How to handle Grandparents favoring one set of Grandkids over another?

[Nancyg56]

Have you thought about who it is not working for? The kids or you? Clarity on that might help you moving forward.

It's funny because I had the same thought. My first husband died when our children were very young. His parents were terrified I would take them out of their lives, but I never did. In fact, even after I remarried we always remained family. Close family. Sounds good, right?

Well my sister in law had two kids the same ages as two of mine, and she was one difficult woman. She got her bloomers in a bunch and moved away, taking the kids with her, so mine were the only ones closeby. You would think that the IL's would be closer to my three because they were the children they interacted with so much, but no. You wold think that i would be a member of the family becasue I was the one who stepped in to do the things daughters need to do, but no.

It took me a while to figure out that they really were to aware of the favoritism, and my kids did not notice. I noticed. I was annoyed. even when the kids were adults and they did understand they were "second string" as my youngest son described their position, they really did not care. By then I also did not care. it was the way it was.

I will say that even though my adult children were truly not upset about the difference in "status", they did have different priorities in terms of family obligations. My Mom had no money. None. She did invest her time in them, and they repaid her ten times over. Time is priceless, you see, and when invested it multiples in value.

By the time my Mom and MIL were "advancing in age, my children were all adults, and they moved Heaven and Earth to do whatever my Mom needed, wanted or just because. They never refused their Meme, visited her often, never missed a Holiday, and loved her dearly, but they did not have that sense of urgency for her that they did for my Mom. I think their Meme recognized that, but there was no changing how she was when they were growing up.

I know that this is a long post, but I think that if the OP revisits her expectations, and makes sure that she does not put them on the children, their visits with the grands will be fine for them. as the kids get older, they will probably notice the difference but not resent it. How they choose to react as adults is also their decision. I was glad that I did not impose my own hurt and resentment on my children because they never felt less loved, and looking back, I think that they would have.