Hold me back (DBIL's DW vent)

[luvsJack]

Sounds like ur DD is in dance- which ,to me, is extremely frivolous activity.
Nothing like trying to make it to Little League Champs which is the only sort of fundraiser I would go for

My Cousin's son wind ensemble is going to play at Carnegie Hall- trip is cosing a lot, but once again, it is not a necessity - its a vanity thing for the parents to brag on

???? how is dance more frivolous than baseball??? I don't understand that logic AT ALL.

BTW, no she is not in dance. She is in the school show choir. The school ativity fund gives the choir a small amount but it barely covers anything. And we do compete, its not just a performance. We will be competing at WDW in April. (that trip is NOT in the amount I gave, that is seperate fund raising and/or payment entirely)

In fact (BRAG coming) this past weekend our choir won First Place in their division and Champions in the overall competition.

 

[DebD4T]

Sounds like ur DD is in dance- which ,to me, is extremely frivolous activity.Nothing like trying to make it to Little League Champs which is the only sort of fundraiser I would go for

My Cousin's son wind ensemble is going to play at Carnegie Hall- trip is cosing a lot, but once again, it is not a necessity - its a vanity thing for the parents to brag on

WOW...as a dance mother I take that as a HUGE insult to the art of dance.
What does being Little League champs get you? The only thing I can come up with is parental bragging rights.

FTR, I think having the opportunity to play at Carnegie Hall, while certainly not a necessity, is much more than a "vanity thing" for parents to brag about.

But of course, this is my opinion.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I truly can't imagine DS participating in an activity that costs $2000 a season. If we had the money and it was his passion, maybe... MAYBE... but if we couldn't afford it (which we couldn't!) than the answer would be "I'm really sorry, but we can't afford that activity now. Let's try to find something else you'll really enjoy that is in our budget."

And I absolutely can't imagine expecting family and friends to pay for my kid's activity, when they have their own bills to pay for. And yes, you are EXPECTING family and friends to pay for your kids activity. You clearly say that without fundraising (ie, other people paying for it) the activity wouldn't happen. So while you may not expect any particular individual to buy the crap, you clearly expect your friends and family, as a group, to pay for your child's activity.
Sorry - I budget and pay for my own child's expenses (and donate so other kids can have similar experiences) - I'm not going to pay for yours.

OMG I missed that price in the post you quoted Yeah, no way, no how do my kids get to do something that expensive (okay, when DD travels with Girl Scouts and we buy airfare now it IS, BUT she could and does participate without doing that and both trips were tied to her visiting relative in the US as well--ad we did not ask anyone else to pay beyond the fact that GS was paying half for all the girls they sent to the Conference from here).

I think I said before that DD would love to take horseback riding, but it is simply not in our budget (especially when you add in boots, helmets and riding pants). Likewise, DS could take archery if he dropped choir but we cannot swing both. I have no problem telling a child to find a different hobby that is more affordable. It is good for them to learn to live with in their means and find joy in the affordable NOW

Oh, and the covered walkways thing ties in so well with the other thread (the Jet Blue one) where we were talking about different expectations for kids in different cultures. DS attends a k-13 school with a large campus (they even have their own small farm). There is 5 minutes between classes and no lockers. There ARE coat hooks in hallways. The concept that a school aged child could not throw a rain coat over their head (mostly they just use the hood on their head for a mad dash to the next class) and carry all their books with them through rain for a few hundred meters to the next class in a rainstorm, or that getting slightly wet if they drop the coat or opt to just make a run for it, or that they cannot get in to the hall way, hang the raincoat on a hook and not create a giant mess in the building in the process is just kind of laughable here. I seriously think I would be laughed out of parents' night if I suggested covering the walkways I guess maybe once or twice a year the kids might be switching during a truly torrential downpour and get pretty wet, and if that happens on a rare occasion and then teachers deal with it and there are lots of giggles. It is just a different mindset--not so much sheltering either literally or figuratively

ETA_-we CAN afford the hobbies above if we went without vacations. I guess I should say we prioritize differently

 

[luvsJack]

I truly can't imagine DS participating in an activity that costs $2000 a season. If we had the money and it was his passion, maybe... MAYBE... but if we couldn't afford it (which we couldn't!) than the answer would be "I'm really sorry, but we can't afford that activity now. Let's try to find something else you'll really enjoy that is in our budget."

And I absolutely can't imagine expecting family and friends to pay for my kid's activity, when they have their own bills to pay for. And yes, you are EXPECTING family and friends to pay for your kids activity. You clearly say that without fundraising (ie, other people paying for it) the activity wouldn't happen. So while you may not expect any particular individual to buy the crap, you clearly expect your friends and family, as a group, to pay for your child's activity.
Sorry - I budget and pay for my own child's expenses (and donate so other kids can have similar experiences) - I'm not going to pay for yours.

THAT is why the choir would not exist withOUT fundraising. The $2000 isn't JUST individual costs such as costumes, it is also costs that the group would have whether it consisted of 5 members or 25 members. So, if the numbers went down because of the cost, it would jack up the cost that much more for the kids left in the choir. That is why we do fund raising.

We don't only sell things to people. We have done one catalog sale (which did very well), an avon sale, and a candy bar sale. The avon failed miserably and the candy does well. We also do dinners on nights that other events are going on at the school (well that is still selling tickets for the dinner plate, but a little different), car washes, bake sales, dances and other events. Yes, I have family that gets their car washed every time, buys a dinner plate every time and bought Avon--but I don't do anything but let them know what we are doing.

I am not just walking around with a catalog wanting folks to buy junk. We work very hard to raise this money. Catalog sales are just one part of it and a part that does well.

Other schools and other organization do other kinds of catalog sales--one group sells kitchen knives (another one that does fantastic), one group sells boxes of fresh fruit, one group sells wreaths at Christmas, one group sells poinsettas, another group sells easter lillies in the Spring. And the PTO at our school sells cookie dough every year. Another school's PTO sold Disney gift cards not too long ago. These kinds of things DO bring in the money.

 

[LisaR]

THAT is why the choir would not exist withOUT fundraising. The $2000 isn't JUST individual costs such as costumes, it is also costs that the group would have whether it consisted of 5 members or 25 members. So, if the numbers went down because of the cost, it would jack up the cost that much more for the kids left in the choir. That is why we do fund raising.

We don't only sell things to people. We have done one catalog sale (which did very well), an avon sale, and a candy bar sale. The avon failed miserably and the candy does well. We also do dinners on nights that other events are going on at the school (well that is still selling tickets for the dinner plate, but a little different), car washes, bake sales, dances and other events. Yes, I have family that gets their car washed every time, buys a dinner plate every time and bought Avon--but I don't do anything but let them know what we are doing.

I am not just walking around with a catalog wanting folks to buy junk. We work very hard to raise this money. Catalog sales are just one part of it and a part that does well.

Other schools and other organization do other kinds of catalog sales--one group sells kitchen knives (another one that does fantastic), one group sells boxes of fresh fruit, one group sells wreaths at Christmas, one group sells poinsettas, another group sells easter lillies in the Spring. And the PTO at our school sells cookie dough every year. Another school's PTO sold Disney gift cards not too long ago. These kinds of things DO bring in the money.

I'm confused. Is the cost $2000 per kid or $2000 for the entire year for the entire group? I thought it was $2000 per kid but now you are saying it wouldn't matter if there were 5 kids or 25 kids because the cost is the same.

In reality, it doesn't matter if the cost is $2 or $20,000. It is YOUR kid. YOU decided to allow your child to participate and it is up to you to pay the cost not your coworkers, neighbors or family members.

For the record, my oldest was in choir for years and including Disney performances, the cost was never $2000 per kid, per year. If that is truly the cost for a school choir, I'd be looking at another activity for my kid. But I get that YMMV on that one. I still stand by the fact that you picked an expensive activity so you need to pony up.

I asked earlier about college and you said that wasn't an issue because you already have that saved for. But what if you didn't? Would you expect your neighbors and coworkers to contribute? If I didn't have college saved for my kids and I posted on here that my SIL sent me a rude email because I was hitting her up for college tuition, would you side with me or my SIL? Is there a difference in hitting people up for school activities associated with K -12 and hitting them up for college tuition?

 

[Scurvy]

If I can't afford to cover the costs of an activity for my child, he doesn't participate in that activity. I don't expect anyone else to pay for my child and I don't want to be asked to pay for anyone else's child, either.

That said, I think fundraisers are a great thing for groups - most school band programs couldn't exist these days without fundraisers. But I think the fundraiser should be something that benefits both the program and the people who are buying the product. No program should be asking for the public to fund it through donations. They should find something that the public wants to pay for - whether that's a product or a service - rather than trying to guilt people into giving them money. Or they should find a business who will help with fundraising nights, where the business donates a portion of their profits to the program on a given night and the business benefits from the increased traffic they get because of that. Honestly if you're selling stuff that you know people are only buying because they are trying to help support your organization, I think that's pretty tacky. But if you're selling stuff that people do want to buy regardless of who it benefits, and if they aren't paying any more than they would have paid elsewhere, then I don't see anything wrong with it at all. It's a win/win situation, as long as you're just letting people know what's available and you aren't trying to pressure people into buying.

Oh, and the covered walkways thing ties in so well with the other thread (the Jet Blue one) where we were talking about different expectations for kids in different cultures. DS attends a k-13 school with a large campus (they even have their own small farm). There is 5 minutes between classes and no lockers. There ARE coat hooks in hallways. The concept that a school aged child could not throw a rain coat over their head (mostly they just use the hood on their head for a mad dash to the next class) and carry all their books with them through rain for a few hundred meters to the next class in a rainstorm, or that getting slightly wet if they drop the coat or opt to just make a run for it, or that they cannot get in to the hall way, hang the raincoat on a hook and not create a giant mess in the building in the process is just kind of laughable here. I seriously think I would be laughed out of parents' night if I suggested covering the walkways I guess maybe once or twice a year the kids might be switching during a truly torrential downpour and get pretty wet, and if that happens on a rare occasion and then teachers deal with it and there are lots of giggles. It is just a different mindset--not so much sheltering either literally or figuratively

Several schools I've dealt with don't have hallways they could hang coat hooks in except in the main building - the doors to the classrooms open directly outside, and most teachers don't want their classrooms filled with dripping coats and umbrellas. In fact, at least one school I've worked with didn't allow any sort of coat (wet or dry) in the classrooms, even in winter - and the kids had to go outside to get to almost every class. I can't imagine too many people are worried about their children melting from a quick dash through the rain (or freezing from a quick walk through the cold air in the winter), so I don't think it's really a matter of sheltering the children. If it was, I suspect they'd be building hallways instead of covered walkways. I think more people are concerned about books, expensive calculators and assignments getting damaged by the heavy downpours we have fairly frequently in this part of the country. Of course if you don't have heavy rain very often during school hours, then that's not really an issue. Obviously what would be considered a frivolous waste of school funds in some places would be well worth the money in other areas.

 

[badblackpug]

Okay, since I am not they typical crazed dance/sports/stage/whatever mom, I will say this.

99% of all children's activities are frivolous. They are for fun and recreation. While they do teach certain skills, they are mostly just fun and diversion, whether it's music, baseball, dance, choir. Let's face it, only the top, maybe, 1% of children in whatever activities will ever make this a marketable life skill. Really, all these parents who think their kids are going to be the next Pavaroti, Ryan Howard, Tiger Woods, Peyton Manning, Meryl Streep or Lady Gaga are just fooling themselves and living a pipe dream.

Yes, my kids participate in things, yes I support them and cheer them on, yes I am happy for the lessons these activities teach my kids. No, I do not believe they are going to be professional ballerinas, or singers, or football players.

That being said, if your child chooses a certain activity, you, as a parent, need to decide whether you can afford the cost of that activity, in it's entirety. If you cannot, then you need to be up front with your kid and tell them it's too expensive. It is not up to everyone else to fund your child's activities, including their education, because I have a co-worker that is fundraising for her child's pre-school.

I have no issue with more "passive" forms of fundraising such as concession stands, school dances, car washes, etc, where people don't feel pressured to participate. It is different when there is someone constantly emailing you, calling you, and shoving catalogs and collection cans in your face and asking you to buy something or contribute. I could even deal with a once a year thing such as girl scout cookies, but getting hit up every couple of months is tacky and annoying.

...and again, if I can't afford it, the kids don't get it or do it.

 

[goofy!]

I can't really get over how many of you keep saying its "tacky" to ask for people to participate/buy in/from fundraisers to pay for a kid to be in an activity.

DD's is in ONE activity. The total cost just for her to do this would be around $1600 - 2000 if we did no fund raising. If the teacher/director told the parents at try out that they would have to pay that amount and there would be no fundraising, there would be no activity. NO ONE would participate. If you want to add a "scholarship fund" on top of that for kids that cannot afford it, you would be up to $200-2500. Most people are not going to be able to just write out a check for that for one school activity. (and that doesn't count a lot of the other minor costs that go along with it)

With the fundraising that has been done 85% of each child's costs are covered. And for that reason we have a good participation in the activity.

OP before you decide not to ever ask anyone in your family again, maybe you should find out how THEY feel about it. I am not so sure that most of your family is going to feel the same way as the posters here do. Just like I know for certain that very few of the parents could just write a check for the costs of many activities--regardless how many here say they do that.

It can be done without direct sales. DD participates in a sport that is uber $$$$$$$$. (She has special needs and this is her passion so we make it work)

Yearly tuition is $3,278.00 ($298 a month x 11 months)
Equipment runs around $500
travel expenses (airfare & hotel to 2 different competitions): $2,400

So, total for one year is around: $6,178.00 (yikes - shouldn't have added it all up).

There are over 250 athletes in the organization and we do not do direct sales.

The parent groups have set up 501c3's where we sponsor bingo, so do concessions at sports venues and other things that involve work but not asking relatives.

Our special needs part - (20 of the 250+ athletes) raised over $20,000 this year alone to cover costs. And all done without ever having to show a catalog to anybody.

There are 250 sets of parents in the organization that do indeed write checks or participate in for service fundraisers, so yes, an organization can exist without door to door fundraising.

My daughter would not be participating in such an expensive sport if we had to constantly ask relatives to help fund it. That is our responsibility, not my relatives.

Many of DS's friends are in travel hockey - another hugely expensive sport. They also do their fundraising with service based fundraisers. The kids earn their money rather than just holding out their hands for it.

 

[pumpkinmomma]

If you emailed me 2-3 times a year for fundraisers, I would be annoyed. As a parent, I hate direct sales fundraisers. I find them to be overpriced crap.

There are a whole bunch of different ways to raise funds that don't involve asking your relatives to buy junk multiple times a year.

 

[goofy!]

???? how is dance more frivolous than baseball??? I don't understand that logic AT ALL.

BTW, no she is not in dance. She is in the school show choir. The school ativity fund gives the choir a small amount but it barely covers anything. And we do compete, its not just a performance. We will be competing at WDW in April. (that trip is NOT in the amount I gave, that is seperate fund raising and/or payment entirely)

In fact (BRAG coming) this past weekend our choir won First Place in their division and Champions in the overall competition.

congratulations on the choir's win.

However, it is also up to the organization to price things within a parent's budget. Perhaps the Disney competition is unrealistic if it causes multiple catalog sales? I know our organization has nixed certain competitions due to the financial strain on parents.

 

[luvsJack]

OMG I missed that price in the post you quoted Yeah, no way, no how do my kids get to do something that expensive (okay, when DD travels with Girl Scouts and we buy airfare now it IS, BUT she could and does participate without doing that and both trips were tied to her visiting relative in the US as well--ad we did not ask anyone else to pay beyond the fact that GS was paying half for all the girls they sent to the Conference from here).

I think I said before that DD would love to take horseback riding, but it is simply not in our budget (especially when you add in boots, helmets and riding pants). Likewise, DS could take archery if he dropped choir but we cannot swing both. I have no problem telling a child to find a different hobby that is more affordable. It is good for them to learn to live with in their means and find joy in the affordable NOW

Oh, and the covered walkways thing ties in so well with the other thread (the Jet Blue one) where we were talking about different expectations for kids in different cultures. DS attends a k-13 school with a large campus (they even have their own small farm). There is 5 minutes between classes and no lockers. There ARE coat hooks in hallways. The concept that a school aged child could not throw a rain coat over their head (mostly they just use the hood on their head for a mad dash to the next class) and carry all their books with them through rain for a few hundred meters to the next class in a rainstorm, or that getting slightly wet if they drop the coat or opt to just make a run for it, or that they cannot get in to the hall way, hang the raincoat on a hook and not create a giant mess in the building in the process is just kind of laughable here. I seriously think I would be laughed out of parents' night if I suggested covering the walkways I guess maybe once or twice a year the kids might be switching during a truly torrential downpour and get pretty wet, and if that happens on a rare occasion and then teachers deal with it and there are lots of giggles. It is just a different mindset--not so much sheltering either literally or figuratively

ETA_-we CAN afford the hobbies above if we went without vacations. I guess I should say we prioritize differently

Well, we get torrential rainfall a few more times than twice a year. This time of year we have thunderstorms several times a week with tornado watches throughout those days. The kids used to go to class soaking wet.

Next year the high school dd will attend will be much like the campus you are descrbing. Because it is an agriculture school, it has a full farm with animals and some crops. The do have lockers in the hallways and can certainly get what they need to where they need to.

The difference is possibly in you seeing it from the perspective of your school and me from mine.

1. Our kids are not allowed to wear a hoodie or any jacket with a hood (even a raincoat with a hood)--so throwing a hood over their head is not an option.

2. For the little kids, the hooks are inside the classroom. So all those wet things would be taken INTO the classroom, not on a hook in the hallway. 25 kids bringing a wet jacket, umbrella, etc. into a classroom is going to cause a mess ( and did for years) no matter how you spin it. Teachers were constantly having to clean up wet messes or have the students do it--which takes quite a bit of instructional time.

3. Because the older kids do not have a hook, locker or any where else to put their things, we would have 100 8th graders walking the halls with umbrellas--not something I think the teachers want to deal with.
If they had a raincoat (remember--without a hood), they would have to carry the wet raincoat around with them all day.

If your school/parents do not see a need for covered walkways--GREAT!! I am happy for you all. We saw a need and we took care of it. It didn't take money away from instructional supplies, it did not take money away from textbooks or computers; it was completely raised by the parents and the PTO.


I am trying to explain (maybe not very well) that for dd's activity there are individual costs and there are group costs. The individual costs are what dd, dh and I would discuss as to what we can or cannot afford and would be prepared to pay oop. (the fund raising can go toward this and does help out but we are prepared to pay it. ) The group costs are things that the group cannot exist without. IF we did not do fundraising, these costs would have to be divided between the number of students in the choir. This would take the amount up quite a bit. This amount would bring down the number of students particpating and, since it would be divided between the # of students, the cost for the remaining students would go up to the point of no one being able to afford it.

So, because there are kids that are in the choir that cannot afford the individual costs and because it takes care of the group costs--we do fundraising. For us, it works. For other activities, it works.

 

[luvsJack]

congratulations on the choir's win.

However, it is also up to the organization to price things within a parent's budget. Perhaps the Disney competition is unrealistic if it causes multiple catalog sales? I know our organization has nixed certain competitions due to the financial strain on parents.

The trip to Disney is paid for by the parents. They have the option to either be a part of the fund raisers that are for individual costs or they can pay oop. Any fundraising that is done for "group costs" we require that each student and/or parent participate. Fundraising done for "individual costs" is optional.

Again, we only did one catalog sale and one Avon sale. We do a variety of fund raisers.

 

[luvmy3]

Sounds like ur DD is in dance- which ,to me, is extremely frivolous activity.
Nothing like trying to make it to Little League Champs which is the only sort of fundraiser I would go for

My Cousin's son wind ensemble is going to play at Carnegie Hall- trip is cosing a lot, but once again, it is not a necessity - its a vanity thing for the parents to brag on

Dance is extremely frivolous compared to LL? Sorry I have to disagree, and I'm one of those baseball moms

Congrats to your cousins son, what an honor to play Carnegie Hall, I'm sure his parents are just as proud as you would be if your ds was a LL champ.

 

[luvsJack]

It can be done without direct sales. DD participates in a sport that is uber $$$$$$$$. (She has special needs and this is her passion so we make it work)

Yearly tuition is $3,278.00 ($298 a month x 11 months)
Equipment runs around $500
travel expenses (airfare & hotel to 2 different competitions): $2,400

So, total for one year is around: $6,178.00 (yikes - shouldn't have added it all up).

There are over 250 athletes in the organization and we do not do direct sales.

The parent groups have set up 501c3's where we sponsor bingo, so do concessions at sports venues and other things that involve work but not asking relatives.

Our special needs part - (20 of the 250+ athletes) raised over $20,000 this year alone to cover costs. And all done without ever having to show a catalog to anybody.

There are 250 sets of parents in the organization that do indeed write checks or participate in for service fundraisers, so yes, an organization can exist without door to door fundraising.

My daughter would not be participating in such an expensive sport if we had to constantly ask relatives to help fund it. That is our responsibility, not my relatives.

Many of DS's friends are in travel hockey - another hugely expensive sport. They also do their fundraising with service based fundraisers. The kids earn their money rather than just holding out their hands for it.

We also work concessions at a university sporting events. This year we worked football and baseball games. How much is earned is dependent on the game and the people there.

I am not saying we raise every dime with catalog sales. We did ONE catalog sale (two if you count Avon, but that is a different type of product). I just said that catalog sales are very successful.

Our kids DO work events for fundraisers--dances, carwashes, dinners, etc. So no, they are not standing around with their hands out.

Also, keep in mind that the events that can be done with a number of 250 and the kind that can be done with 25 is very different.

Next year in hs, the show choir and the band will go together and do a huge golf tournament to raise money. Its very successful and its the only big thing they do. But, having more kids involved and having older kids is a big plus.

 

[laughinplace199]

OP, I agree that your SIL could have simply said "no thanks" instead of the response that she sent.

However, if you are asking relatives to contribute to fundraising 2-3 times a year, to me that says that you're spreading yourself too thin. If you can't afford to pay for all of your child's activities, maybe cut back on what he participates in.

 

[LisaR]

Okay, since I am not they typical crazed dance/sports/stage/whatever mom, I will say this.

99% of all children's activities are frivolous. They are for fun and recreation. While they do teach certain skills, they are mostly just fun and diversion, whether it's music, baseball, dance, choir. Let's face it, only the top, maybe, 1% of children in whatever activities will ever make this a marketable life skill. Really, all these parents who think their kids are going to be the next Pavaroti, Ryan Howard, Tiger Woods, Peyton Manning, Meryl Streep or Lady Gaga are just fooling themselves and living a pipe dream.

Yes, my kids participate in things, yes I support them and cheer them on, yes I am happy for the lessons these activities teach my kids. No, I do not believe they are going to be professional ballerinas, or singers, or football players.

That being said, if your child chooses a certain activity, you, as a parent, need to decide whether you can afford the cost of that activity, in it's entirety. If you cannot, then you need to be up front with your kid and tell them it's too expensive. It is not up to everyone else to fund your child's activities, including their education, because I have a co-worker that is fundraising for her child's pre-school.

I have no issue with more "passive" forms of fundraising such as concession stands, school dances, car washes, etc, where people don't feel pressured to participate. It is different when there is someone constantly emailing you, calling you, and shoving catalogs and collection cans in your face and asking you to buy something or contribute. I could even deal with a once a year thing such as girl scout cookies, but getting hit up every couple of months is tacky and annoying.

...and again, if I can't afford it, the kids don't get it or do it.

I agree with everything you said.

I don't have a problem with car washes or concession stand sales but don't email me multiple times a year to buy your ugly gift wrap so your kid can sing, dance, or kick a ball around a field.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

As I see it, though, when we say "kids should only do activities when their parents can afford to pay the full cost" then that means a lot of poor kids are doing nothing. Yes, sports and dance and Boy Scouts are "frivolous" in some ways, but they also provide social opportunities, role models, learning skills, etc. that are very valuable for children.

These fundraisers can often make it possible for kids from less affluent families to take part, and I think that's important.

Teresa

 

[Erin1700]

Our high school kids work at sporting events in their off season. So winter sports kids work fall football games and football players work baseball games.

My DD grade 5 does a sport outside of school. We foot the bill. The only fundraiser we have is a swim-a-thon which I believe USA swimming requires. That is the only time we ask people for $. You would be surprised at how much people will give if you only ask once a year. DD has won some cool prizes!

 

[LisaR]

As I see it, though, when we say "kids should only do activities when their parents can afford to pay the full cost" then that means a lot of poor kids are doing nothing. Yes, sports and dance and Boy Scouts are "frivolous" in some ways, but they also provide social opportunities, role models, learning skills, etc. that are very valuable for children.

These fundraisers can often make it possible for kids from less affluent families to take part, and I think that's important.

Teresa

For starters, not every activity costs $2000.

Both my son and daughter have participated in drama and choir over the years off and on. Every place we have used had some type of scholarships set up for those that couldn't afford tuition. My son is in a play next week and half the ticket sales for one of the shows will go into the scholarship fund. I can name off a list of things my kids have participated in over the years and almost all of them have had something set up for less affluent families.

On of DD's BFF's has been a dancer for years. Her mom is a single mom and the family just doesn't have much. Her mom and the daughter have cleaned the studio for years to pay for part of her tuition. In addition, the daughter teaches a little kid class there to offset tuition. The girl and her mom have never hit up friends to fund the daughter's dance.

 

[Nancyg56]

I think that there needs to be a balance between "if you cannot afford to fund the activity your kid should not participate" and "fundraisers are a part of activities but no one should be coerced to purchase to subsidize said activity"

Kids are involved in activities that one parent may consider frivolous and another feels is necessary for their child. My Mom was one of those parents who saw no value in music, dance or art. I loved her dearly but as a kid I wanted so much to be able to learn dance, take an instrument or perhaps sing. Sports would never have been something I was interested in. When my kids were in school they participated in music. There were fundraising events to help to pay for trips and to assist parents who could not afford to pay the entire cost of the event. My family always tried to buy from them just as i always tried to support their kids when I could. DH and I kicked in whatever we needed to but appreciated that as a community there was widespread support for the arts and spots in general. We pay it back with kids selling stuff each year still.

I cannot speak for any other parent but I would not allow my kids to harass anyone to purchase or attend a fundraising event. Sometimes folks bought sometimes not. I believe that the problem that some of us respond to here is that the OP struck a nerve, we all have been victim to "that parent". You know the one...................candy bars in September, wrapping paper and cards in November, January brings cookie dough and magazines and come April the end of the year field trips events. This parent just will not take "NO" there is no way out. Even down to that little killer at the end................"you can always send money".


We are all entitled to choose activities within our reach for the kids but if the children are involved with groups that use fundraisers to defer the cost of participation, well that is the choice of the group and parent. If the kids (parent) is a PITA in regards to the fundraisers sooner rather than later there will be a response similar to the SIL response, and deservedly so.