Help! Husband wants a motorcycle and I'm not having it.

[PatsGirl]

I would not want my spouse being that adamant about anything. As an adult, everyone should be free to make their own responsible decisions and live their life as they wish. If he is a good father and husband and is loyal to you and your family, he is entitled to make choices whether you agree with them or not.

I got my motorcycle license several years ago and bought a bike after spending many years on the back of my ex's. When he dropped DD off one Sunday and I came cruising up with friends on our bikes, he was livid. Turns out he thought it was much too dangerous for me and both parents shouldn't ride. My response to him was that he should feel free to sell his Harley and then the problem would be solved

Turns out I ended up selling my bike and have lost interest in riding. Maybe it was my mid-life crises but the moral to the story is that I am an adult and have the right to make my own decisions, married, unmarried, with children or without.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I am shocked how many people here are speaking down to bikers? Yes it is a risky activity, but to talk about it being an automatic death sentence is beyond narrow minded and generalization.

Way to go, way to try to use guilt to destroy your husbands passion.

Nobody is speaking down to bikers. Bike accidents are a harsh reality. Most bikers either do not survive the accident or they have traumatic injury. That is simply the truth. If you get hit by a car on a bike the car will win. The helmut will only catch your head so they know who you are. Sorry if that sounds terrible but it is the truth. Bikers share the road with cars. It's not like there is some bike park somewhere that they all go ride in where everyone is responsible. I know someone who skid out on some gravel in the road and was killed. He left behind 2 small children and a devasted family. Sorry but if my husband's passion was so strong for something so risky then we would have to re-evaluate what he really wanted out of life. I am all for taking risks and living life to the fullest but I am also a parent and I would not intentionally take a risk like that. I would question why my dh would want to.

I hate to say it but if my dh wanted a motorcycle it would cause a big problem in our home. Call if what you want but that is how I feel.

 

[John VN]

I had a Honda bike up until shortly after getting married.

DW and I would ride together before we got married but after the "I do" I thought about the not so good things that had happened with the bikes I owned and decided to get rid of it because I had a new responsibility in my life. 37 years later and I have never regretted selling it.

 

[aprilgail2]

Usually when you tell a spouse they CAN'T have something (like a motorcycle, boat, sportscar etc) they wind up resenting you for it. Not a way to a happy marriage.

Hopefully you guys can work out a compromise that you both feel good about.

I agree! Telling one person they can't have something is more like being a mommy to them than a spouse!
I had a motorcycle for a few years-sold it when I got pregnant because I knew I wouldn't ride it for those 9 months and then after it I knew I wouldn't since I was a single parent and I personally felt it to risky to ride and leave my child without a parent if I did crash- but that was MY decision, I didn't have a mommy spouse or daddy spouse telling me "no you can't ride"....
He is an adult, let him make his own decision.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Have him take out a million dollar life insurance policy BEFORE he gets the motorcycle. Seriously, motorcycles are to adults what trampolines are to kids. Stupid.

My DH has owned Harleys for over 20 years, and I owned one for about 6 months (until I got pregnant), and I can assure you that we are not stupid. But thanks for judging.

 

[wdwmom2]

Have him take out a million dollar life insurance policy BEFORE he gets the motorcycle. Seriously, motorcycles are to adults what trampolines are to kids. Stupid.

DH and I our Harley. I guess we are just too stupid to realize we are stupid Thanks for enlightening me

I am shocked how many people here are speaking down to bikers? Yes it is a risky activity, but to talk about it being an automatic death sentence is beyond narrow minded and generalization.

Way to go, way to try to use guilt to destroy your husbands passion.

I don't really think most of the posts here are speaking down to bikers. There is an inherent danger in every form of transportation.

Unfortunately, there is little protection when you are on a motorcycle. DH and I are very vigilant of what is going on around us when we are riding. Doesn't mean something can't happen. But one thing I can tell you in the last 4 years of being a motorcycle owner, I have RARELY seen anyone on a motorcycle talking on their cell phone. We have been hit twice by people in a car that the driver had a cell phone to their ear!!!! Oh, we were driving a car at the time, not our motorcycle. HANG UP AND DRIVE!!!!

 

[MickeySP]

I had a few good friends killed in car accidents, some very horrific but I still have a car.
Yeah bike vs car - car wins but then again Smart Car vs Escalade - hmmmm so maybe noone should get Smart Cars either.

I would say any spouse who has to get permission to pursue a passion that the other spouse used to participate in, well..... Oh and do you think he has grown up at all from the guy who did 140? If not then that is a whole 'nother issue.

 

[tennisfan]

I never knew that in some states its not law to wear a helmet In the UK its a must. I personally would never ride a bike without one, I think thats crazy.

I'm an EMT & have been to several RTCs all bar 2 involved cars the other 2 were bikes.

Yes there are some idiot riders out there just as there is car drivers. Accidents can be reduced if your vigilant all the time. I came off mine once when it hit a patch of diesel on the road, fortunately I was uninjured but it didn't put me off.

I personally think nothing beats riding on a nice summers day

 

[luvmy3]

While I wouldn't want my dh to drive a motorcyle, I wouldn't tell him he couldn't. He had one whe he was younger, he had a dirtbike too. He grew up in the sticks where law enforcement wasn't patroling the roads and some of the stories he tells me make me cringe but if his passion for riding ever returned I wouldn't hold him back from pursuing it.

 

[Cornhusk]

If my husband wanted to get a bike, then fine go ahead, but do some research on a good bike, learn to be safe on it and use some common sense. That being said, I wouldn't give him "permission" because I am his wife, not his mother and he doesn't need to ask me to do things.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I told dh if he wants a bike he has to pay for additional life insurance. Plus I would tell him that he needs to get an umbrella policy.

We already have an umbrella policy. My dd is a teen driver and we have a boat and 2 jet skis.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Motorcycles can be safe--often it is the vehicles around you that are the problem. So extra caution and extra safety are of paramount importance.

Sad to say that I do know 2 people who have died from motorcycle accidents.

One died during a biker run (collection of bikers out for a Sunday ride usually for charity). In that instance, a fellow biker made a critical mistake and collided with the other and they both nailed a concrete barrier in a construction zone. The bikers that caused the accident died instantly (no helmet). The other was in ICU for about a week and then his wife pulled the plug. The wife own's my dds' dance studio. They were actually in the process of a divorce. He too was not wearing a helmet. The helmet *could* have made a difference since the cause of death for all was head injuries.
That was several years ago.

The second--was a friend of my mom and her husband--they are bikers as well.

He actually had a bike accident with a deer in the keys. It was unavoidable. Due to his bike construction and safety features--he survived but had some serious injuries. He was on his way to a full recovery. He then later used his other bike--and was hit by a car just before thanksgiving. He was hospitalized with massive internal injuries. They could not do life saving surgeries due to some contraindications and the combination of everything resulted in his death many days later. He would have been cited for that crash for failure to yield to the car.


I share this--b/c death and injury can happen. In both instances though--more caution or a helment could have made the difference in the outcome.

I would certainly increase life insurance and go for the higher coverage on the motorcycle insurance.

I also have a rule that even though grandpa is a biker, my kids will never be permitted on one while they are minors. But that is more of a trust issue in a situation that I cannot control--grandpa on a bike and them out in the open.

They do sit on it in the driveway--but that's the extent of that.

B/c of the death of their friend (and the fact that he was in multiple motorcycle accidents in a very short time period)--my mother is now afraid to get on the bike and is petrified of her DH on the bike.

I disagree that they are dangerous like a trampoline.

They are as safe as they can be if people use caution. I can't stand seeing a biker ride helmet-less with skin showing. (i.e. shorts and a tee shirt). Unlike a vehicle, they are in an open arena and extremely vulnerable to injury.

I'm sure if they were so horrible--police officers wouldn't be using them. But they do--b/c biking can be extremely safe. It just requires more protection and more awareness to avoid an injury b/c with a car--most bikers will lose that battle.

I'm happy that my DH has no desire to ride a bike. I'm not sure how I would deal with it if he did. As is stands, his vehicle passion of choice is a classic mustang. No airbags--I guess that is as wild as he'll get.

 

[eliza61]

Does anyone here have a significant other with a motorcycle? My husband had one when we first started dating 10 years ago - fell off of it, got hurt and then it was stolen. He's now been on this kick where he desperately wants another motorcycle, won't stop researching them online and gets mad when I tell him I don't want him getting one because I don't want to explain to our 2 children why Daddy isn't coming home.

I don't want to be controlling and I want him to have a hobby that he can enjoy - but I am terrified of him hurting or killing himself on a bike. If he were to get a cruiser bike, I think I would feel better about it, but he wants to get a fast street bike. I tell him to grow up and get over it, but it's creating tension between us. I want him to be happy and enjoy things outside of work or home, but not something as dangerous as this.

Would like to hear some of your opinions...

Thanks!

LOL I'm the biker chick in my family and I'm 50 years old. I have loved riding since I was a teen. I finally broke down and brought my first bike, a Honda 300 cc when I was 40. It's a cruiser and I'm a member of a church motorcycle club.

I do have to take objection over the "grow up" part. Why is that childish? would it be more "adult" if it were a boat? Cycling is a popular hobby with very middle age people.

Skiing is also dangerous.
Telling me I couldn't get some thing simply because my dh didn't like it would not go over well in my house either.

I gotta go with your Dh on this one. Insist on a helmet and a motorcyle safety course.

 

[Disney Doll]

The people who work in the ER in my hospital call motorcycles "donorcycles". They get a lot of good organs from those folks in motorcycle accidents.

That being said, I wouldn't be telling my husband what to do. I'm not his mother. I would make sure we got a big life insurance policy (more than $1million...maybe $3 or $4 million) that covered him in death...even if the death was on a motorcycle, as there are some polciies that now exclude that, so I'd be careful to make sure the policy I got didn't exclude that. of course, life insurance only pays out if he dies, sp you might want to consider disability insurance too, so if he's just seriously and permanently injured, you'll have income.

That way, if something did happen I'd have enough money to care for myself and my children. Take the financial burden off in what will otherwise be a terrible situation.

And that's exactly the way I'd put it to my husband. he's an adult and he wants what he wants. Fine. I'm an adult and I want what I want...that being a BIG life insurance policy on him.

 

[HOGFAN]

life is short. compromise. ask him to look at those 3 wheeled bikes. they look a little safer.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

How much does a bike cost? Ask him for a quote, then find something you want (not something for the two of you to share, or for the family, but that you want...like jewelry) which is approximately the same price. Tell him that he may get a bike when you have enough money to get both the bike AND your placating gift. It's only fair, of course.

In my experience, men don't think about the possible consequences of dangerous behavior, but they do pay attention to the state of their wallets. Either he will back down when he realizes the investment he'd need to have in order to get what he wants or, if he doesn't, you'll have a nice piece of jewelry. Oh, and make sure that he's well insured.

 

[Shmily1]

DH has 3 Harleys. I picked out two of them. I also bought him a Hayabusa a couple years ago as a present. He didn't use it as much so we sold it and bought the 3rd Harley.

It's not the person on the motorcycle that you have to watch out for... it's the ones in the cars that think they are better than the "non-adult" motorcyclists that kill the motorcyclists.

Street bikes are admittedly more dangerous in some people's hands. It depends on the how they drive it. They are powerful, should have lots of respect, and you should never be able to tell exactly how fast it will go... if you can, you've been too fast on it and don't respect it. I would love to have a Kawasaki 600 for me to drive but I prefer to sit on the back while DH drives and I just get to enjoy the scenery. I wouldn't know how fast it went because I'm the one that drives like a granny anyway!!

Most accidents on cruisers are because cars/trucks are not giving proper right of way, such as at red lights, when turning, stop signs, and passing. I've been to Key West and to Canada on them and many places in between. We got married in Daytona at Bike Week in '96 so I've been back to Bike Week and Biketoberfest there many times as well as Myrtle Beach many times.

The best advice is don't fight him. Just make sure that he goes through the motorcycle safety course that you get the license at the end, not just the one that's a quick class. He will learn a lot about protecting himself and anyone riding with him and there is a lot about how to get out of the way of cars and other objects like gators (not really a gator at all but a piece of a truck tire from a blow out).

I've had friends that had bad wrecks on motorcycles an survived and some that didn't. I also lost my brother to an accident when he was in his truck and hit by a train. I still ride in a truck. I had a bad wreck taking DS and DD to school in my car. I now have another car just like the one that was totaled. DH hit a deer 3 weeks after he got our oldest of the 3 Harleys. He kept it up and called me from home (I was at work) and said "I'm alright." I then said, ok so tell me why you wouldn't be... man did that bike stink from that deer hitting it!!

 

[Disney Doll]

Again, I agree that telling an adult what to do is not the way to go. But his actions may have consequences, so I'd be putting in some extra provisions for those consequences.

 

[ChristaDeVil]

I'm with the group that agrees that "telling" him he can't have a bike is probably not the best way to go. My husband and I are on our third motorcycle, and even though we really don't get to ride that often, I couldn't imagine not owning one. But, that's my personal opinion. I have never felt unsafe riding, but that's because we both take precautions...he's a very safe driver and I'm an excellent rider (I watch out and pay attention as much as he does!). That being said...I know that these statements do nothing to make people feel differently if they already hate the idea of bikes! I grew up in a motorcycle, 4 wheeler, three wheeler, go kart kind of household (so did my husband), so it's just as natural to have a bike as it is to have a car!

Here's a little idea: Check your insurance policy...see what it says about motorcycle riding. Then, let him rent a bike. Many Harley dealerships will do a weekend rental (or less). Or, maybe a friend has a bike he can borrow. It might just be something he needs to get out of his system. If it only makes it worse, then go from there (I especially like the idea of asking for a piece of jewelry in the same value of the bike!) Just a suggestion!

Oh, and I totally advocate ANYONE either looking at bikes or just thinking about it to take a motorcycle safety course.

 

[GeorgeG]

I used to have a motorcycle (BMW) and my wife loved riding with me until her cousin was killed on his by a car driver who blew through a stop sign. Then, she said no to the motorcycle and it's been that way ever since.

Yes, the biggest risk for responsible riders is cars who don't see you, or don't care, or don't like motorcycles and go out of their way to let you know.

I've been wanting another motorcycle for the past five years, but my wife is holding her ground on me never having one. Part of me knows she's right since there are a lot of people around here who shouldn't be driving cars (can't see, hear and/or drive). Someday... maybe...