How can I

[tink20]

get this man at work to quit talking to me without being mean or rude?

He makes me uncomfortable. (There’s things I know about him too, that I won’t discuss here) He’s never done anything inappropriate, but he kind of flirts. We have no reason to even talk to each other (about work related issues) Anytime he speaks to me, it’s not work related. I’m polite, but I never encourage him or try to talk to him. I keep the conversation as short as possible. Today, he just really got on my nerves.

I just want him to leave me alone.

Any advice?

 

[Imzadi]

get this man at work to quit taking to me without being mean or rude?

He makes me uncomfortable. (There’s things I know about him too, that I won’t discuss here) He’s never done anything inappropriate, but he kind of flirts. We have no reason to even have to talk to each other (about work related issues) Anytime he speaks to me, it’s not work related. I’m polite, but I never encourage him or try to talk to him. I keep the conversation as short as possible. Today, he just really got on my nerves.

I just want him to leave me alone.

Any advice?

Do you have a Human Resources dept? Or a supervisor you can talk to about him?They may need to sit down & have a talk with him. There may be others who have complained about him too.

The next time he comes over to talk to you, I'd pull out my phone like I was just checking a text I just got and turn on the voice recorder. Record your conversation with him and how you are speaking appropriately to him, yet his conversation is inappropriate & uncomfortable making. Then have a supervisor or HR listen to it.

 

[Shanti]

get this man at work to quit taking to me without being mean or rude?

He makes me uncomfortable. (There’s things I know about him too, that I won’t discuss here) He’s never done anything inappropriate, but he kind of flirts. We have no reason to even have to talk to each other (about work related issues) Anytime he speaks to me, it’s not work related. I’m polite, but I never encourage him or try to talk to him. I keep the conversation as short as possible. Today, he just really got on my nerves.

I just want him to leave me alone.

Any advice?

A few options:

Consistently smile in response to his comments and just say, "I've got to get back to work." Then turn away and/or walk off even if he keeps speaking to you.

Carry your phone with you & become engrossed in it when he tries to chat.

Avoid eye contact.

Revise your definition of "polite" to not include chatting with him. Acknowledge his presence if he says hi, but do not get drawn into talking with him at all. Eventually he will figure out he's not going to get anywhere with you.

 

[Skywalker]

If you want him to leave you alone, why don't you just be direct with him. Tell him you really just want to keep everything work related and have no interested in chit chat. I would speak to him directly before thinking of involving HR. He just might not be reading your cues correctly....so leave him no doubt. It's not really fair to escalate without trying to solve the problem the simple way first.

 

[Shanti]

Do you have a Human Resources dept?...The next time he comes over to talk to you, I'd pull out my phone like I was just checking a text I just got and turn on the voice recorder. Record your conversation with him and how you are speaking appropriately to him, yet his conversation is inappropriate & uncomfortable making. Then have a supervisor or HR listen to it.

The OP said he's never been inappropriate. He's apparently never even asked her out. It sounds more like he has a crush on her that is not reciprocated. In that case, he doesn't need to be treated like a criminal, but just dissuaded either by being mostly ignored, or by being directly rebuffed as the PP suggested.

If he asked her out & she said no, then he kept asking her & asking her, or if he otherwise was leering at her, or making sexual comments, etc., that would be harassment, but that isn't what the OP has described.

 

[Imzadi]

Carry your phone with you & become engrossed in it when he tries to chat.

Yes, just have your cellphone with you all the time and just answer a text, if you don't want to record him. Many phones, (mine for one,) have vibration modes that are so soft, people can't hear them at all. He won't know you aren't really reading a text that just came in. just walk away to read the text as though you need some privacy to read & text back.

Revise your definition of "polite" to not include chatting with him. Acknowledge his presence if he says hi, but do not get drawn into talking with him. Eventually he will figure out he's not getting anywhere.

Yes, do NOT answer "open ended" questions. Questions that require more than a yes or no response that may end conversations. What polite people do is answer any and ALL questions. Open ended questions make people respond back with details in which the questioner then has more info to then remark about or question further - with more open ended questions to keep the conversation going.

For instance, if he notices you always walk away to answer a text, he says, "Wow, you are really busy on that phone. Who are you talking to?" The italics is an open ended question - requiring more answers than a yes or no, which would end the conversation. Just answer, "Yes, I am very busy," then walk away to read the text.

 

[Imzadi]

The OP said he's never been inappropriate. He's apparently never even asked her out. It sounds more like he has a crush on her that is not reciprocated. In that case, he doesn't need to be treated like a criminal, but just dissuaded either by being mostly ignored, or by being directly rebuffed as the PP suggested.

If he asked her out & she said no, then he kept asking her & asking her, or if he otherwise was leering at her, or making sexual comments, etc., that would be harassment, but that isn't what the OP has described.

You're right. Been watching too many "Me Too" incidences and wishing that kind of behavior could be stopped better. Now the the news here says that an original investigator on the Harvey Weinstein case may have tampered with and coached a witness. In this OP's situation, this man hasn't exhibited he's crossed any lines.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Be very careful recording a conversation without the other person's knowledge. It's illegal in some states.

This sounds like a guy who is socially awkward, or just plain clueless about social cues. He wants to talk to you, but hasn't picked up on the fact that you don't want to talk to him. At this point, I don't think it's necessary to involve HR. First, I would be direct with him. The next time he comes around, tell him flat out, "I don't have time for conversations while I'm at work. I hope you understand." Then turn back to what you were doing, or walk away. This might be enough to get him to stop trying to talk to you. If he tries again, be a little more direct: "Please stop talking to me. I don't have time." Each time you tell him to stop, write down the date and time. If he continues to annoy you, speak with someone in HR and show them your notes. They will likely have a talk with him to reiterate what you told him.

 

[tink20]

We don’t really have an HR dept. My boss knows that he gets on my nerves, I did tell him today what happened and I told him he just creeps me out. I did tell my boss not to say anything to him. My boss told me that if he ever does anything inappropriate to tell him.

I can’t completely avoid him, I have to walk by his department (out in the plant) to get to my office. Several times a day. Also, his supervisor’s desk is in the same small office that I’m in. His supervisor was actually in there today when he was talking to me (he was in there asking him a work related question, which could have waited until he came back out) When he left, I told his supervisor “he gets on my nerves “ he said “yea, he gets on everybody’s nerves”

He knows that I’m married, he’s recently divorced. I don’t want any trouble. He’s nice to me, but he can be a jerk. Has been one to some of the guys out in the plant. (he is a know it all)

He is just always over complementing me. You’re doing a great job, that color looks good on you, I like your hair that way. Is that a new shirt? He just finds reasons to talk to me. Today he said, oh you wore your hair that way, because you know I like it that way. I just kind of didn’t respond, and he said I m just joking and he started laughing and left.

I’m just going to try and talk to him less than I do now. I guess I may just have to get rude, it’s just not my character.

Thanks for the help

 

[low-key]

fart

 

[tink20]

fart

LOL, will that work?

 

[Gumbo4x4]

fart

Beat me to it

 

[low-key]

LOL, will that work?

yes, and dont forget to burp (also have him pull your finger)

 

[DISNEYSQUIRRELS]

Next time he stops to talk to you, yiu could say something like:
“Sorry to stop you mid sentence, but I’ve been told by management that I’m socializing too much, I guess someone is always watching”
This will hopefully deter him from speaking to you & make him think twice that others are noticing him around you.
Good luck.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I don't understand why so many adults are incapable of being direct in the workplace now. What you would do if your daughter came home and said a boy was making her uncomfortable doing the same things? I know what I would say - either ignore him, tell him you are busy doing your work or tell him thank you for the complement and move on.

 

[Owlpost23]

When he starts talking,ask him "What can I help you with?".If he has no specific agenda,tell him you need to get back to work.No hemming or hawing.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

He is just always over complementing me. You’re doing a great job, that color looks good on you, I like your hair that way. Is that a new shirt? He just finds reasons to talk to me. Today he said, oh you wore your hair that way, because you know I like it that way.

These are all highly inappropriate comments for a co-worker to make in the workplace.

 

[Klayfish]

I don't understand some of the passive aggressive approaches. The answer is simple...next time he comes to talk to you tell him "If you have something work related you need to discuss I'm happy to do so, otherwise please leave me alone.". Done.

 

[sam_gordon]

These are all highly inappropriate comments for a co-worker to make in the workplace.

"You're doing a great job" is highly inappropriate?

I think it's sad that we've come to a time where saying "I like your hair that way" or "Is that a new shirt?" isn't allowed in the workplace.

Based on what I've read, I'm thinking the guy is trying to flirt, not doing it well, and not taking hints (if any have even been given) that it's not appreciated. I feel we are all adults and the OP should tell him she's not interested and she's only interested in talking about work with him. If he persists after that, go to your manager (I would not involve HR at this point) again and tell him if things continue, you'll file a complaint with HR. Give the manager a couple of days to handle it. If it continues, THEN file a former complaint with HR.

 

[Hikergirl]

We don’t really have an HR dept. My boss knows that he gets on my nerves, I did tell him today what happened and I told him he just creeps me out. I did tell my boss not to say anything to him. My boss told me that if he ever does anything inappropriate to tell him.

I can’t completely avoid him, I have to walk by his department (out in the plant) to get to my office. Several times a day. Also, his supervisor’s desk is in the same small office that I’m in. His supervisor was actually in there today when he was talking to me (he was in there asking him a work related question, which could have waited until he came back out) When he left, I told his supervisor “he gets on my nerves “ he said “yea, he gets on everybody’s nerves”

He knows that I’m married, he’s recently divorced. I don’t want any trouble. He’s nice to me, but he can be a jerk. Has been one to some of the guys out in the plant. (he is a know it all)

He is just always over complementing me. You’re doing a great job, that color looks good on you, I like your hair that way. Is that a new shirt? He just finds reasons to talk to me. Today he said, oh you wore your hair that way, because you know I like it that way. I just kind of didn’t respond, and he said I m just joking and he started laughing and left.

I’m just going to try and talk to him less than I do now. I guess I may just have to get rude, it’s just not my character.

Thanks for the help

OP, you need to get it out of your head that avoiding him, or being very direct with him (as in saying "I'm sorry X but you make me a little uncomfortable with your attempts at conversations and I would appreciate it if we kept our conversations on a professional level from now on") is being rude. It isn't.