Help! Husband wants a motorcycle and I'm not having it.

[freckles and boo]

Comparing car accidents to motorcycle accidents is ridiculous. Cars are designed to absorb impact. Of course not all car accidents are survivable but minor accidents generally result in no injuries. There is almost no such thing as a minor motorcycle accident. Two good friends, both good riders, had MINOR wipe outs on gravel. Both suffered serious injuries. I agree that treating a grown man like a child is not good for the relationship but the fact remains that if a person chooses to "follow a passion" over the strong objections of the person he or she married then they have made a selfish choice. No amount of life insurance would give my children their daddy back if he were to end up dead due to risky behavior. Money is cold comfort.

 

[palmtreegirl]

DH use to have a bike when we were dating, it was a lot of fun. He'd like to get another someday and I wouldn't have a problem with it.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I'm going to say, and I'm actually saying at the moment to DH... NO! We're looking for another car and he keeps joking with a BIG hint of seriousness that he should just get a motorcycle. DH has been on motorcycles and dirtbikes for probably 2/3 of his life, got himself reallllllly hurt when he was a teenager (surgeries, skin grafts, they even talked amputation at one point, so he knows the risks) and I trust *him* on it, but I don't trust the other drivers. People around here drive like they're the most important people on the road... plus the texting-while-driving thing going on, they'll NEVER see a little motorcycle on the road.

Funny thing is, if he wanted a dirtbike to ride on the track or in the woods, I'd be a LOT more OK with it. I just don't trust the other drivers. That and DH can get a little bit of a "showoff" streak.

 

[MickeySP]

Comparing car accidents to motorcycle accidents is ridiculous. Cars are designed to absorb impact. Of course not all car accidents are survivable but minor accidents generally result in no injuries.

I agree bikes are more likely to result in injury, my DBF was broadsided and spent 6 months rehabbing. Does he stilll love bikes - you bet.

Have you ever seen a Honda hit by an F150 or a mini cooper clocked by an Explorer? Not pretty at all, and all 5 times I have, all fatals.

Life is full of risks, as long as you make an educated informed decision. Otherwise you might as well stay indoors your whole life or just walk/drive around in a tank and bubble wrap.

 

[busyshrew]

Yup, I agree with many of the PPs. (Sorry, I didn't read each and every post)

DH had a bike for almost all of his driving life. (from the age of 17, he's now 40). I loved loved LOVED being on the back of his bike - when we were younger without a child. No responsbilities for us then!

But then DH got into a bad accident after our DD was born, and that was it. We sold the bike & gear a month later. Because it's not about us anymore, it's about HER. And our baby girl needs a daddy in her life! We are hoping and planning to get back onto bikes when she is an adult, by then it will likely be honkin' huge Honda Goldwings or Valkyries, but hey.... we're getting old. I get saddle sore quick nowadays.

OP, is there a reason why DH is so set on a bike now? And why a crotch-rocket? Is it because his friends have them? (Honestly, riding around with a pack of buddies is one of the finest ways to spend a Sunday afternoon that I can think of, so I can see how that might be a bit crazy-making for him).

But, your concerns are valid, and like any other marriage issue, you and DH should sit down and have several serious discussions about this - is there a compromise that can be reached? Would you feel better about it if he bought a bigger style of bike? A cruiser? Is it HOW he drives the bike that bothers you or is it WHEN he drives the bike that is the problem? Is it that he does it without you? You two should be able to find some solution that will work for you both.

Good luck.

 

[rina900]

Thank you, everyone, for your opinions and thoughts on this - I really am taking everything into consideration.

As far as the $1MM + insurance plan, I will definitely mention this to DH to see how he feels about that.

Regarding the poster who said I should ask for/buy something in the same price range as the motorcycle... DH has already mentioned buying me a new ring, which I felt was to make up for the fact he was going to get a motorcycle shortly after.

I will say again, I am not trying to be his mommy, perhaps it was wrong of me to tell him to "grow up", I was a bit heated at the time .. hopefully he can see my point of view, as I'm trying to see his. We rarely fight, and I don't want something insignificant to cause us to have issues.

 

[sbell111]

I think the time to have a conversation about whether he is 'allowed' to buy another motorcycle was when he got rid of the old motorcycle. As much as I will never own one, I don't think that it's reasonable to forbid someone who really likes motorcycles from buying one, if it's budgetable.

 

[NatashaDisneyCM]

are you serious? for starters, I love motorcycles! riding almost 30 now! second I would never TELL my husband what to do! I do not believe in that whole way of thinking!! If I was him, I would get two just to bug ya!!

 

[supercarrie]

My husband rides. He started riding just after we started dating, so I was able to give my opinion on the following when he decided to go for it. Luckily, he believed in all of it, anyway.

#1 Helmet, ALWAYS.
#2 Full protective gear (jacket/trousers) designed specifically for riding, along with gloves, a back protector, and boots. He has two sets - one leather, one textile - and will not even ride five minutes down the road without wearing full protective gear.
#3 Motorcycle safety course, routinely update your knowledge by taking advanced courses, etc
#4 Be aware of your surroudings. Do not push it. That is what off-road track days are for - in a more controlled environment.
#5 I also wear a helmet and full protective clothing when riding on the back.

I see people say "always wear a helmet" - well, obviously. BUT I also vote for ALWAYS wearing the full protective clothing as well. Wearing these can make a huge difference when coming off a bike.

Yes, motorcycles are more dangerous than cars, and always will be. Yes, you have a risk of dying in a fatal accident, or seriously injuring yourself. But by wearing the full protection, you do seriously reduce your risk of injury. This does seem to be more of a UK thing - I rarely see people in the US wearing the full protective outfits.

If he loves it, the way my husband loves his bikes, I could never restrict him. His true passion is motorcycles - sports bikes in particular - and I am very lucky he does everything he can to protect himself while enjoying them.

ETA: http://www.ntsb.gov/events/symp_mot...ing/liz de rome - lder consulting (paper).pdf

This research paper on the importance of protective clothing may be of interest. In particular, it points out that MOST motorcycle crashes are not the fatal ones here people keep referring to - most crashes do not result in fatalities. Hence the importance of protective clothing!

 

[sbell111]

are you serious? for starters, I love motorcycles! riding almost 30 now!

How can you ride more than one motorcycle?

 

[NatashaDisneyCM]

How can you ride more than one motorcycle?

one for saturday one for sunday!

 

[Goofyzgurl]

Dh and I were having this discussion about getting a motorcycle last week. We've always wanted one but with young kids, we just didn't want to risk it...now the kids are older, one is about to drive...Anyways,yesterday, we got a call. One of dh's friend and his wife were in a motorcycle accident. The husband had a broken hip, hip bone, nose, legs, arm, is on his second surgery since the accident on Easter sunday, and the wife has broken arm, collarbone, lascerated liver...While we know that accidents can happen any time, it just seemed like it wasn't meant to be for us. It wasn't their fault, a vette went thru a red light, a truck hit the vette frome one side and the motorcycle hit the vette from the other side. We've also known people that have never had accidents also. One of them even does stupid things like bike runs, where they all get together ride from one bar to another, drink then ride to the next bar together.....yes stupid, stupid, stupid, it's a wonder they've not gotten into an accident!

In the end, it's something that dh and both discussed and for us, we didn't want the risk. It's a discussion that you have to have with your husband and it seems like a lot of good advise was given. We have decided for our midlife crisis a sports car instead...we just haven't decided on which one.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I wanted to add something to this. The OP doesn't need to forbid her DH from doing anything. Of course she is not his Mother. However- every action has a reaction. The same way she can't tell him what to do he should not be shocked when her reaction is not warm and fuzzy.

 

[landshark]

My DBF decided last year he wanted to get a bike as one of his New Year resolutions... He actually did get a used KLR shortly after and has spent months getting all kinds of gear, getting his license, practicing and fixing it up. It really just sounds like a temporary thing anyway; he keeps saying he wants to ride along Route 66 and get rid of the bike after that.

I really don't like the idea of him having one, but I wouldn't really think as much about it if he didn't constantly mention how dangerous it is and all the accidents he's heard about from friends/people on forums. On the plus side, at least he's been responsible about getting all the safety gear (it's almost kind of rare around here to see people wearing helmets, let alone full body gear) and doesn't want to drive on major roads. It still terrifies me, but I don't think I really have any say because he's only my BF and it really does bring him great joy.

 

[KristaTX]

Tell him you are fine with him having a motorcycle as long as you can have one identical to his and that you will drive it exactly how he drives his.

 

[RC Fan]

OP, can you elaborate as to which bike he wants to purchase? I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I have two bikes and have been begging my husband to get a bike as well.

 

[SplashMtnCrew]

If you don't want to be his mommy, why are you trying to be? If you told him your opinion once, then he is aware of your feelings. From that point on, it is his choice, not yours. As for telling him to grow up, obviously he is grown and mature otherwise he wouldn't have even considered your opinion in the first place and would have done what he wanted.

 

[SDFgirl]

My DH wants a motorcycle too. My heart screams NOOOO! but I just say, "Okay, honey. Just please think it through carefully, you're a dad now."

I think when I put the decision (and a little bit of guilt) back in his lap, he'll decide not to do it. With a lot of people, taking away the "forbidden" factor is enough to make it less appealing.

And if he decides to get one, I won't like it, but I won't "put my foot down." He's an adult.

 

[Pigeon]

In my marriage anything this big would be a joint decision. If we didn't both think it was a good idea, it wouldn't happen.

 

[Arielle22]

Dh had a bike when I met him and for a while I had one as well. I gave it up when I realized I enjoyed being on the back of his more than riding my own.

When I was pregnant with our first dd he had a bad accident. He hit some oil inthe road and went down, skidding 100 feet. The ambulance crew applauded when he got up and walked to the ambulance. Bike also survived with minor repairs.

DH was wearing a leather coat but the zipper broke under pressure and it came off his shoulder which had massive road rash along with part of his back.He had fractured ribs and a perforated lung along with road rash on every joint of the right side of his body.

It took him 10 weeks to recover (3 weeks off work). We would laugh at Lamaze class because it would be "all partners except DH do this". He had to have a hospital bed brought in because our bed was too low.

Even with all that he still rode and I rode with him. We know several people who ride but only one has died. The man who died took foolish risks as a new rider and he decided to try racing on a track. He went down and another bike ran over his neck.

Our bike had some irreparable problems and we have been financially unable to replace it. We were just talking the other day that we look forward to the day when we can get another bike.

We look at it as a risk we are willing to take. Both my grandfather and DH's father stepped off curbs and were struck and killed so we view that as risky as well.

While I want to mitigate risk in my life I refuse to deny myself something we enjoy merely for the thought that something bad might happen.

One way we mitigate is not to get a crotch rocket. DH says he would be tempted to go to fast and would end up with tickets.