He won't propose!

[MrsDuck]

Tell him you understand that he wants to do things the "traditional" way, but that you're running out of time. If he does not officially propose by [insert date], then you will consider your prior plans for next June delayed.

This!

 

[emilily88]

Tell him you understand that he wants to do things the "traditional" way, but that you're running out of time. If he does not officially propose by [insert date], then you will consider your prior plans for next June delayed.

Yes! This is excellent advice, thank you! There's a fine line between kicking his butt into gear and pressuring him too much but I think this is a perfect approach

 

[DawnM]

No, and I wouldn't have put up with it, and certainly not after 4 years!

This thread will probably be half venting, half needing advice.

DBF and I have been together for almost 4 years. We've talked about marriage pretty seriously for the past year, but even more so since we have both graduated from college. We've looked at rings, we went in together on some furniture and appliances, and we even have a date set! Because of our jobs, we can only get married in June, and we've agreed on a date in June 2014 - 8 1/2 months away I've told him that if June is going to happen, I need to have my gown ordered by the end of November, and he said that was fine... but he hasn't proposed!

I'm at a loss. I 100% feel that he wants to get married in June and this isn't a stall tactic, but I don't know how to impress upon him that the sooner we can get the planning started, the better! I'm a really impatient person so just sitting back and waiting for the ring isn't easy for me, but I'm trying to chill about it any other ladies have this same kind of situation? It's so frustrating!

 

[jrmasm]

OP, how old are you and your BF?

 

[emilily88]

OP, how old are you and your BF?

He is 24 and I am 25.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

You need to sit back and relax. Let him move at his own pace. When he proposes start planning and worry about the details then. If you don't have enough time to stick with June then move on to another date or compromise on some things.

My mother planned my sister's wedding in 6 weeks. Over 200 people, full formal NJ wedding, church ceremony etc 5 course sit down meal, dj, cocktail hour etc on NYE! You'd be amazed what you can do if you set your mind to it.

 

[sbtrfly74]

In regards to everyone's posts about communication...

I completely agree that communication is key in a relationship, and we have great communication - it's just that most men are so secretive when it comes to proposing! We've been completely open with each other on everything, especially the timeline. He's told me many times that he wants to get married in June, I just think he doesn't realize all the planning that has to happen before the wedding can happen! He keeps telling me the proposal will happen, I just have to be patient (which I am not good at but am slowly learning ) but it's getting so close to the wire that I'm getting nervous!

Next time it comes up I would just nicely ask if he realized weddings typically take a year to plan? Maybe he just doesnt realize this... men arnt good at wedding stuff.

Oh and 4 years is not that big of a deal theses days.. sounds perfect for a 24/25 yr old.

 

[emilily88]

You need to sit back and relax. Let him move at his own pace. When he proposes start planning and worry about the details then. If you don't have enough time to stick with June then move on to another date or compromise on some things.

My mother planned my sister's wedding in 6 weeks. Over 200 people, full formal NJ wedding, church ceremony etc 5 course sit down meal, dj, cocktail hour etc on NYE! You'd be amazed what you can do if you set your mind to it.

Very good advice. It definitely helps to hear that other weddings have been planned in less time than 8 months! It calms my inner OCD

 

[luvmy3]

In regards to everyone's posts about communication...

I completely agree that communication is key in a relationship, and we have great communication - it's just that most men are so secretive when it comes to proposing! We've been completely open with each other on everything, especially the timeline. He's told me many times that he wants to get married in June, I just think he doesn't realize all the planning that has to happen before the wedding can happen! He keeps telling me the proposal will happen, I just have to be patient (which I am not good at but am slowly learning ) but it's getting so close to the wire that I'm getting nervous!

What wire?
If he says the proposal is going to happen, then wait for it and then start planning. You have this reversed, you've started the planning and now you are getting yourself anxious over a proposal that he may not be ready for.
If you really want to marry him, then let him propose to you on his own terms. I'm going to be blunt, it sounds like you are putting alot of pressure on him to get married this June, and maybe he is having second thoughts because of it.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

You do still have time. My husband proposed to me in July and we were married in December. I had a wedding planner and had absolutely not trouble getting my wedding taken care of - and we were married in a town in which we did not live. That said, there is nothing wrong with telling him that if there isn't enough time to plan, the wedding won't be able to happen on the date you two had planned. And if he still doesn't end up proposing, that will tell you all you need to know. I would advise you to watch your words, though. Last thing you want is to sound like you are giving him an ultimatum. Few things are less romantic than one or both of you feeling as though you are dragging him down the aisle (not saying that is what is happening at all, but you don't want to sound like you are giving him an ultimatum, you know?).

 

[Disneychix]

I was in a similar situation although I did not have the day/month planned that I was going to be married. DH and I bought house together with the understaning that we were going to get married in the near future. We closed on the house in January. He proposed on Valentine's Day.

I think the part that's making this confusing for many posters is the fact that you already have a date set (but really don't?) for the wedding but at the same time you are saying you are traditional and aren't doing any wedding stuff til he asks. That's really not true. You aren't traditional if you are already living together and already planning a June 2014 wedding. You just are 'engaged' with no ring and no proposal that has a good story.

 

[pigletgirl]

I think the more pressure you place on him, the more he'll want to back off. Marriage is a huge thing and scary thing for a guy (from there perspective) and the idea can be overwhelming. I would suggest you try and sit back and let him be. Let it be HIS idea. Why put pressure on him if he isn't ready? Big mistake, IMO.

 

[mickeyandpluto]

This reminds me of Friends. When Chandler wanted to proposed but Monica was pressuring him so much that he was trying to throw her off the trail and then she ended up proposing to him. It was a real mess because she was so impatient. If you haven't seen it you should and if you have seen it you should go back and watch it again. I had to wait for years for my husband to propose too, so I know how you feel. I had people tell me to stop being so patient and give him ultimatums. They are still single, and I am happily married.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

What wire?
If he says the proposal is going to happen, then wait for it and then start planning. You have this reversed, you've started the planning and now you are getting yourself anxious over a proposal that he may not be ready for.
If you really want to marry him, then let him propose to you on his own terms. I'm going to be blunt, it sounds like you are putting alot of pressure on him to get married this June, and maybe he is having second thoughts because of it.

This. It reminds me of Charlotte and what's-his-name (the last husband) in SATC -- "Set the date! Set the date!" Sounds like you are doing a lot of planning....him, maybe not so much.

Sent from me.

 

[emilily88]

I would advise you to watch your words, though. Last thing you want is to sound like you are giving him an ultimatum. Few things are less romantic than one or both of you feeling as though you are dragging him down the aisle (not saying that is what is happening at all, but you don't want to sound like you are giving him an ultimatum, you know?).

Oh definitely! I know we will get married whether it's this June or next June, and I'm not interested in breaking up if I don't get a ring - that is just crazy to me! it's more me being impatient than anything, especially since it seems like we are on the same page? I told him when we were looking at furniture and appliances that I wasn't comfortable going halfsies on it unless he was 100% sure about us, and he said he is - he's definitely not the kind of guy to not be fully honest when it comes to how we spend our money

You aren't traditional if you are already living together and already planning a June 2014 wedding. You just are 'engaged' with no ring and no proposal that has a good story.

A little background on that situation - he is moving into an apartment next week that will be his for now, and the plan is for me to move in once we get married. (It was his idea, not mine!) So we both looked for the apartment together and we did a budget together before he signed the lease, and I asked him again if he was totally sure about getting married before he committed to an apartment. We aren't the kind of people to just jump into things without considering all the options first We aren't living together and won't be living together until we are married.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

This. It reminds me of Charlotte and what's-his-name (the last husband) in SATC -- "Set the date! Set the date!" Sounds like you are doing a lot of planning....him, maybe not so much.

Sent from me.

Harry. And to think he bought a ring!

 

[dansamy]

Wait, you bought furniture and appliances together for an apartment he's moving into alone? LOL!

Never, ever buy expensive stuff with a person you aren't legally tied to. Anything can happen & it ends up being a big, ugly, expensive mess. (Not that divorcing isn't a big, ugly expensive mess. You just have a legal relationship & laws to protect both sides.)

 

[emilily88]

Wait, you bought furniture and appliances together for an apartment he's moving into alone? LOL!

Never, ever buy expensive stuff with a person you aren't legally tied to. Anything can happen & it ends up being a big, ugly, expensive mess. (Not that divorcing isn't a big, ugly expensive mess. You just have a legal relationship & laws to protect both sides.)

I know, I was really really nervous about that honestly, I know that aspect of it sounds crazy but I know us and I know we're getting married, it's just a matter of when

 

[dansamy]

Until the ink is dry on the marriage license, my name doesn't go on any thing "together". I'm not consigning any loans, buying any houses, joint bank accounts, etc. No way. No how.

(We've been married 15 years as of this past Feb.)

 

[Dizneefamily+4]

OP, dh and I were a lot like you and your bf. We dated through college (I graduated before him because he changed his major part-way through.) I was out in the working world and he was still in school. We dated for 3 years before he finally proposed - and then we were still engaged for 2 more years which had us getting married at 25 and 26. We discussed marriage all the time and knew that we WOULD be getting married. We never looked at rings, because I'm not the type that wanted to pick my own out.

Once he finally proposed, he confessed that he had tried 2 times before, but "chickened" out because the setting wasn't quite the way he wanted it at the time. I wasn't in any hurry for the proposal, so I wasn't even aware that he had had my ring with him those other 2 times!

The 2 year engagement was perfect for us because I didn't have to stress over the planning.

I know it's hard, but I'd just remain patient - unless you really just want to have the sit down conversation of "so what's the deal anyway - are we engaged or what?"