How do I search for a Lost Sibling? True Mystery!

[Corryn]

Hi everyone
A few years ago, I learned that my father had a son. My dear old aunt slipped one day and let the cat out of the bag. When I was growing up, child support notices used to come to the house and my father would say that the system is sending them to our house by mistake, because my father had full custody of me and my two sisters.
I can kick myself now!
They were really child support payments for my Brother!

One day my two sisters were on the bus and they noticed a younger boy (younger than them) get on the bus and sit down. They both gawked at him the whole ride, and when they got off the bus they both remarked to each other how the kid was the spitting image of Daddy.
They called me a few hours later and I told them it probably was our brother!
They thought I was kidding, but I wasn't.
Flash back ten years before that time. My cousin received a letter addressed to my father from a woman saying that her son would love to meet his real dad and his family. My cousin was so excited and thought my dad would be, too, seeing as how the kid graduated from The Bronx High School of Science and had a full ride scholarship to college, Daddy was not under any obligation - she just wanted her and his son to know his family and to be present at his high school graduation - no strings attached.

My cousin brought that letter to my father at my wedding (16 years ago). Cousin thought Daddy would want to share the good news at a big family gathering, but instead, Daddy got angry at cousin for opening his mail - his mail that was sent to my cousin's address. She felt bad for snooping, and she was told to keep her nouth shut.
Well, Saturday night we went to Cousin's daughters bachellorette party (the 80's Prom in Manhattan) and afterwards we were sitting outside on Third Avenue enjoying the night and I mentioned something to cousin, about my knowing about my brother and what did she know about him? (Her mother is the one that slipped)
That's when she told me.
I felt horrible. Me and one of my sisters were going nuts trying to pry all the information we could out of my cousin. She said the only thing she can remember was that the boy looked Just Like My Father and his name was Steven, and of course, was born in The Bronx and had an Italian last name (Mother's maiden name).
The kid would be about 28 - 30 right now.

When I was around 14 or 15, my extended family were at my Grampa's house (where I grew up) and they were all in the kitchen talking. Of course I was snooping, hiding on the stairs listening to the adults talk like all good kids do
My aunt, the one that slipped, said, Are you ever going to tell the girls?
Daddy said, Never, Aunt Ev, I'm never going to tell them. They don't need to know.
Since that time that conversation has stuck in my head and I always wondered exactly what Aunt Evelyn and Daddy were talking about. I was so thrilled to finally find out the secret when Aunt Ev slipped to me years later!

Since my dad had to pay child support, my dad's name would be on the guys birth certificate. I really would like to find my long lost brother, and I tried looking into these search engines but they want first and last names. I can't afford to spend an arm and a leg on a private investigator.
Can anyone put me on the right path?
Thanks!

 

[flying_babyb]

genfourms, I believe they have a section just for this!

 

[olena]

Have you tried talking to the Aunt? She may have more info. Since the cat's already out of the bag, she may be willing to let something else slip. If she doesn't want to 'tell you', maybe she could tell you through your cousin. All you need is the last name probably.

Be prepared for a bad reaction from your Dad though if he finds out.

 

[hoosll]

Aren't family secrets miserable.

I was guilty of telling my husband's niece and nephew that they had an aunt living in N.Dak. that they had never been told about ... their mother's older sister who is a nun. Their mother was too embarrassed by her catholic upbringing that she never told her children they had an aunt.....

I let it slip and they reached out to their aunt. It was never comfortable again within the family, so be prepared.

 

[lowie]

My cousin brought that letter to my father at my wedding (16 years ago). Cousin thought Daddy would want to share the good news at a big family gathering, but instead, Daddy got angry at cousin for opening his mail - his mail that was sent to my cousin's address. She felt bad for snooping, and she was told to keep her nouth shut.
Can anyone put me on the right path?
Thanks!

why did your cousin think your wedding was the appropriate place for dad to announce his long lost kid??

can you ask your dad about his son?

other than getting the info from your family, i don't know how to find someone on just a first name and age. you may try googling your dad's name along with key words like 'looking for dad'.

remember that finding long lost relatives isn't always what you dream it may be. my dad met up with guy that looked EXACTLY like him. my dad had to be about 35 years old and the guy was about 6 years younger. they even drove the same kind of car (corvette) and worked in the same field. turned out to be his half brother!! they never made a connection though. i think it was too painful for my dad, thinking his dad didn't love him enough and that's why he left, and had a whole new family.

good luck!

 

[Corryn]

Thanks for responding
My dear old Aunt Evelyn passed away three years ago. When she first slipped, I inquired, but she wouldn't give any more information.

I had a big blowout with my dad when my Grampa died. Grampa raised me, my dad is more like a brother to me. When Grampa passed, there was a big falling out between me and my father. He accused me of some really stupid stuff, which to me indicated guilt on his part. I did everything to keep a normal relationship between me and my father, and growing up I was a very good girl. Anyway, the last phone call I made to him I made a round about remark about my lost brother. He didn't talk to me for about a year after that, not based on that one remark, but I'm sure it didn't help
Now I talk to him, like I said it's a brother sister type of relationship. I love him because he is my dad and I really don't talk to my mother so I'll take whatever I can get.
He takes my kids once a year for a weekend which is very nice. But he lives in another state and I don't see him often.

Not for nothin', but I am not the type of person to wilt because of a situation like this. Some mother is out there reaching out to try to give her son, my brother, a normal family life. Granted it was 16 years ago, I'm sure the guy would love to know us.
If my father found out that we knew and made contact, we're the ones to feel bad? That's ridiculous. The man who always wanted a son who shunned him is the one who should feel bad. That was his adult decision, but now that me and sisters are adults, we make our own decisions. It is our decision that we want to learn who our brother is. If my father doesn't like it, then too bad.
I'm going to try that forum.

Speaking of Iowie's story, I have a similar one:
My childhood friend lived down the block from me, (we'll call him) John. I dated him off and on and we always had a close relationship. He was a very good friend. One night I went out to a local bar (I was around 22) and there was John. I was wondering why John didn't come up to me to say hello. So I went over to him to say hi. I said, Hey John! What's up? The guy turned to me and said, Who is this John guy? Everyone keeps calling me John, I would love to meet him!
The guy looked Exactly like John!
So we're talking - it turns out he's about a year younger than John, grew up about five miles from our home, went to a different high school, etc. But I guess he just turned 21 and since he was legal, he was allowed to go into bars, and that's where everyone was mistaking him for John.
So I said good bye and I figured I would see him again.
The next morning my dad came over Grampa's house and I was telling him how this John Clone looked just like John and his father was so-and-so. Daddy knew so-and-so and he said that so-and-so was dating (we'll call her) Dottie (John's mom) and (we'll call her) Sally (John's Clone's Mom) at the same time, but wound up marrying Sally. Dottie was pregnant and single and without a boyfriend. She met (we'll call him) Jake and he said he would take full responsibility for John and raise him as his own.

So Daddy put two and two together and figured out that John and John's clone were half-brothers and they never met because so-and-so never acknowledged John as his son! BTW, John was never told any of this and I never told John this because he always knew Jake as his real dad - he was even listed on his birth certificate.
I haven't spoken with John since I got married. I don't think he still knows this information......

 

[Handbag Lady]

All I can say is good luck and I hope you find him.

We have a lost person in our family and someday I hope that phone rings. I would love to learn about my nephew and would gladly welcome him into my family.

 

[diznygirl]

You could start by finding a yearbook from The Bronx High School of Science and look for Steves - could give you a last name to start with.

I suppose you'll have time during your search to decide if it's the right thing to do or not. Good luck!

 

[Cindyluwho]

When I was looking for a cousin who had been adopted out, I registered on several adoption message boards. There are lots of folks on there looking for their parents. It only took about 6 months to finally get a hit. All I had was the birth mother's name (my aunt) and the approximate year. She was so excited to meet her family members. All of her adopted family had passed away. She now has a 1/2 sister, cousins, aunts and uncles! My aunt passed away years ago so she never got a chance to meet her but, she was able to find her birth father, he wasn't exactly "kicking his heels" excited but was very polite and kind when they met.
Good luck!!

 

[DISUNC]

Also try googling your fathers name.

Unfortunately, unless your half brother is looking for his father it will be pretty tough to find him.

When my friend was 5 his Dad was incarcerated, and his Mom gave him and his brother for adoption (but kept his sisters ), they each went to different families. For over 20 years now my friend has been looking for his brother. He found his biological Mom, Father & sisters but cant find his brother.

All He has is his brothers pre adoption name, and plenty of money so he can try various venues, but unless the brother wants to found, it probably wont happen. Their adoption was also very 'private' (things were different back in the early 60's)

Good Luck!

 

[disneyfreakk]

I would think you could run a background check on your father to see who his children are. That is all I can think of. Good luck!

 

[keetmommy]

Does your state have court records on-line, if they went after him for Child support maybe something would be in the court system for that?

 

[amyhughes]

It's actually easier than you might think. I would call and/or write to the Department of Health for New York State. If you have an idea of the year he was born and of course your Father's name they should be able to find his Birth Certificate in the system.

Also the courthouses can help as well. Some states and counties will have copies locally of Birth Certificates. Some courthouses go by Birth Record (mother and father's names listed seperately) unfortunately you may need his last name. Have your cousin write down several different spellings of what she thinks the name was on the envelope. Even if it isn't perfect it is something you can keep your eyes peeled for when searching the indexes.

Another way is to look into the Child Support judgement that was made in the courthouse that was sending your Father those Child Support notices. This is record, and believe me doesn't go away. It should be in Judgement/Lien books (or at least that is the way they are categorized here). If a court ordered him to pay, it's on file.

You may have to do some good old fashioned book searching versus all computers in the local courthouses, but you should be able to find something if you really put your mind to it.

It is possible you can find him just by perusing your clerk/recorders office! Also if he lived in the Bronx and was awarded a scholarship there may have been a notice in the local paper. Look in the library for microfilm of previous years newspapers. If there is any blurb about him getting a Boy Scout medal etc. at least you will confirm his name and age.

Best of luck. We had something similar happen in our family. It was great to meet my Aunt Karen 35 years after she was given up for adoption.

 

[LadyBears]

See if he signed up for classmates.com. That may be a start.

You need to have a membership to send emails, but it is cheap enough if it is a way for you to get in touch with him.

I did a search for the school, then entered dates of attendance, then search by first name. I hope I did my math right to get an age from your post....

There are several Stevens, but the only Italian name is:

Steven Fransisco

School:
Bronx High School
of Science
Bronx, NY
Class of 1996

edited to add you can also try myspace or facebook

 

[Feralpeg]

I am currently mapping my family tree and have an account on Ancestry.com. I could put your information in and see what comes up. If you are interested, PM me whatever you know and I'll give it a shot.

 

[Piecey]

My first thought was to go to the school and see if anyone could remember him, with a picture of your dad since they look alike.

Then I realized that while every teacher knew every student at my school-- that probably isn't the case up there.. WV-NY.. hmm.. Good Luck!

..To share my own story, I have an aunt who was adopted when she was 5. My grandparents already had 3 kids but their best friends came to them and told them the story of these twin girls who needed homes. Neither couple could afford both- so the best friends adopted one and my grandparents adopted the twin.

About 5 years ago, they started searching for their biological family. They found THIRTEEN other brothers and sisters, most of them with a different father. They also believe that there are more out there-- because many of them remember their mother being pregnant when they were given up and the ages don't match up on the other found ones to be the baby she was pregnant for. A little crazy- the best they can figure is everytime she got pregnant, she gave up the current kid(s) to start a "new" family.
Talk about a family reunion!

 

[CJMZ]

Try searching your fathers name on veromi.net
It pulls information from alot of sources and includes info such as age and places lived, roommates, children, spouse. Your brothers name might be linked if paid child support.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

My older brother was given up for adoption when he was born and we had no idea he even existed until he found our family when he was almost 40! He was just looking for his birth mother but found her married to his birth father and 3 full sisters, a half sister and 4 nephews! My brother looks like you took my Mom and my Dad and you smushed them together - there is no denying he is ours.

We had a great reunion but I understand that is not always the case. I helped my ex search for his birth father and we found a half brother who basically told my ex to shove it and never contact their family again.

Good luck in your search!

I found one of my long lost first cousins on Ancestry years ago and I am still looking for one more. I probably plug my cousin's name into google and myspace at least once a month.

 

[mselly13]

My first suggestion would be to actually go to the school and look through the year books. Most schools keep year book copies in the library.

Second, I don't know about NY but here in Texas just because one pays child support doesn't mean they are on the bc. My DS's bio is not on his bc and he paid child support.

I also agree with PP's who said try court house records. Try myspace. On myspace you can search for sex and age in a certain area. Try the college year books also.


And now for my story.
My mother who is now 64 was adopted at birth. Her adoptive mother would not give her any information except the state she was born in. Three years ago when mom was 61, she was up in Oklahoma visiting her mother and they were taking care of some things. One of those things was cleaning out the safety deposit box. In the box was an envelope with mom's name that said Mom's birth cerificate. I don't exactly remember how but mom got to look at the paper inside before grandma made her give it back. The paper was an application for adoption listing her birth mother's name and the city she lived in and her age. Mom called me immediately. Mom had always said she would wait until her adoptive mother passed before looking but when given the opportunity mom told me to go for it. I did a whitepages.com search for the name. I called the only listing. I asked for information on birth mother. They handed the phone to someone else. I gave my name, at first she said OMG! this is Aunt so and so, don't you remember me. Uhh, no. Then I told her I was looking for my mother's birth mother. She said I will take your information and pass it on but then I want to stay out of it. Okay. That was on April 6, 2005. On Mother's Day about a month later, my bio grandmother called me. She had never told her husband or children about my mother so she wanted to wait until she was totally alone to call. She then told her daughter later that week. My aunt then called me. My aunt and grandmother then called my mother. They were so excited we had found them. Mom made plans to go visit for Thanksgiving with them in California. Only when all reservations were confirmed did bio grandma tell her husband. My mother flew out Sunday before Tday, Dad and I flew out on Wednesday. My aunt said that had we called her after her mother had passed she would have laughed and hung up on us, had my mother shown up at the door she couldn't have denied her. Mom and I look more like bio grandma than any of her other kids. The whole family welcomed us with open arms. My bio grandma then passed away in August of 2006. I am so grateful that we all got to meet. I can't imagine what it would have been like to go to the grave with that secret. And the reason my aunt thought I knew her in the original conversation is because my bio grandmother has another grand daughter with my name. And my name is not that common.