly, that's between you and your DF. Not your parents, your family, or us. While your parents have their own opinions, they are not the ones that are taking this step. While parents are always part of your family, the new family you create with your husband will be a unit of it's own.

Divorce could happen to anyone. Our friends that got married exactly a month before us are divorced all ready. For my DH and I, that doesn't even play into the equation. Could it? I doubt it. But, I'd never dwell on the negatives that could be. Instead, I know that I married my best friend, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, the father of my children. What would it matter if we waited until we were older? While we have changed as people in the past ten years, we've only grown closer.

 

[pepperw23]

It looks like I am in the minority here. DH and I got married, drumroll please, at age 17 and 19. No, not because we "had" to. We got married because we were in love. Fast forward 23 1/2 years. We are still married, still happy, and still very much in love. We have 6 children. 4 biological sons, and 2 daughters we adopted from China. Our experience is probably not the norm. Our first married was absolutely bliss. We didn't fight, we shared all the household duties. We worked very hard, paying for college ourselves, and have always paid ourselves. I can't imagine my life any other way. Well, I would love to go to WDW more often. We usually make it every 2 years, and twice in the last 6 months. The 2nd was for our anniversary.

We have a son who is 21, just graduated college, and he will probably get married next year. Would I want my kids to get married as young as we did, probably not. DH and I were very mature for our ages, really we were. But it does depend on the person. Some people in their 40's aren't ready to settle down yet.

Right there with ya (and I am sure others...I didn't read further )

I got married to DH at 18. Again not because we had to and not because we had a bad home life...my home life was wonderful!!! We just wanted to be together when he went to Germany (Army). We will have been married 23 years on June 12th. We have two semi-adult (19-22) kids in college and we are both still young. It is like a "do-over"

OP- Go with your heart but remember, if you have to ask, then you are probably not ready. If he is right you will just "know". If you don't "know" then wait till you do...

ETA: My parents were 22-24 when they got married. They only knew each other for two weeks and they ran off and eloped. They had been married 43 years when my Dad passed away.