How many kids do you have and would you do it again?

[Turn the Page]

Everyone's situation is different. We are a blended family with 3 kids. DD18, DD14(my stepdaughter, lives with us full time), and DS6. The age gap has pros and cons but, I will agree with a PP that with a gap that large it is like having 2 families.

It is rather discombobulating to be arguing with the teenager over curfews and driving privileges while also interjecting phrases such as "stop eating the dog food! Yes, you have to go peepee on the potty because Santa's watching!"

I think 3 is a good number for us but I would not have the gap I did or be a blended family the way we are if I could have chosen. Ah well, such is life.

I was 23 when DD18 was born and 35 when DS6 was born. At very different stages in my life and in very different situations. DD18 got the short end of that stick for sure. Now, I see facebook posts of people we went to high school with having babies and all I can think is "oof." I had a semi-brief debate about having one more but we absolutely do not want to start over again.

 

[slo]

I have 2 girls that are 5 years apart.

Would I do it again?
Hard to say….

If I had a crystal ball that could tell the future, I’d want to have 3 children.
My oldest has a husband that brainwashed her to leave our family, and to only be with his family. So now we just have my DD20. Obviously I feel bad for us, but I also feel bad for DD20 that she has no sibling to share her life with. She is basically an only child now. DD20 and I are very very close, but I’m sure there are things that she’d rather talk to a sister with more than her mom.

If my DD25 was still with us, I wouldn’t want to change anything.

 

[Kitty 34]

I have 2 girls that are 5 years apart.

Would I do it again?
Hard to say….

If I had a crystal ball that could tell the future, I’d want to have 3 children.
My oldest has a husband that brainwashed her to leave our family, and to only be with his family. So now we just have my DD20. Obviously I feel bad for us, but I also feel bad for DD20 that she has no sibling to share her life with. She is basically an only child now. DD20 and I are very very close, but I’m sure there are things that she’d rather talk to a sister with more than her mom.

If my DD25 was still with us, I wouldn’t want to change anything.

Slo.

 

[Dreams&wishes]

W

 

[Dreams&wishes]

We have four 6,7,11,13 loved every moment of it.
I think siblings are the biggest inheritance we can give to our children, we won't be around forever and to leave them with a family I think it's a great gift that will affect your grandchildren as well, like helaving cousins etc.
I think it's important to have them close otherwise after a while you become too comfortable and can't be bothered any more!
I should add that found 3 to be harder than 4 the fourth brought balance otherwise there was always one left alone.

 

[MamaMermaid]

We have one. we were always on the fence about a second but never bit the bullet. Technically it’s not too late but I don’t know if we really want to start over — our son will be 7 in the fall. I really love spending time with just our little guy but sometimes wish he had a sibling to play with.

 

[dcassetta]

None, no regrets. Love my niece and nephews.

 

[firefly_ris]

We have 3 and would do the same again. They are fairly close in age which has sometimes been tough, especially when my third was newborn and the other two were 3 years old and 1.5 years old, but has its benefits as well.

 

[Aladora]

We have one son who is almost 19. I was on the fence about a second one, DH was all for it, but when DS was 17 months old I was diagnosed with breast cancer and that put an end to thoughts of a second child.

All in all, I would probably make the same choices and stuck with just one, even if I had not had cancer. We have been able to do things for our son that we might not have been able to do if we had more kids. We travel a lot, we were able to send him to a private school for his last 3 years of high school, and he will graduate university in 3 years with no debt.

 

[QueenIsabella]

We have four 6,7,11,13 loved every moment of it.
I think siblings are the biggest inheritance we can give to our children, we won't be around forever and to leave them with a family I think it's a great gift that will affect your grandchildren as well, like helaving cousins etc.
I think it's important to have them close otherwise after a while you become too comfortable and can't be bothered any more!
I should add that found 3 to be harder than 4 the fourth brought balance otherwise there was always one left alone.

I tell my kids all the time that the best gift I gave them was siblings--they keep forgetting how valuable they are!

Seriously, though, they all know how to get along with various personalities, and understand that it's not always "all about them". I'm not suggesting that only children can't learn these things, too, but my kids are so used to sharing and adapting and accepting.

My mom always said that having her fourth child was no big deal--after three, it simply wasn't possible that she could be more busy! She was a good Catholic, had 4 kids before her fifth wedding anniversary (no twins, either).

 

[Praying Colonel]

We have 2, 34 and 32. Looking back, I wish we had had more.

 

[sam_gordon]

We had three and #3 was a surprise (ie: "not planned"). Wouldn't change anything. BUT, would have been happy with just two also. Can't imagine having more.

 

[bauzkraut]

I had 4 - 3 boys within 3 1/2 years... 10 yrs after the first I had a daughter. I would do it all again, but I would have waited until I was a bit older to have them. I was 18, 19, 21, & 28 when I had them. Going to college while working full time with 3 babies at home was difficult but not impossible. When my daughter was a senior in high school, my niece was placed with me for 6 years. She was only 6 weeks old when she joined our family and was returned to her mom at 6 1/2. If I could go back in time and change things, I would have had 2 more. My ideal spacing would have been 18 months-ish apart for the first three, then at least a 7 year gap and then added the last 3. I liked having the "big kids" and the "littles".

Having 3 boys under 4 was VERY hard, but we had lots of laughs and honestly my kids and I "grew up" together. Having 3 boys getting their driver's license in consecutive years was stressful and expensive. Since my daughter is so much younger than her brothers they were very protective of her, but the gap made her grow up almost as an only child.

Also having my kids so young I was an empty nester very young. I miss the chaos, noise, laughter, and love. Like another poster said, "The days were long, but the years were short". Now I have 10 grandchildren - 7 grandsons (10,9,9,6,1 & newborn) 3 granddaughters (17, 13, 3). I do enjoy being a young grandmother (I was 36 when the first one was born) and am able to keep up with them on our adventures.

 

[Adelle Dazeem]

We have four 6,7,11,13 loved every moment of it.
I think siblings are the biggest inheritance we can give to our children, we won't be around forever and to leave them with a family I think it's a great gift that will affect your grandchildren as well, like helaving cousins etc.
I think it's important to have them close otherwise after a while you become too comfortable and can't be bothered any more!
I should add that found 3 to be harder than 4 the fourth brought balance otherwise there was always one left alone.

That's great if the siblings get along, but there are more families than you think where the siblings don't get along. I know of some families where all of the siblings literally hate each other so having siblings is not always roses.

 

[barkley]

That's great if the siblings get along, but there are more families than you think where the siblings don't get along. I know of some families where all of the siblings literally hate each other so having siblings is not always roses.

sadly true. i can honestly say that i only became close to my closest in age sibling (6 1/2 years older) when we were in our 40's. too much of a gap in age to be playmates, older teen does not want to hang with tween, 21 year old is in a different place in life than someone married and nearing 30....it was even harder with the sibs that were even older, both dh and i experienced this with some (on both sides) being overbearing in their beliefs that by virtue of their age and birth order they held parental like powers governing us (as adults) AND our children

i've also seen sibs close in age horribly estranged. with some it's out and out jealousy (had a friend in high school who detested her 2 year younger sister-sister was so sweet but b/c they had similar interests and the sister naturaly excelled at one that was all it took, so far as i know this lasted into adulthood). with others it's just a matter of being different people.

just being of the 'same blood' does not guarantee closeness. i always find it very telling when the parents pass-that's when the curtain drops and many sibling relationships take a final bow.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I have 2 girls that are 5 years apart.

Would I do it again?
Hard to say….

If I had a crystal ball that could tell the future, I’d want to have 3 children.
My oldest has a husband that brainwashed her to leave our family, and to only be with his family. So now we just have my DD20. Obviously I feel bad for us, but I also feel bad for DD20 that she has no sibling to share her life with. She is basically an only child now. DD20 and I are very very close, but I’m sure there are things that she’d rather talk to a sister with more than her mom.

If my DD25 was still with us, I wouldn’t want to change anything.

's, many times over.

 

[fla4fun]

@slo I am sorry things worked out that way for your family. My sister and I are five years apart, and we have always gotten along so well. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to grow up with her and suddenly she’s no longer there by choice. That has to be painful for your daughter, as well as giving you additional worries. I hope in the future your older DD will let you all back into her life in some form to heal those wounds.

 

[DisneyTeacher]

I have one, 24 year old son. Would have loved more but had terrible fertility issues. I’m so fortunate to be a mother. I always envy people who are able to say, I think we want another child, and it just happens. Infertility is heartbreaking.

This was us. We have one 25 year old that we were very lucky to have. It took us five years and every dollar we had. We weren’t lucky enough to have a second one but I’m okay with that. I love being a mom and would do it all again.

 

[mjkacmom]

There’s only 3 years and 2 months between the oldest and youngest of our 3 kiddos (2 girls with a boy in between). We were both 28 when our first child was born.
And yes, especially with a special needs son in the mix, it was like tryin’ to heard cats much of the time when they were little…!!!!!
Definitely worth it though for how they turned out as adults…!!!!!

#3 is 22 months older than #4 and #5.

I have 2 girls that are 5 years apart.

Would I do it again?
Hard to say….

If I had a crystal ball that could tell the future, I’d want to have 3 children.
My oldest has a husband that brainwashed her to leave our family, and to only be with his family. So now we just have my DD20. Obviously I feel bad for us, but I also feel bad for DD20 that she has no sibling to share her life with. She is basically an only child now. DD20 and I are very very close, but I’m sure there are things that she’d rather talk to a sister with more than her mom.

If my DD25 was still with us, I wouldn’t want to change anything.

You have my deepest sympathy, I have 2 very old dear friends (40+ year friendships) that have this situation with their daughters. One friend lost both of her parents, her brother has been institutionalized since he was a teenager, and her only child hadn’t spoken to her in 7 years after she divorced her husband (abusive narcissist). At this point I think her daughter realized who her dad really is and doesn’t talk to him either. It’s so heartbreaking, these situations.

 

[leebee]

@slo I knew there was a situation and I'm so sorry; I cannot imagine.