He won't propose!

[Wishing on a star]

...my sad life.

Your 'SAD' life????
I do hope that this is complete and total sarcasm here.
As I really do not think that anybody here sees your life as sad.
If in my early twenties, I had half as much going for me as you have going for you, I would really have considered myself wonderfully blessed!!!!!

OP, as you know, I have been very blunt here, and you have not liked some of the things I posted. But, you can be guaranteed that they are truthful and well-intentioned post by one of us who have BTDT for so very many more years than you. And, who seem to be a lot more matured than you at this point.

I do hope that your hopes and wishful thinking come true... Perhaps he will propose, in the near future, as he is currently making plans.
And, I do not find any problem with a girl dreaming of a wonderful and special wedding day.
I think that so many girls did, or do....

But, again, even if that does happen, a lot of what has been said here is some real and common words to the wise. And, even if he does propose, I don't see that this erases many of the issues and red flags that are so obvious. We can only say that we tried. It feels like a caring and well meaning parent trying to talk to a teenager who is self-absorbed and just will have none of it. Walks out slamming the door.

Yes, perhaps is the best that you step back here... I do strongly advise you to just do that. You really should.

It really isn't going to happen that other posters are going to ignore the obvious and just pat you on the back and tell you only what you want to here.

 

[gray52]

Every time I go through the New Posts on the board and see this topic come up I shake my head a bit. I've read some, but not all of the posts here... I remember my wife and I being in kind of a similar situation but not to your extreme I would say. There was no doubt we were going to get married and we talked about it forever. My wife would ask all the time when I would propose...The more she asked, the more I made her wait because I felt like she was pushing too hard. From a guys perspective, the best advice I can give you is to step back, stop being so aggressive/anxious and let things happen naturally. Stop talking about a wedding and etc and simply continue to enjoy your relationship as is. My wife brought it up to me so much that my responses turned for the worst and at one point, my wife started to believe it would never happen because I started getting angry with my responses to her nagging. I felt like she was taking away the rush of it from me, the nervousness, spontaneity and excitement. It became all about her....I wanted to ask her to marry me but she was making me 2nd guess that decision by being such an aggressive/over the top I want it now type of girl. It finally got to a point a few months down the road where it was Valentine's day, we went to a dinner in NYC, and I had set up a surprise proposal....She was beyond surprised and shocked. We both, to this day, over 8 years later, talk about how much better it was that it wasn't a planned or forced thing and I did it on my own, the surprise way. It was amazing. You love your BF, trust that he wants nothing more than to make you happy, but not by being hounded about a wedding. It sounds like he wants to get married just as much as you do, but he, like me, wants to keep some of the feeling real and not forced. Good things come to those who wait - Trust fate, don't challenge it.

From another guys perspective, making someone wait can have consequences too. Trust yourself, not fate.
After dating for 3 years, I hadn't proposed to my future wife for no other reason than I just hadn't. She then told me one night that if we weren't married by the time she graduated college and moved away, it would probably benefit us both to stop seeing each other. I agreed. I proposed to her a month or so later and we were married a year after that... That was 20 years ago and we're still going strong (and happily). If you respect each other enough to communicate effectively, there's no need to push or make them wait. A simple conversation should do.

Sent from my iPad using DISBoards

 

[gray52]

I believe emilily88 is 25? Given that and the fact that she has been in a relationship for 4 years, which hasn't been all good times, I disagree with this being a long time. We don't know how old DB is or what the issues might have been but the fact that counseling has been discussed before getting married is scary. I would honestly never marry someone that I needed to plan marriage counseling with before getting married. That is the one scary thing about this whole situation.

All good Catholics (and I'd assume other religions) go through a pre-marital education/counseling class... Or are supposed to. So don't assume its because of relationship problems.

Sent from my iPad using DISBoards

 

[ms.yt]

This. My DH had planned a gathering of our parents, drove an hour away to ask their blessings, and he MADE our rings (engagement and wedding). He had gold saved up that he panned over the years, he did the computer drawings for them, he created the molds out of wax. The only things he didn't do were mine the diamond and melt the gold to pour it in the molds. He even made wooden jewelry boxes for the rings. And he videotaped this entire process from asking for the blessings up to setting the house up for the proposal. All this planning took 3 1/2 months and I had NO clue anything was going on. But I wasn't chomping at the bit for a proposal either, otherwise I'd have been suspicious of every little move he made. OP, RELAX. In due time.

Whoa! Did you marry Ron Swanson?

 

[gray52]

... And one last thing... After reading most of the posts on this thread... It's amazing how many meanies there are. Lighten up people... Just a little.

Sent from my iPad using DISBoards

 

[thankudrivethru]

Your 'SAD' life????
I do hope that this is complete and total sarcasm here.
As I really do not think that anybody here sees your life as sad.
If in my early twenties, I had half as much going for me as you have going for you, I would really have considered myself wonderfully blessed!!!!!

OP, as you know, I have been very blunt here, and you have not liked some of the things I posted. But, you can be guaranteed that they are truthful and well-intentioned post by one of us who have BTDT for so very many more years than you. And, who seem to be a lot more matured than you at this point.

I do hope that your hopes and wishful thinking come true... Perhaps he will propose, in the near future, as he is currently making plans.
And, I do not find any problem with a girl dreaming of a wonderful and special wedding day.
I think that so many girls did, or do....

But, again, even if that does happen, a lot of what has been said here is some real and common words to the wise. And, even if he does propose, I don't see that this erases many of the issues and red flags that are so obvious. We can only say that we tried. It feels like a caring and well meaning parent trying to talk to a teenager who is self-absorbed and just will have none of it. Walks out slamming the door.

Yes, perhaps is the best that you step back here... I do strongly advise you to just do that. You really should.

It really isn't going to happen that other posters are going to ignore the obvious and just pat you on the back and tell you only what you want to here.

We all gave our 2 cents and opinions and did truly try to help even though the posts were very back and forth and up and down! She asked, people helped but it wasn't what she wanted to hear. Maybe she wanted to hear “ yes just chill he will propose this week”, but I, like you WOAS, saw what you saw, however we are just two people out of the handful that have posted and I cannot speak for others so I have no idea if others agree on the red flags like you mentioned. We are looking in on the circle as she is looking out. Does that make sense? However it's hard to help someone if they don't want it..

 

[Frankiemack]

All good Catholics (and I'd assume other religions) go through a pre-marital education/counseling class... Or are supposed to. So don't assume its because of relationship problems. Sent from my iPad using DISBoards

I myself did pre-marriage education but never heard it referred to as counseling. I got confused.

 

[thankudrivethru]

This is not the checklist i use for planning a wedding, however it's as good as the one i got, because in my side job i plan people's weddings..well used too. It's a stressfull job! The 1st 16 to 9 months will seem easy

http://www.realsimple.com/weddings/planning/wedding-planning-checklist-00000000000222/index.html

 

[Diaz]

Whoa! Did you marry Ron Swanson?

Love Ron Swanson!

 

[LiveYourLife]

OP, maybe your DBF is a little preoccupied with his Father who has been diagnosed with inoperable cancer?

And no, I didn't stalk you, I saw your post on another thread that I posted on.

Back off from needling him about a proposal. Sheesh.

I know when my Father was sick with cancer, I would have probably beat my now DH (then DBF) with a wet noodle if he were pestering me about a MAJOR life decision like this during that time!!!

As the old saying goes, "Good things come to those who wait"

 

[dansamy]

This is not the checklist i use for planning a wedding, however it's as good as the one i got, because in my side job i plan people's weddings..well used too. It's a stressfull job! The 1st 16 to 9 months will seem easy

http://www.realsimple.com/weddings/planning/wedding-planning-checklist-00000000000222/index.html

Oh good lord! That's a lot of work! We had a much simpler wedding. Not nearly that much to do.

 

[WowLookAtThat]

OP, maybe your DBF is a little preoccupied with his Father who has been diagnosed with inoperable cancer?

And no, I didn't stalk you, I saw your post on another thread that I posted on.

Back off from needling him about a proposal. Sheesh.

I know when my Father was sick with cancer, I would have probably beat my now DH (then DBF) with a wet noodle if he were pestering me about a MAJOR life decision like this during that time!!!

As the old saying goes, "Good things come to those who wait"

Wow! Look, OP back off your boyfriend for a proposal right now. He is going through a lot and you just need to be there.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

I started reading this last nigh and then caught up today. I have one question - if you both are apparently on board to get married in June and there is a date you have both agreed upon, why didn't you book the church? I know you've said your traditional, but honestly your actions haven't leaned towards traditional. I'm not judging it by any means, but looking at rings, buying joint furniture and planning any part of a wedding prior to a proposal aren't traditional. Waiting for him to pick out the ring and propose without discussion is traditional, but that's not for everybody and maybe traditional isn't all it's cracked up to be. But since you've already bucked a lot of "tradition" why not book the venue since it seems like it's something you're stressing over?

 

[kkandaj]

Just to comment on the "looking at rings without a proposal" thing. DH and I did this 10 yrs ago--we were at the mall and he said "let's go look at rings" so he knew what I liked and so he could see what his budget was/what he needed to save. We had already talked about spending the rest of our lives together, but looking at rings wasn't an "engagement." He proposed with the ring (he had me narrow down what style of rings I liked to 3 styles--then he picked from those 3)--on one knee 6 months later as a surprise to me. I didn't even know he had bought a ring--we didn't talk about it after the day at the jewelers. THAT was the proposal.

"Looking at rings" is not something abnormal now. This has happened with all my married friends.

 

[ChiCat]

4 years is not being impatient. It is a long time. And if he is pretty much telling you not 2014 either, that is 5 years......long before this point I would have moved on.

I don't think OP is coming back but I agree with this. I know she doesn't want to hear this but my exbf (who I was with for over 7 years) once came to me in this panic about wanting to get married. I had never thought it up before because I never wanted to get married. Anyway, he was insistent on getting married and if we weren't he needed to know because this relationship was going no where blah blah blah. So I thought about it and thought why not? LOL! So there was no ring or official proposal but I started planning the wedding a few months in to it I realized he was completely avoiding wedding plans, so I confronted him and he panicked again and said he realized it would be a terrible mistake.

I think until he proposes and is obviously into talking about the wedding, future, etc there is no "I know he wants to get married" and planning a wedding and life (apartment together etc) is a mistake.

Ironically my husband did book and pay for our wedding before we got engaged haha. We had ordered my ring, in the meantime I had talked him into eloping so I got engaged about a week after we booked the wedding when the ring finally arrived. And then I was only engaged for a month but we had dated for two years.

 

[DLgal]

I didn't read through all of the previous posts and I know this isn't what anyone would want to hear but I really urge you to sit down and have a serious conversation about if the wedding is really going to happen at the time you've planned. I have a friend who was living with her boyfriend, her situation was almost exactly like yours. She thought she was just waiting for the ring. She went into the hospital to have knee surgery and BAM! he moved all of his stuff out and they broke up. I guess he was just too scared to have her around while he dumped her

I'm not saying this is what your bf is thinking! But men are WEIRD and sometimes they need to be asked flat-out, they don't get subtlety.

Best of luck!

This happened to my SISTER. Seriously. They had been dating 4 years, living together for one. She came hone from work early one day to catch him packing up his car. He told her "oh, I left you a note on the table." The note said: I'll be back to pick up my TV on Monday. I kid you not.

It gets stranger. A year later, he showed up at her doorstep with a ring and proposes. She actually said yes and they have been married 6 years now. None of us thought she should marry this guy. He flat out told her that he panicked, wasn't ready to settle down and just couldn't face her to tell her in person.
I *guess* you can say it all worked out in the end, but I am still suspicious of their relationship. I could never trust someone like that.

OP, be careful.

 

[Cupcakey78]

Whoa! Did you marry Ron Swanson?

Lucky! I'd kill to marry a Ron Swanson.

*******

Op, as far as people being 'creepy' for 'stalking' you, all I had to do was copy your user name and paste it in my google toolbar. It took all of maybe 10 seconds....super creepy.

And you do realize that many of us 'bitter and jaded' people used to be all rainbows and butterflies about relationships, right? But then life happened and we learned lessons. I hope you don't learn the way I did. It sucks to have that trust stolen away from you.

Like I said before, good luck to your and your boyfriend. I hope you get your happily ever after.

 

[PrincessBelle39]

I've been married 23 years this Sunday. DH still hasn't proposed. Should I be worried??????

 

[abdmom]

I've been married 23 years this Sunday. DH still hasn't proposed. Should I be worried??????

Are you sure you're really married? Because apparently it doesn't count unless the gets down on one knee, in a tuxedo, in a really romantic spot in front of hundreds of your closest friends.

 

[Mousemommy1]

OP, it sounds like your time will come. You just need to be patient. I know patient. It is hard but so worth it. DH and I have been together since I was 15 (he was 16)....we are now 35 and 36!

All through college, I was such a NAG about a ring and getting engaged. (I can admit that now)

After we graduated college, I waited, and waited and then a year after graduation, he proposed!!!! I was 22 so we have been together for 7 years already by the time of our engagement.

We got married exactly one year later when I was 23. We have been married for going on 12 wonderful years.

I felt like I waited an eternity for him to propose, but honestly, we have been together for practically a lifetime (started out as BFF's around age 12)...so our story had begun well before the proposal and marriage. Just like your story already has....