How many kids do you have and would you do it again?

[footballmouse]

I have 3, ages 23, 25, and 30. I would definitely have 3 again and actually I would have liked to have had 4. Looking back, I would have had one in the 5 year gap.

 

[MrsPete]

Several thoughts:

I was one of five kids, and it wasn't a great situation ... it was mostly about money. As a child, we never had enough: clothes, food, doctor's visits, parental time. You name it, it was stretched too thin. I'm not being whiney and saying, "Oh, I didn't like sharing a bedroom". No, we got one pair of shoes every year when school started, and we got another pair for summer ... if they wore out or were outgrown, we had to keep wearing them. If one of us had strep throat, my mom gave us half-doses of medicine, the assumption being that another kid would come down with it in a couple days, and the medicine would be needed. We're all dependent upon eye glasses, and we were on a rotation to get them. We ran the heat only in the dead of winter (good thing we live in a moderate climate), so we often spent evenings in our bedrooms, where we could stay under the covers ... no wonder we all became big readers. Admittedly, my parents started having children too young ... and then came alcoholism and divorce. My mom stayed home with us about a decade, and when she NEEDED a job, her skills were no longer useful; things got much worse as she transitioned back into the work world ... she says she regrets those years she stayed home because of how it hurt us in the long run. Being the oldest, I was required to babysit and make dinner every afternoon ... I did a really bad job of it, and that hurt the younger kids. Our house was not chaotic, but neither was it happy. While I love all my siblings and would never wish them away, our childhoods would've been better if we'd been a family of 2-3. Four of us turned out to be successful adults, though two opted not to have children because they couldn't see past the "not enough" of our childhood.

I have two daughters, spaced 3 years apart. I was extremely conscious that I didn't want to repeat much of my childhood ... not as a parent, not for my children. I didn't hurry to have children ... we waited until we were both established in our careers, had a home and were genuinely ready to welcome that first child. With only two, we were able to give them an enriched childhood: trips, educational experiences, etc. Although we were frugal with what we gave them (and much of their clothes, etc. were purchased used), they always had enough. I think that's part of why they have been best friends since Day 1 ... they've not had to compete for scraps. I found the newborn /toddler years difficult ... maybe they're tough for everyone, or maybe that wasn't my personal skill set. I was really, really good with teens ... I can count on one hand the number of times we had real trouble with them, and it was always over the car. I always had time /energy /money for the kids ... we had dinner together every night, we spent time together every afternoon /evening. I knew their friends. Kids get VERY expensive in their teen years ... braces, car insurance, and then you hit college. We were never high wage earners, but we were able to cover their needs ... while paying off our house and preparing for our retirement. They finished college with no debt, allowing them to start their adult lives with a clean slate. In theory, I would've liked to have had more children, but I knew I could do a really good job with two ... I wanted to do more for them than my parents were able to do for me and my siblings.

Regrets -- and you're going to have them regardless of the choices you make: I have only one grandchild and will probably have no more; I would've loved to have more. My husband would've liked a boy ... but he's the one who was dead-set on sticking with two.

 

[TB'sWidow]

I have 3 40, 35, & 23 last one was a huge but wonderful surprise! Yes I would do it all again my husband passed when youngest was just 2 and the older ones were teens it was hard but they also kept me going.

 

[goofyernmost]

We had two that were two years apart. We were very lucky because except for some minor problems revolving around allergy's we had no particular problems besides the normal teen year situations. I get the feeling that this post was asking mostly women that are often times the primary care person, not to mention the 9 months of manufacturing and childbirth, but both of us agreed on just having the two and it worked out great. So yes, I'd do it again, my wife has since passed, but I know she was happy with the two.

One of my daughters had three kids, the last one being 10 years after the previous, but she seems happy with that and fortunately their father has a good job so money is not a problem for them. The other had only one. She wanted to have two, but her husband had been previously married and had two children from that marriage and he just didn't want one more. She was pretty disappointed for awhile, but talking to her last week, just a week after her son graduated from college, she thinks that it is better now and considering the financial burden they might have faced early on, it worked out for the best or as my grandson says, "Once you have achieved perfection what is the sense of trying again."

 

[AussieFan8]

as my grandson says, "Once you have achieved perfection what is the sense of trying again."

Lol my daughter who is our only child makes this joke as well. My husband and I originally talked about having one and adopting one, but I didn't have my daughter until I was 30, and she was not an easy baby. By the time she grew into an easier to manage pre-schooler, we were nearing 35 and just didn't know if we had the energy to add another to the family. We also really liked the idea of having only one as we knew we would be able to do what we wanted to do for her financially. She made it easier on us as she liked being an only child and never asked for siblings like some kids do. And as someone mentioned earlier, I didn't worry so much about giving her siblings as I know there's no guarantee they will be close. But I do, as stated earlier, worry all the time about her having to manage aging parents alone. It has been a priority for me to save as much money as possible so she will hopefully never be responsible for us financially, but the emotional toll is another thing entirely. She does not intend to have children, and I don't think she'll change her mind about that, so likely there will be no grandchildren for us. But I absolutely adore my daughter and am so grateful for our close relationship.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I’m another proud parent of one (DS 26), and feel blessed to have him. Would have loved at least one more, maybe two or three more, but it wasn’t to be, due to fertility and other issues out of our control. My five siblings and I (now in our 50’s and 60’s) were and still are all close, but every family is different. There are no guarantees in life.

Several friends with 3 or more kids have told me that the biggest adjustment was going from 2 to 3, when the kids outnumbered the parents. Most have no regrets and feel it gets easier over time. IMO, it’s a very personal decision with many factors involved.

 

[QueenIsabella]

You just don't know how it will turn out with siblings. I mentioned we were all close in age--my sister and I are close, but when my brother died last year, I hadn't seen him in 17 years (he was a homeless addict for much of that time). I also haven't seen my other brother since 2006--he's the one who wanted Sis and I to pay his expenses to attend the other brother's funeral, if some of you recall. He and I are 11 months apart, and when I was moved up, it was into his grade. He'll never forgive me. I get it, it wasn't my choice, either. But, he's an all-around jerk, , so I don't feel like I'm missing out.

My kids, OTOH, seem to still get along great. Interestingly, the oldest (DD28) and youngest (DS18) have always been especially close.

 

[pinkxray]

We have 3. DD19, DS9 and DD7.

We had DD19 when we were young, just married and DH was in the marine corp. After he got out of the marines when she was born it took us a few years to build up savings, buy a house, me finish a degree, etc. I would have loved to have another sibling closer to her age but it just never seemed to be the right time.

We had DS9 and DD7 and I love having them so close in age. Watching how close they are melts my heart. So yes, absolutely to the 3 I have. Would have one more if money/timing worked out right.

The age gap also isn’t the best. We paid for the 2 little kids to be in daycare. So after paying close to $120,000 in daycare over 7 years DD7 finished daycare!! Yay! Of course, DD19 started college that fall.

 

[Donalddidwhat…?!]

On a related note…
This morning, as I was driving our 31-year-old special needs son to his job, he remarked, out of the blue, “You know dad, I’ve had a pretty good life. I’m so glad you and mom kept me alive, and you are always there for me.”
That’s pretty much verbatim, but I was a bit taken aback, so not totally sure.
I didn’t get misty then, but I am a bit misty now as I’m typing this.
He has issues with his words sometimes, but that was one time he sure didn’t…!!!
Good gosh, I love being a parent and a grandparent…!!!!!!!

 

[Donalddidwhat…?!]

My daughter was in the NICU at UCSF for 2 months. I stayed nearby at a Ronald McDonald House. After NICU she was transfered to our local hospital, she just needed to gain weight. When she went back to our local hospital where she was born, and on the day she was discharged, the nurse that was there when she was born discharged her. She told me that she didn't think my daughter was going to make it, that when they were "bagging" her she just wasn't responding but then all of the sudden took a breath. She came home mid July weighing 4 pounds. All her milestones were delayed, especially speech. Had speech therapy for many years. Her eyes have been checked during hospitalization and every year since. She does wear glasses for far-sightedness but that's it. She just turned 19 and graduated HS with honors and is off to college this summer to become an engineer. Very smart girl! I'm so happy to hear how well your son has done.

Oh my…!
Sorry for my late response…!!!
It was definitely dicey for the first few weeks with Matthew, but we prayed A LOT and kept a positive mindset.
Directly after he was born, the doc said “We have a pink one!” Pink one meaning he wasn’t blue or purple, and he was getting enough oxygen.
The doc then immediately handed him off to the attending neonatologist.
Fortunately, he took to the bagging immediately.
Shortly after, the neonatologist asked me if I wanted to touch him. I put my right pinky finger in his left palm and he immediately grasped it.
At that point, I lost it. I will never forget that moment in a million years.
Thank god DWifey didn’t see me, ‘cause I’m a bit of a stoic boomer…!

 

[princesscinderella]

I have three 19DS, 16DD and 14DD. I would have liked one more but I got sicker every pregnancy I had to where I was throwing up so much with my youngest I had to be put on meds and have fluids. There was no way I could have been that sick again while taking care of 3 kids under 5 and trying to run our own business, so my husband got a vasectomy. We are in the throes of the expensive teen years and am starting next week to look for a car for DD16 so she can drive to school in the fall. I am not looking forward to the insurance bill adding her, which is already $6k every 6 months. I am definitely in the more the merrier camp! They keep me busy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

[ramee]

I have 3 40, 35, & 23 last one was a huge but wonderful surprise! Yes I would do it all again my husband passed when youngest was just 2 and the older ones were teens it was hard but they also kept me going.

So hard.

I originally was going to respond to this thread that I’m not sure I’d do it again…knowing that we’d have my husband for just half of my kids’ childhood.

I’m a couple months in. They might be the only reason I’m able to keep it together.

I appreciate your perspective.

 

[bluezy]

I’m another proud parent of one (DS 26), and feel blessed to have him. Would have loved at least one more, maybe two or three more, but it wasn’t to be, due to fertility and other issues out of our control. My five siblings and I (now in our 50’s and 60’s) were and still are all close, but every family is different. There are no guarantees in life.

Several friends with 3 or more kids have told me that the biggest adjustment was going from 2 to 3, when the kids outnumbered the parents. Most have no regrets and feel it gets easier over time. IMO, it’s a very personal decision with many factors involved.

Yep, when you go from 2 kids to 3 kids you have to change from man-to-man to a zone defense. Adding #4 & #5 was far easier.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yep, when you go from 2 kids to 3 kids you have to change from man-to-man to a zone defense. Adding #4 & #5 was far easier.

I have 5 and going from 1 to 2 was my hardest. I was a SAHM with a very easy 20 month old, not knowing she was a very easy baby, assumed it was my excellent parenting. Apparently that was not the case, #2 was a cranky baby, opposite of #1, and I had a hard time not being able to be one on one. #3 was my easiest, #4 and #5 hard only because of the twin factor, and #3 wasn’t 2 yet.

 

[lovin'fl]

I have 3 kids in their 20s. Son is oldest and then had twin girls. Had them close together so they'd be friends. But DS and DDs aren't all that close. Twins are close but it can be a love hate relationship for sure.

I thought we'd only have 2 because DS was ADHD and I couldn't handle a brood of more like him, lol. But the 2 turned into 3. And DH got fixed after that. Then, when they were all in elementary school I found myself really longing for a 4th for a few years. Begged DH to reverse the snip. But he said no way. Ended up not being a bad thing as DS was difficult until about 17. And the girls were very involved with a travel sport. A 4th kid wouldn't have gotten proper attention.

Gosh, imagine 4 college tuitions. Still trying to pay off 2. And weddings down the line. Sister in law's 2 kids recently married and what she spent, not to mention all the time with planning....wowza. So expense is something to consider.

And what if my #4 was 4 and 5....egads!!! Though my 3 kids seem to not be going down the marriage and kids route. Plus 2 don't live near us and probably won't ever. So I will have a lonely elderly phase of life. I am currently caring for my own mom as she is all alone. She had 2 kids and my bro never married or had kids (and isn't hugely involved) so all my mom has is me (and I live 14 hours away) and my 2 girls (they live about 35 mins from her). So if I had 1 more sibling then maybe I'd have some sort of help with her and she'd also not be as alone as she's been. So I guess I say 3 kids is a good number. Manageable and good for a nice large active and fun family life at each stage (especially as one ages).

 

[QueenIsabella]

I have 5 and going from 1 to 2 was my hardest. I was a SAHM with a very easy 20 month old, not knowing she was a very easy baby, assumed it was my excellent parenting. Apparently that was not the case, #2 was a cranky baby, opposite of #1, and I had a hard time not being able to be one on one. #3 was my easiest, #4 and #5 hard only because of the twin factor, and #3 wasn’t 2 yet.

I always say, the first one lulls you into complacency--this isn't so hard! I don't know what those other mothers are complaining about! Then you get #2, and WHAMMO!

 

[Darcy03231]

2 of mine, 2 of DH's (he had custody), and we took in twin girls after their parents abandoned them. I'd do it all over again.

 

[bluezy]

I always say, the first one lulls you into complacency--this isn't so hard! I don't know what those other mothers are complaining about! Then you get #2, and WHAMMO!

I was lucky. #1 was my difficult baby (probably somewhat due to my inexperience). He didn't sleep well, had digestive issues, and a few other minor (normal) infant problems. #2 was a dream come true. He ate well, slept well, and had a very happy personality (until he hit 2 years old and started throwing major tantrums). For the record, #3 & #4 were very good babies as well but were 18 mos apart, so they kept me very busy (but I actually loved having them that close in age and wished my older 2 were like that as well). Baby #5....she was an amazing infant. Then she turned 1 and decided she wasn't sleeping more than 2-3 hours at a time *ever* and was already 100% into the typical 2 year old behavior a year ahead of time (we found out later that she is/was really smart and inquisitive and just couldn't stop her brain from being in hyper drive mode. She's still like that nearly 20 years later but now knows how to calm herself down.). I spent sooooo many nights snuggling on the couch with her and watching Ice Road Truckers (the only non-infomercial TV show on during the night at that point in time) or a Baby Einstein DVD. I would have killed for 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep at that point in my life but I would never want to give up those one-on-one middle-of-the-night snuggles with that baby. I know I'm crazy, but I treasure all of those middle of the night feedings with *all* of my kids -- there's nothing like rocking your baby in a dark, quiet room while everyone else is sleeping. Total bliss.

 

[guy_incognito]

We have 3, two boys and one girl.

Oldest is 16 and they are all 2 years apart.

Of course we'd do it over again. We actually wanted 4 or even 5 kids, but the cost of daycare and everything in general impacted our ultimate decision.

I didn't get married until age 27, and our first kid was born when I was 31. One of my friends has a grandbaby AND an elementary age kid lol. He got married in college...

 

[PAsFab5]

We have 3 and we absolutely would not change anything. We would have had more, but didn’t feel we had the money or time to provide what more than 3 kids needed.

Where our lives are now, I can’t imagine having more children than we did, 3 was perfect.

Our boys are young adults and oldest is married and they have a son and are having a daughter this summer. We adore our daughter in law and grandchildren.

Our middle son has a great girlfriend who we love and some fantastic grand dogs.

Youngest is about to be 16 and she’s amazing. She has a boyfriend who is also great.

Everyday I wonder how we got so lucky-not just with our kids but with the people they love and our grandkids. We are beyond blessed and would do it all over again, without question.