Hold me back (DBIL's DW vent)

[yoopermom]

This woman has been married to my BIL for as long as I've been married to DH, she's known our DS since his birth. She's sort of an odd duck, but, still...

DS does multiple fundraisers, but we try and pick and choose which we hit up the locals for, which we hit up our families for (usually only 2-3/yr), etc. We also ask, don't beg, and he always sends thank yous after the event. Last week I sent out a family email stating what he was selling, that we could bring it for delivery at Easter, and that no one should feel obliged, but that we'd be grateful for any purchases made. (Yes, I sent it, since he doesn't have everyone's email. He hand delivers, and thanks in person.)

Here is DBIL's DW's response...

"I'm not sure what (name of organization) is or why (our DS) isn't doing the soliciting himself but we don't do "Easter" ... I don't know if (DBIL) is interested in ordering candy but he hasn't said anything to me. Not something we're "interested" in!"

What I want to say, but won't is, "1. He's been in this school sponsored organization for the past three years, he's talked about it at family parties, and it's mentioned in our Xmas letter every year, I promise it's legit. 2. He does do the local "soliciting", and would deliver yours in person and thank you then as well. 3. Since all family holidays have to be scheduled around your church services, I find it hard to believe that you don't "do" Easter. 4. Don't worry, I'll never bother you with emails again, I'll send them directly to DBIL (who is the sweetest guy in the world, and very supportive)."

The worst part? She became a 31 consultant last year and BARAGES me with emails about her parties and items for sale, I mean CONSTANTLY!!!!

A simple, "no thanks, we're not interested" wouldn't have been so hard, would it?

Terri

 

[hereyago]

I would honestly send her what you wanted to write. As for her baraging you with her emails-put her thing on junk, spam or block.

It's one thing to be an odd duck, but she didn't have to be all crotchety about it.

 

[spacemountainmom]

This woman has been married to my BIL for as long as I've been married to DH, she's known our DS since his birth. She's sort of an odd duck, but, still...

DS does multiple fundraisers, but we try and pick and choose which we hit up the locals for, which we hit up our families for (usually only 2-3/yr), etc. We also ask, don't beg, and he always sends thank yous after the event. Last week I sent out a family email stating what he was selling, that we could bring it for delivery at Easter, and that no one should feel obliged, but that we'd be grateful for any purchases made. (Yes, I sent it, since he doesn't have everyone's email. He hand delivers, and thanks in person.)

Here is DBIL's DW's response...

"I'm not sure what (name of organization) is or why (our DS) isn't doing the soliciting himself but we don't do "Easter" ... I don't know if (DBIL) is interested in ordering candy but he hasn't said anything to me. Not something we're "interested" in!"

What I want to say, but won't is, "1. He's been in this school sponsored organization for the past three years, he's talked about it at family parties, and it's mentioned in our Xmas letter every year, I promise it's legit. 2. He does do the local "soliciting", and would deliver yours in person and thank you then as well. 3. Since all family holidays have to be scheduled around your church services, I find it hard to believe that you don't "do" Easter. 4. Don't worry, I'll never bother you with emails again, I'll send them directly to DBIL (who is the sweetest guy in the world, and very supportive)."

The worst part? She became a 31 consultant last year and BARAGES me with emails about her parties and items for sale, I mean CONSTANTLY!!!!

A simple, "no thanks, we're not interested" wouldn't have been so hard, would it?

Terri

No, it wouldn't have been. I would suggest that the next time she sends you a 31 email, you reply and tell her that you don't "do" 31 and are tired of her spamming you with her solicitations.

 

[Traveliz]

I would honestly send her what you wanted to write. As for her baraging you with her emails-put her thing on junk, spam or block.

It's one thing to be an odd duck, but she didn't have to be all crotchety about it.

I agree - I like what you wrote (I might sugar it up and leave out her church activities so it ends up just being factural and nothing she can legitmiately complain to her husband about) and then I would do the email the previous poster wrote when you get a 31 solicitation.

Liz

 

[Janepod]

Say nothing now. Drop it. But the next time she emails you, reply with "unsubscribe" and nothing more.

 

[yoopermom]

Thanks for the good suggestions, y'all. I don't mean to bash 31, but *every* female in the family got something from that company from her and her DH for Xmas. I've seen the catalogs, and some stuff is really nice, but I *swear* she bought us the strangest items in the ugliest/brightest color combos possible (and we're all really conservative in our taste, so it wouldn't have been that hard to pick something out for us, if she'd really wanted to...). I was surprised they didn't come stuffed with promotional literature for us to hand out to our friends to help increase her sales .

Terri

 

[okeydokey]

Have you purchased something from 31 from her yet? Has she ever purchased something from your son? Maybe she feels peeved if she has contributed to your son's fundraising but you have never helped her out with her sales.

2-3 times a year to get hit up to buy something from the same family member is annoying. Maybe you should just agree to leave each other off the sales list in the future.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

I'm assuming from you DSIL's reply that the stuff your DS selling is Easter chocolate/candy? I would read her response as they don't 'do' baskets or easter egg hunts and therefore aren't 'interested' in buying easter candy. While the first line of her email might be a bit harsh, I think you might be taking it a bit too personally.

I would say, though, if her '31' emails are annoying you that you shouldn't feel the least bit bad about asking her to stop sending them!

 

[yoopermom]

2-3 times a year to get hit up to buy something from the same family member is annoying. Maybe you should just agree to leave each other off the sales list in the future.

I know different parts of the country differ, but here there is just tons of fund raising going on ALL the time. For example, this group that DS is fundraising for right now is the national champions (which is unbelievable for a tiny school like ours), but the school pays for NOTHING, so every penny has to fundraised for regional, state, and nationals every year. Honestly, we parents can't afford it, so we fundraise, consistently.

In exchange, I try to buy at least a little something from any child who comes to my door selling something for a good cause.

Everyone has to do what they're comfortable with, of course....

Terri

 

[disneyfreakk]

Maybe times are hard and that is why she doesn't want to contribute. That might also be why she has become a 31 consultant too. I mean, who really does that for the "fun of it"??

 

[shortbun]

I'm not supporting your SIL(you call her DW of BIL?) but I hate fundraisers. My son has never participated in selling anything. We just make a donation to his league or team or school-we write a check. It's so much more civilized. If you stop with the fundraisers, you could ask her to stop with her solicitations as well. While I don't agree with her methods, it probably would benefit your son if you A. let him do his own solicitation or B. stopped having him/you participate. You seem like a great mom and good SIL to your BIL. Maybe she meant they didn't 'do' the commercial side of Easter.

 

[Southernmiss]

i'm not supporting your sil(you call her dw of bil?) but i hate fundraisers. My son has never participated in selling anything. We just make a donation to his league or team or school-we write a check. It's so much more civilized. if you stop with the fundraisers, you could ask her to stop with her solicitations as well. While i don't agree with her methods, it probably would benefit your son if you a. Let him do his own solicitation or b. Stopped having him/you participate. you seem like a great mom and good sil to your bil. maybe she meant they didn't 'do' the commercial side of easter.

+1

 

[hereyago]

Maybe times are hard and that is why she doesn't want to contribute. That might also be why she has become a 31 consultant too. I mean, who really does that for the "fun of it"??

Even if she doesn't or can't contribute, a simple, "no thanks, we are not interested" would suffice for someone who knows what manners are,lol.

 

[jaminmd]

2-3 times a year to get hit up to buy something from the same family member is annoying. Maybe you should just agree to leave each other off the sales list in the future.

I have to agree with this. While you & your son may be very thankful, 2-3x/year is a LOT and gets old quickly.

 

[Erin1700]

I agree that she is probaby sick of you asking her to buy things. Has she ever purchased anything from your son? If no, then I would not ask her again.

We pick 1 fundraiser per year to do. It is amazing how much we make because people know we dont bother them at any other time.

 

[deedeecee]

Have you purchased something from 31 from her yet? Has she ever purchased something from your son? Maybe she feels peeved if she has contributed to your son's fundraising but you have never helped her out with her sales.

Sorry if I missed the answer to this, but I am really curious to hear the answer to this question.

 

[ilovemk76]

I know different parts of the country differ, but here there is just tons of fund raising going on ALL the time. For example, this group that DS is fundraising for right now is the national champions (which is unbelievable for a tiny school like ours), but the school pays for NOTHING, so every penny has to fundraised for regional, state, and nationals every year. Honestly, we parents can't afford it, so we fundraise, consistently.

In exchange, I try to buy at least a little something from any child who comes to my door selling something for a good cause.

Everyone has to do what they're comfortable with, of course....

Terri

You completely avoided answering the question.

See the post above and it had the original question.


If you cannot afford all the things your son in then you need to reduce the number of things he is doing so YOU can pay for it.

 

[yoopermom]

Yes, I bought from her in the fall (hence why she should have known I liked the quieter, more conservative pieces vs the crazy one she gave me for Xmas).

No, she has absolutely no need for $$, my DBIL has worked three jobs all their married life so that she can stay home. All she has to do is ask, and he gives (not that that's a bad thing, he's just extremely generous...). I really do think that she does 31 for the fun of it, she has told us it has to do with the Christianity of the organization (??I have no idea of the background of 31).

We've always encouraged straight cash donations, since they result in much more $$ than buying something that the student only gets a percentage of. Many of our relatives do this.

And she has seven grandchildren, who we've bought stuff from, that's how it rolls in our family

Terri

 

[jaminmd]

Yes, I bought from her in the fall (hence why she should have known I liked the quieter, more conservative pieces vs the crazy one she gave me for Xmas).

No, she has absolutely no need for $$, my DBIL has worked three jobs all their married life so that she can stay home. All she has to do is ask, and he gives (not that that's a bad thing, he's just extremely generous...). I really do think that she does 31 for the fun of it, she has told us it has to do with the Christianity of the organization (??I have no idea of the background of 31).

We've always encouraged straight cash donations, since they result in much more $$ than buying something that the student only gets a percentage of. Many of our relatives do this.

And she has seven grandchildren, who we've bought stuff from, that's how it rolls in our family

Terri

Do you realize how that sounds? I HATE getting hit up by my SIL and she only does it once a year. I think you're expecting too much from the people you're soliciting.

 

[LilyWDW]

Honestly, I would be getting frustrated with getting hit up for money so dang much. Even for a family member. If you want your child to do what he is doing, then you need to pay for it. I have a feeling it is getting old... and I bet to more then just your SIL but she's the only one brash enough to say anything.