How young is too young to get married?

[autumnpalm]

Good for you! The first time I ever woke up in a man's arms was on my wedding night with my DH. The whole first day I was walking around saying to him, "I can't believe you're still here" as in, he was with me. Maybe the idea is too old school for others but for me it sealed a bond neither of us has any intention of shattering. The fact he is the only person I ever lived with really cements the idea that we are family. I don't think poorly of people who choose a way different than my own but it sure is nice to see others out there like me every once in a while

PS, the best bit of advice I can give any young women is to look at the man you love through the eyes of a child. Really see him. If you can say out of all the men you've ever known that you would choose the man in front of you to be your own father then he will be good enough for your children and right there you'll eliminate a majority of fighting that goes on in most marriages. I can honestly say I would have considered myself lucky if I had a Dad 1/2 the man my DH is and that sort of respect goes a long way during the ups and downs of a relationship.

Oh wow, I love this. Thanks for sharing this bit of advice, that's a great way of looking at things and makes me even more certain!

 

[Nennie]

Everyone is different, but generally speaking if you have found "the one" at an early age, there is no harm in waiting a few years before getting married, just to make sure! It's a lot easier to "break up," then it is to divorce.

If I had married the guy I was in love with at age 21, it would have been a mistake. Fell in love again at 22, and dated that guy til I was 25...glad I didn't marry him either! LOL!!

I did get married at 30, and am very happy. Who knows though, had I met my husband when I was 21, perhaps I would have wanted to marry sooner. He says that I wouldn't have liked him when he was 21, so he's glad that we didn't meet til we were in our late twenties! LOL!!

I do agree with the PP who stated that she married young, but waited to have children til she was a little older. I think that's a very good idea for someone that wants to get married in their early twenties.

 

[Nom]

I got married when I was 20 and thought he was the one, but like others have said, it was a ROUGH road- and I think it would have been much less rough if I had been older and had known myself better and respected myself more.

We're divorced now, thankfully, because I put up with too much for too long (11 yrs- I'm 33 now). I'm still working on self- esteem issues, a lot of which have to do with being married too young imo.

So I don't know if this helps, but don't marry unless you feel like you know yourself fully and have enough self-respect to stand up for yourself- I think that often comes with time and maturity.

 

[luvmy3]

I married my dh a month after I turned 23, he was 26. If our marriage survived while he was working on his PhD the same time we had our first child then I have no doubt our marriage can survive anything. We will be celebrating 14 years this summer.

 

[DMickey28]

I think I am confused ...

Your family is jumping down your throat because you are thinking that you might getting married in 2-4 years after you are both done with school? You aren't even talking about marriage right now, just the future ...

It's different with each person obviously but age is just a number. I think your DF gets out of law school, you graduate, you get a ring and you set a date in the future ... give yourselves time to grow together. Still fits your timeframe.

 

[rotlex]

My wife and I will be married 21 years this October. They have been the best years of our lives, and we look forward to the next 21. We were married when I was 21, and she was 19. I wouldn't change a thing!

Now, with that said, we did have a lot of negativity from a number of people, but we were in love. Deeply. We have only grown more in love over the years. Have we changed? Yes. However, we changed together. It is\was wonderful, and I would not have it any other way.

Is it for everyone? Of course there is no answer to that, but in the end, go with your heart. We did. And all these years later, we would both do it all over again without changing a thing.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I would think if family pressure are having an influence on your dession to marry or not you may be too young for it. When you are ready I think you know and it's not really up for discussion with anyone but the 2 of you.

The number 22 is irrevevant - how mature are you is the question.

Bingo.

 

[liamsaunt]

I think you can know what you want when you are young. I started dating my husband when I was 20 and he was 24. We knew quite early on in our relationship that we were going to get married, so we made a plan. I went back to college and finished my degree, he went to law school. All this took a while--we dated for four years and were engaged for another year. For four of the five years, we had a long-distance relationship while he finished his law degrees. We got married the week after he graduated law school, when I was 25. Today is our 13th wedding anniversary.

 

[NMAmy]

I got married when I was 22 and, yes, I was too young. My mother and my older sister tried to warn me and I thought they just didn't understand.

I would definitely warn my own dd not to marry too young. She's 19 and, for now, says she doesn't want to marry for a long time. We'll see if she continues to say that. Fingers crossed.

 

[bethy]

Success in marriage is not so much about one's age as it is one's attitude. What's your attitude about marriage? Is it a covenant (until death do us part) or a contract (where's my attorney)? Is it about me (I deserve to be happy) or the other person? Is it about "falling" in love or choosing to love? Is it about finding "Mr. Right" or accepting my finance' for who they are?

How you answer these kind of questions will determine your success in marriage...not your age.

FANTASTIC answer. And I heartily agree. I have been married for 14 years and I am married for life.

 

[bethy]

And to live together with a partner. . .uhm. . .as I said. . .I always thought that WAS the reason you got married. To live with someone you loved until you died.

And please, I'm not saying it's wrong for anyone else, just that I couldn't do it. I mean, well, ick. Unless I'm certain you're committed to me and me alone until death do us part and all that, no way no how! Sex would be one thing, I think, but I don't think I could share all the little intimacies and gross-ities that go along with living with someone without being married to that someone.

This is my view, also.

 

[tigercat]

I think it would depend on the people getting married. I got married at 18 and had had 4 children by the age of 24. My parents thought I was way too young to get married and really too young to have children. Our 3rd child died as well when I was 23. He was 24 when we got married. If you go with statistics we should have been divorced years before. We actually really didn't have a chance at a long marriage according to all the statistics. We have been married for 35 1/2 years and looking forward to many more. What is funny though is that I have 5 siblings who have been married as long as I have been (3 of us got married within 3 months) and longer and 1 that has been married a little less. Several nieces and nephews as well as my own 2 dd's who have been married more than 13 years and all got married young. Our parents got married when my dm was 16 and my df was 18. They both died in the last year after 54 years of married life.
tigercat

 

[sunnyday123]

Like a few others have said, I think it depends on your maturity level. You have to be ready for bad times, because there will be some, and you have to work at it. People change constantly, and you have to change together.

You also have to not date anymore. No one told my ex that, so I thought I'd throw it out there.

 

[MIGrandma]

It looks like I am in the minority here. DH and I got married, drumroll please, at age 17 and 19. No, not because we "had" to. We got married because we were in love.

Sounds a lot like DH and I too. We met in the spring of our senior year of high school, engaged a few weeks later, and set our date for late September. We were both 18. We found out two weeks before the wedding that I was pregnant, so no, we didn't "have to get married" as we were already going to. The church was reserved, the gown was bought, the invitations were sent out, etc.

We will be celebrating our 34th anniversary this year. Yes, we were young (and many said too young, one of his cousins only gave us a year before we would split) but we learned and grew together and were committed to each other. I feel the key is commitment, not how old a person is, or how young. Only you can decide if you're ready for marriage.

 

[focusondisney]

I would think if family pressure are having an influence on your dession to marry or not you may be too young for it. When you are ready I think you know and it's not really up for discussion with anyone but the 2 of you.

The number 22 is irrevevant - how mature are you is the question.

Excellent answer. When to get married is your decision. No one else's. And not feeling "disrespectful" by setting a date. If you are mature enough to get married, you should be mature enough to make your own important decisions, even if your parents disagree.

That said, my DD was married last year. She was 24 & her DH was 25. They had dated for 6 years & decided to wait til they were finished with school (BS for her, MBA for him.) She was a Dean's list student & they were both working part time jobs too. She didn't want to be dealing with wedding plans & going to school at the same time. She just felt it would be too much to deal with. They had a smallish wedding, but it was the full blown event.

Waiting was a good decision for them, but it isn't right for everyone. If you can go to school, plan a wedding & look for a job after graduation all at the same time, no reason not to do what you want. Good luck deciding!

 

[MarriedToAPrince]

I got married at 22 and turned 23 two months later. DH was 25 when we got married. We will celebrate 7 years of marriage in two weeks. Yes we were young but not for one moment has either of us regretted marrying each other. I say if you love each other and know you want to be together it doesn't matter when you get married.

 

[bookgirl]

If your parents have to sign a permission slip, you're too young. Really my mom had to have my grandmother sign a paper saying she could get married. Too weird.

 

[dimimi]

Bingo.

I have to BINGO this again! The only comment I would have is that I would assume once you were married, that you would be paying for your own college. Once you are married, I think you are on your own.

Once you are truly ready to get married, you won't be asking, you'll be announcing your engagement proudly to your parents.

 

[MarriedToAPrince]

I got married at 22 and turned 23 two months later. DH was 25 when we got married. We will celebrate 7 years of marriage in two weeks. Yes we were young but not for one moment has either of us regretted marrying each other. I say if you love each other and know you want to be together it doesn't matter when you get married.

I wanted to add to my post. I got engaged to a guy when I was 20. He was wrong for me. He was horrible and treated me horribly. I ended it. After that i knew what I wanted in a man and I would not be okay with anything less then exactly what I wanted.

My DH and I have known each other since I was 14. There had always been something there. Well it blossomed and turned out he was the perfect man for me. He treated me like a princess, and still does. We dated seriously for three months. He asked me to move in with him and the weekend I did he purposed. 13 months later we married and the rest is history.

Have we changed? Yes, but we changed together. Live lessons change everyone but when we said our vows we meant them. Through thick and thin. I couldn't imagine being with someone else. He is an amazing husband and father.

So my point....if you know what you want and you aren't making any exceptions then go ahead. 22 isn't too young at all. I completely understand what you are saying about your parents and the respect you have for them. I felt the same way when my DH asked me to move in with him before I had a ring on my finger. I talked to them. They agree that I was a mature adult and I could make my choice without them being upset. That was all I needed to hear.

Don't worry about the next two years. Parents always see us as their babies and sometimes that makes it hard for them to see that we are adults. Time will change things. Just let them know that is your plan and leave it at that. They will be okay with it.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I was 15 when I started dating my DH, he was 20. We got engaged when I was 16, married when I was 17. We will be married 17 years later this month. He is my very best friend, I am head over heels for him (more so now then ever) and do not regret marrying him one bit. We are not at all the same people we were at 17 and 22 when we got married, but we grew togther and not apart. We went though a lot, financial difficulties, getting pregnant before we planned (just 6 months into our marriage as opposed to 5 years in as we planned.) Lots of ups and downs but it all made us stronger.

It is a tough call when someone is ready and many people said we were not, and since they have married and divorced. I don't know if there is a magic way of knowing yo uare ready, there is certianly not a magic number for everyone.

Best of luck when you do get married. It can be the most amazing part of life. I adore my kids but like my DH always says, we are the one people each other actually chose in life, and that is pretty awesome!