How do you keep your Zen?

[Duckiedee]

During meltdowns at Disney?

We are staying on property and planning to take afternoon breaks daily.

5-year-old DD is usually pretty well behaved, but has a "Witching hour" that sets in most days around 3 to 4 p.m. She has a little meltdown and then is usually fine again. (This is even with a snack and a rest.)

That is not to say she doesn't have her 'moments' at other times.

Any tips on what you do when the meltdown happens, whether it is kids, your spouse or even yourself. Lord knows we all get worse when we're tired.

I'm usually a pretty composed, easy-going person, BUT when I'M tired, I'll admit, my patience can go down the drain when I hear whining or back talk from my DD or even crankiness from my DH. LOL.

Any tips on how to get back to or stay in one's happy place. Keeping the magic even in the midst of happy Disney 'stress'?

Usually we travel really well together, but I am expecting more of a challenge at Disney with all it has to offer in stimulation of the senses and mountains of goodies to purchase, eat, see and do.

 

[mommy2_3]

im wondering the same thing. i will be traveling with a 4 1/2 yr old, my DD will turn 3 while we are down there, and a 1 yr old. i was really thinking of not going back to the hotel in the middle of the day but now im thinking maybe it will be a good idea, for a nap, maybe a movie and a dip in the pool then go back to the park. we are getting park hopper tickets so we will be able to do this. i figured at first they could just sleep in the stroller but now im thinking they will be more comfortable in a bed.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Since you know when "witching hour" is, why not plan to be in your hotel napping at that time?

 

[Duckiedee]

We definately plan to be at the hotel then, there is no sense in provoking it in the park - it wouldn't be very fun anyhow! That said, with all that goes on, I do expect probably more meltdowns than at home.

I guess one of my big questions is... Where do you go in your head, or say to yourself to help you keep your own patience when said meltdown occurs?

I don't want to be super-frustrated because I'm tired too... I need a mantra or something to keep myself if check when it happens.

Strategies to help restore balance are welcome.

With my DD things seems to change for what works depending on her day... and I do find it harder to bring her back to calm out and about vs at home... at home I have her collect herself in her room, if that doesn't work I lay on her bed and hold her for a few minutes. She's not a 'bad' kid, she's a kid still learning how to behave appropriately.

Holding her when we are out just makes her more upset - even a loose embrace will evoke screaming of "You're hurting me!!!" "You're being mean/rude MOMMY!" There is no talking sense to her. Sometimes I do NEED to hold her because of a crowd or the fact she'll walk defiantly away from me. She'll struggle with all her might while in a meltdown. She IS very aware of Stranger Danger and that may help with her doing this at a place like WDW, but I can't say for sure it will.

I know this is a stage and maybe it'll be over by October.

She is going through this worse now than when she was 2 or 3! Thankfully it's not an all-day occurance. Problem is the switch simply goes off without warning.

For example we could be walking past something I'll hear a mumble out of her, say "Pardon?" and she'll lose it "YOU NEVER LISTEN!" which melts down into a litany of "We never do what I want to do... You're so mean.... blah blah blah..." There is NO talking to her, getting angry intensifies and lengthens the behaviour. At that point I KNOW she's tired or hungry, because 95% of the time she's reasonable and easy-going... and once she is calmed down she's good to go, but there is NO warning!!! (Except the 3 to 4 hour where 75% of the time this meltdown occurs.)

I know I have to work at keeping my frustration down, because when the meltdown doesn't make sense I have a harder time processing it.

I don't want to continually make threats because I am the type to follow through. And the reality is I DON'T WANT to have to take away an activity or what have you... that said, should it be absolutely neccessary I will, because I am a parent first.

My fear is because "I've" wanted and dreamed about this vacation for so long that my mood may tank because I'll be creating my own disappointment. I don't expect the perfect vacation, but I am looking very forward to being admist the magic.

I'm trying to reason myself NOW about pending behaviour because it is GOING to happen at least once! She's a kid and all of us are only human.

That said, we went to Sea World at Cmas and I don't remember any meltdowns. My concern is the fact we'll be there for 10 days touring. On one hand I'm hoping it allows calm since we won't feel as much of a need to rush, but I'm worried each day may bring increasing tiredness.

Mostly we plan to tour early, with early lunch around 11, back to the hotel by 1 and leaving before our ADR's at 4:30ish/5... I will feed her a snack while at the hotel and we'll relax in our roon or play in the pool. With the exception of a few nights we'll be in our rooms early each evening for a decent bedtime. We are also taking an umbrella stroller to help combat extra tiredness. In addition I will always have a snack with me for instant "I'm hungry" remedies... 'cause that can be a leading cause...

I'm using RideMax to see if we can reduce wait times, and talking with her already about how we may have to come back to things we see so we can fit it all in.

Sorry for the book, but I appreciate any input.

 

[allyphoe]

At that point I KNOW she's tired or hungry, because 95% of the time she's reasonable and easy-going... and once she is calmed down she's good to go, but there is NO warning!!!

In your OP, you said "even with a snack and a rest," but it looks like they're really tired / hungry meltdowns. Can I assume that the issue is that she'll suddenly be hungry or tired, even though she "shouldn't" be, because she's been fed and rested?

If that's the case, you might try switching her snack to something higher in fat and protein. It sticks with you longer, and doesn't give you so much of what we call "low blood sugar." My DD needs to eat far more frequently that I'd expect (particularly on vacation), and does better with something small every hour than with a "real" meal every couple of hours.

I find that putting words to her whine helps me. "I feel terrible! I'm hot! I'm hungry! Everything is going wrong! Why don't you just fix things so they go the way I want, Mom!" Sometimes accompanied by flopping around and angry faces. DD generally finds it silly enough that it snaps her out of the tantrum and gets her to agree with the parts that are really what's bothering her, and it keeps me focused on the legitimate complaint, not the annoying whine. Plus, I get to whine (because at Disney, I am likely hot, hungry / thirsty, tired of being in a crowd, and otherwise not at my best).

 

[Duckiedee]

Thanks Ally. You're right, I do use snacks often, because they will head things off... When it doesn't work I think it is mostly food I've missed because of no cue (i.e. growth spurt calling)... Or because of the 'witching hour'... that is the time NOTHING seems to help - it will happen or it won't.

My theory is she's behaved sooo good most of the day, that she's just done behaving and wants to let go with Mom or Mom and Dad. At home it's not usually a problem because it is contained... but I know better than to stop from groceries on the way home from school. Unless she is is a wicked good mood; but still taking a chance here in that hour as it can still go down the drain very quickly and then I'm caught in the grocery store.

I will try the protein/fat, I usually have a granola bar in my purse since it is easy to carry. She is also in a stage where she LOVES carbs, so it can be tricky getting her to eat a protien-based snack.

She does like dried edamame though, and I could reasonably pack a PB sandwich or some almonds and grab her milk or other dairy. I could try this touring in the morning for snacks... we are one the DxDP, so I do know there'll be lots of choices close by as well...Have any snack credit ideas?

I will aim for the protien and in the meantime try this switch up at home to see if it helps.

Usually I'm more apt to give her fruit or a veggie vs starchy carbs and protein for a snack since I've been thinking she gets enough at Breakfast, lunch and dinner... so maybe the change could make a difference - I just haven't thought of trying that.

I will try to give her a snack and a sit down at around 2 every day while at the resort, hopefully that'll help.

I shouldn't complain, because she is overall pretty easy... However as she's getting more aware of her desire to make her own choices - she of course wants things HER way, and although I don't mind compromise or allowing it sometimes - I won't be bullied or put up with rudeness. She has to ask nicely and we are working on whining.

Of course the fact that we stick with rules on expected behaviour, that can cause the meltdown if it doesn't turn out to fit her desire...if we can even figure out what she has in her head. Compounded by the obvious time of day, tired, hungry etc. Thing is, if she can't get her meltdown under control or starts to become rude... she can forget doing or having whatever it was the meltdown started for.

What gets me most is when there is crankiness out of the blue like I described in my second post. I try to head it off and be aware, but it's almost hormonal and I'll admit sometimes I'm stymied.

Often I can't figure out the cause to help her, asking her to talk it out doesn't often work and she CAN get downright snarly. It is at this point I get on edge.

And at this point, especially if she starts harping on me, DH usually jumps in, sometimes it helps which is great and it's great he backs me up, but he can take her bad attitude personally and allow the situation to wind him up as well.

Then I'm done... I don't want to be done though, I want to be the mom to stay centered and reel them back into calm. Is that possible?

DH is not going to change, he's aware he does it, but his fuse is just genetically shorter and he was raised in a short fuse household. LOL. He does count on me maintaining my composure though... it helps him maintain his.

I have to keep my humour - anyone have any tips on silly things do break the mood... often I find the things I find silly irritate her more... like she thinks I'm mocking her, which of course is not my intention.