He won't propose!

[emilily88]

This thread will probably be half venting, half needing advice.

DBF and I have been together for almost 4 years. We've talked about marriage pretty seriously for the past year, but even more so since we have both graduated from college. We've looked at rings, we went in together on some furniture and appliances, and we even have a date set! Because of our jobs, we can only get married in June, and we've agreed on a date in June 2014 - 8 1/2 months away I've told him that if June is going to happen, I need to have my gown ordered by the end of November, and he said that was fine... but he hasn't proposed!

I'm at a loss. I 100% feel that he wants to get married in June and this isn't a stall tactic, but I don't know how to impress upon him that the sooner we can get the planning started, the better! I'm a really impatient person so just sitting back and waiting for the ring isn't easy for me, but I'm trying to chill about it any other ladies have this same kind of situation? It's so frustrating!

 

[wvjules]

This thread will probably be half venting, half needing advice.

DBF and I have been together for almost 4 years. We've talked about marriage pretty seriously for the past year, but even more so since we have both graduated from college. We've looked at rings, we went in together on some furniture and appliances, and we even have a date set! Because of our jobs, we can only get married in June, and we've agreed on a date in June 2014 - 8 1/2 months away I've told him that if June is going to happen, I need to have my gown ordered by the end of November, and he said that was fine... but he hasn't proposed!

I'm at a loss. I 100% feel that he wants to get married in June and this isn't a stall tactic, but I don't know how to impress upon him that the sooner we can get the planning started, the better! I'm a really impatient person so just sitting back and waiting for the ring isn't easy for me, but I'm trying to chill about it any other ladies have this same kind of situation? It's so frustrating!

I'm really confused. It sounds like you are engaged and have a date planned already. What is it that you want?

 

[ShirikiUtundu]

Um, if you agreed on a date to get married, you are engaged.

 

[Uncle Remus]

This thread will probably be half venting, half needing advice.

DBF and I have been together for almost 4 years. We've talked about marriage pretty seriously for the past year, but even more so since we have both graduated from college. We've looked at rings, we went in together on some furniture and appliances, and we even have a date set! Because of our jobs, we can only get married in June, and we've agreed on a date in June 2014 - 8 1/2 months away I've told him that if June is going to happen, I need to have my gown ordered by the end of November, and he said that was fine... but he hasn't proposed!

I'm at a loss. I 100% feel that he wants to get married in June and this isn't a stall tactic, but I don't know how to impress upon him that the sooner we can get the planning started, the better! I'm a really impatient person so just sitting back and waiting for the ring isn't easy for me, but I'm trying to chill about it any other ladies have this same kind of situation? It's so frustrating!

It sounds like y'all passed on the proposal part and moved right on to just doing it, but if the proposal is so important to you, how come you don't propose to him?

 

[wiigirl]

I'm really confused. It sounds like you are engaged and have a date planned already. What is it that you want?

Confused also....do you just want the "official down on one knee" proposal?

 

[RitaE]

I'm kind of confused.

You have set a date. Have you set a location --- or any other sort of details?


This is going to sound blunt but you need to sit down with him and say: I'm confused. We've looked at rings and set a date but you've never proposed. Are we engaged and are we getting married?

 

[HM]

My DH never really proposed to me.
We actually were out shopping for shoes and we saw a ring on sale at a going out of business sale and bought it.
He never got the chance to do the 'traditional' thing. Once we got back to the apartment he said, I guess I should ask you to marry me since we've got the ring. It was not romantic, just kind of a deal closer.

I agree with the others, sounds like you are engaged if you've already set a date and have started putting a home together. You might let him know that getting a ring is important to you.

 

[mrsklamc]

I'm really confused. It sounds like you are engaged and have a date planned already. What is it that you want?

Sounds like she wants the ring and the official 'ask.' DH did this, too, in a way....turned out he was stalling because he was trying to save more money for the ring & didn't want to tell me that. (Which he would now tell you was a stupid thing to do on his part because he should have just been honest, but we all live and learn.)

Life is too short to play games about stuff like this. I'd sit down with him and say something like "You say you want to get married in June but IMO your actions do not reflect that. This is the rest of our lives we're talking about here, and I need to know what is going on. Now."

 

[emilily88]

We aren't officially engaged. The setting the date thing kind of happened on accident - I wanted to know if any dates were available at the church to know if there was any point in even talking about getting married next year, they told me they had three dates, and we decided on one. We haven't booked the church or anything though, and we haven't done any planning. He hasn't proposed, I don't have a ring, and we don't refer to each other as fiances, so we aren't engaged.

 

[sksjasams]

The purpose of a proposal is to ask you to marry him. He already knows you are marrying him, because you have looked at rings and set a date. He would have no reason to think he needs to ask you.

If you want him to ask you, you will need to tell him...say something like, I know this will seem silly and "girly" to you, but I have been really hoping for an actual proposal from you.

DH and I picked out a ring and put it on lay away. When we picked it up, I had him officially ask me in the car. I just wanted to hear the words...

 

[emilily88]

The purpose of a proposal is to ask you to marry him. He already knows you are marrying him, because you have looked at rings and set a date. He would have no reason to think he needs to ask you.

If you want him to ask you, you will need to tell him...say something like, I know this will seem silly and "girly" to you, but I have been really hoping for an actual proposal from you.

DH and I picked out a ring and put it on lay away. When we picked it up, I had him officially ask me in the car. I just wanted to hear the words...

The thing is, we're very traditional in that he is going to talk to my parents before proposing and he is going to do an actual proposal, down on one knee, ring, everything, which is why it's so frustrating!

 

[ShirikiUtundu]

Well this is all very bizarre.

 

[sunnyday123]

We aren't officially engaged. The setting the date thing kind of happened on accident - I wanted to know if any dates were available at the church to know if there was any point in even talking about getting married next year, they told me they had three dates, and we decided on one. We haven't booked the church or anything though, and we haven't done any planning. He hasn't proposed, I don't have a ring, and we don't refer to each other as fiances, so we aren't engaged.

So YOU wanted to know if the church was booked, so YOU set the date? It wasn't a sit down and talk about getting married and hey is this date available thing?

You're not engaged. You're caught up in the planning.

 

[jrmasm]

The thing is, we're very traditional in that he is going to talk to my parents before proposing and he is going to do an actual proposal, down on one knee, ring, everything, which is why it's so frustrating!

If that's how you both feel then you're just going to have to patient. And come to terms with the fact that June 2014 may end up being June 2015.

 

[lovemygoofy]

We aren't officially engaged. The setting the date thing kind of happened on accident - I wanted to know if any dates were available at the church to know if there was any point in even talking about getting married next year, they told me they had three dates, and we decided on one. We haven't booked the church or anything though, and we haven't done any planning. He hasn't proposed, I don't have a ring, and we don't refer to each other as fiances, so we aren't engaged.

Have you asked him if you are engaged? Do you NEED the proposal and the ring? Can he afford a ring right now? He could be trying to save towards the ring now. If you picked a date at the church, why not book the date?

Are you sure he doesn't think you are engaged? You are talking churches, dates, and dresses whether he calls you a fiancée. That's pretty engaged to a lot of people.

 

[sksjasams]

Just saw your last two posts...

in that case, you will have to do what other PPs have suggested and have a talk with him to find out his intentions.

Maybe he feels awkward about talking to your parents?
Maybe he doesn't know how long it takes to plan a wedding?

I think you will have to ask him at this point.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Tell him you understand that he wants to do things the "traditional" way, but that you're running out of time. If he does not officially propose by [insert date], then you will consider your prior plans for next June delayed.

 

[mrsklamc]

I wouldn't count on your date being set if you don't have a venue reserved. I work at a church and it is AMAZING how many people are surprised when they have a date selected and photographer booked, etc, but haven't bothered reserving the date/pastor, and there's nowhere/no one available.

 

[RitaE]

Well I'm not going to go into one of those "Well this marriage would obviously be doomed" kind of things but

If you are going to be married to this guy then you need to be able to talk with him about important things. Find a good moment, tell him you want to talk, and discuss this.

"We talked about getting married in June and I need to stress that a wedding will take many months to work out. So what do you think? Are we going to go forward with this or ........... "

 

[Scornelius]

I'd tell him you're not comfortable going further with the plans until you are officially engaged, which to me (and you, it seems) is a ring on your finger. I have a small business that has me working in the wedding field a fair bit, and a lot of vendors roll their eyes when people they see as "engaged to be engaged" com in. Not saying it's right or fair, just my observation.